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« Is Crazy Contagious? | Main | An AMC Grab Bag »

December 24, 2007

GH Couple of Weeks in Review: The Suckage is Legendary

So, most of the week before this last one on General Hospital sucked, but mostly the usual level of suck, not, like, TURBO level suck.  Luke had his stupid effing "funny" coma-dreams about "hell" that made me weep for what this show once was.  But that happens a lot.  Twinkly music tried to convince me that Luke being almost dead was hilarious.  Fuck off, twinkly music. 

And then Sonny started talking about another goddamned mob war and since I lost count as to which one this is I just decided it's Mob War Infinity.  And then I thought that would be hilarious if Sonny, all superhero style, put his hands on his hips and just yelled "Mob. War.  Infinityyyyyyyyy!"  I wouldn't even need twinkly music, GH, I promise, I would totally laugh at that. 

(Now I'm on this superhero tip and I'm envisioning Sonny and Jason with matching pinky rings, all "Wonder twin powers, activate!"  Um, it's possible I shouldn't be drinking and blogging.  But it's the holidays!)

Plus Sam asked Lucky to move in together after they'd been dating for 17 seconds and that pretty much guarantees that they're going to break up and I'm going to be denied the combined prettiness of Kelly Monaco and Greg Vaughn.

Suck.  Non-turbo suck, but made of suck nonetheless.

THEN THOSE MOTHEREFFERS KILLED GEORGIE JONES.

Georgiedead

Georgieinbodybag

The suckage is truly reaching legendary levels.

Killing Georgie was completely unnecessary for this or any other storyline, and she's just one in a long line of core family members that Guza has offed for apparently no other reason than he likes the idea of tearing apart the canvas of this once-great soap.  (Thanks to assistance from observant Serial Drama readers, look for an upcoming post on every character Guza has killed during his far-too-long tenure as head writer.  It's pretty staggering.)  Then the writers added insult to injury by making the death of this legacy kid almost entirely about effing Spinelli

Spinellireactiongeorgiedeath

(seriously!), and effing Liz and Jason (disclaimer: I still think they're hot together), and all the other randoms associated with Mob War Infinity.  Fortunately, we got some decent material for the few remaining Scorpios and Jones that are still around.

First off, John J. York was really compelling and made me wonder why Mac is so rarely around anymore as anything other than a law enforcement doofus getting outsmarted by brilliant mobsters:

Macreactiongeorgiedeath4

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Macreactiongeorgiedeath3

Macreactiongeorgiedeath

And his and Robin's conversation before the funeral?  Fantastic.

Mac: I'm the police commissioner.  I should have caught this bastard a long time ago.  Instead, he's been free to roam, wreaking havoc.  One of my daughters was attacked in my own living room.  And now Georgie's dead. 
Robin: Okay, you have to listen to me.  You didn't let Georgie down once.  You were the one constant in her life.  And Maxie's.  And mine.  You were the one who committed to raising us, when our parents couldn't, or wouldn't.  You were there, telling us to eat broccoli, and do our homework.  Dealing with our raging female hormones.  Making us know, every single day, that we were just as loved as any kid in any normal family.  Think of the person Georgie was.  Smart, compassionate, loving.  That didn't just happen.  She was a reflection of the best of you, Uncle Mac.  You cannot control what's random.  And believe me you were the best parent any of us could have asked for.

Thank you, Awesome Writer!  It's about time Mac's phenomenal parenting was acknowledged.  Kimberly McCullough's delivery and York's reaction had me all sniffly.  Damn them for not allowing me to hate every aspect of this story.

Well, damn them and Kirsten Storms, because she rocked this last week too.

Maxiereactiongeorgiedeath4

Maxiereactiongeorgiedeath

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You know, five to ten years from now (if this show is still around), a better head writer could have made Maxie and Georgie into the show's leading ladies.  How great to have sisters that the audience grew up writing, tied to core families and [gasp!] even the hospital's history, right at the center of things?  But now it's just Maxie.  I love this character now, but she's a bad girl, and she needed the balance Georgie provided.  Effing Guza.

Poor Maxie, though.  She might be dating the guy who killed her sister and several other innocent people!

Cooperkiller

I hate it when that happens.

Do we think the writers are dumb enough to make Coop the killer now?  Or are the "hints" being dropped still going to turn out to be red herrings?  My favorite was this week when he was hugging Maxie in her hospital bed while gazing longingly over her shoulder at a telephone cord.  SUCH SUBTLETY!  What could it mean?!

Speaking of things with great potential that Guza has fucked up, I'm sure this is yet another fake-out, but I was glad to see Robin reunite with Patrick, however briefly, in her grief over Georgie.  I didn't think they gave Robin much in terms of initial reaction, but between her speech to Mac before the funeral and the little scene with Patrick on Friday, I started to remember why I used to like Robin so darned much.

Robinpatrickreactiongeorgiedeath

That being said, I'm hoping that in honor of Georgie, Robin at least looks into a new haircolor.  A single haircolor.  A couple of months ago I mentioned her 'do's resemblance to that of Katie Holmes in the last season of Dawson's Creek, and I think at this point it's actually worse than poor Joey's mess, because the stylists insist on putting Kimberly McCullough's hair in these horrible styles that somehow emphasize the multiple shades she's got going on. 

Okay, I can't talk about this anymore, it's upsetting me.  Someone shoot a hotly calming glance in my direction.

Robinpatrickreactiongeorgiedeath2

That's better.

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So, between having him emulate Jason's haircut and spouting off about how he wants to be a mobster when he grows up, Michael creeping me the hell out is now intentional, right?

Michaellonghair

As opposed to the last five years or so, when it's just been something I thought made me a bad person?

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Okay, confession time.  I don't like Felicia.  I wasn't watching during her heyday with Frisco, and I think I started watching when she and Mac were pretty much already together, so my opinion of her is that basically she is just a crappy mother.  In one of the dumbest character exits ever, we were supposed to believe Felicia was on the strangest trip to visit a grandmother that didn't involved having been intercepted by a wolf in the forest.  Now it turns out she wasn't with ol' grams at all (in the weird part of Texas without access to airplanes and telephones at all), she was off, to quote Maxie, "playing adventure girl" with Frisco.  Now don't get me wrong, there isn't a role-playing adventure I wouldn't try with Frisco (if you and Heather break up, call me, Jack Wagner!), but seriously, WTF was that?  First of all, I've never understood what amazing spy skills Felicia has, and second of all, she couldn't have told her daughters what she was up to?  So that they didn't think she had just up and abandoned them?  I hate how this show writes almost all familial relationships.   

But let me get down to my real beef with Felicia:  I am not a Kristina Malandro-Wagner fan.  Something about her voice -- the combination of the little-girl tone, that weird cadence, and her odd lisp -- makes me slightly mental.  I could probably get past that if she were a decent actress, but my god, she was awful this week!  I thought she was good back during the BJ's heart storyline, but now I'm wondering if she just had to raise her game because of all the excellence around her.  This week was painful, and not in the way it was intended.  My first objection is shallow but here's the thing . . . I don't know whether it's errant Botox or what, but the fact that only the top third of her forehead moves is distracting.  And then her actual performance was utterly unconvincing.  She was almost smiling when she was "crying," and she didn't appear to shed any actual tears.  Plus her relatively perky demeanor when she initially came home and saw Maxie was bizarre.  What the hell was with her half-smirk as she explained when she's been for years and how upset she was about Georgie?  SO WEIRD.

So basically, between the character and the actress, everything about Felicia irritates me, and this week was no exception.

Felicia:  [Maxie]'s having a hard time.  Not that she opened up to me, or anything.  She's really furious.
Mac:  I warned you.
Felicia: I guess I just never comprehended the depth of her anger.  I probably should have.  I probably should've a lot of things . . . ::sobs::  I'm so sorry, Mac.
Mac: Hey, don't beat yourself up.  Now is not the time, okay?  Georgie wouldn't want that.

Ugh.  When is the time to beat Felicia up, and can I get in on that action?  She didn't expect Maxie to be so angry?  But she probably should have?  She didn't come back for Georgie's wedding, or divorce, but she was fine standing there accepting condolences next to Mac like a co-parent?  She didn't come back for any of the 147 times Maxie has nearly died over the last few years, but she shouldn't feel bad about that?  And why was she wear a skirt slit up to there at her daughter's funeral?  So many questions.

So, on account of my dislike of Felicia, I thought Maxie's eulogy for Georgie was awesome.  And yes, including her tearing their mother apart.  Because it was all pretty much true, wasn't it?  Sure, it was OTT bitchy, the venue was inappropriate, and saying all of it in front of everyone was tacky, but hello, it's Maxie.  She's bitchy and inappropriate and occasionally tacky!  This is why she's an awesome vixen.  Take away the bitchiness and inappropriateness and tackiness and she's, like, Belle Black.  I'm sure Kirsten Storms thanks her lucky stars daily that she's not still stuck playing that wet blanket.

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I hate to say it (or I would hate to, if I were a nicer person), but Scott Clifton's re-return as Dillon didn't do much more for me than Felicia popping back into town did.  First of all, story-wise, why would Dillon have come back to take Georgie on some romantic trip, when they had divorced and she had told him last time she saw him (at the funeral of the last Port Charles young woman this show senselessly eliminated) that she was into a new guy?  Why not just have him come back for the funeral?  Weirdness.  And I like Scott Clifton (like Maxie, I only hated Dillon's hair), but he's not such an amazingly seasoned actor that I teared up watching Dillon grieve.  Especially because he still has that damned hair.

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I've established that I, despite my better judgment and hatred of what the character of Jason has become, am not a Liz-and-Jason hater.  However.  Why do they get so turned on by people dying?  First Emily, now Georgie. 

Jasonlizaftergeorgiedeath

Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I still don't understand how Liz, now a single parent of two, has a nicer house than when she was married to Lucky and can afford to rent expensive hotel rooms, but I'm trying not to nitpick.  Well, that's not true, but I'm trying only to nitpick stuff that I think I can turn into something entertaining, and home budgeting isn't working for that angle.

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I was hoping Sam would comfort a shirtless Lucky in the wake of Georgie's death, but I guess she was busy attending to her whiplash?  (Perhaps caused by rapid changes to her personality and personal backstory?)

Samneckbraceshirt

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What. the. hell is that shirt?!  Poor Kelly Monaco.  More fuel for my suspicion that this show hates her.

Oh, and speaking of Lucky, I'm thinking of starting a feature dedicated to the very gorgeous Greg Vaughn's Zoolander look of the week.  For example:

Luckyzoolander_2

I really do adore him.  (He seriously has several shots every week that are hilarious and yet somehow still devastatingly handsome -- so, different on that latter point from Ben Stiller as the actual Zoolander.  Some weeks there would be multiple submissions.)

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Urnexttext

Dear Santa,

Given what's been happening to ABC Daytime's head writers over the last year or so, please let this little screencap be prophetic with respect to one Robert Guza, Jr.

xoxo,

Becca

P.S.  Last year, with that whole "I have so much, I hope you give anything intended for me -- especially handbags -- to needier people" thing?  TOTALLY kidding! 

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

Haha, I don;t think wardrobe hates KeMo... She wore that shirt to her and Greg Vaugns PA a couple months ago :/

It's hard to deal with how much this fucking show fucking sucks. That being said, I'm fairly certain how the serial killer story's going to play out, and it's going to suck... make that fucking suck.

Diane's the killer. Just a nagging thought I have in the back of my head, but it would fit. The killer has been described as average height with short brown hair. Combine with Diane's awful penchant for wear mens suits and you've got a match. She's said that as Sonny's council she is in no danger, which is funny because Alexis and Ric were always in danger when they were working for Sonny.

Plus she knows karate.

Here's hoping I'm wrong, because this show is pretty miserable, and Diane is one of the few bright spots. They've killed Alan, fired Bobbie, relegated Monica to the background, and turned Tracy and Luke into a joke.

This fucking show.

I knew I wasn't the only person who hated that white neck brace on KeMo. I think this show truly does hate her and has it in for her (10 background/personality changes now? I've lost count). That lighted text was really a personal message to her from Guza that slipped onto the screen.

Maxie, Mac, and Robin were all superb. I loved Maxie and Mac. What makes this all worse is that you see the future with the Scorpio/Jones at the helm would be so much more worth watching. Effing Show, is right! Georgie was so needed on this show. You are so right! I cry at the suckage this show has become and this week... I stopped watching GH. Killing Georgie was it for me. I'll have to just come by here for updates.

LOL! Why do dead people turn on Jason and Liz so much? Can they only have sex when someone dies? Could it be their pairing took multiple character deaths to get going?

Jason: Hot damn, a serial killer! Woo - the motherload!

Cooper is perfect for Maxie. They have awesome chemistry. Which means he probably won't be around for long.

I totally agree about Felicia. I actually used to like Felicia back in the Frisco/Felicia days. This week she was horrendous. I wondered about the Botox also. You said it all, so nuff said.

Loved your review on the suckage. Always great!

on the downside, this show sucks..on the upside, glad to see patrick get his 'hotly' moniker back...

My guess is that the GH writers are killing a bunch of characters off so that they can make a new spin off series called "The Ghosts of GH". All the "dead" characters will then live in an alternate Port Charles reality where they will be supported by crappy CG heaven and hell backdrops.

They will cross over into the regular GH world only when Nicholas needs someone to hump, or Tracy needs a conscience.

Then when the actors' contracts run out, they will be replaced by some more legacy and important characters from the original series since the writers seem to be good at killing them off for any reason that pleases them at the moment. :D

I'm absolutely furious they killed off Georgie! The ONLY good thing to come out of it is Emmy-reel material for Kirsten Storms....and John J. York, if the show deigned to submit him, but we know hell will freeze over first. I've always loved JJY, thought he was a really strong actor, but he blew me away last week. We've never seen anything quite like that from him. And there are no words for how incredible I think Kirsten Storms is. EVERY scene -- the discovery, hospital, Felicia's arrival, the funeral, the eulogy -- she was amazing. If this doesn't garner an Emmy nom I don't know what will.

And you know what Kristina Wagner's face reminded me of? One of the "fembots" from The Bionic Woman. Like the faceplate could just pop right off.

When I first started watching this show, it was full of great characters, had several strong families, love and humor. Then I went to college, and when I came back these people had gone missing, in addition to Felicia.

Sean
Tiffany
Kevin
Lucy
Tony
Audrey
Alan
AJ
Lila
Ned
Lois
Justus
Keisha
Miguel
Brenda
Lily
Damian Smith
Katherine Bell
Stefan Cassadine
Roy
Hannah
Taggart
Mac (most of the time)
and Mike has been reduced to serving coffee.

I am probably missing many others but the sheer volume makes me think that GH has been struck by some character-killing virus, which targets Quartermaines and other interesting characters in particular, leaving us only with hitmen, policemen, and a few doctors to keep the 'Hospital' running.

great review. Where art thou Days of Our Lives Reviews, though? Youve had like, 3 GH weeks of review since youre last DAYS. im getting very lonely.

In the vast suckage that is GH I was almost happy witht he first sement today.

#1 Sonny finally said something remotely smart. "It's about time you cut your hair Jason." DUH! Idiot Sonny should have just ordered him to do it like a good little hitter-shihtzu lap dog months ago.

#2 Carly looked to have dropped dead to her living room floor! Too bad it's just the flu and she passed out. Poor me, it's probably an ectopic pregnancy and we'll be forced to see scenes worshipping her as the world's greatest put upon Mommy Mob Moll.

MEMO FROM THE DESK OF GUZIDIOT:

"Not only will all legacy and beloved interesting complicated independant characters be literally killed off or have their character asassinated through endless rewriting of history, haneous hair and wardrobe, and ridiculous crappy story line if any at all....but also all historical traditions of GH will be mocked or vanish. Like the GH X-Mas party and the reading of the Nativity etc.....

Next week we're striking the sets of Kelly's and the Nurse's Hub to make room for Jason's garage and bedroom and Sonny's closet. We are also building a set for Leyla's residence so The Q mansion is being downsized to foyer only.

Love, Guza"

I soo efffing HATED YESTERDAYS show!! I almost threw my remote at my TV, my anger was so intense I needed to COOL down before call the GH comment line sooo I didn't sound like a nut job and to stop myself from swearing over the line.
I'm done, I can go to my character site and get their clips, DONE with taping finish HATE TPTB hope reindeer crap on their heads. MORONS AT GH
Can't believe HOW upset I was with Georgie's death BUT I think its because of the OUTSTANDING acting of John, Kristen and Kimberly it was like it was REAL like they actually lose a person in real life. God I love GREAT aCTING but Guza the asswipe he is will just put John and Kristen back on the shelf and you know he's trying to figure out a way to KILL ROBIN you know he is.!!!!

becca,

i love you! that's all i want to say right now. you effin' rock!

Their cutting corners here and there, so hey maybe wardrobe are standing behind the writers to too, I hope when they cut somemore corners Guza will be part of this cut.

Maxie was good it's better to play a bit**, the good girl, Kristen, has been kept in the back to long and many didn't know this young girl could handle her self among older actors she bought to the table did a better job the KW, it's time they push Lulu back some and give this bad girl some more screen time, hats off, to Maxie and Mac,

Things I did instead of watching GH (and it was time well spent too):

Assimilated the Seven Ages Of Rock documentary series on VH1 Classic (especially the Art Rock episode)

Downloaded an old Genesis concert from the early seventies and learned that Peter Gabriel was shockingly hot in those days (despite the hair...you should have seen him before he went all crazy with it...tasty)

Caught up on other things I had to do around the house

Played Mario games

Came here and waited for Becca and Mallory to speak the voice of the GH fans and express our true thoughts without prejudice (or at least the ones who's brains work and still think Michael should be sent to a looney bin for kids far far away)...and they did not disappoint

Watched Rob Zombie's version of Halloween (Tyler Mane ruled that role-hey, Michael Corinthos...meet Michael Myers. That would set that kid straight)

And now I wait for Doctor Who's Christmas Special (I'm a nerd, I admit it...but David Tennant is yet another hottie)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Can anyone account for Micheal's whereabouts during all of these murders? Leticia, Emily, the attack on Carly...All close connections to the little psycho. Then once he got a taste of blood he just went on a rampage. Sure, he's on the short side to strangle these ladies but if Chuckie can manage it I'm sure he can too.

I agree that KMW's voice annoys the hell out of me, but that can't compare to the writing suckage. "You know, Maxie, you weren't very nice to me yesterday, but I still love you." Wow.

Becca,

First off, John J. York was really compelling and made me wonder why Mac is so rarely around anymore as anything other than a law enforcement doofus getting outsmarted by brilliant mobsters.

The answer is easy: because JJY, with his understated yet expressive delivery of his lines, his tic-free screen presence, his ability to convey emotion through subtle changes of expression, and his beautiful eyes which themselves all but speak, throws a negative light by contrast on SBu and MB. He makes Burton look even more robotic and wooden, and points up the ineffectiveness of Benard's twitches, mumbles, scowls and eye blinks.

JJY is the epitome of middle-aged hotness. And hell, yes, I'm biased!

Let's hope they manage to wrap up yet another crappy storyline before Guza descimates this soap any further. Nothing like writing a murder-mystery and then making the culprit a totally new character that no one has ever heard about, if in fact it does turn out to be the busboy at Kelly's. Coop is being made just too obvious...I groaned at the telephone cord scene. Awesome column, Becca, especially the letter to Santa. If only....

Well, you pretty much said what I was thinking while I was watching this trainwreck last week! And just when I didn't think it could get worse - the GH Christmas episode happened!!! WTF was that?!!! Other than the Christmas miracle of Jason's haircut - what exaclty happened that was supposed make us enjoy the show and get into the Christmas spirit?! How wonderful and keeping with tradition was the non-event they made of the Christmas party - which I guess it would have been hard to have considering they've pretty much killed off or relegated to the back burner everyone who was usually involved in the thing!! No Alan to read the story (and I refuse to count alan chasing after Tracy shouting fragments of the christmas story as him reading it!!), no Tony to be Santa, no Georgie to be an elf, no Emily to remember being an elf, Maxie too busy grieving her sister to be an elf, Bobbie actually on, but too busy worrying her brother might die to be at a party, no Monica and Edward because that would involve actually giving them airtime!!!

What a wonderful Christmas Guza gave us - stories of death and dying!!!!!! Thanks so much Guza and Merry Christmas to you too!!!!

For the first time since I started watching this show as a kid, I'm taking a break from this crap because I honestly can't take anymore of this!

And did they replace the traditional Christmas episode with Luke Spencer in wherever he was?!?! Purgatory? Hell? It had to be hell, because I can't imagine even he wants to be part of what is currently GH.

I wish Michael would be the TMK. I've been waiting for his exit for years. But it sounds like if it's not Coop, it's that oddball waiter at Kelly's who popped out of the woodwork last week but is somehow really familiar to Carly.

Admittedly, I was very excited for the return for Felicia, but the second she opened her mouth, I wanted to poke something in my eyes.

Really, the ONLY good that came out of this show last week were the performances given by Kirsten Storms and John J. York (with honorable mentions going to Kimberly McCullough, and yes, even Bradford Anderson).

Both Kirsten and John delivered amazing, heartbreaking, Emmy nod/Emmy-worthy performances. It's such a shame that John won't even get a nod, it'd be a cold day in hell if he did. But Kirsten? Was there a more Emmy-deserving performance given by a young [daytime] actress this year? Her performances throughout last week were sublime. And I've got to say, I was a little surprised that neither of you ladies mentioned anything Emmy-related in concerns to John and Kirsten. I guess with almost everyone else around the net talking about it, I was expecting to read about it here, too. Heh.

If I had been at Georgie's funeral, I would have given Maxie a standing ovation - and I AM a Felicia fan.

Great blog. Spot on. The show sucks to legendary porportions. I love John J York, Kimberly Mccullough, Scott Clifton and Kirsten Storms performances but boo to Felicia. Her excuse was pathetic as was Robin giving her and Patrick a free pass. I thought it was tacky for GH to use another crisis/death to reunite Robin and Patrick and not deal with the flirting, disrespect, Leyla and baby issues.

Michael is a living chucky. Liz should pay close attention cause that will be her two sons if she keeps worshipping mobsters.

Great post--almost makes GH worth watching! I love the image of Jason and Sonny as lame-o superheros. Too funny.

Kudos to Kirsten Storms and John J. York. I've been watching since before JJY came on the show, and this is the strongest I remember from him. Bravo. What a shame it's taken them so long to give him something to sink his teeth into.

And re Kristina Malandro Wagner/Felicia: when I started watching, she was on the show, still very young. She was charming and fun, and managed to sustain that for a long time, through all sorts of relationships and stories. The writing for her return last week was criminal. This was a mother grieving for a daughter, one who'd not only died, but had been murdered? What in the character's dialogue--especially the first day--came even close to suggesting that?

This effing show...I couldn't have said it better myself....

And personally I think the whole Jason/Liz thing is because Guza thinks we are all so happy to see them together in the "secret affair" (which seriously will totally last all of three minutes with JAson's track record of KEEPING secrets and the use of the place where the I-totally-agree-with-you-breaking-up-in-the-next-15-minutes-Lucky/Sam LIVE) that we are supposed to be over teh moon overjoy about that and not paying attention to little things like Georgie dying...Then again I hate them with the passion of a thousand suns and I admit my bias completely.

Amen to the Awesome Writer acknowlding the Awesome Mac.....now how to make the Awesome Writer bring the Awesomeness of Alexis/Mac to my screen......

Anyone know if Guza is actually walking the picket line? CAuse I wouldn't be opposed to going to visit my sister and stop by and say....take out a wrist or two of that writing staff......

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