You know, if All My Children is going to insist on being terrible, the LEAST it could do is be AWESOMELY terrible. A concentrated level of campy badness makes the time go by a lot faster (the premiere of One Tree Hill last night, not that I watched it, allegedly went by in, like, five minutes, aided, no doubt, by the brilliance of Nathan's hair. Allegedly.Whatever, shut up, there's a writer's strike going on and I need new entertainment and I gain energy from hating on Chad Michael Murray. It's better than caffeine!).
But AMC is not campily bad. It's just...bad.
For starters, how lame is the story where two people cheat on their significant others in a one night stand because they are grieving/angry/craving cheesecake and pledge to keep it a secret and then their significant others, who have no idea what's going on, keep forcing them to interact with each other and they suffocate under the weight of the awkwardness and it goes on interminably until the one night stand is revealed in dramatic fashion, like on the witness stand or something? I know, it's so lame. So when Zach ran off to find his homicidal ex and asked Aidan to watch Kendall, I actually hurt my face from rolling my eyes as hard as I did. Now I'm all wonky.
But seriously: this?
Zach: I'm trusting you with my wife. Keep her safe.
Wow, do you get the different levels that can be interpreted on? Ohmigod, it's like SO DEEP.
Can these two characters EVER be happy without a series of murderers, exes afflicted with baby rabies, kidnappers, psychotic people behind the wheel of a car, ill-advised sex romps and two tons of dramatic irony conspiring to make them miserable?