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« The Young and the Reszzzzz... | Main | Days of Our Lives Week in Review »

February 08, 2008

Dear Kendall: When Did You Get Dumb?

Dear Kendall,

I'm surprised that I have to write to you, of all people in Pine Valley, to remind you how to keep a secret. Mostly because you're fictional, but also because you used to be a pro at sketchiness. I could totally see myself schooling Annie in the art of being shady, because she's bland as the day is long, but you? It's shocking to me. I know you've turned over a new leaf and are pretty much an upstanding citizen and that's great. I'm proud! I'm just wondering if your growth as a human being has made it more difficult for you to tap into your past experience as a bad girl to remember how to act normal whilst doing shady things. Perhaps when Homer Simpson said, "Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?", he wasn't just being hilarious, but actually describing a real medical condition.

So, in the interest of teaching you some sort of common sense, I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that if you don't want your husband to find out that you had ill-advised sex with your ex-boyfriend when you thought that your husband and your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend were dead, you probably should not talk about it ad nauseum whenever you and your ex-boyfriend are in the same vicinity. Ideally, you shouldn't act like a neurotic twit, complete with flapping arms and a shrill voice, whenever someone mentions your ex-boyfriend's name, because that makes it look like you're (a) hiding something (b)mentally ill (c)auditioning for a role on a zany, Sex and the City-esque sitcom in case your portrayer chooses not to renew her contract when it ends.

Also, congratulations on the book! I look forward to reading it. Word of how great the book is got around fast. Did you see how many fans were at the launch party? That's way impressive for a first-time author who wrote the book in between mourning and an ill-advised one night stand with her ex-boyfriend. But if you have tons of fans already, that means you're sort of well-known. And perhaps a bit too well known to throw hysterical fits in front of people who could easily tell Gawker, or whatever the ABC Daytime version of Gawker is, about how you slept with your ex-boyfriend when you thought your husband and your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend were dead. Maybe Zach's not the sort of guy to continually refresh internet gossip sites to see what the latest with Britney is, but you know Greenlee is the type to google her name and then the names of all of her friends to make sure that they don't have as many hits as her and she'd totally find the site with the account of your loud conversation with Aidan about how you really would like to take this secret to the grave. And she'd cut you. She's only yay high (picture me holding my hand three inches from the floor) but she fights dirty. Keeping quiet and just forgetting about the stupid thing you did will save your life. Don't leave your children motherless!

(And not for nothing, K, but what's with telling Aidan that you don't trust yourself around him? He's foxy, I know, but is he really so overwhelmingly hot that you can't be in close quarters with him without being able to restrain yourself from jumping his bones? You're better than that. High school boys are better than that.)

So just remember that elementary school poem: secrets secrets are no fun, unless they aid us in forgetting a terrible plot point that irritated everyone. Or, in plainer terms, stop acting like an effing lunatic.

xoxo,
Mallory

PS: I would have left this as a comment in your blog, but I'm not quite that crazy...yet
PPS: I really hope that Charm Exclamation Point is better written than your blog is, because I don't know if I could handle 300 pages of sentences like "They tried that drug - and now she's... All of those monitors beeping and going crazy and all of this medical knowledge we're supposed to have in 2008 - and what good is any of it if it can't save the people we love? I don't want to watch my friend die... "
PPS: As ever, your hair is awesome. How can I get hair like that?

Comments

Am I the only one who finds the fact that weather.com is on "her" list of favorite sites hillarious? It would kind of imply she would then KNOW to not wear sleeveless dress in January.....

Bad Girl Kendall would have totally been able to keep this secret and even lie about say on the witness stand of a trial of some sort...

and personally...I'm dying to also get my hands on Charm Exclamation Point the fragrance! YES!

This blog makes me want to cry: not because it's not true but on the opposite, because it is unfortunately true that Kendall has been dumbed down.

I'm extremely bitter because all of this B.S. writing at the expense of Kendall is being done to "redeem" Greenlee and make her the heroine. I have anxiety flashbacks from the 2004 Rylee era where the same thing happened to Kendall. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach of deja vu that the only way Greenlee can win is to make Kendall the lowest scum who ever existed and the dumbest one also. I fear what TIIC has planned next for my girl...

You know, I have felt since "Crash" that the writers didn't care about Kendall as a character. That she was being sacrificed for the sake of Zach and then Greenlee (Ryass pimping never ceased to be one of her duties, either). But now, I have come to the realization that these writers just HATE Kendall. And to think that even McTravesty got the character right (even in her Rylee days, Kendall was still KENDALL).

This character now? Is not the Kendall Hart Slater we knew, loved, wanted to see grow but still remain a kick-ass Kane daughter with bite (unlike Bianca).

But then, I don't think Zach is quite himself, either. Am I supposed to believe that he bought Greenlee's story when he was THERE through the Rylee tragedy!?

GMaFB!

These writers (and I use that word very, very loosely) DO hate Kendall. Of course they seem to have difficulty writing anyone with shades of gray, their characterizations are, by and large, all or nothing. Black or white. This is a great way of thinking for accountants. For soap writers, not so much.

Kendall is not the only victim of the epidemic dumbing-down of PV. I really wish infectious-disease specialist Angie could spot it and stop it in its tracks but with our luck, she'll probably contract it first. The dumbing-down is being done to make Greenlee look good and saintly and pure, and what does it say about HER that that requires the total decimation of so many characters? They need to just send her back for a refund.

It's beyond stupid that they're destroying a fan favorite like Kendall in this way. Wait. There ARE no fan favorites like Kendall on AMC, which makes it doubly stupid. All these people being made "notREAL", just for the sake of "REALGreenlee". Gah.

I miss you, Kendall, and hope to see you again soon, along with your husband, who's also not himself lately. Meanwhile, these "writers" are giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "Serial Killers".

And I loathe how they're trying to make her out to be some shrill harpy at "poor" Aidan, while he just talks about how much he loves Greenlee and it breaks his heart that he betrayed her but he can't tell her because he doesn't want to ever hurt his precious Greenpea again. And, of course, the implication that his and Greenlee's love must be better than Kendall and Zach's if he is all confident and secure in it and Kendall is all flipped out. Seriously, seriously hate that crap. That scene on the plane where she's all yelly at Aidan told me all I need to know about how the "writers" want the audience to feel about the characters involved, and I'm not buying.

Mallory, thank you for always giving us a great read.

"I can't trust myself around you." I'll add that line to the long column of things that our "writers" have (re-)written that have no place in actual "history, logic and common sense."

As slow as they've made our Kendall she's been showing anything 'cept unbridled about to explode passion around Mr. Devane. He's just always happens to be the block of wood there when she does something stupid and desperate that really has nothing in actuallity to do with his how cute he is.

I'd like to believe the writers don't hate Kendall, they just see her as a significant ends to some of their means (of the most prominance: Greenlee's never ending whitewashing and glorifying). McTavish used the character just as much but when push came to shove you could tell that McTavish birthed the character and cared deep down. These current writers don't really get any of our "AMC" characters.

P.S. I have "Charm!" it's nowhere as badly written as "Klog" but I do think the actual writer (Sebastian Stuart) could have put a little more umph into it. Kendall did "write" this book (instead of sleeping? haha) with a lot of crap going on so I'll let it pass.

Dear owners of SD, if it's possible could you please delete my initial blog reply. I didn't preview it. I've learned my lesson about the dangers of not previewing.

Mallory, thank you for always giving us a great read.

"I can't trust myself around you." I'll add that line to the long column of things that our "writers" have (re-)written that have no place in actual "history, logic and common sense."

As slow as they've made our Kendall she's been showing anything but unbridled, 'bout to explode passion (of the lustful nature) around Mr. Devane. He just often happens to be the block of wood there when she does something stupid and desperate that really has nothing in actuality to do with how cute or "good" he is.

I'd like to believe the writers don't hate Kendall, they just see her as a significant ends to some of their means (of the most prominence: Greenlee's never ending whitewashing and glorifying). McTavish used the character just as much but when push came to shove you could tell that McTavish birthed the character and cared deep down. These current writers don't really get any of our "AMC" characters.

P.S. I have "Charm!" It's nowhere as badly written as "Klog" but I do think the actual writer (Sebastian Stuart) could have put a little more umph into it. Kendall did "write" this book (instead of sleeping? haha) with a lot of crap going on so I'll let it pass.

Everybody was all jumping up and down when Rebecca Botox came back, but what everyone always fails to see is that the only way they can make her version of Greenlee even remotely tolerable, is to make Kendall a complete idiot. I warned people that it was a bad move, that the Greenlee redemption train would claim the lives of Kendall AND Zach simultaneously with the return of Rebecca Big Head...but nobody listened.

Kendall is officially ruined!

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