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« What The What? | Main | Why I Am Not A Network Executive »

December 01, 2007

General Hospital Week in Review

I think most of this week's GH didn't suck, you guys.  That's the nicest thing I've been able to say about this show in a while.  I think it helps that the characters weren't spending a fifth week on Halloween night.  That stupid, redundant, plot-hole-ridden sweeps event being over would have been cause enough for celebration, but then there was a stellar episode, some decent ones following it, and a downright eeee!-worthy moment to cap off the week.  But for you, I tried really hard to be hypercritical and pick even the good shows apart.  I'm really giving of my time in that way.


Elizabeth's eulogy for her best friend Emily was mostly lovely, and I especially liked the several nods to history, but a couple of parts confused me.

Liz: Epiphany, Emily was especially fond of you. . . . She was always so appreciative of your sage advice, and your belief in her future as a doctor.

Epiphany garnered a mention?  Really?

Sometimes I think everything nonsensical associated with Epiphany is just Bob Guza trying to exact revenge on Mallory.

Liz:  There is someone else I would like to mention:  Jason.  He owned a unique place in Emily's heart.  A place reserved only for him.  He wasn't just her brother, he was her hero. Jason couldn't be here today, but I couldn't talk about Emily and not say his name.

Oh for god's sake.  Under this writing team, nobody can talk about laundry and not say Jason's name.  Or Chinese food.  Or algebra.

But it was impressive that Jason dragged himself to the event anyway, what with Monica -- having a banner You Go Girl week -- telling him he couldn't

Monica:  You are the only thing I have left and I don't want you.  Get out!  And don't you dare think about coming to her funeral.  Don't you dare show your face around here.  Get out!  You are not my son!

and a little phobia he has

Jason: I don't like funerals.

Ha! Oh, I hope that was intentional comedy.  The poor widdle hitman doesn't like funerals.  It is horrible when someone robs you of a loved one for no reason, leaving the survivors absolutely devastated, isn't it? 

Who's the hypocrite?  Who is?  You are!  You are!

But thus ends my Jason anger for the week, dear readers.  Because effing Steve Burton and Becky Herbst have so much effing chemistry and are so effing good-looking (excluding his hair, of course) that I thought Jason and Liz were totally effing hot on Thursday's show and I find myself starting to be okay with Elisabeth sleeping with an effing hitman.





BTW, I love Liz's gorgeous bedroom, complete with fireplace (and a fire already going!). 


Getting divorced and losing a second income has been really good for her standard of living.  But anyway, back to Jason being appealing. (Don't bother hating me for writing sentences like that, I hate myself enough for all of us.)



Jason: He's got my hands.

Aawwww.  Goddammit.  The effing couple-y chemistry and the effing cute baby are getting to me.  And this is even before the new haircut shows up on screen!  I think I might really be in trouble this time.  I have to go back to the mantra Mallory is always chanting:  He kills human beings for profit.  He kills human beings for profit.  He kills human beings for profit.

I'm not sure it's working!  I'm pretty sure this is all James Scott's fault.  I've lost all perspective on soap villains.


Just so you don't think I've totally lost my mind and perspective, I hate this "romantic" storyline between Nikolas and Emily [note: who is dead].

Nikolas:  Maybe they should find a spot for me right next to Anthony Zacchara, because this is insane.  You're not . . . you're not here.  The only reason I can see you is because I want to.  Emily, I feel asleep last night holding you.
Emily [note: who is dead]:  Yeah.  And it was wonderful.
Nikolas:  This morning, you were gone.
Emily [note: who is dead]:  I'm here now.
Nikolas:  When I woke up, and you weren't there, I told myself that I snapped at the funeral, and imagined all this.  But you're here.  You changed your clothes, your hair.  Just like it was a normal day.  How is this possible?
Emily [note: who is dead]:  I don't know.  Nikolas, I'm not even sure that I want to know.  The other thing that matters is how perfectly natural and normal it feels to be here with you.  I know the newspaper says I'm dead, but I love you as much as I always have.

I'm still laughing over the ludicrousness of "I know the newspaper says I'm dead."  I swear, I would never have predicted that GH would go all Passions and do a ghost storyline, and now we get two in less than a year, father and daughter no less, and members of a core family to boot.  It's like the writers are trying to get fired. 

Maybe if the performances were amazing, maybe if there appeared to be a larger purpose to the character's "death," maybe if they hadn't done a ghost story three minutes ago, maybe if I hadn't been in an uber-bitchy mood for the last six months weeks, maybe if everything else on the show were intriguing, or . . . yeah, I'm just going to stop now.  This story blows.


Another sucky remnant of the dumbass sweeps stunt is this confusing timeline.  As our readers have pointed out, Emily was killed on Halloween, but everyone had Thanksgiving dinner last week, the day after they got back from the Halloween ball.  And now they're burying Emily, in Port Charles time a month after she died.  And Nikolas and Jason's facial wounds from Halloween haven't healed yet.  It's all such lazy writing.  Why the hell did everyone have to do Thanksgiving dinners last week?  Just skip it this year, to maintain some legitimacy to the story arc.  It's not like we all haven't seen every soap family have holiday dinners a hundred times before.

The fact that I'm bothered by stuff like this is one of the many indicators that I should be on some kind of medication, right?


As regular readers know, I try to stay unspoiled, so imagine my delight when GH used that mini-episode of My Big Fat Greek Tragedy on Friday to spark a Robin and Patrick reunion!  !!!


Patrick:  I love you.  I miss you.  I try to move on, but I can't.  I see this bride getting wheeled in after getting run down on her wedding day and it's, it's like a sign.  Robin, life is too fragile.  I want to be with you.  I don't want to deny what is so obvious, that we love each other and we belong together.


Robin:  Not being with you is more difficult than I could have ever imagined, but we still want vastly different things out of our lives.

Patrick:  I want you in my life.


Patrick:  This is what is important.  Everything else, we'll figure out.

Eeeee!  Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are so damned good together.  I hope Patrick and Robin don't immediately reunite and do the marriage and baby thing -- this is a soap, after all -- but I will be so glad if Patrick at least stops being a dick and Robin stops being a sperm-crazed psycho and these two get back to being all banter-y and adorable on an at least semi-regular basis.

Since he appears to be on a good road, I will admit that I had a strong desire to post this screencap of Patrick at Emily's funeral


with the explanation that Patrick appeared to be hotly grief-stricken.

I think a permanent reinstatement of the modifier may be in your future, Dr. Drake.  But you should try to be routinely shirtless if you'd like to make a better case for yourself.



Seriously, the kid who plays Cameron is incapable of doing anything other than glaring at Steve Burton.  It's hysterical.  Maybe the haircut will change the wee brilliant thespian's mind.




Oh, god.  Things I look more forward to than poor Jax being saddled with a Carly spawn:

  • Project Runway being canceled
  • meetings involving instructions to "drill down" and use of a non-literal "parking lot"
  • the 37th season of The Real World
  • Steve Burton growing his hair out again
  • Shawn and Belle's next sex scene on Days
  • pooper-scoopering my yard after a heavy rain

I did love Jason's expression of horror/confusion when Carly started telling him about wanting another baby.


I couldn't decide which possible Jason perspective I liked better -- that he was convinced she was going to ask him for sperm like the last woman who started a conversation similarly with him did, or that he was terrified of another Michael running around the planet.

And speaking of the little future mafioso, isn't his ongoing bloodthirstiness entertaining?  I feel an adolescent serial killer storyline coming on, and given the people who that kid has the easiest access to, I can't say I'd be totally opposed to it.


I could pretend I hated all the bad hair and fashion this week, but we all know that would be a lie.  I live for it.


I'm going to assume someone in the GH wardrobe department sewed that mess in-house, because I refuse to believe a professional designer would put a full skirt on a black leather jacket.  That's about as fashionably logical a material and style pairing as, like, wool flannel thigh-highs, or a shearling thong.


They've given Lulu the most odious aspects of Carly's personality; are they now foisting her wardrobe on the younger Spencer as well?  I don't have enough space to explain everything that's wrong with that outfit.  Not to mention her hair.  Julie Berman's hair looked fantastic at the Emmys, so we know that when she's on her own it looks great.  That, combined with the fact that most of the other women on the show are suffering similar troubles, tells me the blame is fairly placed on the GH crew.

The styling is bad too, but I really must implore Becky Herbst to stop lightening her hair.


With her bone structure and coloring she can totally pull off the dark brown.  The over-highlighted, 70s thing she's got going on hurts my feelings.

And even Megan Ward's hair didn't look fabulous one day this week!


That headband is made of mistake.  As is this 'do:


Which is just not well-executed.  And is wholly inappropriate for a funeral


particularly when paired with a sleeveless dress.  In New York, in late November.  What were the wardrobers thinking?  Does anyone on this show even try anymore?



The hate-on this show has for Georgie Jones makes me mental.  Lindze Letherman deserves so much better.  This latest indignity, chasing after Spinelli like a puppy, is the last straw.

This week, we learn that she's so wrapped up in squeeing around after dorky Damian than she doesn't return Dillon's many calls? 


I mean, Maxie was TOTALLY right about his hair, and I really don't care about Georgie and Dillon's relationship anymore, but Georgie did not used to be the kind of girl who would lose touch with friends because she had some stupid crush.

And then there was the wacky physical comedy bit.


Who could have seen that coming?!  And then her little adventure in robe-wearing was interrupted by Spinelli fawning all over Nadine.  Ugh. 

When I think that they're tearing down a formerly independent, bright young woman over this


I remember that I really, really hate this show.



NED!  Hello again!  May I suggest that, since you are a Quartermaine and therefore among The Hunted, you install various forms of security to insure your continued non-deadness?  Also, call me!



Is Regina contractually required to wear a headscarf every time she appears on screen?


So, I've somehow managed to reach this point in my life without ever attending a funeral.  I've known plenty of people who've died, but they were all of the don't bother or memorial service or varieties. Therefore I'm uninitiated in the details of this convention, and was unaware they can be theme events?  Like if the dead person is a Corey Hart fan, or something?






So bizarre!


I lied earlier in this post when I said the reason I'm becoming a Liason shipper is the actors' chemistry and the cuteness of Jason and Liz's baby.  The real reason is this comment a reader left earlier today:

you hypocrites and bitch's and stupid slut's need to shut the hell up and leave jason and elizabeth and stop dissing them because you don't like together or just don't like them so mind your business and shut up and leave them alone.as for lucky that good for nothing is not the father of either one of those kids so shut up. I know lucky may have some legal rights to jake because liz pretend that lucky is the father but no one knows if liz let lucky sign jake birth certificate even if he did and liz and lucky went to court thats when lucky lose his right to jake because the judge will now know that jake is jason son and as for cameron lucky as no rights to him because lucky never think about adopeting cameron so lucky have no claim to cameron.as for sam goes the stupid bitch is the bigest liar on the show who is still lying to lucky and also sam is the bigest hypocrite unearth like lucky.

How can I argue with that kind of logic?  (I had so longed for the return of katie f or one of her equally insightful friends.) 

As I'm sure is obvious, we're going to have to take sides on this one.  Mallory is going to head up the "slut's" and I am going to lead the "bitch's."  It will be like West Side Story, complete with rumbles, but with better shoes and less singing in faux-accents.  We're accepting applications; experience in bitchery and/or sluttiness, grammatical ineptitude, and soap-character over-investment are required.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.


You know I was thinking the other day..I get that soap couples break up and stuff but I really hate watching other couples be burned to the ground in favor of one and the other halves of those couples being destroyed so that one couple gets a free pass which is what I see Guza been doing with Jiz since about ohh minute one. Seriously if I hear one more time that what they did back in August was justified because they didn't cheat first my head will explode from trying to explain that Jason had at that point broken up with Sam 99999999999 zillion times since April and therefore SHE DID NOT CHEAT ON HIM. (and I don't particularly LIKE Sam).

Jason kills people. His hands are blood stained.

okay. confession time. liz and jason are the only reason i started watching the crapfest also known as general hospital again. so, i'm pleased with their scenes together. i won't get into my history of hating every pairing steve burton has had since jason q became jason m because it's painful to remember and i'd have to bring up she who should remain dead and have her grave regularly desecrated.

anyhoo, since i'm so completely distracted by the magic of steve & becky that i can't find anything to bitch about, i'll just say that the only thing i liked about lulu this week was her coat.

hmm.. so i guess chemistry can overrule pathetic contrived s/ls where one or both members are behaving like total asshats.

jason and liz have a litany of wrongs, but i suppose for some, steve and becky bring it.

i thought patrick was a selfish douche with his "i...i...i want" on friday, and there's also the fact that he doesn't seem to hold himself responsible at all for any thing that happened not only with the nurse, but the way he treated robin during that time. and i don't buy this whole 'it's all just about the baby issue... love was never a problem' crap that they're spewing as if he didn't boink another on the couch robin picked out.

but kimberly and jason have fabulous chem, so i put it on mute so as not to roll my eyes, and smile and watch.

all is well. :/

yeah, DeadEmily is a stretch, but watching any of these couples is a stretch. they're all tainted when there's not any proper accountability for actions... it makes one apathetic almost and left to routinely enjoy the shallow and the pretty without any real investment.

but damn, they are pretty.

Did I call the whole sex-with-a-dead-person thing, or did I call it? I KNEW Guza would go there-I think they're making meth in the bathrooms or something over there.

Becca, he not only kills people for profit-HE KILLS PEOPLE FOR FUN AND PROFIT! Does that help? You know what, just the fact that the, um, commenter (psycho freak?)? you quoted is a Liason fan is quite enough reason to evaluate your stance on that, I think.

Speaking of which, I married very young so I haven't had enough experience in sluttiness to qualify for that team, but I DO have excessive experience in bitchiness, with occasional forays into the fields of "evil bitch", "sarcastic bitch", "hypercritical bitch", and "unreasonable bitch". My husband and friends will gladly verify my experience for you. However, my appalling attachment to proper grammar and the realization that this is, in fact, just a television show and a critic commenting on my favorite character is not the equivalent of, say, someone stealing my kid's lollipop or desecrating my mother's grave, MAY disqualify me.

And Patrick and Robin have quite a lot of work to do-and I have to say it, especially him. She might have turned into a sperm-hunting psycho but I maintain she was driven there by Patrick's sudden, inexplicable morphing into THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ON THE PLANET!!! HOWEVER, the fact that he completely ignored the most noble whore to ever whore on Friday's show went a long way towards making me like him again.....okay, the going all teary and schmoopy with Robin did it, too. Damn you, Jason Thompson, for your likability and your chemistry with Kimberly McCullough-DAMN YOU!! So, in the spirit of cutie pie Leo's suggestion, I am now willing to compromise-Patrick still has to commando-crawl across the broken glass, but he can wear pants while he does it, and I will forgo the whole while-on-fire thing, but he STILL has to do the ugly cry and beg the whole way. Make it happen, Awesome Writer, so I can see my baby story before Jason and Kimberly both shake off the hallucinogenic drugs Frons has been feeding them to make them stay on this crapfest of a show and they make their escape.

And as for poor Georgie? Fuck you, idiots in charge, FUCK. YOU.

I thought TC and NL did a great job with the material they were given..I at least felt the loving there...but what happens when someone walks in and see Nik humping the air or kissing a pillow or something? And also now that Emily's dead...what will stop anybody from going after Jerry (aka Mr. Craig)

BTW...Although the sluts seem great...I think I'm a bitch by blood

"but what happens when someone walks in and see Nik humping the air or kissing a pillow or something?"


""I want to be a Corinthos moll...everyting free as a Corinthos moll....ok to kill as a Corinthos moll....bed Jason too as a Corinthos moll....yeeehaaaa!"

sung to "In America" music from West Side Story" - Sarah

LMAO! That was great!

I have to go with the sluts, only because I hate bitches just a bit too much. I can't say I have experience in the "slut" field, but I am prone to feel empathy toward many sluts; I feel nothing for bitches, but the desire to slap them.


And, I had to fast forward the Jiz scenes because of the problem I had with indigestion. I could not swallow the force-feeding of Jiz/LIASON any longer. I felt I was watching siblings with those two. It's weird, freaky, nauseating love scenes. They wear clothes to bed, for gosh sakes! I'm sorry, but I don't remember getting dressed during the after glow. It's just too... weird. I think these sibs need to go out into the world and find someone other than kin to make out with.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling nauseous again just thinking about it.

Nik and DeadEmily are... stranger than sib sex.


I loved your recap. I hope you come to your senses soon.

"HE KILLS FOR A LIVING!" Just a reminder to leave you with.

Sorry. I got to the point where Liz was unbuttoning Jason's shirt AND HE STOPPED HER I started laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. It ws like "Fine! Fine! I'll sex you but let me keep my shirt on!"

wow you are a better person than i for seeing such good on this show. i have oodles of things to hate! but for some reason i can't detach myself from a show i've watched since my preteens.

really don't see any chemistry between Jiz. i yawn everytime they're on screen. and if i have to hear ONE MORE TIME that Jake would be safer with Lucky and that Jason's lifestyle is just too dangerous blah blah blaaaaah, i am going to take that Jiz-complicated-spawn myself and give it to a couple in Timbuktu...he'd be safer at least. i want to slap Liz everytime she defends Jason and says what a good father he'd be. Ummm, obviously NOT, since the selfish heartless emotionless bastard won't leave the business even for HIS SON. or get an effin haircut. good LORD that hair is awful. as if Jiz weren't already hard to watch, that mop on his head does not help one bit.

dead Emily is even weirder than living Emily! wtf? she's just so awkward and why the hell is she touching him all the time? makes me wonder how the other actors "ignore" her...they probably laugh! i don't think i can handle her being a ghost for 6 months. Emily was barely tolerable interacting with different people and trying to have an ounce of personality. but as a ghost making Nik's life even more kooky than it is will be like pulling teeth. i don't know if my Tyler/Nik love can even handle it.

i once liked LuLu. i did. i was actually excited that they were aging LuLu b/c it was about time, and she's L&L's daughter. but she's just a younger version of this version of Carly. aka, screaming shrieking whining complaining man-eater.

things i like: Alexis appearances (i want more). Ned appearance! the possibility of this stoopid Robin baby s/ l being over and becoming a strong, happy, independent woman again...and then getting back with Patrick.

i like Johnny b/c he's cute and the actor is good, but we really don't need more mob people on this show.

oy vey this show needs help!

i keep reading about those two being fully clothe...but sbu hasn't taken his shirt off in years...even when he was with sam he was fully clothe in their kissing scenes or whatever. the last time he took his shirt off was the ons i think. anyways...i think jiz is ok, the ain't the best, but they ain't that bad either. i think sonny and kate have less chem and they are on everyday and twice on sunday. and jason's scenes with the baby are cute. they need to end the quad though...its uber annoying and guza just needs to seperate them and move on.

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