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« Is Crazy Contagious? | Main | An AMC Grab Bag »

December 24, 2007

GH Couple of Weeks in Review: The Suckage is Legendary

So, most of the week before this last one on General Hospital sucked, but mostly the usual level of suck, not, like, TURBO level suck.  Luke had his stupid effing "funny" coma-dreams about "hell" that made me weep for what this show once was.  But that happens a lot.  Twinkly music tried to convince me that Luke being almost dead was hilarious.  Fuck off, twinkly music. 

And then Sonny started talking about another goddamned mob war and since I lost count as to which one this is I just decided it's Mob War Infinity.  And then I thought that would be hilarious if Sonny, all superhero style, put his hands on his hips and just yelled "Mob. War.  Infinityyyyyyyyy!"  I wouldn't even need twinkly music, GH, I promise, I would totally laugh at that. 

(Now I'm on this superhero tip and I'm envisioning Sonny and Jason with matching pinky rings, all "Wonder twin powers, activate!"  Um, it's possible I shouldn't be drinking and blogging.  But it's the holidays!)

Plus Sam asked Lucky to move in together after they'd been dating for 17 seconds and that pretty much guarantees that they're going to break up and I'm going to be denied the combined prettiness of Kelly Monaco and Greg Vaughn.

Suck.  Non-turbo suck, but made of suck nonetheless.




The suckage is truly reaching legendary levels.

Killing Georgie was completely unnecessary for this or any other storyline, and she's just one in a long line of core family members that Guza has offed for apparently no other reason than he likes the idea of tearing apart the canvas of this once-great soap.  (Thanks to assistance from observant Serial Drama readers, look for an upcoming post on every character Guza has killed during his far-too-long tenure as head writer.  It's pretty staggering.)  Then the writers added insult to injury by making the death of this legacy kid almost entirely about effing Spinelli


(seriously!), and effing Liz and Jason (disclaimer: I still think they're hot together), and all the other randoms associated with Mob War Infinity.  Fortunately, we got some decent material for the few remaining Scorpios and Jones that are still around.

First off, John J. York was really compelling and made me wonder why Mac is so rarely around anymore as anything other than a law enforcement doofus getting outsmarted by brilliant mobsters:





And his and Robin's conversation before the funeral?  Fantastic.

Mac: I'm the police commissioner.  I should have caught this bastard a long time ago.  Instead, he's been free to roam, wreaking havoc.  One of my daughters was attacked in my own living room.  And now Georgie's dead. 
Robin: Okay, you have to listen to me.  You didn't let Georgie down once.  You were the one constant in her life.  And Maxie's.  And mine.  You were the one who committed to raising us, when our parents couldn't, or wouldn't.  You were there, telling us to eat broccoli, and do our homework.  Dealing with our raging female hormones.  Making us know, every single day, that we were just as loved as any kid in any normal family.  Think of the person Georgie was.  Smart, compassionate, loving.  That didn't just happen.  She was a reflection of the best of you, Uncle Mac.  You cannot control what's random.  And believe me you were the best parent any of us could have asked for.

Thank you, Awesome Writer!  It's about time Mac's phenomenal parenting was acknowledged.  Kimberly McCullough's delivery and York's reaction had me all sniffly.  Damn them for not allowing me to hate every aspect of this story.

Well, damn them and Kirsten Storms, because she rocked this last week too.





You know, five to ten years from now (if this show is still around), a better head writer could have made Maxie and Georgie into the show's leading ladies.  How great to have sisters that the audience grew up writing, tied to core families and [gasp!] even the hospital's history, right at the center of things?  But now it's just Maxie.  I love this character now, but she's a bad girl, and she needed the balance Georgie provided.  Effing Guza.

Poor Maxie, though.  She might be dating the guy who killed her sister and several other innocent people!


I hate it when that happens.

Do we think the writers are dumb enough to make Coop the killer now?  Or are the "hints" being dropped still going to turn out to be red herrings?  My favorite was this week when he was hugging Maxie in her hospital bed while gazing longingly over her shoulder at a telephone cord.  SUCH SUBTLETY!  What could it mean?!

Speaking of things with great potential that Guza has fucked up, I'm sure this is yet another fake-out, but I was glad to see Robin reunite with Patrick, however briefly, in her grief over Georgie.  I didn't think they gave Robin much in terms of initial reaction, but between her speech to Mac before the funeral and the little scene with Patrick on Friday, I started to remember why I used to like Robin so darned much.


That being said, I'm hoping that in honor of Georgie, Robin at least looks into a new haircolor.  A single haircolor.  A couple of months ago I mentioned her 'do's resemblance to that of Katie Holmes in the last season of Dawson's Creek, and I think at this point it's actually worse than poor Joey's mess, because the stylists insist on putting Kimberly McCullough's hair in these horrible styles that somehow emphasize the multiple shades she's got going on. 

Okay, I can't talk about this anymore, it's upsetting me.  Someone shoot a hotly calming glance in my direction.


That's better.


So, between having him emulate Jason's haircut and spouting off about how he wants to be a mobster when he grows up, Michael creeping me the hell out is now intentional, right?


As opposed to the last five years or so, when it's just been something I thought made me a bad person?


Okay, confession time.  I don't like Felicia.  I wasn't watching during her heyday with Frisco, and I think I started watching when she and Mac were pretty much already together, so my opinion of her is that basically she is just a crappy mother.  In one of the dumbest character exits ever, we were supposed to believe Felicia was on the strangest trip to visit a grandmother that didn't involved having been intercepted by a wolf in the forest.  Now it turns out she wasn't with ol' grams at all (in the weird part of Texas without access to airplanes and telephones at all), she was off, to quote Maxie, "playing adventure girl" with Frisco.  Now don't get me wrong, there isn't a role-playing adventure I wouldn't try with Frisco (if you and Heather break up, call me, Jack Wagner!), but seriously, WTF was that?  First of all, I've never understood what amazing spy skills Felicia has, and second of all, she couldn't have told her daughters what she was up to?  So that they didn't think she had just up and abandoned them?  I hate how this show writes almost all familial relationships.   

But let me get down to my real beef with Felicia:  I am not a Kristina Malandro-Wagner fan.  Something about her voice -- the combination of the little-girl tone, that weird cadence, and her odd lisp -- makes me slightly mental.  I could probably get past that if she were a decent actress, but my god, she was awful this week!  I thought she was good back during the BJ's heart storyline, but now I'm wondering if she just had to raise her game because of all the excellence around her.  This week was painful, and not in the way it was intended.  My first objection is shallow but here's the thing . . . I don't know whether it's errant Botox or what, but the fact that only the top third of her forehead moves is distracting.  And then her actual performance was utterly unconvincing.  She was almost smiling when she was "crying," and she didn't appear to shed any actual tears.  Plus her relatively perky demeanor when she initially came home and saw Maxie was bizarre.  What the hell was with her half-smirk as she explained when she's been for years and how upset she was about Georgie?  SO WEIRD.

So basically, between the character and the actress, everything about Felicia irritates me, and this week was no exception.

Felicia:  [Maxie]'s having a hard time.  Not that she opened up to me, or anything.  She's really furious.
Mac:  I warned you.
Felicia: I guess I just never comprehended the depth of her anger.  I probably should have.  I probably should've a lot of things . . . ::sobs::  I'm so sorry, Mac.
Mac: Hey, don't beat yourself up.  Now is not the time, okay?  Georgie wouldn't want that.

Ugh.  When is the time to beat Felicia up, and can I get in on that action?  She didn't expect Maxie to be so angry?  But she probably should have?  She didn't come back for Georgie's wedding, or divorce, but she was fine standing there accepting condolences next to Mac like a co-parent?  She didn't come back for any of the 147 times Maxie has nearly died over the last few years, but she shouldn't feel bad about that?  And why was she wear a skirt slit up to there at her daughter's funeral?  So many questions.

So, on account of my dislike of Felicia, I thought Maxie's eulogy for Georgie was awesome.  And yes, including her tearing their mother apart.  Because it was all pretty much true, wasn't it?  Sure, it was OTT bitchy, the venue was inappropriate, and saying all of it in front of everyone was tacky, but hello, it's Maxie.  She's bitchy and inappropriate and occasionally tacky!  This is why she's an awesome vixen.  Take away the bitchiness and inappropriateness and tackiness and she's, like, Belle Black.  I'm sure Kirsten Storms thanks her lucky stars daily that she's not still stuck playing that wet blanket.


I hate to say it (or I would hate to, if I were a nicer person), but Scott Clifton's re-return as Dillon didn't do much more for me than Felicia popping back into town did.  First of all, story-wise, why would Dillon have come back to take Georgie on some romantic trip, when they had divorced and she had told him last time she saw him (at the funeral of the last Port Charles young woman this show senselessly eliminated) that she was into a new guy?  Why not just have him come back for the funeral?  Weirdness.  And I like Scott Clifton (like Maxie, I only hated Dillon's hair), but he's not such an amazingly seasoned actor that I teared up watching Dillon grieve.  Especially because he still has that damned hair.


I've established that I, despite my better judgment and hatred of what the character of Jason has become, am not a Liz-and-Jason hater.  However.  Why do they get so turned on by people dying?  First Emily, now Georgie. 


Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I still don't understand how Liz, now a single parent of two, has a nicer house than when she was married to Lucky and can afford to rent expensive hotel rooms, but I'm trying not to nitpick.  Well, that's not true, but I'm trying only to nitpick stuff that I think I can turn into something entertaining, and home budgeting isn't working for that angle.


I was hoping Sam would comfort a shirtless Lucky in the wake of Georgie's death, but I guess she was busy attending to her whiplash?  (Perhaps caused by rapid changes to her personality and personal backstory?)



What. the. hell is that shirt?!  Poor Kelly Monaco.  More fuel for my suspicion that this show hates her.

Oh, and speaking of Lucky, I'm thinking of starting a feature dedicated to the very gorgeous Greg Vaughn's Zoolander look of the week.  For example:


I really do adore him.  (He seriously has several shots every week that are hilarious and yet somehow still devastatingly handsome -- so, different on that latter point from Ben Stiller as the actual Zoolander.  Some weeks there would be multiple submissions.)



Dear Santa,

Given what's been happening to ABC Daytime's head writers over the last year or so, please let this little screencap be prophetic with respect to one Robert Guza, Jr.



P.S.  Last year, with that whole "I have so much, I hope you give anything intended for me -- especially handbags -- to needier people" thing?  TOTALLY kidding! 

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.


And what was with Luke's swan song on Monday? If that wasn't a farewell episode, I don't know what is. . . yet there he was today, business as usual. I'm not saying I want him to die, I'm just saying. . . how do they come up with this shit?

I think that shirt was "well, it's cold out, so she should really be wearing a turtleneck. But...the boobies! Bob will get mad at us if we aren't highlighting Kelly's boobies!"

Why is it that Sam receives a text message and there's a flashing cursor at the end. Has anyone on the show ever seen or sent a text message? Who's writing this show? My grandmother? Seriously. Spinelli is the only one who knows how to use one of those "computers." I know Jason is brain-damaged, but I'd guess that even he should be able to Google.
I think the show thinks that it's target audience is 90+ housewives.

Unrelated complaint: Why does Kate have, like, 5 inches of dark roots? Wouldn't it make sense for the actress AND the character to want a single hair color? So much for Kate's triumphant return to New York. I guess she's spending more time pining over her knock-off Pacino clone to make a hair appointment.

Also, while I'm venting, why does Sonny have to keep reminding her that she's really Connie-From-The-Block? Is a woman not allowed to grow up and better herself? You'd think she was just some chick who killed the real Kate Howard and was pretending to be Kate Howard. Just because she doesn't want to frolic in front of a gushing fire hydrant anymore, she's the devil And this coming from a mob murderer and extortionist! WTF? How misogynist is that?

Oh yeah. And Georgie was really great. She was like a real girl: beautiful, smart, warm, generous, a good friend and loving sister. But she wasn't Carly or Lulu so she had to die.

Also (last one, really) why would Jax want to live with that family of freaks? Creepy Michael, Cranky Carly and that other one that doesn't talk. That was the worst Christmas I've ever seen and my family is pretty messed up. At least Maurice Bernard never dropped by my house to over-act. And why does Michael look like that? If you combines any of the AJs and any of the Carlys, there's no way the DNA could get that messed up.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Robert, that is seriously a funny vent you had going there.

Knock off Pacino clone...a cheap knock off

Connie from the block...puhlease

Even Jason should be able to google...I can barely remember liking him, sad

You know Kate will likely have to die soon too because like Georgie and Emily she is not a lying criminal identity stealing kidnapping homewrecking whooah.

In 2008 GH will be starring only Sonny, Jason, Carly, Lulu, and whoever TIIC decide Sarah Brown is going to be....probably a Zachara. Because what this show needs is another mentally unstable mobster.

And serious applause for the Jax stuff. Who would voluntarily sign up for that creepy whiny blood soaked house of horrors? Jax can't do better than that? Hell, Skye is single with a cute baby girl, try and hook up with her again or maybe your best friend Alexis? Jax appears more brain damaged than Jason now. Michael is creepy in every possible way. Carly is....well Carly. And Morgan who is at least cute is also MUTE. But nobody seems to notice or care, more great parenting.

I just read the best fake spoilers over on Soapcentral.com.

Bea Arthur will be joining the cast as Sonny and Ric's presumed dead mother and Wilford Brimley will be playing a dying mafioso that befriends Jason! I'm certain that this is a lie... but could you imagine? A show with Bea Arthur, Jane Alexander, Tony Geary, and the diabetes guy...

Now that's a GH I could get behind.

Other than Liaison which we see about once a week and Skate; GH is quite boring.

Kemo in real life dress really poorly, she chose that outfit and wears it on a fan event and wore a black bra under it! You think she is pretty; I don't, but may be it's just me but I don't like the slut look!

As for Greg Vaughn, he is such and horrendous actor, that I don't see his prettiness anymore; I only see a dam loser with his eternal wide eye deer in the light look!

Life is good we don't see them that much.

I'd freaking love to see Maude tower over Sonny and berate his criminal ass!

Robert, i loved your rant!

And of course, Becca, loved your blog!

i agree that Mac, Maxie, and Robin were amazing. I haven't cried over anything GH-related in a very, very, long time, and the performances by these three actors were convincing and real. it makes me believe that GH is capable of compelling storylines coupled with great acting, and that the writers have moments of brilliance with their writing. and then i scratch my head wondering why the hell they don't do this on a regular basis? Mac is underused, underrated, under-everything, and he really shouldn't be. Maxie is great when she is written as a human. still a vixen, but likeable. and Robin? it was so nice to see her interacting with her family. when i see Robin, i see the same amazing girl that was with Stone. she is such a rich character but the writers don't want to giver her what she deserves. so sad.

as for Jiz and this "secret affair" nonsense? pretty sure Jason's been there and done that. again with the recycled storylines. i'm sorry i know i'm supposed to "love" Jiz with the way the writers have completely destroyed everyone around them to make them look like saints, but why does my skin crawl when i see them? i thought the haircut would help but it doesn't. Jason doesn't do anything for me. his grieving speech to Emily's grave was quite boring and unconvincing, but jmo. however, i must admit that Becky is beautiful!

as for Sam's text message, i was totally thinking the same thing as you Robert. last i saw text messages don't come with lines unless you're composing one, lol!

and i know i've said this before, but i'm going to say it again since the writers won't stop shoving it down our faces. if Skate have the same damn conversation about his dangerous world or her fashion magazine CRAP, i am going to throw something heavy! seriously, they can't come up with ANY other conflict for them apart from the same redundant, senseless ish?

i am excited to see Nikolas since i think he's quite yummy, but that also means i must be subjected to ghost-Emily and all her awkward cheery horniness. as much as i disagree with Emily Q's death, i really don't care much for NL's portrayal of the character, and wish this strange s/l would go away.

i hope they don't make Coop the killer. he's not the greatest actor, but i kinda like what he brings to the show, and especially Maxie. i'll be sad to see him go.

thanks again, Becca! looove this site ;)

Once again, "General Hospital" ratings have reached another record low (2.2 was the most recent). Why don't Frons, Guza and Phelps get it?

This is what choosing violence, misogyny, thrashing the show's history and fawning over mobsters gets.

We don't want what they're selling. Remember the classic ABC Daytime ad campaign, "Love in the Afternoon?" That's what we want! We want young doctors in love; we want old doctors in love. We want core families and connections that go across generations, races and socioeconomics. We want us-against-the-world young lovers and been-through-heaven-and-hell veterans. We want ingenues with integrity and strength, we want vixens with a bit of a heart. We want sons turning to mothers, daughters leaning on fathers. We want families and friendships that grow, pull apart, come together and endure. We want history, humor and heart. We want feuds and follies, dreamers and schemers.

We want plucky heroines who help the antihero redeem himself, not mob molls who fling themselves into the gutter singing the praises of mobsters and murderers. We want heroes who battle their demons but don't give in to darkness and crime. We want a show where cops, doctors and lawyers are the good guys and mobsters and hitmen are the bad guys. We want weddings and babies and traditions like the Chief of Staff reading the Christmas story to the children at the hospital.

At the holidays, we want home, hearth, family, friends and romance. Instead, GH gave us the sickening murder of a character who should have been at the core of the show for decades to come. But Georgie Jones was not a woman to throw away her spine, intelligence and decency for greasy, murdering mobsters. Since she was an intelligent, independent young woman of integrity who looked at Guza's favored mobsters as the low-life killers they are, she was of no use and was expendable. Adding insult, this murder come less than a month after losing another young woman from a core family, Emily Quartermaine, to a grisly murder.

I hope Frons, Guza and Phelps choke on these ratings. They earned them for their incompetence and obsession with their Phony Sopranos. Hopefully, they will be earning their pink slips next before they destroy the show beyond repair.

Yes -- old characters in love would be great! It kills me that they brought back two vets who could have been love interests for Bobbie - Noah and Scott, and they have done absolutely nothing. Well, nothing but give Jackie Z. the pink slip and officially put her on recurring status.

I hope the ratings are a wake-up call. With Johnny running around on Friday the way he was, I thought I was watching Goodfellas not a soap that takes place at a hospital. For crying out loud.

"Once again, "General Hospital" ratings have reached another record low (2.2 was the most recent). Why don't Frons, Guza and Phelps get it?

This is what choosing violence, misogyny, thrashing the show's history and fawning over mobsters gets."

Ms. Chicklet, what a post. You said it all, what's missing from GH these days, and why I used to love daytime. Sigh.

Is there ANY chance that after (please?) Guza, et all get the boot the new (and no doubt Awesome) writers would be able to just say "Oh Damn! Our Bad, um... the last few years was a really bad dream?

I know the idea of Bobby-in-the-shower from Dallas was mentioned before but I'd be happy to play along! Hell I even watched most of Night Shift.

Please? I've set my Tivo to stop recording GH right now. I just can't take how bad this is.

Well, if you hated Christmas, wait until you hear the rumor dropped off at SoapDish regarding Robin Scorpio's groundbreaking pregnancy:

Robin will indeed be the recipient of Jax's sperm.

I am so done with GH...I just can't stomach it anymore, and I have been a viewer for over 20 years. They have ruined each and every vet and legacy character .. and this, for me, after waiting 2 yrs for Scrubs, after enduring Night Shit, after enduring Guza and the Sperm Hunt...I get no pay off...jys more crap - Robin gets pregnant by Jax in a lab switch up. So I get to watch Carly run off at the mouth for 9 months at Robin and her toxic baby and stealing Jax's sperm?

No thanks...the killing of Em...the killing of Georgie...and now this tidbit about Robin not having Patricks baby but Jax's?

Kiss this longtime viewer goodbye.

Yep, I saw that SoapDish rumor - dropped off, no less, by the person who spilled about the black and white ball.

So Scrubs fans get another screw job and no payoff.

Give me a 1.9 or cancellation, either will do. I did not invest two years and a horrific summer with NS to have Robin have a kid with a guy she does not love and who is married to a harpy that hates her and will make her 9 months - and mine - a living hell.

Good job, GH! Go as low as you can in the ratings!

And say goodbye to this viewer.

Okay I'll go against the grain and say it, I'm glad Georgie's gone! Killing her was stupid, but so was killing Emily and as stupid as both things were, I'm thrilled that both of them happened. Call me evil but I couldn't be happier. She was the weakest spot of the young adult scene, just a complete snooze. Plus LL was terrible actress. Maybe now that she's gone they'll focus on developing a more solid and mature younger set with the other two young ladies and the new guys.

I see that Michael and Morgan picture and all I can think is, "Why couldn't Michael have really been dead back when they thought he was?" Morgan is so adorable, so sweet, so enjoyable. And then there's Michael, the creepy, rude, irritating little brat.

I love this blog but you guys are becoming a little too fangurl on a few people. This week it's Maxie/KS. You're doing to her what GH has done to Jason & Sonny, painting her as perfect and refusing to realize and call her out for her flaws. Please don't become Guza! PLEASE! One of him is bad enough.

it's so funny that Michael is the crazy one and Morgan is the sweet one, since Morgan is biologically Sonny's, therefore should have inherited all the crazy genes.

and regarding Maxie, i reason i enjoy her scenes (not necessary root for and like her) because she isn't written as something she's not. she's highly flawed and they know it. so does every character because no one goes around saying "Maxie a great girl, a great friend, sister, and girlfriend." in fact she's the worst of it all! but the great thing about her is that she doesn't lie about it, and no one's pimping her to be anything else. GH over-saturates the show with characters the writers love and has every character singing his/her praises to get us to like them.

i guess i can't speak for everyone, but to me, the more someone tells me i'm suppose to love /hate a character, the more i'm inclined to not to!

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