General Hospital Week in Review
I think most of this week's GH didn't suck, you guys. That's the nicest thing I've been able to say about this show in a while. I think it helps that the characters weren't spending a fifth week on Halloween night. That stupid, redundant, plot-hole-ridden sweeps event being over would have been cause enough for celebration, but then there was a stellar episode, some decent ones following it, and a downright eeee!-worthy moment to cap off the week. But for you, I tried really hard to be hypercritical and pick even the good shows apart. I'm really giving of my time in that way.
Elizabeth's eulogy for her best friend Emily was mostly lovely, and I especially liked the several nods to history, but a couple of parts confused me.
Liz: Epiphany, Emily was especially fond of you. . . . She was always so appreciative of your sage advice, and your belief in her future as a doctor.
Epiphany garnered a mention? Really?
Sometimes I think everything nonsensical associated with Epiphany is just Bob Guza trying to exact revenge on Mallory.
Liz: There is someone else I would like to mention: Jason. He owned a unique place in Emily's heart. A place reserved only for him. He wasn't just her brother, he was her hero. Jason couldn't be here today, but I couldn't talk about Emily and not say his name.
Oh for god's sake. Under this writing team, nobody can talk about laundry and not say Jason's name. Or Chinese food. Or algebra.
But it was impressive that Jason dragged himself to the event anyway, what with Monica -- having a banner You Go Girl week -- telling him he couldn't
Monica: You are the only thing I have left and I don't want you. Get out! And don't you dare think about coming to her funeral. Don't you dare show your face around here. Get out! You are not my son!
and a little phobia he has
Jason: I don't like funerals.
Ha! Oh, I hope that was intentional comedy. The poor widdle hitman doesn't like funerals. It is horrible when someone robs you of a loved one for no reason, leaving the survivors absolutely devastated, isn't it?
Who's the hypocrite? Who is? You are! You are!
But thus ends my Jason anger for the week, dear readers. Because
effing Steve Burton and Becky Herbst have so much effing chemistry
and are so effing good-looking (excluding his hair, of course) that I
thought Jason and Liz were totally effing hot on Thursday's show and I
starting to be okay with Elisabeth sleeping with an effing hitman.
BTW, I love Liz's gorgeous bedroom, complete with fireplace (and a fire already going!).
Getting divorced and losing a second income has been really good for her standard of living. But anyway, back to Jason being appealing. (Don't bother hating me for writing sentences like that, I hate myself enough for all of us.)
Jason: He's got my hands.
Aawwww. Goddammit. The effing couple-y chemistry
and the effing cute baby are getting to me. And this is even before
the new haircut shows up on screen! I think I might really be in
trouble this time. I have to go back to the mantra Mallory is always chanting: He kills human beings for profit. He kills human beings for profit. He kills human beings for profit.
I'm not sure it's working! I'm pretty sure this is all
James Scott's fault. I've lost all perspective on soap villains.
Just so you don't think I've totally lost my mind and perspective, I hate this "romantic" storyline between Nikolas and Emily [note: who is dead].
Nikolas: Maybe they should find a spot for me right next to Anthony Zacchara, because this is insane. You're not . . . you're not here. The only reason I can see you is because I want to. Emily, I feel asleep last night holding you.
Emily [note: who is dead]: Yeah. And it was wonderful.
Nikolas: This morning, you were gone.
Emily [note: who is dead]: I'm here now.
Nikolas: When I woke up, and you weren't there, I told myself that I snapped at the funeral, and imagined all this. But you're here. You changed your clothes, your hair. Just like it was a normal day. How is this possible?
Emily [note: who is dead]: I don't know. Nikolas, I'm not even sure that I want to know. The other thing that matters is how perfectly natural and normal it feels to be here with you. I know the newspaper says I'm dead, but I love you as much as I always have.
I'm still laughing over the ludicrousness of "I know the newspaper says I'm dead." I swear, I would never have predicted that GH would go all Passions and do a ghost storyline, and now we get two in less than a year, father and daughter no less, and members of a core family to boot. It's like the writers are trying to get fired.
Maybe if the performances were amazing, maybe if there appeared to
be a larger purpose to the character's "death," maybe if they hadn't
done a ghost story three minutes ago, maybe if I hadn't been in an
uber-bitchy mood for the last six
months weeks, maybe if everything else on the show were intriguing, or . . . yeah, I'm just going to stop now. This story blows.
Another sucky remnant of the dumbass sweeps stunt is this confusing timeline. As our readers have pointed out, Emily was killed on Halloween, but everyone had Thanksgiving dinner last week, the day after they got back from the Halloween ball. And now they're burying Emily, in Port Charles time a month after she died. And Nikolas and Jason's facial wounds from Halloween haven't healed yet. It's all such lazy writing. Why the hell did everyone have to do Thanksgiving dinners last week? Just skip it this year, to maintain some legitimacy to the story arc. It's not like we all haven't seen every soap family have holiday dinners a hundred times before.
The fact that I'm bothered by stuff like this is one of the many indicators that I should be on some kind of medication, right?
As regular readers know, I try to stay unspoiled, so imagine my delight when GH used that mini-episode of My Big Fat Greek Tragedy on Friday to spark a Robin and Patrick reunion! !!!
Patrick: I love you. I miss you. I try to move on, but I can't. I see this bride getting wheeled in after getting run down on her wedding day and it's, it's like a sign. Robin, life is too fragile. I want to be with you. I don't want to deny what is so obvious, that we love each other and we belong together.
Robin: Not being with you is more difficult than I could have ever imagined, but we still want vastly different things out of our lives.
Patrick: I want you in my life.
Patrick: This is what is important. Everything else, we'll figure out.
Eeeee! Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are so damned good together. I hope Patrick and Robin don't immediately reunite and do the marriage and baby thing -- this is a soap, after all -- but I will be so glad if Patrick at least stops being a dick and Robin stops being a sperm-crazed psycho and these two get back to being all banter-y and adorable on an at least semi-regular basis.
Since he appears to be on a good road, I will admit that I had a strong desire to post this screencap of Patrick at Emily's funeral
with the explanation that Patrick appeared to be hotly grief-stricken.
I think a permanent reinstatement of the modifier may be in your future, Dr. Drake. But you should try to be routinely shirtless if you'd like to make a better case for yourself.
Seriously, the kid who plays Cameron is incapable of doing anything
other than glaring at Steve Burton. It's hysterical. Maybe the haircut will change the wee brilliant thespian's mind.
Oh, god. Things I look more forward to than poor Jax being saddled with a Carly spawn:
- Project Runway being canceled
- meetings involving instructions to "drill down" and use of a non-literal "parking lot"
- the 37th season of The Real World
- Steve Burton growing his hair out again
- Shawn and Belle's next sex scene on Days
- pooper-scoopering my yard after a heavy rain
I did love Jason's expression of horror/confusion when Carly started telling him about wanting another baby.
I couldn't decide which possible Jason perspective I liked better -- that he was convinced she was going to ask him for sperm like the last woman who started a conversation similarly with him did, or that he was terrified of another Michael running around the planet.
And speaking of the little future mafioso, isn't his ongoing bloodthirstiness entertaining? I feel an adolescent serial killer storyline coming on, and given the people who that kid has the easiest access to, I can't say I'd be totally opposed to it.
I could pretend I hated all the bad hair and fashion this week, but we all know that would be a lie. I live for it.
I'm going to assume someone in the GH wardrobe department sewed that mess in-house, because I refuse to believe a professional designer would put a full skirt on a black leather jacket. That's about as fashionably logical a material and style pairing as, like, wool flannel thigh-highs, or a shearling thong.
They've given Lulu the most odious aspects of Carly's personality; are they now foisting her wardrobe on the younger Spencer as well? I don't have enough space to explain everything that's wrong with that outfit. Not to mention her hair. Julie Berman's hair looked fantastic at the Emmys, so we know that when she's on her own it looks great. That, combined with the fact that most of the other women on the show are suffering similar troubles, tells me the blame is fairly placed on the GH crew.
The styling is bad too, but I really must implore Becky Herbst to stop lightening her hair.
With her bone structure and coloring she can totally pull off the dark brown. The over-highlighted, 70s thing she's got going on hurts my feelings.
And even Megan Ward's hair didn't look fabulous one day this week!
That headband is made of mistake. As is this 'do:
Which is just not well-executed. And is wholly inappropriate for a funeral
particularly when paired with a sleeveless dress. In New York, in late November. What were the wardrobers thinking? Does anyone on this show even try anymore?
The hate-on this show has for Georgie Jones makes me mental. Lindze Letherman deserves so much better. This latest indignity, chasing after Spinelli like a puppy, is the last straw.
This week, we learn that she's so wrapped up in squeeing around after dorky Damian than she doesn't return Dillon's many calls?
I mean, Maxie was TOTALLY right about his hair, and I really don't care about Georgie and Dillon's relationship anymore, but Georgie did not used to be the kind of girl who would lose touch with friends because she had some stupid crush.
And then there was the wacky physical comedy bit.
Who could have seen that coming?! And then her little adventure in robe-wearing was interrupted by Spinelli fawning all over Nadine. Ugh.
When I think that they're tearing down a formerly independent, bright young woman over this
I remember that I really, really hate this show.
NED! Hello again! May I suggest that, since you are a Quartermaine
and therefore among The Hunted, you install various forms of security
to insure your continued non-deadness? Also, call me!
Is Regina contractually required to wear a headscarf every time she appears on screen?
So, I've somehow managed to reach this point in my life without ever
attending a funeral. I've known plenty of people who've died, but they
were all of the don't bother or memorial service or varieties.
Therefore I'm uninitiated in the details of this convention, and was
unaware they can be theme events? Like if the dead person is a Corey Hart fan, or something?
I lied earlier in this post when I said the reason I'm becoming a
Liason shipper is the actors' chemistry and the cuteness of Jason and
Liz's baby. The real reason is this comment a reader left earlier today:
you hypocrites and bitch's and stupid slut's need to shut the hell up and leave jason and elizabeth and stop dissing them because you don't like together or just don't like them so mind your business and shut up and leave them alone.as for lucky that good for nothing is not the father of either one of those kids so shut up. I know lucky may have some legal rights to jake because liz pretend that lucky is the father but no one knows if liz let lucky sign jake birth certificate even if he did and liz and lucky went to court thats when lucky lose his right to jake because the judge will now know that jake is jason son and as for cameron lucky as no rights to him because lucky never think about adopeting cameron so lucky have no claim to cameron.as for sam goes the stupid bitch is the bigest liar on the show who is still lying to lucky and also sam is the bigest hypocrite unearth like lucky.
How can I argue with that kind of logic? (I had so longed for the return of katie f or one of her equally insightful friends.)
As I'm sure is obvious, we're going to have to take sides on this one. Mallory is going to head up the "slut's" and I am going to lead the "bitch's." It will be like West Side Story, complete with rumbles, but with better shoes and less singing in faux-accents. We're accepting applications; experience in bitchery and/or sluttiness, grammatical ineptitude, and soap-character over-investment are required.
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.