The People In the Little Box Aren't Real
So, remember a while back when Mallory nearly died of embarrassment after reading Dr. Robin Scorpio's blog? That was the first time I'd ever visited that particular corner of internet hell. Like Mal, I am firmly opposed to having to go online to figure out what I would be watching onscreen if the writers of the actual show gave a crap about a particular character. But after Georgie's senseless death (BTW, Mallory's take on it was brilliant and hilarious, but I'm still in the expletive-laden-rant phase, so: Those motherEFFERS effing killed another effing legacy kid for no effing purpose other than to satisfy that mothereffer Guza's effing misogynistic bloodlust and I swear this show is to soap operas what Lynne Spears is to parenting.), I was curious as to how Robin's blog might address this terrible loss. Robin's screentime after the death seemed somewhat limited, and I was distracted by her hideously styled hair, so I needed some additional emotional bang for my soap opera dollar.
Well, what I discovered is truly, truly disturbing, my online friends: People respond to "Robin"'s posts with advice about her life and reaction to what "she" has written! !!!!! As if she is a real person! !!!!! They give her heartfelt guidance and write things like that they are praying for her. !!!!! I...just...who does that?!
I now totally understand why soap fans have a reputation for being over-invested and having difficulty distinguishing between fiction and reality. Holy crap. There is a Soapdish sequel waiting to be written now that we're in the internet age.
Aaaanyway, back to those mothereffers killing off Georgie like she was a dayplayer. "Robin" jotted down her thoughts about that. On a blog. As you do. When you're fictional.
After I sent Uncle Mac home, I went to the chapel and lit a candle for Georgie. I'm glad she's at peace now and in a place where no one can harm her. Georgie was the light of our family, and I don't know how we're going to make it through the holidays without her. Christmas was Georgie's favorite time of year. She loved decorating the tree, baking cookies, and giving gifts. Every year, Uncle Mac would remind her that we were his favorite gift, and there was nothing more valuable to him than our love. Uncle Mac is devastated, and I can't console him. We've lost a member of our family, and things will never be the same again.
a Hallmark card-writer is reading that paragraph going, "Ew, OTT
treacly sentimentality, anyone?" And it's not even moving. Like,
really, losing a close family member to a vicious serial killer is
sad? Thanks so much for blogging about that, ABC! Otherwise I might
have been confused about the appropriate response. I was sitting at my
computer, wondering: Is Robin upset? Did she love her cousin? Did
Georgie rebel against the world by loving Christmas, cookies, and gifts?
Not that I want to suggest that whoever wrote that tripe be promoted in any way, but does ABC Daytime really have enough spare writing "talent" hanging around that they can dispatch out randoms to do fake blogs that provide absolutely no insight into this shitpile of a show? Particularly when these online entries are clearly leading some soap fans faaar over the sanity line? I humbly suggest they re-purpose "Robin's Daily Dose." For instance, to "Robin's Daily Dose of Photos of Patrick Shirtless," or "Robin's Daily Dose of Kate Howard's Haircare Tips." I think Robin is a really nice real person and would like to provide a service like that to the people she deals with on a real level every day in real life.
Alternately, "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates' Daily Dose of Expletives Describing the Incompetence of the Mothereffers Who Run GH and ABC Daytime" would be awesome, too.