GH Couple of Weeks in Review
So the big sweeps events have brought me at least temporarily out of my GH Week in Review boycott. It's not that I've started enjoying the show, exactly, it's just that since the writers only ever bother to move storylines along during sweeps months, I'm at least guaranteed a greater array of things to mock. I've gotten over my reaction to the Black and White Ball hairstyles (which could be summed up as:
except I don't want to give you the idea I'd ever wear my hair that way), and I actually thought a few of the gowns were pretty fabulous, so they will get their own post. I'm really passionate about pretty clothes, and I don't think it's fair for them to share more space with GH writing than they already have to.
I think anyone who has watched this show in the last ten years knows
that Jason is always going to end up being the hero of the [insert sweeps
crisis here], but did anyone see the boat twist, complete with
entertainingly horrendous special effects, coming?
I was worried about the hideous Night Shift CGI skyline, but good news, it's found work as a Jason prop! It's in good company with the rest of the cast.
Look how poor, soaked Jason and his hair are streaking through the oddly wave-free water to rescue the people he loves!
(Or at least, one of the people he "loves," who is doing something colossally stupid.)
Sidenote 1: I much preferred his snotty, dismissive attitude the week before:
Jason: Why can't you just stay out of it? Oh, you can't because you're Carly.
Sidenote 2: If they ignored Cooper all these months just to either make him a killer or kill him off, I will be...well, about as pissed as I am on a daily basis at this show, but I will also be mourning the absence of Jason Gerhardt's gorgeousness. Boy is fine.
Anyway, I'm embarrassed to admit that I have any actual questions about this stupid plot point, but WTF is up with this?
There's a bomb on the boat? What? How? Jason doesn't have a boat,
right, so it's just random boat he swiped and it happened to have a
bomb on it? This makes no sense. (Speaking of which, at some point
can we chat about why the Cassadines insist on calling the boats that
bring people to Spoon Island "launches"? Because that confuses me
too. I just thought I'd put all the embarrassing stuff on the table at
It was a week of awful set effects, because before I was mesmerized by Jason the ArgoNot, I was wrapped up in the paper-maché castle balcony
and I was totally absorbed by the terrible CGI of Wyndemere
...doesn't it look like it's in a She-Ra cartoon? And I probably would have rewound a couple of times just to see that for the tenth time last week because it's so gloriously awful, but then I had to rewind for another reason
We've been hoping for interesting storytelling, character development, and multi-week arcs, and they can't even do second-grade math.
Bruce Weitz is delightfully hammy as Anthony Zacchara. I worry a bit about the amount of scenery-chewing he's doing, what with a large portion of it appearing to be made out of styrofoam (imagine the toxins!), but he seems to be enjoying it so good for him. (I mean, it's not good acting, but it's better than the writing. Not that there are many things that aren't.)
I'm virtually certain I'll find a use for these in future recaps:
As for Anthony's son Johnny, I know he's crazy, and a mobster, and creepy, and routinely attempts to fly off buildings, but let's not kid ourselves
the boy is The Hotness. I just wish he would chase after someone other than Lulu, because did she really need a 72nd suitor? What about Maxie? Or Sam? She's mostly crazy too, and she's a Cassadine. Imagine the possibilities.
For now, though, I'm happy with Lucky and Sam, if it means more episodes can start off with this
Yummy! And if it means these two can just keep on being unfairly good-looking and super-hot together.
I know we thought she was irredeemable, but I am willing to get past a lot in the name of good chemistry. Imagine the hate/make-up sex when he finds out about Jake's paternity and her knowing about it, or her standing by and letting his not-son get kidnapped!
Of all the things GH has ruined lately, isn't Becky Herbst's hair the saddest?
Remember when it was dark and healthy and glorious?
Remember when it didn't look like the side-banana-clip look that swept the mid-80s suburbs?
Liz's ball gown reminded me that I'm also kind of curious as to whether, depressingly, the gorgeous Becky Herbst has had Them done, but for now I'm too upset about her hair to consider further missteps.
Oh, substantively? I really like that Liz and Lucky finally grew the hell up about their divorce and custody agreement, and I loved the conversation and dance that they had on the balcony at the start of the Ball. I worry that was actually the high point of this whole sweeps story, though. The catfight with Sam was certainly a huge step down. GH dipped into the catfight cliché bag just a few months ago, but recycling is the new talent, I guess.
I realize he totally had it coming on account of the "Someone shoot him in the leg!" from the last time we did this almost-exact-same sweeps story, and plus it meant we got to see a little bit of Rick Hearst shirtless,
but does anyone really deserve to be tended to by Leyla? I hope there are no elevators at Wyndemere. And good thing Dr. Scorpio and the serial killer's sister are there.
Speaking of Robin, they are writing her as totally schizophrenic. She's not just baby-crazed, she's crazy, period.
Robin to Patrick: Jax has been my friend for many years. If I want to ask him to be the father of my child, it's none of your business, or Carly's.
Robin to Liz: Go ahead, say it. I mean, I asked the man who is technically still your husband to be the father of my child. You have every right to tell me how you feel about that.
Um? Did she get whiplash from that turnaround? And this?
Robin to Carly: Do you realize how selfish you sound right now? You have two healthy children of your own. If I want to have one, and Jax is willing to donate his genetic material, you really shouldn't have a problem with that.
Carly is one of the most selfish characters ever to selfishly prance around Port Charles, but not wanting your husband to have a kid with someone else hardly strikes me as self-centered. I'm so sure that if Robin gets back together with Patrick and Leyla decides she wants Patrick's sperm, Robin will be all "Oh my god, totally! Far be it from me to be selfish! Can I pick out the 'inspiration' mags?"
Robin to Jason: I just don't like the idea of my baby's father being someone from a sperm bank. I would rather it be someone that I trust, someone that I respect and admire.
So that you can have him waive all rights to the child, thereby ensuring he won't have any opportunity to pass along those characteristics to your kid? O...kay. Girl done lost her mind. She asked Nikolas to be her babydaddy at what was essentially his engagement party! Dude! That is impolite! And don't even get me started on the Spinelli thing. (Though Jason's hilarious reaction to hearing Robin ask Spinelli is firmly in Steve Burton's growing "pro" column, I have to say.)
I mean, I still adore the character. I can't truly hate anyone played by Kimberly McCullough. Plus Robin puts her crazypants on one leg at a time, and I dig that about her. There's something oddly ordered about her insanity. At least she's not text-messaging possible serial killers, or holding up random hot cops at gunpoint because they happened to be in a particular room of a castle.
Anyway, Patrick took a step back towards hotly when he stepped out of Robin's personal life.
But with these two it's one step forward, fourteen formal-clothed steps back, because at the Black and White Ball they had to argue some more about their break-up.
Robin passing out doesn't mean she's pregnant, does it? Because I hope to god if they're finally doing the HIV pregnancy storyline, they're not going to have it be an unplanned pregnancy with a couple who's already split. That would be stupid and borderline offensive.
. . .
Shit, they're totally doing that, aren't they?
Some other random lingering questions about this [not] big sweeps story that will [not] change everything:
- What the hell was Alexis thinking, bringing Jerry to the Ball?
- Was I really supposed to believe Sonny had been blown up? What kind of Friday cliffhanger was that? And why did I find his balcony reunion with Kate romantic and charming? Won't somebody stop me before I stop being a hater?
- What happened to the Jax and Carly video phone sex scandal?
- How awesome was Maxie confronting Leyla at the Ball? How awesome is Maxie in general, and why can't they actually write for her now that she's so watchable?
- What creative drinking game can we come up with so that we can get some extra enjoyment out of this show every time we see these shots?
If we'd thought of this back in February during the "there's Sam escaping the Metro Court in a jumpsuit, AGAIN" stuff, we could have been drunk and dulled the pain of Alan's death, Robin getting shot, and James Craig being Jerry Jax. In fact, now that I'm thinking about what we're likely in for this month, who needs a game? Bring on the open bar! Or a writers' strike. I'm good with either.
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.