I Have All the Wrong Questions
I'm sure General Hospital is super proud of its big sweeps event, the Black and White Ball, and wants me to be asking "Who's the killer?! Ooh, or are there killers?!" "Who will survive?!" "Who will die?!" "How kickass is Jason and how smart is Carly?!" But instead, I'm left with different, less answerable, questions.
- Why are all these parents at a ball on Halloween night? And speaking of which, where the hell is Spencer?
- Why don't Robin and Patrick just store some monofilament line with their formal wear at this point? (SERIOUSLY, this show is ripping itself off with abandon. Another crisis-scene surgery with fishing line?!)
- Where has the guy who plays Johnny been all my life?
- Does the floorplan of Wyndemere make any sense to anyone?
- Do any of the young actresses on this show eat?
- How did Carly get an invitation to this damned thing anyway? She kidnapped the host's kid!
- How did Ric manage to get shish-kabob'd by Anthony Zaccara? Bruce Weitz is about 4'10" and 90 pounds.
- Is Maxie available to be a guest blogger? (I wouldn't let the fact that she's fictional get in the way.)
- Is there some kind of dare to ruin the character of Lulu faster than they have any character in the history of this show?
- How hilarious was Carly banging her head on that styrofoam rock because she saw a bat?
- Would anyone else have preferred for the real-time stuff to have taken place in the gardening shed with Tracy?
- How awesome was Luke hearing that blood-curdling scream and immediately going "Spanky?"
- Do you think the writers ever realize how badly they f'ed up Alexis and Ric, and want to beat themselves about their heads with heavy objects? Just me, then?
- Does the sets budget on this show ever exceed my monthly grocery allowance?
- Why does Nicolas have a barn that's fully stocked with hay? He has cows on that island?
- Is any woman going to be allowed to be remotely heroic in this situation, or are the big strong men just going to continue to rescue the damsels in distress? (Related question: Why don't the GH showrunners understand their target audience?)
- How the hell did Jason escape that bomb exploding? He swam in his big leather jacket, for at least a mile, if that "special" effect explosion was any indication? Or did he fly with his angel wings, his halo lighting the way?