So Many Questions
Y&R is horrifically boring these days. It's not even that it's bad, exactly, (Although I'm not going to try and claim that the show is anything approaching entertaining), it's just...like, I care about the following:
- Jack and Sharon's marriage
- Jack and Sharon finally deciding to ship Noah off to boarding school
- [This is the spot where I'd put in writing my silly pipe dream of Gloria being outed as the guilty party in the Jabot cream scandal, but I know that's as likely as, like...Victor not being an asshole for two consecutive minutes]
Everything else is either terrible or so jaw-droppingly boring that my poor, fragile self can't even handle it, and it causes my mind to wander...
1. Did the ousted Simone on Project Runway remind anybody else of Amelia Heinle?
Probably just me...
She's not an actress and was only on the show for 48 minutes, during which she displayed no personality or talent, but I still think she'd be a better Victoria than Amelia Heinle is.
(Okay, that was mean. I'm sorry, Amelia! Congratulations on your baby!)
2. How much does Melody Thomas Scott rule? She's the only person in this inane "Let's all talk to a comatose woman just because...well, it's slightly more engaging than when you talked to her when she was awake" story who is putting in any effort. Eric Braeden is obviously thinking about what to order for lunch, and Joshua Morrow is like, "Which Guitar Hero is better, II or III? I like both, but I still have a soft spot for I" and MTS is just going all out and really committing to being heartbroken and shell shocked. And her wardrobe totally reflects someone who has been at the hospital for eons.
3. How lame are these made-up memories? I call shenanigans!
Nick: You know, I keep expecting you to... sit up and say "gotcha". You remember when we were kids and, uh... we used to fight over that video game--starship? I remember that first time I ever beat you, you got so mad at me you pushed me. And then I pushed you back. And you fell down and you just laid there, lifeless. It didn't even look like you were breathing. It freaked me out. Well, now everybody's freaking out, sis. You see, the crazy thing is, is in the past, if I had a problem, I'd come to you. You'd always help me through it. You'd put things in perspective. You'd always remind me how much smarter you are than me.
Nicholas and Victoria had no childhood memories because they were aged from three to eighteen in a nanosecond! I know that soaps can't really allude to the SORAS phenomenon, but can't we just truly ignore it and not write dumb faux memories?
4. Why on earth would Lily want to invite Sharon to their Thanksgiving dinner? Not that I don't like Sharon, but...she has her own family to celebrate and it didn't seem like Lily was extending the invitation to them as well. Although I can't fault her for not wanting Noah there...
5. Why are they pushing Karen and Neil so hard? Dru was only presumed dead a few months ago, they only met a little bit after that and--this is important--watching the two of them together is like watching televised bowling.
6. How disturbing is it that I was legitimately entertained by Gloria's scheme to get Jeffrey out of town? I hate all things Gloria related and yet I loved her ideas:
- Get Jeff a job at Jabot in Hong Kong office
- Frame Jeff for a crime
- Telling him he's won a contest and sending him on a cruise around the world
That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
7. How love-starved is Nikki after being married to Victor for so long? Her fawning when David Chow gave her lavender and orange aromatherapy cream was embarrassing and yet kind of heart breaking. But mostly embarrassing.
8. Who on earth thought that re-airing the Clear Springs brouhaha on Black Friday would be a good idea? Isn't there a point in time when you should just admit that you royally fucked up and presented a week of television so horrible that it made me, a dedicated viewer of The Hills, cringe? And at that point in time, shouldn't you just put that footage away for, like, ever? Isn't it humiliating enough that it's all over YouTube? And isn't it cruel and unusual to make people relive it?
I normally take my lunch break at 12:30 so that I can be that girl in the office who eats her yogurt whilst watching Y&R but due to a number of tragic circumstances related to the unbearable stupidity of others, I wound up not getting to do so until 1:30 and I just caught the tail end of today's episode before The Bold and the Beautiful. I'm not exactly sure what to think of B&B--it's incredibly campy, but I think it's supposed to be that way. And it has a sense of fun that makes me almost able to overlook the fact that it's a breeding ground for actors and actresses who have plasticized their faces to the extreme. Plus, Heather Tom! And Jennifer Gareis who, for the first time in recorded history, didn't make me want to throw things at her. And I gather, from reading recaps, that someone, due to tomfoolery with eggs and petri dishes, gave birth to her enemy's baby and it was so like Days of Our Lives Circa James E. Reilly that I almost cried, I felt so at home.
Also, you know, I have no idea what's going on and I will probably never watch it again, but it was quite an enjoyable half hour.