I Don't Know Why People Make Fun of Soaps

. . . or why Passions got canceled.

From last week's Soap Opera Digest, about Passions:

In 2007, Vincent, who, thanks to some peculiar gender irregularities can have sex as a man or a woman, passed himself off as Valerie and had sex with Julian.  Vincent got pregnant and is now carrying his father's child.

!!!!!

I feel like such a sheltered viewer, since the weirdest things I've sat through are a demonic possession and an island of undead people.

I dare anyone to come up with a two-sentence summary of any of a soap plotline that is as disturbingly insane as that.  Truly, I dare you -- in the comments.  I need soap edumacating, apparently.

Comments

[TJ]

Man, it is hard to top that one! Here are some of the only other ones I can think of that might even remotely come close:

On DAYS, Austin and Greta found themselves imprisoned in Virtual Eden, where they were forced to wear nothing but fig leaves and undergo a series of tests, most of which involved wildly overacting day players, to prove they possessed all of the Virtues.

On SANTA BARBARA, Amy Perkins found herself pregnant with the Crown Prince of New Stailand because she had been in the wrong cubicle at the gynecologist's. She gave birth in a barn as the camera panned to a star in the sky. Before she and her boyfriend Brick had even had a chance to take this all in, it turned out that he was the real Channing Capwell Jr. thanks to Minx Lockridge switching the babies at birth, which meant that the guy everyone had thought was Channing in the end turned out to be the son of circus performers.

DAYS: "The role of Belle Black is now being played by Charity Rahmer."

[KLe]

"Spinelli had sex with a serial killer."

Spinelli had sex. Outrageous.

[Beth]

Casey the Alien. And Sonny the Mobster with the Heart of Gold.

[Matthew]

Chloe sees through Helena's eyes after Helena tries to kill her.

[Beth R.]

Brain damaged mafia hitman sires secret son and tells the entire town. Entire town rallies around him, extolling his virtues as a kind, generous, giving, loving person who just happens to kill people for a living.

Not as good as "Unaborted Fetus" but I had to try.

[Nell Noonan]

Turkey Baster Rape (Sunset Beach)

[Beckye]

Track-suited vets

In Februrary 2007, Alan Quartermaine died of a heart attack (and poor writing by Guza) only to be bought back not as a ghost, but as a conscious for his sister, which means no one else can see him. Heaven only has track suits available.

A couple months later, his daughter was killed only to appeared to Nikolas. Damn, those Quartermaines won't stay dead.