Days of Our Lives Week in Review
Bad news for Salem, readers -- apparently Days has fired Head Writer Hogan Sheffer and most of his staff (more info here; thanks to longtime reader esp13 for the info). I'm genuinely sad about this. The show hasn't been perfect under Sheffer but it was absolutely leaps and bounds above where it was before him. And I really, sincerely hope that the show doesn't plan on keeping whoever's (whomever's? who/whom is my grammar kryptonite) doing the writing during the strike, because the dialogue has been godawful and the cast balance -- one of the things I think Sheffer did pretty well most of the time -- is all out of whack.
The bright side to all of this, is that the show is bound to suck, like, a lot, and it will be much easier to mock it! Please think of your Serial Drama bloggers and try to smile through the pain, everyone! That should carry you through until cancellation.
So, the big reveal this week was of course that Colleen is ALIVE! and STEFANO'S NEMESIS! and ANGRY! and a KIDNAPPER! and THE WORST-COIFFED AND -DRESSED FASHION DESIGNER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!
I mean really. I think the last time I saw that hairstyle was in a portrait of Mary Todd Lincoln. Colleen is only supposed to be in her late 70s, right?
I am underwhelmed by the story of Colleen in Cardboard Ireland, so far. That is probably due to Thursday's episode, which was comprised almost entirely of "It's you!" and "It can't be her!" Way to drain a moment of all its drama, dipshits.
Anyway, I am unspoiled so I could be way off base, but . . . Colleen has got to be John's mother, right?
It makes perfect sense. You know, in the way that all of John Black's 29 backstories have made "perfect sense," ever since Wayne Northrup got a bug up his butt about coming back to Days for seven minutes 15 years ago.
Setting aside John's mission and Colleen's awful hair, I would still be annoyed by this storyline because it continues to cause me to OD on Marlena. Is there any soap character who should be front-and-center five days a week?
Now, granted, I think Bo and Hope may have been on every day, but 1) neither of them is batshit crazy (and I mean batshit crazy in a non-entertaining way, which I really didn't think was possible, so thanks Days for teaching me something new), 2) even combined they didn't get as much airtime as Marlena, 3) I actually like Bo and Hope, and what I like is what should determine everything, and 4) [related to #3], they are adorable:
Plus they have lots of flashbacks, to something other than the day before!
Check out that mullet! Peter Reckell has actually gotten better looking with age, and I don't mean that in the condescending and insincere way most people do when they're talking about a 95-year-old actress with painted-on eyebrows in one of those Lifetime Achievement Award retrospectives.
Was this from the Cruise of Deception? Dude, I LOVED the Cruise of
Deception! Even if I hadn't loved Jennifer and Jack's romance and Isabella being held captive and Julie running around an island in evening wear and all the shirtless and be-mulleted men, I would love it just for the title!
Where did they find that much makeup in a pre-Sephora era? Ah, the 80s. Thank god I have the excuse of having been really young.
Oh, and I am not going to slam the Bo or Hope Has a Soapy [Non]Fatal Illness storyline until I see more of it. But it's making my bitchy typing finger itch already.
I know that in real life it wouldn't be up to Mr. Decker to decide whether Chelsea and her sorority crew were prosecuted, but other than that basic flaw with the premise of this story, the rest of it continues to be kind of well-done, right?
Any storyline that's made me change my mind on uncle-niece dating must be fairly persuasive.
Didn't you love the "private jet" that all those unnecessary characters took to Cardboard Ireland?
It's, like, a 747. It's bigger than Air Force One! But the inside shots looked like a typical little corporate Lear jet. I heart attention to detail!
And then once they all got there, Claire was rescued, I guess, from
an old woman who I think is going to turn out to be her
So she can go back to the parents who threw her off a cruise ship into the shark-infested ocean. Yay?
I sincerely hope he's calling Cher Horowitz to inquire about the wisdom of chin pubes.
I think one ought to be a bit more concerned about grody facial hair, particularly when one's competition is this
You just saw "aaawww!" outloud, didn't you? (Oh, and in addition to everything else, I am delighted to note that James Scott also possesses the power to rapidly age infants.)
So Lucas was talking to Sami from jail, while she was in the "safe"
house. I'm very confused about this place. It's a safe house with
unobstructed windows, a phone number that everyone apparently has
access to, and EJ and Sami can come and go as they please, as evidenced
by EJ's trip to see Stefano in the hospital.
Isn't that less of a safe house and more of a vacation rental? And
what exactly was the point of this whole story, since it apparently
didn't give these two any time alone together, and is over before it
began since Stefano is in his coma[ish thing] now? It's like the
writers started down a path and got disoriented and just decided to
give up. Very disappointing.
This hair, man.
I wonder whether he prefers "Theodore" or "Beaver," and if he knows that the mischievous Eddie Haskell could really get him in some hot water, gee willakers!
I liked that the writers remembered all the DiMera kids, and had
them berate Stefano in the hospital.
I must admit thought that I am COMPLETELY freaked out by the notion of being totally aware of everything that's going on but trapped inside a body that to all onlookers is barely functioning. I read those articles about people on whom anesthesia doesn't work properly so they're aware of every bit of pain during surgery but can't say anything to alert anyone, and I do a full-body shudder. But I do, most of the time, understand the difference between fiction and reality, so for the sake of you guys I am trying to keep sane and just enjoy some DiMera family interaction.
For real you guys, what is up with Abe and the crazy eyes? They're terrifying!
I'm very concerned. James Reynolds either needs to have his thyroid checked, or return that copy of Ocular Acting for Dummies.
So, Adrienne left down.
I am really bummed that they couldn't make room for her on the canvas, but I hope she and Invisible Justin and their invisible children have lots of fun in Dubai. Because that's where you have to go to get a job when you're the nephew of an impossibly rich Greek tycoon, apparently.
I love that she just up and dumped him for being an ass, and I'm really looking forward to this competing ad executives thing. I love that in soap world Tony just up and bought an ad agency that he's going to run, and that Anna made a phone call and got an interview to be an advertising...person-thingie at another firm. It's like when people finish med school in six episodes, or become police officers with a rap sheet with more entries than John Black's backstory. Long live the suspension of disbelief.
Lexie is back, and she's now Chief of Staff of University Hospital?!
In related news, Tom Cruise has been named President of the Society for Totally Sane People Who Aren't in Cults, Donald Trump is the new CEO of The Subtlety and Non-Self-Promotion Institute, Lynne Spears received Parenting magazine's Role-Model of the Year award, and Grey's Anatomy's George and Izzie were deemed the decade's most scorchingly hot TV couple.
I might have been able to get past her complete ineptitude as a physician, her misuse of her position to convince Carrie that she was infertile (because, you know . . . it's Carrie -- yawn), but for god's sake, just a few months ago she had her medical license revoked because she was a crazy feral hissing human-cat hybrid living in a tunnel underneath an 80s nightclub! There's only so far I can go, show.
Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.