Days of Our Lives Couple of Weeks in Review
I have been a bad Days blogger. I know this. John Black returned from the dead, and you got nothing. Not a single post. More than a week went by, still nothing. I have no excuse, other than that I was totally consumed by dealing with personal trauma perpetuated by Balenciaga, writing preemptive obituaries for beleaguered pop stars, and trying to uncover the reason for my unhealthy addiction to boots. But I will try to make up for it in the coming weeks.
So, yeah, turns out John wasn't really so much with the deadness. Which, given the significance of such a return, was actually kind of anti-climactic, don't you think? Over the span of a couple of weeks it was: weird patient in Rolf's lab ---> strange figure in alley near Marlena ---> patient and strange figure are both John and EJ finds out he's alive!
I did like that EJ was the one who discovered John
and that he got to be a little heroic by telling Marlena and her posse about him. But then didn't it seem like only five minutes passed before Marlena and John were reunited?
Stefano couldn't have outsmarted them at least once? Where is my slow-burn soapiness?!
Anyway, UndeadJohn (with his bizarre, inexplicably hilarious hair) was, of course, being brainwashed by Stefano. But brainwashing has come a long way since the rickety cages of the 80s!
That is the strangest set dressing ever. It's like the club from Queer as Folk crossed with the bridge from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
I do have to say, though, that if John had to come back (and there are suspiciously varying accounts of the why and how of that), at least it's a new John. Drake Hogestyn seems like a nice guy, and Mallory and I have long praised his awesome badness, so I'm not totally opposed to John's return, especially since they've gone with this whole robotic thing. John now finds Marlena super annoying
and he is wholly unimpressed with Belle (it is about damned time someone in town is)
...so I think I might not actively dislike him. Add in the vaguely Popeye-ian moments
and the hammy, mustache-twirling-ish bits
and I might be able to actually dig this storyline. Not to harp, but I'm especially excited by him hating Marlena. John and Marlena's make-out sessions and sex talk in recent years drove me into therapy and Sephora overspending (what? it was totally their fault), so imagine my delight at scenes like this:
John: You saw me hit?
Marlena: I was there when you died.
John: And you were telling me that this other time I was comatose when I was shot, that we hooked up in your dreams.
Marlena: I know that's a lot to process.
John: No, not really, since it's a lie. I mean, after all, you are a shrink. You're just messing with my head.
Okay, is Stefano the Brainwasher actually a Scientologist?! That
would explain so much. (Hey, maybe John Black can take over when crazy Tom Cruise gets hauled off to live in an igloo, or whatever they're going to do to keep his lunacy under wraps.)
Truly, John snottily using the phrase "hooked up" while mocking Marlena's OTT devotion was pretty much the most awesome thing he's done since the first Bush administration. Also, a lot to process, Doc? YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
I'm still really enjoying Stephanie and Max, and Chelsea and Nick.
Steph telling Max about the rape
while Chelsea told Nick about Ford's death was really well done -- those interspersed scenes were something you wouldn't have seen on this show even six months or a year ago.
Am I supposed to hate the new DA who is prosecuting Lucas for the crime he totally committed? Because I kind of love her.
And oh yeah, Lucas is still in jail. Yawn.
Something really weird happened last week. I was sitting there, watching Days, and I enjoyed a scene involving Shawn Douglas Brady!
I know, right? I was totally blown away too. He's usually such a douchey stick-in-the-mud.
Okay, that was a bit harsh. But honestly, I think this is the first time I've seen Brandon Beemer click on-screen with a romantic interest. Much as I had dreaded Chloe's return, so far she is helping to split up Belle and Shawn, she got Phillip shirtless, and she made Shawn attractive. The girl is made of win as far as I'm concerned.
I am willing to forgive the occasional fashion faux-pas. We all make mistakes. I used to peg my jeans, and for a couple of tragic student years in the 90s I wore Gap overalls almost constantly. Many a Hollywood denizen has been steered wrong by a Versace gown or a bag-of-the-moment. But there are a few sartorial missteps that I think indicate not a risk gone awry, but a fundamental misunderstanding of what is attractive. This week I decided there is at least one stylist in Days' wardrobe department that must have been hired as a typist, or something, and took a wrong turn. Because for serious, how do you fuck up a scarf?
That looks like an old woman's dreadlocks.
And then again!
Unless Caroline knitted that for Belle for Christmas and she's wearing it once just to let Shawn's beloved grandma know how much she "loves" and "appreciates" it, there is no excuse for that craft fair monstrosity. That coat is heinous too, but who can focus on that?
Great bone structure can only distract me for so long.
Dude needs a haircut.
I feel like a kidnapping involving a fake psychic and a near-death experience should be interesting, but somehow it wasn't.
Is that because Belle was involved? Probably. Or is it because I'm not feeling the I Wanna Be a Soapstar winner who plays Crystal?
That's also possible. (Note: Not that I watch I Wanna Be a Soapstar, of course.)
I still don't understand how falling a few feet off a pier nearly kills you,
but who am I to argue with something that appears to be headed towards further driving a wedge between Belle and Shawn?
Martha Madison was very good in the scene in which Belle found out John was alive.
I do, however, question the maternal wisdom of Marlena springing an undead father on a young woman who's just been through cardiac arrest.
What I mean to say, as is often the case, is . . . Marlena is kind
of an asshole. That's probably some kind of soap opera heresy, but I
stand by it.
Okay, Stefano in jail is tres entertaining. The fact that he is in the same cell with Lucas, and that he managed to sneak in a cell phone, is further evidence for the bumbling nature of the Salem PD, but since this isn't GH (where the cops are bumbling and the mobsters are gods) and really everyone in town is a bit doofusy, I can deal.
And I have a feeling I am going to love the Stefano vs. EJ feud.
Uh huh. For totally plot-driven reasons, I am going to enjoy this story.
I hate the flashbacks to stuff that happened the day before (even if I do understand their utility, in terms of dragging out the non-union-writer work to minimize story movement), but I heart real flashbacks.
Come on, are they not the cutest ever? They so are!
I have nothing to say about this one except: Hee!
So I am not spoiled, but I have put my Nancy Drew thinking cap on and I have decided
C.B. DiMera has to be Colleen Brady DiMera, right? So she's not
dead? And she married Santo? What kind of re-write is this? Should I
bitch about it, or is it potentially awesome? I am so torn. Which is
unlike me, because I always lean towards bitchy. Perhaps I've been
brainwashed! I hope it doesn't do anything scary to my hair.
Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.