General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review: As Usual, I Have Questions
At first there were scheduling issues, but now I'm just plain uninspired to write a Week in Review for GH, guys. I'm not sure why. The show hasn't been awful, and there have been some great moments. Just nothing all that commentary-worthy, you know? (Plus, truth be told, I was more interested in 90s episodes SoapNet showed today -- recaps coming to a blog near you.) So instead, I bring you my latest list of questions.
- How entertainingly soapy is the ongoing Monica/Tracy catfight? I heart it. Tracy being all fierce and defiant, Monica calling Tracy a "litigious cow." Glorious.
- Why is the Logan/Lulu/Johnny triangle so boring, when it involves such pretty people?
- Am I seriously supposed to care about Leyla and Dr. Devlin flirting?
- Is Patrick the dumbest neurosurgeon on earth? Robin told him she's
pregnant. He knows they had sex a few weeks back and the condom
broke. And he doesn't suspect he might be a daddy-to-be? This
is a guy I'm supposed to believe fixes broken brains? It's a good
thing he's hot enough to distract me from this obvious story gap.
- Why hasn't Kimberly McCullough shanked the last three stylists who
have come near her bangs? I hate online petitions, but I am thisclose
to starting one to implore her to grow those suckers out.
- How refreshingly nice and mature was it that Liz didn't tell Lucky the truth about Sam out of vengeance, and told him she was happy he was happy?
- How much hotness did Ingo's haircut restore?
- Why did Sonny tell Kate to "get on a plane" and go back to Manhattan? I thought it was a quick drive or helicopter ride?
- How much do I want a spin-off of Kate, Alexis, and Diane just hanging out together, being fabulous?
- How inhumanly gorgeous is Greg Vaughn?
- How delightful is it that the new writers remembered that Alexis and Sam are mother and daughter, and gave them scenes together?
- How much ass does tiny little Kelly Monaco kick? Those scenes with her and the Text Message Killer were seriously impressive, not least because she appeared to be in five-inch heels.
- How the hell did Carly get pregnant so easily? Is there anything she wants that she doesn't get? Please tell me she's lying.
- How fun was Carly meeting Claudia?
- Why did Lucky have virtually no reaction to Lulu knowing about Jake's paternity? It was a total betrayal! Maybe he was busily pondering his gorgeousness and forgot to get enraged.
- Why did Carly stop wearing hideous outfits, thereby depriving me of some of my best GH mockery opportunities?
- How much do I love Jax?
Jax: What is wrong with you? Why are you so angry?
Carly: Because I don't like that woman!
Jax: You don't like any women.
Oh snap, Jasper.
- Did Patrick move yet another step closer to the permanent restoration of his hotly modifier when he defended Robin to Ian?
- How surprisingly easy has it been to accept Sarah Brown as a totally different character?
- Why am I so completely repelled by a story involving Rick Hearst,
whom I love, as Ric Lansing, who I've recently learned to tolerate
again? And how uncreative is it to just send him off to a random
location for an extended booty call? Ugh.
- If you took a shot every time DeadEmily told Nikolas "You would never hurt me," would you already be dead from alcohol poisoning?
- Has this show really sunk to the level of pimping even non-ABC products?
Epiphany: You are not a shrink. You're an orderly.
Cassius: And now you're soldiering on.
Epiphany: That means you take your orders from me.
Cassius: Which is why I have to drink my V8 Fusion so I can keep up with you.
For god's sake. You'll excuse me if I have to drink my Grey Goose so I can get through this show.
And most importantly, did you feel a little disappointed when you heard that the writers' strike is over, knowing that some of the improvements we've seen on GH in recent weeks are likely to disappear faster than a nice scotch in the vicinity of Luke Spencer?