Some tragic things have happened to me over the last few weeks:
- Saleisha won America's Next Top Model, capping off a very disappointing season of one of my favorite TV guilty pleasures
- I was driving along and my innocent ears were assaulted by Hootie (and the Blowfish? I don't know if he's hooting on his own now) singing about chestnuts roasting on an open fire (which, by the way, sounds so unappetizing to me -- who wants roasted nuts at the holidays when you can have whoopie pies or pumpkin cheesecake?)
- I was subjected to I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
- I left my Benefit Lipscription in the car and the lip balm part froze and is now ruined (yes, I can just buy another, but I am of Irish descent, so it takes me a while to build up the nerve to spend $32 on lip balm)
- Dirty Sexy Money ran out of pre-strike episodes
- A random pedestrian yelled at me that I was a "stupid fucking bitch" because my bumper was about a foot into a huge crosswalk of which he was the only occupier -- before I'd even had my morning caffeine
- Josh Duhamel ruined several holidays by getting engaged to effing Fergie
- I watched the GH Christmas episode
Once again, I can reach no other conclusion than that ABC Daytime is intentionally torching its flagship show.
I'm not religious, but if I were I think I would take GH's Christmas Eve episode as an affront to Jesus. I took it as an affront to good television. Let's briefly review the "highlights" of this holiday episode:
- Carly passed out and then sat on a couch, sick
- GhostAlan returned. Oh excuse me, Tracy's conscience that takes the form of a ghost of Alan returned. Not just in a tracksuit, but in a Santa hat. Because it's the holidays! And GH knows that the holidays are all about family! Especially dead family members. Praise Jesus. And ghosts.
- Sonny and Kate pined after each other, having broken up because he is a mobster who commits crimes for a living and occasionally has people killed.
- Maxie cried a lot and gave Felicia a gift from Georgie, a legacy character who was recently brutally, senselessly murdered.
- Jason started at Liz and her boys through a window, since he can't be with them on account of his career of KILLING PEOPLE FOR MONEY making him a danger to his babymomma and son.
- Luke's coma-dreams of purgatory kicked in again. I'm totally calling these bullshit interludes Luke's Hot Flashes from now on. I love Tony Geary, but there is nobody on daytime who I want to see doing a non-ironic version of My Way, particularly with a spoken-word stanza. You must be kidding.
- There was no Christmas-story-reading to the kids at the hospital, there was no holiday party bringing together a bunch of the characters.
So, yeah, that was GH's happy holidays message for you. Merry f'ing Christmas! If you don't celebrate Christmas, I think you should feel lucky not to be associated with this mess of an allegedly holiday-themed episode.
There were a couple of good moments, I guess.