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« Richie, Richie, He's Our Man, If He Can't Do It, No One Can | Main | Can Hair and Makeup Go On Strike Too? »

November 01, 2007

Ouch

Today, the ABC brass unveiled the big news that the special guest star for All My Children's November sweeps stunt is going to be...Celine Dion.

'Celine Dion represents another of today's top recording artists who are tapping into ABC's prime ratings position and garnering a presence with our daytime audience. This is the perfect blend of the power of music coupled with dramatic storytelling and enhancing the visibility of our brand across multi-platforms,' said Mr. Frons.

Ohmigod, you guys, he said "prime ratings position"! He's a lying liar who lies, unless "prime" is code for "shitty", in which case he's a dumbass, but an honest one, because this big news came out the day that the ratings show exactly how much ABC Daytime is sucking and blowing, what with AMC in dead last place*. I find that endlessly hilarious.

QUESTIONS:

  • Does any of that make any sense whatsoever, or was it lifted verbatim from a Mad Libs page?
  • What will it take to get Brian Frons fired?
  • Who, aside from grandmas and the deaf, is clamoring for Celine Dion?
  • Seriously, it's not 1998 anymore, is it?
  • Don't you think it would be better if the guest were Ana Gasteyer as Celine Dion?
  • Is this more or less embarrassing than when their big celebrity guest was Donny Osmond?
  • Is this more or less embarrassing than when Clay Aiken sang to Steve and Kayla?
  • If you want your brand to be more visible across multi-platforms (if that's really, like, a thing), shouldn't you focus on your brand not sucking?

*Dead Last!

1. Y&R
2. B&B
3. ATWT
4. GH
5. DAYS
6. OLTL
7. GL
8. AMC

!!! That's ultra embarrassing. More people watch Guiding Light--we didn't even know that existed!

Comments

OMG! I just love this editorial!! Is that moron, Brian Frons, kidding? Just who does he think he is fooling with double-speak like this? Multi platforms????? It is complex thinking like that that has catapulted ABC Daytime straight into the toilet. Excuse me, Mr. Frons. How about some decent writing, character-driven, romantic stories, and the return of some veteran talent that the audience actually WANTS to see...like maybe Genie Francis?

Is it even possible for something to be more embarrassing than having Clay Aiken serenade you? Tune in to AMC to find out!

Well, it might get me watching for moment to see (a) what horror she's wearing; and (b) is it in fact worse than the Clay Aitken thing? But I'll be able to determine that in approximately 1.2 seconds, so I don't think it'll achieve what they're aiming for.

That really is hilarious on many levels (that being both your post and the very idea of this sweeps stunt. In completely different ways.)

Every time I see a soaps exec say something like "multi-platforms," I want to go all Monica in response to Rachel losing their apartment by guessing that Chandler was a "transpondster": That's not even a WORD!!!

Days jumping to fifth is impressive! I can't wait for it to pass up GH. Guza's continued employment is almost as puzzling as Frons'.

I wonder whether ABC has ever, or at least in recent history, not had a show in the top four? Aim low, kids!

Waaay more embarassing than Clay. Just a guess.

I like to call this "The Revenge of Dixie". HA!

But I bet if you watch it on a blackberry...it will be just brillant!

four weeks in a row his shows are tying for record low ratings and THAT is what he comes up with? Its like Jason's hair...words just fail me.

where's Ashton Kutcher these days? Are we sure we aren't all on really elaborate episode of Punk'd?

I am totally boycotting all ABC soaps until either they stop existing or Brian Frons does.

Effing firing my Georgie, and then Celine Dion getting a guest spot? THIS IS WAR.

Grr.

Are they trying to win back those older viewers they previously deemed unimportant?

They realize that GL isn't even on in many places, and in others it's often on in the morning, and it's still beating AMC, right? Kind of like losing an election to a dead person.

GO DAYS! (Ratings)! Along with the kick-assness of the show over the last couple weeks. Hell, I'm even into the freakin' SORORITY SL! Guess Ed Scott really is the man. Now if only everything doesn't go down the toilet for all the soaps because of a writers strike :(

What exactly does that mean "tapping into ABC's prime ratings position and garnering a presence with our daytime audience." Double-talk, if I ever heard it. ABC has the best primetime and the worst daytime.
I am really beginning to think that daytime's problem is that it is run by people who don't like soaps, don't know what it is about them that draws people, and don't know what is "cool" and what is not (i.e Celine Dion). Maybe Frons and GH headwriter Guza are just "suits" with no innate sense of what makes a good story.
GH used to be fun and pull at your heartstrings. And it had indelible love stories like Luke and Laura and Frisco and Felicia. Now most of the stories are populated with unlikeable people who make annoying choices. When the soap has a good pairing that looks like it could be a "supercouple" Guza feels the need to break them up----not for a heartrending reason that could make for good drama. Oh no, just because one or both of them act like idiots. I am specifically thinking of Scrubs, but that could also apply to Liz and Lucky, Jason and Sam....take your pick.

Conversely, how much has Celine Dion's cache fallen that her handlers have to book her on The Erica Kane show to promote her album dropping? I guess performing in Vegas for all those years really hurt her.

I stop watching AMC, when it started being the Erica Kane story, she might be the queen of the soaps,( she been there since day one) but I liked Brooke, were are the the vet's that may this the best soap on ABC, they fired everyone then the had this young woman Babe, she couldn't take anymore and she left, writer's bring it back to the vet's, Kendall can't have all the screen time, Julia love with Noah was one of the best, and she push to the side, Dixie and Tad, there child still lost, but in Julia house, Zake bring's down Adam Chandlier, not even the best, have been able to do that.

Er, I kind of...like Celine Dion. *hanging head in shame*

And in the Hair-Off with Clay, I'm going to go ahead and give Celine that medal now.

"I like to call this 'The Revenge of Dixie'. HA!"

BWAH! I'd give anything for Cady McClain to make a one-day appearance as a ghost just standing behing Celine making rabbit ears.

Amen Alice...i completely agree with you. ABC is totally run by two idiots who don't get soaps one iota....and would really prefer to be doing something with movies or primetime but they obviously have no talent to do that. Although I think part of Guza's problem is he fell in love with his own hype and still lives in the day when GH brought him back to right the wrongs of McTavish.

They just don't get it. What they don't get, they totally re-write and force fed us to make us accept this alternative history. (the constant declarations of Jason always having been there for Liz? Yeah it was JAson who pulled her out of the snow....and sat by her bedside after both miscarriages. Totally imagined Ric and Lucky there.) You still resist? He'll give you more. Every complaint lodged about the show is counted FOR the show since at least it got you talking. And it doesn't matter how awful it is...one magazine or another is going to sing how awesome it was. (EC for Night Shift TWICE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Once I'll give them but TWICE??????)

I vote for "Ana Gasteyer as Celine Dion." I like Celine Dion (part of the time), but I adore the SNL version.

Frons is a hoot. He must be smokin' really good shit to say stuff like that!


TWO MAJOR POSSIBILITIES HERE.....

1.) Celine is coming to AMC to do what she is truly famous for...Singing her little French Canandian heart out while thumping her chest on a SINKING SHIP. That ship being ABC daytime programming on any damn venue.


2.) Maybe amazing crazy Richie will try to kill her mid song! That could be entertaining. Talk about daytime drama!!!

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