GH Couple of Weeks in Review: The Suckage is Legendary
So, most of the week before this last one on General Hospital sucked, but mostly the usual level of suck, not, like, TURBO level suck. Luke had his stupid effing "funny" coma-dreams about "hell" that made me weep for what this show once was. But that happens a lot. Twinkly music tried to convince me that Luke being almost dead was hilarious. Fuck off, twinkly music.
And then Sonny started talking about another goddamned mob war and since I lost count as to which one this is I just decided it's Mob War Infinity. And then I thought that would be hilarious if Sonny, all superhero style, put his hands on his hips and just yelled "Mob. War. Infinityyyyyyyyy!" I wouldn't even need twinkly music, GH, I promise, I would totally laugh at that.
(Now I'm on this superhero tip and I'm envisioning Sonny and Jason with matching pinky rings, all "Wonder twin powers, activate!" Um, it's possible I shouldn't be drinking and blogging. But it's the holidays!)
Plus Sam asked Lucky to move in together after they'd been dating for 17 seconds and that pretty much guarantees that they're going to break up and I'm going to be denied the combined prettiness of Kelly Monaco and Greg Vaughn.
Suck. Non-turbo suck, but made of suck nonetheless.
THEN THOSE MOTHEREFFERS KILLED GEORGIE JONES.
The suckage is truly reaching legendary levels.
Killing Georgie was completely unnecessary for this or any other storyline, and she's just one in a long line of core family members that Guza has offed for apparently no other reason than he likes the idea of tearing apart the canvas of this once-great soap. (Thanks to assistance from observant Serial Drama readers, look for an upcoming post on every character Guza has killed during his far-too-long tenure as head writer. It's pretty staggering.) Then the writers added insult to injury by making the death of this legacy kid almost entirely about effing Spinelli
(seriously!), and effing Liz and Jason (disclaimer: I still think they're hot together), and all the other randoms associated with Mob War Infinity. Fortunately, we got some decent material for the few remaining Scorpios and Jones that are still around.
First off, John J. York was really compelling and made me wonder why Mac is so rarely around anymore as anything other than a law enforcement doofus getting outsmarted by brilliant mobsters:
And his and Robin's conversation before the funeral? Fantastic.
Mac: I'm the police commissioner. I should have caught this bastard a long time ago. Instead, he's been free to roam, wreaking havoc. One of my daughters was attacked in my own living room. And now Georgie's dead.
Robin: Okay, you have to listen to me. You didn't let Georgie down once. You were the one constant in her life. And Maxie's. And mine. You were the one who committed to raising us, when our parents couldn't, or wouldn't. You were there, telling us to eat broccoli, and do our homework. Dealing with our raging female hormones. Making us know, every single day, that we were just as loved as any kid in any normal family. Think of the person Georgie was. Smart, compassionate, loving. That didn't just happen. She was a reflection of the best of you, Uncle Mac. You cannot control what's random. And believe me you were the best parent any of us could have asked for.
Thank you, Awesome Writer! It's about time Mac's phenomenal parenting was acknowledged. Kimberly McCullough's delivery and York's reaction had me all sniffly. Damn them for not allowing me to hate every aspect of this story.
Well, damn them and Kirsten Storms, because she rocked this last week too.
You know, five to ten years from now (if this show is still around), a better head writer could have made Maxie and Georgie into the show's leading ladies. How great to have sisters that the audience grew up writing, tied to core families and [gasp!] even the hospital's history, right at the center of things? But now it's just Maxie. I love this character now, but she's a bad girl, and she needed the balance Georgie provided. Effing Guza.
Poor Maxie, though. She might be dating the guy who killed her sister and several other innocent people!
I hate it when that happens.
Do we think the writers are dumb enough to make Coop the killer now? Or are the "hints" being dropped still going to turn out to be red herrings? My favorite was this week when he was hugging Maxie in her hospital bed while gazing longingly over her shoulder at a telephone cord. SUCH SUBTLETY! What could it mean?!
Speaking of things with great potential that Guza has fucked up, I'm sure this is yet another fake-out, but I was glad to see Robin reunite with Patrick, however briefly, in her grief over Georgie. I didn't think they gave Robin much in terms of initial reaction, but between her speech to Mac before the funeral and the little scene with Patrick on Friday, I started to remember why I used to like Robin so darned much.
That being said, I'm hoping that in honor of Georgie, Robin at least looks into a new haircolor. A single haircolor. A couple of months ago I mentioned her 'do's resemblance to that of Katie Holmes in the last season of Dawson's Creek, and I think at this point it's actually worse than poor Joey's mess, because the stylists insist on putting Kimberly McCullough's hair in these horrible styles that somehow emphasize the multiple shades she's got going on.
Okay, I can't talk about this anymore, it's upsetting me. Someone shoot a hotly calming glance in my direction.
So, between having him emulate Jason's haircut and spouting off about how he wants to be a mobster when he grows up, Michael creeping me the hell out is now intentional, right?
As opposed to the last five years or so, when it's just been something I thought made me a bad person?
Okay, confession time. I don't like Felicia. I wasn't watching during her heyday with Frisco, and I think I started watching when she and Mac were pretty much already together, so my opinion of her is that basically she is just a crappy mother. In one of the dumbest character exits ever, we were supposed to believe Felicia was on the strangest trip to visit a grandmother that didn't involved having been intercepted by a wolf in the forest. Now it turns out she wasn't with ol' grams at all (in the weird part of Texas without access to airplanes and telephones at all), she was off, to quote Maxie, "playing adventure girl" with Frisco. Now don't get me wrong, there isn't a role-playing adventure I wouldn't try with Frisco (if you and Heather break up, call me, Jack Wagner!), but seriously, WTF was that? First of all, I've never understood what amazing spy skills Felicia has, and second of all, she couldn't have told her daughters what she was up to? So that they didn't think she had just up and abandoned them? I hate how this show writes almost all familial relationships.
But let me get down to my real beef with Felicia: I am not a Kristina Malandro-Wagner fan. Something about her voice -- the combination of the little-girl tone, that weird cadence, and her odd lisp -- makes me slightly mental. I could probably get past that if she were a decent actress, but my god, she was awful this week! I thought she was good back during the BJ's heart storyline, but now I'm wondering if she just had to raise her game because of all the excellence around her. This week was painful, and not in the way it was intended. My first objection is shallow but here's the thing . . . I don't know whether it's errant Botox or what, but the fact that only the top third of her forehead moves is distracting. And then her actual performance was utterly unconvincing. She was almost smiling when she was "crying," and she didn't appear to shed any actual tears. Plus her relatively perky demeanor when she initially came home and saw Maxie was bizarre. What the hell was with her half-smirk as she explained when she's been for years and how upset she was about Georgie? SO WEIRD.
So basically, between the character and the actress, everything about Felicia irritates me, and this week was no exception.
Felicia: [Maxie]'s having a hard time. Not that she opened up to me, or anything. She's really furious.
Mac: I warned you.
Felicia: I guess I just never comprehended the depth of her anger. I probably should have. I probably should've a lot of things . . . ::sobs:: I'm so sorry, Mac.
Mac: Hey, don't beat yourself up. Now is not the time, okay? Georgie wouldn't want that.
Ugh. When is the time to beat Felicia up, and can I get in on that action? She didn't expect Maxie to be so angry? But she probably should have? She didn't come back for Georgie's wedding, or divorce, but she was fine standing there accepting condolences next to Mac like a co-parent? She didn't come back for any of the 147 times Maxie has nearly died over the last few years, but she shouldn't feel bad about that? And why was she wear a skirt slit up to there at her daughter's funeral? So many questions.
So, on account of my dislike of Felicia, I thought Maxie's eulogy for Georgie was awesome. And yes, including her tearing their mother apart. Because it was all pretty much true, wasn't it? Sure, it was OTT bitchy, the venue was inappropriate, and saying all of it in front of everyone was tacky, but hello, it's Maxie. She's bitchy and inappropriate and occasionally tacky! This is why she's an awesome vixen. Take away the bitchiness and inappropriateness and tackiness and she's, like, Belle Black. I'm sure Kirsten Storms thanks her lucky stars daily that she's not still stuck playing that wet blanket.
I hate to say it (or I would hate to, if I were a nicer person), but Scott Clifton's re-return as Dillon didn't do much more for me than Felicia popping back into town did. First of all, story-wise, why would Dillon have come back to take Georgie on some romantic trip, when they had divorced and she had told him last time she saw him (at the funeral of the last Port Charles young woman this show senselessly eliminated) that she was into a new guy? Why not just have him come back for the funeral? Weirdness. And I like Scott Clifton (like Maxie, I only hated Dillon's hair), but he's not such an amazingly seasoned actor that I teared up watching Dillon grieve. Especially because he still has that damned hair.
I've established that I, despite my better judgment and hatred of what the character of Jason has become, am not a Liz-and-Jason hater. However. Why do they get so turned on by people dying? First Emily, now Georgie.
Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I still don't understand how Liz, now a single parent of two, has a nicer house than when she was married to Lucky and can afford to rent expensive hotel rooms, but I'm trying not to nitpick. Well, that's not true, but I'm trying only to nitpick stuff that I think I can turn into something entertaining, and home budgeting isn't working for that angle.
I was hoping Sam would comfort a shirtless Lucky in the wake of Georgie's death, but I guess she was busy attending to her whiplash? (Perhaps caused by rapid changes to her personality and personal backstory?)
What. the. hell is that shirt?! Poor Kelly Monaco. More fuel for my suspicion that this show hates her.
Oh, and speaking of Lucky, I'm thinking of starting a feature dedicated to the very gorgeous Greg Vaughn's Zoolander look of the week. For example:
I really do adore him. (He seriously has several shots every week that are hilarious and yet somehow still devastatingly handsome -- so, different on that latter point from Ben Stiller as the actual Zoolander. Some weeks there would be multiple submissions.)
Given what's been happening to ABC Daytime's head writers over the last year or so, please let this little screencap be prophetic with respect to one Robert Guza, Jr.
P.S. Last year, with that whole "I have so much, I hope you give anything intended for me -- especially handbags -- to needier people" thing? TOTALLY kidding!
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.