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« A Christmas Carol | Main | Is Crazy Contagious? »

December 19, 2007

The People In the Little Box Aren't Real

So, remember a while back when Mallory nearly died of embarrassment after reading Dr. Robin Scorpio's blog?  That was the first time I'd ever visited that particular corner of internet hell.  Like Mal, I am firmly opposed to having to go online to figure out what I would be watching onscreen if the writers of the actual show gave a crap about a particular character.  But after Georgie's senseless death (BTW, Mallory's take on it was brilliant and hilarious, but I'm still in the expletive-laden-rant phase, so:  Those motherEFFERS effing killed another effing legacy kid for no effing purpose other than to satisfy that mothereffer Guza's effing misogynistic bloodlust and I swear this show is to soap operas what Lynne Spears is to parenting.), I was curious as to how Robin's blog might address this terrible loss.  Robin's screentime after the death seemed somewhat limited, and I was distracted by her hideously styled hair, so I needed some additional emotional bang for my soap opera dollar.

Well, what I discovered is truly, truly disturbing, my online friends:  People respond to "Robin"'s posts with advice about her life and reaction to what "she" has written!  !!!!!  As if she is a real person!  !!!!!  They give her heartfelt guidance and write things like that they are praying for her.  !!!!!  I...just...who does that?! 

(Examples abound, but here are a couple of recent post and replies.)

I now totally understand why soap fans have a reputation for being over-invested and having difficulty distinguishing between fiction and reality.  Holy crap.  There is a Soapdish sequel waiting to be written now that we're in the internet age. 

Aaaanyway, back to those mothereffers killing off Georgie like she was a dayplayer.  "Robin" jotted down her thoughts about that.  On a blog.  As you do.  When you're fictional.

After I sent Uncle Mac home, I went to the chapel and lit a candle for Georgie. I'm glad she's at peace now and in a place where no one can harm her. Georgie was the light of our family, and I don't know how we're going to make it through the holidays without her. Christmas was Georgie's favorite time of year. She loved decorating the tree, baking cookies, and giving gifts. Every year, Uncle Mac would remind her that we were his favorite gift, and there was nothing more valuable to him than our love. Uncle Mac is devastated, and I can't console him. We've lost a member of our family, and things will never be the same again.

Somewhere a Hallmark card-writer is reading that paragraph going, "Ew, OTT treacly sentimentality, anyone?"  And it's not even moving.  Like, really, losing a close family member to a vicious serial killer is sad?  Thanks so much for blogging about that, ABC!  Otherwise I might have been confused about the appropriate response.  I was sitting at my computer, wondering:  Is Robin upset?  Did she love her cousin?  Did Georgie rebel against the world by loving Christmas, cookies, and gifts?

Not that I want to suggest that whoever wrote that tripe be promoted in any way, but does ABC Daytime really have enough spare writing "talent" hanging around that they can dispatch out randoms to do fake blogs that provide absolutely no insight into this shitpile of a show? Particularly when these online entries are clearly leading some soap fans faaar over the sanity line?  I humbly suggest they re-purpose "Robin's Daily Dose."  For instance, to "Robin's Daily Dose of Photos of Patrick Shirtless," or "Robin's Daily Dose of Kate Howard's Haircare Tips."  I think Robin is a really nice real person and would like to provide a service like that to the people she deals with on a real level every day in real life. 

Alternately, "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates' Daily Dose of Expletives Describing the Incompetence of the Mothereffers Who Run GH and ABC Daytime" would be awesome, too.


Beth we may disagree on which couples we like but I whole heartedly agree with Cameron's first post.....I'd like to add to it with a "I'm way cuter than him."

And yes Alice...you write Robin's blog from now on.........

Okay, to be fair, I have commented on the blog-yes, I'm quite ashamed, but it's because Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson have both commented at PA's that the number of responses to and hits on the effin' blog are one of the ways by which they judge the popularity of her character-I know, believe me, I know-but I keep hoping against hope that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE at ABC Daytime is not busy making meth in the bathrooms but is, actually, concerned about what viewers think about the show. So I have used my blog responses as an opportunity to express my Patrick-rage and my absolute disgust at the one-sided way their "romance" has been written of late. HOWEVER, I have never offered to pray for Robin, I have never told her (or anyone else) "You go, girl!", nor have I ever forgotten that Robin was fictional. I still love her though, lol.

I, too, vote for Alice to either take over writing this blog or for it to become the "Kimberly McCullough and Castmates Daily Expletives..." blog.

And I would also like to add that, despite the fact that they were given only 2.5 seconds each in order to express their characters' respective grief (otherwise, we might have had to miss out on Carly shrieking or Liz getting disturbingly horny-seriously, what's up with that?!-at the news of another death), Kimberly McCullough, John J. York, and Kirsten Storms were OUTSTANDING. If there is any justice in the world, you have your Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor, and Younger Actress nominees right there.

Oh, and kudos to Kate for the most realistic reaction to almost getting SHOT TO DEATH since Jason got blasted in Mac's living room and Robin was like, "Um, FUCK.THAT.!", and hightailed it to Paris. I shall ignore the fact that she will probably get cursed out, within the next two weeks, by Carly for leaving poor, misunderstood, bullet-magnet Sonny all by hims widdle self, or that Mumbles the Midget Mobster himself will probably call her a traitorous whore for deciding to remove herself from the line of fire.

This is so silly, but I want to start posting spoilers as comments on Robin's blog.

Like when news of Georgie's death got leaked, I could have left a comment like "Hey, Robin--I know someone just tried to kill Maxie, but Georgie's next! You've got to look out for her! She's supposed to get strangled next week! You can save her!"

I was the writer of LuLu's blog, and I have absolutely nothing to do with the show other than I've watched it for 15 years. I was chosen from a list of volunteer applications and after I spoke with Julie Berman on the phone to get some insight, I put the blog together. It is still open and active but no longer linked from ABC's web site. It was a team effort between teenpregnancy.org & opendiary.com (the site the blog was hosted on) in an effort to raise awareness. I was told how to write it, and the ABC HR people would read my entries and edit them as they saw fit. I used to get absolutely slammed with comments either pro or anti abortion. I couldn't believe these people! They were all either yelling at me or supporting me and I just wanted to say, you people are nuts!!! Lulu isn't real!!!

I quit reading the blog a long time ago, but I submit comments as often as possible. They usually go something like this:

Hello. Who is reading this? A writer? A real person? Could you talk to someone in charge and see about deleting this stupid blog and actually telling the story on screen? What sort of crap is this? Who thought it was a good idea? Fire that person. Now. Where is Awesome Writer?

In retrospect this, "...Robin's Daily Dose of Photos of Patrick Shirtless," or "Robin's Daily Dose of Kate Howard's Haircare Tips." would be a much better use of the internets. I will start suggesting these alternative uses.

I remember hearing about a woman who was such a huge fan of AMC that she named her children Bianca and (I think) Tad. Her children watched the show every day and were huge fans of their namesakes. Creepy.

The Robin blog commenters might be worse.

Er...I don't think that TIIC are sparing any "talent" when writing these things. In fact, I'm pretty sure your average fanfic writer or 9th grader could do a better job than this:

After I sent Uncle Mac home, I went to the chapel and lit a candle (cliche) for Georgie. I'm glad she's at peace now (cliche) and in a place where no one can harm her (cliche). Georgie was the light of our family (cliche), and I don't know how we're going to make it through the holidays without her (cliche). Christmas was Georgie's favorite time of year (cliche). She loved decorating the tree (cliche), baking cookies(cliche), and giving gifts(cliche...they aren't even trying anymore at this point). Every year, Uncle Mac would remind her that we were his favorite gift(cliche), and there was nothing more valuable to him than our love(cliche). Uncle Mac is devastated, and I can't console him. We've lost a member of our family, and things will never be the same again(CLICHE!!!!).

Not one iota of thought went into that blog. Not one.

I have to say that Beth R.'s Mumbles the Midget Mobster totally made me laugh out loud. I am not one of you that hates GH but then I wasn't watching back in the good old days with Robert and Anna (Rona) and Luke and Laura and the others. I love GH. I do agree that it is a little silly for Robin to have a blog and I am ashamed to say I have posted on there. It was on one of my days where I hadn't taken my sanity medicine so that excuses me. I love Robin and Patrick and am pulling for them to get back together. Though I think that they need to work through their issues first or it will be a pointless break-up. He can be an Ass at times, okay a lot of the time, but when he is with Robin (Kim) he is a fabulous. I also support a Robin's Daily Dose of Patrick Shirtless blog. I would definitely visit it everyday.

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