I'm having an internal struggle.
Most of me wants to mock the Y&R promo poster they've created to hype up the Clear Springs disaster storyline (AKA The Story That Will Change EVERYTHING) because, you know, I have a head and can see how patently ridiculous every single part of said poster is.
But another part of me finds it unbearably sad that, somewhere in Los Angeles, a poor graphic designer is on the phone with their mother, excitedly telling her, "And this poster? Is so totally awesome and it has all of the stars of the show on it, and get this, mom: the tagline? Is 'rivalries fall...heroes rise'. Is that not AWESOME? It's TOTALLY awesome. And my photoshopping skills have gotten way better ever since I took that fifteen minute online tutorial!"
Obviously, the mean, critical part of me wins out because OH MY HOLY HELL, have you seen this poster?
Let's count the layers of horror!
1. "Out of the ashes"? Rejected by the Law and Order: SVU promo department for being too overwrought
2. Victoria looks like she wandered off of the set of a community theater production of Oliver where she had been playing Guttersnipe #6. "A photo shoot? Well, all right. Do I need to change? No? My hideous firefighter boots look okay? Cool".
3. Lauren (?) and Paul (??) are relegated to tiny dots in the far background because, apparently, it's more important to focus on Peter Bergman's head being hastily photoshopped on to someone else's body.
4. Seriously, what the hell? Until I saw this, I thought the only time I'd ever use "laughable" and "Peter Bergman" in the same sentence was if I was saying "Isn't it laughable that there are people in the world who don't find Peter Bergman dreamy?", but laughable is the only way to describe the, um, amateurish photoshop job. In the words of internet people making fun of something I don't fully understand (it involved hobbits in some way, which pretty much guarantees I stopped paying attention to it): his hed iz pastede on yay
5. Jeanne Cooper looks like she's claymation
6. Cane's oblivious "Hello, there! Lovely day, isn't it?" face made me literally laugh out loud for, like, three full minutes. Everybody else has on these intense "Watch our pain and suffering, Monday-Friday from 12:30-1:30!" (except for Joshua Morrow, who's smoldering inappropriately), and Cane's all "Anyone want a sandwich?"
7. Why is Sharon Case's horrible hair bathed in an angelic light? As if! If ANTM's Bre taught us anything, it's that God don't like ugly.
8. Did 1994 just come to Genoa City? JT looks like he just found out Kurt Cobain died and he's listening to "Nevermind" on an endless loop, crying into his flannel shirt and damning the man
9. FALSE ADVERTISING: Phyllis and Amber are not displayed on the poster, thus lulling me into a false sense of security, happily telling myself that they won't be involved in the Clear Spring storyline, when we all know that they'll be front and center throughout, probably doing something so noble that it will get them out of jail and get them a record deal, respectively (hey, if sort of doing something heroic...ish could get GH's Sam a TV hostess job, it could happen!).
10. Really, look at the disconnect between Peter Bergman's head and his body and tell me, with a straight face, that you didn't guffudder at it.