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« Fabulous or Hideous? | Main | I Have All the Wrong Questions »

November 07, 2007

A Tale of Four Crazies

If David Hayward were still around, I'd suspect him of slipping some sort of psychotropic substance into the Pine Valley water supply, because the people running around this town are straight up nuts.

While the idea of a group of nutters running around town all insane and stuff sounds like it could be entertaining (or at least the plot of an Eli Roth movie), it's less compelling than one would imagine.

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J.R.: Here's a crazy idea. Why don't we get married again?

Okay, note to J.R.: admitting something is crazy does not make it any less crazy. Suggesting that you and Babe get married again after the myriad crimes you committed against each other including, but not limited to, kidnapping, attempted murder and adultery with an aborted fetus? Crazy.

I know that a lot of couples find their way back to each other for sex or a genuine reconciliation because of a deep connection they have or whatever, but...this just seems wrong. Also, I found myself distracted through most of their scenes by Jacob Young's relentlessly disgusting hair and Amanda Baker's pleasant obliviousness. I know nothing about the woman in real life and I'm sure that she's sweet, but I suspect that she's a complete simpleton. Her eyes always look vacant. It's kind of creepy. I don't hate her as Babe just yet, although I'm sure that I will once the novelty of "eeee! No more smug face and nasally whine! Hurrah!" wears off, but, really, the chemistry between Jacob Young and Alexa Havins was the only positive about the Babe/J.R. relationship, so without Alexa in the role, their comfort-sex session fell a bit flat.

SPEAKING OF: why do the women in the Carey family feel that the only way to comfort a man is to sleep with them? Krystal comforts Tad, depressed about killing a man, by sleeping with him. Babe comforts J.R., depressed about something to do with Ava that I refuse on principle to pay one iota of attention to because the character repulses me, by sleeping with him. Not for nothing, but, you know, there are other ways to handle another person's depression. I, personally, am fond of just ignoring it, but I'm sure Miss Manners would have excellent suggestions should you ever need one. I just have this horrible vision of Baby Jenny going to kindergarten and seeing a classmate get in trouble for coloring outside the lines, and offering to meet him behind the jungle gym to make him feel better.

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Greenlee: You -- you never wanted to go back to the old days, you -- you never even tried to forgive me.

I know, right? The unmitigated gall of Kendall for not even trying to forgive the woman who kidnapped and deafened her little boy. How selfish of her to not to worry about how Greenlee was dealing with the aftermath of the accident and just to sit and reminisce about the good old days over a carton of Ben and Jerry's while Spike and Ian are both in the hospital.

Greenlee: You just wait until Kendall finds out about what Zach did, how her beloved husband let us all think that my embryos were destroyed in his blackout, but he kept them hidden all this time.

Woo! You go, girl! Kendall couldn't be bothered to muster up any sympathy for you before, but now that her husband hurt your feelings, she's sooo going to go back to wearing her half of the BFF necklace you guys bought.

She just keeps getting crazier, doesn't she?

But at least we know that her specific case of dementia is genetic, because Jackson has similarly lost his mind.

Jack: Yeah. Dear God, can't my daughter get one moment of peace?

I'm sorry, have I missed the many scenes where Greenlee was treated badly? Because I see Kendall and Zach sneer at her every once in a while, and Babe was mean to her for, like, a day. She didn't go to jail and she gets to have sex with Aiden. I consider that to be a pretty good life. It's actually something I aspire to...

Erica: No, we have already seen. Kendall has been through "way" too much, and she deserves to have a life of peace!

Jack: Yeah, well, so does Greenlee. She's moved on from this, Erica.

Oh, well, since she moved on from it, the whole thing is a moot point! She moved on from the time she kidnapped a baby and then drove off a cliff, leaving him deaf! 

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If you asked me to describe a dreamy, romantic soap hero, I'd probably start rhapsodizing about a character who is good, and kind, and gorgeous, and also funny.

If you then qualified your original statement by adding that the soap hero was on a show produced by ABC Daytime, I'd scratch all of that and describe a violent, misogynistic thug. Because that's how ABC rolls.

Like, I don't know (and this could be just me!), I don't find it appealing when somebody would kidnap someone and try to lynch him, and then, mere weeks later, kidnap him AGAIN, force him onto a plane and then forcibly take blood from him. In the real world, that would be punishable by law. But in Pine Valley, we're supposed to swoon because it's Ryan Lavery! And he's always right! Except when he's not, but don't think about those times! It's Ryan! Squee!

[And AMC reinforced this idea of Ryan As Hero by having him land the plane once Richie knocked the pilot unconscious. There's ridiculous and then there's this. Ridiculous should be a goal for this show. I don't think even Saint Jason Morgan himself has landed a plane!]

I found the entire scenario repulsive, and I'm not just saying that because I heart Richie. A lot of it is the Richie hearting, but not all of it! And then Ryan refused to acknowledge that he did anything criminal:

Richie: You sure you want to do that, doc? I mean, I've got a -- I've got some charges of my own I'd like to file. Kidnapping, medical assault -- that's just for starters. I'll have your license -- yours, too. Kidnapping, conspiracy, assault -- whatever it takes, man. I'll bury you with it. I panicked -- brought up here in handcuffs, going off to who knows where? Come on. What jury is not going to sympathize with a man fighting off his captors, fighting for his life?

Ryan: You really are a sick man.

Yes, Richie is the sick man. You, who turn to violence and force when you want answers (remember forcing Zach to take--eyeroll--a truth serum during the Satin Slayer debacle) and your Stepford wife, who is incapable of anything but blind Ryan worship, are paragons of virtue.

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I guess the only way to describe someone who would attack the pilot of a plane currently in midair would be as "crazy", but it seems like such a declasse way to talk about ♥Richie♥! He's more...mad. Raving, even.

It's only a matter of time before he does something truly irredeemable (the crimes committed thus far, including the random murders of people off-screen and in the past, are mere petty offenses to me), so I am going to enjoy his kickassness while I can before, like, a small child or a helpless animal or, heaven forbid, Myrtle, is injured by one of his schemes. And it's so easy to love him because he's the only person in this horrible town to use logic and reason! Plus, he hates Ryan. And let me tell you, Ryan hatred is the quickest way to my heart.

But he does ask pretty silly questions...

Annie: Why, Richie?

Richie: Why, you ask? Because I can do anything I want. Scary, huh -- dealing with somebody who can do whatever the hell he wants?

Dude, she's married to Ryan. She deals with someone who thinks he can do whatever he wants on a daily basis. Duh.

I have to say, and I know I am biased, that Billy Miller is really a breath of fresh air on this show. Their villains recently have been one dimensional and boring, while he's super charismatic and also hilarious. Plus, in the words of Karen Darling, he activates my yummy. Please don't fuck this character up too badly AMC!

Comments

Okay, you know I don't watch AMC so I defer to you completely and am sure that Ryan always has been, and continues to be, a misogynistic asshole. However...Cameron Mathison is kind of totally charming on Dancing With the Stars! You can shun me. I promised I would try to hate him and I can't.

I haven't been watching AMC much lately but if everyone wants to know why it's last place in the ratings just watch it for five minutes. That's explanation enough.

Maybe David had the foresight to get revenge on everyone in Pine Valley and put intelligence suppressant in the water and left the containment device on a time release to explain why they are acting like *beeping* morons now. Grown people don't act like this. He might have done the same for Port Charles as well but who knows? You ever hear of Montezuma's Revenge? Well, this is Heyward's revenge.

As for this whole Kendall/Greenlee mess, it's sad because before this whole stupid payback thing, Kendall actually had the legal and moral high ground but now since we all know this is going to come back to bite her, she'll lose some of it. Apparently, the words "restraining order" didn't sink in deep enough.

Anyway, might I take this time to suggest a column to criticize over hyped and overrated super couples? I'd call "Your super couple sucks...get over it" or at least something shorter and catchier. What do you think?

Kendall and Greenlee's "friendship" has pretty much considted of Greenlee being rotten to Kendall and Kendall running after Greenlee begging her to smack her around a bit more, it's like the definition of co-dependence. I'm sure ebfore this is over Kendall will be groveling to Greenlee, giving her custody of Spike, and nobly assuming her identity so she can go to jail instead.

I'm having a really hard time understanding why so many people like Ritchie. He gives me the creeps. He has the wierdest smile with all those strange looking teeth!

Don't get me started on Ryan...I totally agree with every mean and nasty thing you say about him. I wonder how Cameron can stand playing that part. Wouldn't you think he'd complain? I think, in RL, he's a pretty neat guy.

As for JR, I'll be glad when he's gone since TPTB have totally ruined the character. Of course, that's what they do when someone leaves, i.e. Edmund.

Greenlee...pfft, be gone! Bring back my reformed Kendall and let her and Zach be happy for two minutes. I'm so tired of all the revenge plots going on right now. In fact, unless something drastically changes during November sweeps, I will be quitting this show on December 1st.

I am even ignoring the could become annoying mouth stuff Billy is doing ... oh you adorable man please get thee to the dentist and get those caps adjusted .. I read spoilers and I still heart Richie

As long as Queen Kendall continues to set up Greenlee, I will despise her. Look, Kendall has her reasons to hate Greenlee, but instead of getting on with her life, she is about to destroy it with her obsession to hurt Greenlee.

Greenlee is not blameless in this mess, but she has tried to make up for her mistakes, is truly sorry and seems ready to move on. If Kendall wants to seek legal measure to punish Greenlee, I would not be able to fault her. But Kendall is now pursuing illegal means to make Greenlee pay.

And while it is soapy goodness, I'm rather tired of Kendall ruling the world in PV. Get on with your life and let me see more Greenlee and Aidan. Thank you very much.

I've been reading your blog for a while now, but this is the first time I've felt the need to comment. First of all, brava! I agree with everything you say, most especially the parts about Ryan, because he really is a jerk. (I'm being less profane than I normally would be, since this is the first time I'm posting.) I do agree with Becca, though, that Cameron is rather fun on [i]Dancing with the Stars[/i], which is why I can't watch that and AMC back to back.

But the real reason I had to post was this comment:

[i]"I just have this horrible vision of Baby Jenny going to kindergarten and seeing a classmate get in trouble for coloring outside the lines, and offering to meet him behind the jungle gym to make him feel better."[/i]

This has to be the most horrifyingly hilarious thing I've ever read! Love it!

your comments about Kendall/Greenlee are dead on. I am not buying the Greenlee is the victim crap the show is trying to sell. Greenlee needs to really pay for what she has done

Greenlee isn't the victim here, Kendall, Zach, Ian and Spike are. Greenlee is the one who made the conscious choice to kidnap Spike and because of her Spike is deaf and Kendall's life hasn't been the same :(

I want Kendall and Zach to have some peace for once. Greenlee has used and abused Kendall for years and it needs to stop now

I also agree with Billy Miller/Ritchie. I really love him and rooting for him all the way. Ryan is just a arrogant, abusive, egostitical ass and it is time someone puts him in his place and I hope Ritchie succeeds

ITA with every word you wrote! i just wish
you'd point out how sanctimonious Ryan is regarding Zach! That's what galls me! I hate the way he whispershouts & spits all over Zach & Ryan started all this crap with
his bike ride over the cliff. Zach is the ONLY REASON I watch AMC these days. He's the only one I will watch & when he's not on, I skip the whole thing. More ZACH!!

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