Today, the ABC brass unveiled the big news that the special guest star for All My Children's November sweeps stunt is going to be...Celine Dion.
'Celine Dion represents another of today's top recording artists who are tapping into ABC's prime ratings position and garnering a presence with our daytime audience. This is the perfect blend of the power of music coupled with dramatic storytelling and enhancing the visibility of our brand across multi-platforms,' said Mr. Frons.
Ohmigod, you guys, he said "prime ratings position"! He's a lying liar who lies, unless "prime" is code for "shitty", in which case he's a dumbass, but an honest one, because this big news came out the day that the ratings show exactly how much ABC Daytime is sucking and blowing, what with AMC in dead last place*. I find that endlessly hilarious.
- Does any of that make any sense whatsoever, or was it lifted verbatim from a Mad Libs page?
- What will it take to get Brian Frons fired?
- Who, aside from grandmas and the deaf, is clamoring for Celine Dion?
- Seriously, it's not 1998 anymore, is it?
- Don't you think it would be better if the guest were Ana Gasteyer as Celine Dion?
- Is this more or less embarrassing than when their big celebrity guest was Donny Osmond?
- Is this more or less embarrassing than when Clay Aiken sang to Steve and Kayla?
- If you want your brand to be more visible across multi-platforms (if that's really, like, a thing), shouldn't you focus on your brand not sucking?
!!! That's ultra embarrassing. More people watch Guiding Light--we didn't even know that existed!