Serial Drama

Has the Internet Affected Soaps?

Apparently this is a subject on which we're, like, experts or something!  The November 28th issue of Soap Opera Digest had an article about the impact of the internet on daytime, and your very own Serial Drama bloggers were featured, tossing out opinions like we know something about the interwebs and soap operas.  Imagine!  Anyway, we'd love to hear the learned opinions of our readers on the subject, so check out the article and let us know what you think in the comments. 

(Click on the images to view the full-sized pages; thanks to Soap Opera Digest for permission to post the article.)

What Fresh Hell?

Far be it from me to praise anything even tangentially related to Brad Carlton, BUT! The other day, the moment when Brad announced to Victor that he is petitioning to get custody of Victoria's fetus led to the greatest facial expression of Eric Braeden's career, and perhaps the single best greatest facial expression since Cameron Webber's "Bitch, please" with his now beloved "What fresh hell?"

It's hilarious, because it's the perfect blend of horror, anger, confusion and utter, utter depression, which is the exact blend of feelings I have when watching this show!

So Not Brutally Hot

Okay you guys, I was all wrapped up in Monica verbally bitchslapping Sonny, Carly being sympathetic, Maxie being catty, Sonny being self-aware, and GH being overall decent, so I totally forgot to mention how completely upset I was by this:

I mean, on Dancing With the Stars, Mel B and Maks didn't win and Celine Dion sang that effing Titanic song, so that hair-glasses combo wasn't the worst thing to happen yesterday.  But it's a really close call.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

The Day's [Month's? Year's?] Most Awesome Dialogue

Awesome Writer was on fire today, you guys.  I don't think I'm going to be able to get used to established and respected Port Charles-ians calling Jason and Sonny on their Golden Men of the Mafia BS.   But I'm willing to try.  Really, I am.

All hail Monica, speaker of truth.

Monica:  Emily is dead because of you, Sonny.
Sonny:  If it's my fault, then it can't be Jason's, right?
Monica: Oh yes.  But mostly I blame you because you were responsible for destroying Jason's life so he in turn could destroy his sister.
Sonny:  Monica, I know you hate me.  But Jason's your son.  He's walking around like he's in a cloud.  I think he needs to go to that funeral and I think maybe you need it too.
Monica:  I need the Jason that I had before you made him a criminal.  I need the AJ I had before you hounded him to death, and I need Alan, whose heart you broke before his heart should ever have failed.  I need Michael, who you stole from me and my family.  And I need Emily, who you seduced, and you left unprotected so one of your rivals could have her murdered.  I hope you rot in hell for what you have done to me and my family.  You are an evil, selfish man, Sonny.  And I really hope that one of your enemies tracks you down before you destroy your family like you have destroyed mine.  Now get out.

That was more satisfying than even the most fattening chocolate dessert.  And there was more!

Sonny:  Kate, Kate.  I never set out to hurt Monica's family.  But the truth is, I have.  If anybody ever did to my kids what I did to Monica's, I'd kill 'em.

Dude.  I think that was self-awareness.  Cannot process.

Also, for good measure:

Maxie:  I never hated you, Dillon.  Just your hair.

Hee!  I heart Maxie.  And I still hate Dillon's hair.

Today's whole GH was actually good.  I hate to say that about an episode focused around the killing off of yet another Quartermaine, but there you go.

Yay or Nay?

Did you love how, on the day after her wedding, before she picked up her misplaced cell phone or went to see her newborn niece and nephew but after she freaked out about how urgent it was that she pick up that cell phone, Belle went and got extensions?

She looks really thrilled about them.

I would mock some more, but I think Martha Madison looks really good with longer hair, and I wasn't a fan of her last cut.  Do you approve of the extensions?  (Related question:  Aren't you glad you aren't on TV so strangers on the internet don't pick apart your every beauty-related decision?)

more at twiigs.com...

Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.

Oh GH . . . I Still Have So Many Questions

So a couple of weeks ago I had all the wrong questions.  Most of them still haven't been answered, but I have more.  The first of which is, of course, how the hell can I be confused by a show that often appears to be written by junior high-schoolers?  But moving on . . .

Can we all agree that there are a few things that glass-house-dwelling Sam should not lecture people about?  And that that those things include but are not limited to:  lying, lying about lying, a woman doing stupid shit to chase after Jason, and lying?

Sam:  What the hell is wrong with you?  Your best friend is lying there dead, and you leave Nikolas with her body so you can go after Jason?
Liz:  Does Lucky know?
Sam:  I doubt it.  He went after Zacchara.
Liz:  Alone?
Sam:  Oh, come on.  Do not pretend that you care.  Thanks to you and your lies, Lucky has nothing left to lose.

Sam really needs to develop a serious drinking problem, because Kelly Monaco would rock that, and Drunk Sam is about the only Sam I can handle these days.

Why is Jason Thompson so freaking gorgeous and when will the writers let us restore Patrick's "hotly" modifier?

Why does Epiphany (aka Mallory's nemesis) yell at doctors?  In what hospital would any nurse get away with telling doctors what to do, particularly as it relates to, you know, being a doctor?!

Dr. Julian:  [asks understandable question about Ric Lansing having become a kabob on a sword at the crazy castle]
Epiphany:  With all due respect, doctor, we have at least a dozen patients waiting to be seen down in the ER.  The DA is not one of them, the last time I checked.  Until he's admitted I suggest that we focus on the patients we do have.

My god, woman, what's it like when you don't give a doctor his due respect?!

Eeee! Exclamation Point! Exclamation Point!

Sometimes, I wonder what is happening to the world. Like, Fergie and Josh Duhamel are still together...the Osmonds are toothily lurking wherever I turn...Spencer Pratt has a sister who is going to be foisted upon an innocent television viewing public on tonight's episode of The Hills...Greenlee referred to herself as a burn victim (!!!) because Zach and Kendall set her life on fire or something (!!!) on today's episode of AMC...

All of those are tragic in and of themselves and when you add them together, it is endlessly horrible and makes me doubt the existence of a kind higher power.

And then I find out (a million years after the rest of civilization, I know) that the book Kendall Hart is writing to deal with the pain of her husband going missing (because I know that when one of my loved one's is in mortal peril, I often write chick lit) is an actual book and it's going to be available in February and it's going to be THE MOST AWESOME(-LY CHEESY) THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER BECAUSE IT IS CALLED CHARM! (EXCLAMATION POINT!)

Avery Wilkins is in her prime. She's 30 years old, living in Manhattan, beautiful, smart, and the head of her own cosmetics company, Flair. But her enviable exterior hides deep heartache and painful secrets. Determined to launch a successful perfume, and hopeful that her relationship with handsome and supportive Marcus is getting serious, Avery is chasing her dreams--and running from her traumatic past.

Just when things seem to be on an even keel, Avery is hit with a succession of shocking setbacks, surprises, and betrayals: A drug-addicted colleague who threatens the future of Flair, one boyfriend who is incapable of fidelity, another who may have committed a terrible crime, a long-lost sister who isn't quite who she seems, and most disturbing of all, the sudden appearance of a woman claiming to be Avery's birth mother.

Avery is forced to question the loyalty of friends, lovers, and colleagues, and even her own beliefs about where she came from and who she is. Through it all, she draws on her ambition, grit, and cunning to outsmart her enemies, keep her company afloat, and protect herself from emotional meltdown. But when her archenemy resorts to kidnapping, has Avery finally met her match?

Dramatic, sexy, and fun, Charm! is a wickedly entertaining roman a clef by All My Children favorite Kendall Hart. Brimming with scandal, romance, backstabbing, and unpredictable twists, it is every bit as shocking and captivating as the character who wrote it.

OH EM GEE! Is it February yet?

Dear Life,

I love you.

xo,

Mallory

Days of Our Lives Couple of Weeks in Review

We've had very few Days posts lately, I know.  That's because of my aforementioned busy/laziness, and because of our oft-discussed dilemma around here:  how can you have lots to say about a show that's actually pretty good?  But if only so that you guys can leave comments pointing out things that I totally missed because I was shopping for handbags and Bobbi Brown eyeshadows on eBay while watching, I thought we were due for a quick recap.

First, let me start by praising yet another beneficial result of John's demise:  Marlena's time isn't spent behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush or engaging in increasingly disturbing make-out sessions, and she's instead getting involved in a battle royale with Stefano!  Wooo!

"A vengeance!"  I prefer campy, manipulative Marlena about 100 to 1 over moaning, faux-orgasming, teenybopper Marlena.  As long as they don't really cross the line into ridiculous again (Marlena is possessed, Marlena is the Salem stalker, Marlena is pregnant), I'm fine with her being front-and-center again.  You better bring it, Deidre!

And it's really good that she did have that scene with Stefano, because otherwise I was all aboard the Marlena hate train, due to her having committed one of the worst Days sins ever:  bringing back those fucking purity rings.  (Ooooh, what if someone started a parody jewelry line, demanding "fucking purity"?  Like, please don't let outdated notions of gender roles tinged with paternalism get in the way of lots of sex, Puritans!)  Anyway, when Marlena busted out those rings, all my James-E-Reilly-era hate came to the surface and I was all prepared to just drone on and on about how irritatingly self-righteous Marlena is. But then she went all campy evil, and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Also, I am lazy and didn't really want to type a lot. 

Speaking of lazy, do you think Marlena's daughter will ever have a romantic interest other than the two guys she's been tripping over pretty much since the last century?

Like Holiday Shopping, But Hate Interacting With Other Humans?

...that's what they invented the internet for!  Imagine Black Friday bargains, without having to deal with scores of pushy fellow shoppers.  Amazon.com explains:

This year we've created a Black Friday page for holiday shoppers.  Amazon.com will be offering hourly deals from 6am to 6pm PST along with thousands of products on sale for a limited time.  Also, customers will get gift wrapping for $.99 per item.

Click here to surf on over to Amazon.com to take care of all your holiday shopping, and help out your neighborhood bloggers at the same time.  (We are not needy, exactly, as much as want-y, but we are also very grateful-y.)  A sampling of some of the deals:

I'm So Thankful For GH and Days

Okay, that title is a little misleading.  It should have read [Dude,] I'm So Thankful For Certain Aspects of Some Facets of GH and Days, Which Unfortunately Rarely Co-Exist in Any Given Episode and Most of Which Involve How Hot the Men Are.  But I thought it was a bit wordy. 

Certain aspects of some facets of General Hospital and Days of Our Lives for which I am thankful include:

• I get to look at James Scott on an almost daily basis
• I've been exposed to almost no monkey-based viruses
• despite having many generations of Irish relatives, few appear in ghost form to berate me for my life choices
• due to the writers' strike Bob Guza might not have the opportunity to inflict his "craft" on audiences for an extended period of time
• Jason Thompson's hotness
• I have relatively few ex-boyfriends who are mobbed up
• I am virtually assured never to be involved in a "who's the daddy?" scenario (having escaped the summer of 1997 unscathed)
• someone Googled "what the fuck is going on with general hospital november sweeps" and Google led that wise soul to Serial Drama
• I have better hair and a more tasteful wardrobe than at least a handful of Days and GH characters
• I, unlike several actors on the shows that I watch, can still express emotion with my facial muscles
• the Days supercouples of my youth are back, front and center, and still look fantastic
• I've never had to have emergency surgery that involves fishing line
• the police where I live are considerably more capable than the Salem and Port Charles PDs combined
• I rarely attend formal events that end in bloodshed
• the vendettas being pursued against my family involve only board games
• my hitman/babydaddy/confidant has really great hair
  
• even though I'm in my early 30s, I have fewer than a half-dozen marriages to my name
• I didn't mar my spectacular good looks by getting such an obvious boob job that dozens of people everyday are Googling my name and "boob job" (my boob job is fantastic and subtle)
• most of the time I am really clear on the concept that people who kill other people for a living are bad, and not sexy, and not a good moral center for a soap opera
• I've never dated my cousin or uncle
• my employers are unlikely to ever replace me with a broomstick and a wig

Any soap-related thanks you'd like to give?  Head to the comments.

And Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!