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« Squealing Fangirl Alert | Main | Days of Our Lives Week in Review »

February 22, 2008

This Effing Show

There was a time in my life when I thought that the ridiculous decision to reveal that James Craig is actually a short, blonde, face transplanted Jerry Jacks was the dumbest thing that General Hospital had done in years and that they'd need to exert considerable effort in order to top that.

And we all know that the GH powers-that-be exert effort as often as they give screentime to Jacklyn Zeman. After all, WHY write for a dozen characters when you can just have the same four people have the same conversation every day? And WHY write stories about women being strong and independent when you can just use scripts from the 1950s and have women on your show solely to be victims or incubators? And WHY dress your cast in clothes that seem like they could be sold in actual stores when you can instead borrow hats from kindly grandmothers?

But that was foolish. Because the GH powers-that-be DO sometimes work hard to do something and when they do it, they are unfailingly committed to it. Unfortunately, that "something" is not "creating an entertaining, engaging soap opera" but is, rather "rewrite history with a blatant disregard for medical science, an overriding lack of originality and a massive amount of disrespect for the audience watching at home".

This is a lengthy way of saying that I despised today's big reveal of the Text Message Killer. That's the best they could do? In the words of Cam, "Bitch, please".

Cameronbitchplease

I had been convinced that the TMK was going to be Coop, which I thought was stupid.

Then it seemed like the TMK was going to be that creepy guy at Kelly's, which I also thought was stupid and really, really lazy.

And then for three minutes it seemed like it was going to be Logan, which, surprisingly, I also thought was stupid, because, seriously, why waste the ingenious casting of Josh Duhon as Kin Shriner's son just to make him a serial killer? I realize that I'm expecting a lot of the evil Guza/Phelps/Frons union by asking them to use that sort of earth logic, but even for them, it would be stupid.

But DIEGO?

I just...I thought GH was better than that. Which isn't saying much, but still, even for them, it's just...pitiful.

For starters--and I say this as a longtime soap fan who knows that dead rarely means dead and instead usually means "hiding somewhere and getting a new personality and/or face"--we saw him get shot. We saw his shooting lead to the single most embarrassing onscreen moment of Ted King's career. I had tried to repress it. Some things are best left unremembered and that is one of them.

Secondly...this insane instance of history rewriting is not only RIDICULOUS but UNORIGINAL as they have already ONCE thrown Diego under the bus and declared him the perpetrator of a crime that they obviously didn't intent on him being responsible for at the outset of that story. Remember when he was a stalker who drugged college girls and took pictures of them in a bizarre and terribly written way to get revenge on them for what they did to Sage? What did Ignacio Serricchio do to these people?  He's so very pretty, is it possible that they are jealous of him because of it? Their hatred of Kelly Monaco, Greg Vaughan and Jason Thompson does indicate an anti-hot people bias. I will have to research this theory of mine more, with lots of time spent looking at screencaps.

I really feel like the only way I could hate this storyline more is if the TMK was actually not Diego Alcazar but instead Diego of Go, Diego, Go fame.

It's like the writers said, "We probably shouldn't have the serial killer be a vet, because it might send the message that we really hate vets, what with all of the instances of vets on our show being crazy and violent and evil, so Coop and Logan are out. But who would be really shocking? Hmm...oooh, I know! Someone who is DEAD! That would COMPLETELY shock people. Maybe...hmm. This is tough. We could have it be AJ, but I'm sort of uncomfortable having that many Quartermaines on the show. We just whittled it down to Monica and Edward, you know? Bringing AJ back would be Quartermaine overload. Too bad Stephen Nichols is on Days, or else we could just have it be Stefan. And damn, why did we have to make it clear that it was a man? We could have explained it away as another wacky Helena scheme. Oh! We can just use whatshisface. That guy. We always use to blame stuff on him. Awesome. Daytime Emmy, here I come!"

On the one hand, this is typical GH and I really shouldn't even be irritated about it, much less angry, and yet here I am, completely pissed off at the writers and producers of this show, because, seriously? The only way it could be more apparent that they had no idea who the TMK was at the start of the story would be to have the words "We totally pulled this one out of our ass, guys, thanks for watching! Buy Campbell's Soup and drink V-8! XOXO, GH Writers" written on a scroll at the bottom of the screen.

It's insulting, really. They killed off Emily Quartermaine and Georgie Jones, two legacy characters who could drive story for decades to come, as part of a murder mystery and they couldn't even be bothered to do justice to these longtime characters and decide at the outset who was going to kill them. Nice. Instead of keeping this show on the air, why not just send everyone in the audience an autographed photo of Bob Guza giving us all the finger? It would be much more cost effective.

Comments

this show is horrible, they have so much talent but they choose to utilize the same 3 or 4 people. excellent column

"And also, what did Emily do to Diego, ever?"

That part of the story makes the MOST sense to me. Some people are too stupid to live. Hell, Tumily has proven she's too stupid to even unlive.

Even if Natalia CHOSE to leave the soap, it doesn't mean that her character's death had to make no sense whatsoever. Heck, it didn't even mean her character had to die at all. And what about Lindze? Surely they didn't kill her off for storyline reasons.

The problem with GH is that it is no longer about telling a great story. It's about doing whatever the management wants to do and justifying it with a stupid story.

Still pissed that Emily & Georgie are dead. To top it off they were killed by a nobody. They bring on these pissy ass waste of space newbies (Nadine & Leyla to mention a few), but character's that actually meant something are being killed off left & right. Bite me GH!! My favorite is still on looking like a complete fool being Nikolas's blowup doll. Not interested!

Sure, they could of taken her off in other ways than a "text message" killer but simply having her character "leave town" or other things really wouldnt of fit with the current storyline. She was as sure that she wanted to marry nikolas as I'm as sure my name is carissa so her getting cold feet wouldnt of worked.
Killing her off was probably the best way to handle the situation. I would of preferred a tragic car accident than a text message killer but it is what it is.

Besides leaving it open for natalia to come back wouldnt of been a wise option...more than likely Natalia wont be coming back to that soap, period and even if there was a small chance she might...who's to say Tyler will still be around...that was what I was trying to get at.

Why all the comments about Emily and Natalia. Who the *uck cares, I am pissed at the waste and idiocy of this storyline regardless of her tenure on this crapfestola. They could have recast, could have killed her and GEORGIE off differently of at least made the story and killer someone who did their deaths justice. This lame ass conclusion is an insult to the intelligence of the viewers of this sorry excuse for a show. And by the way, who gives a *uck about Nikolas or Tyler either. Has nothing to do with any of this.

I am so done with GH and ain't ever returning. They have insulted the intelligency of too many viewers and their lame ass ratings continue to say viewers ain't buying Frons, Phelps, and Guza's *hit anymore.

Thats fine Gin...you are entitled to your opinion. So, if you're leaving..leave..end of story. Dont waste my time reading foul language posts.

I have no idea why people here are making this about Natalia and her tenure on this show. Emily and Nikolas are 2 independent characters on this show and if Frons and his band of idiots gave one shit about the history of this show, they would have realized these 2 characters can survive independently on this show and that as much as I respect Natalia, Emily should have been recast. But these morons have turned this into a cheap version of the Sopranos and I say cheap meaning sleazy and poorly written, and a show of couples. Families, characters with heart don't exist now that emily and georgie are gone. And WTF about Georgie. We get moronic Lulu who the fucking writers on this show have yet to determine who to pair her with. Is it Dillon, is it Milo, is it Spinelli, no how about Logan, Cooper, no let;s try Johnny. I hate this character with a passion and I never thought I would ever hate Laura Spencers daughter but I do.

Regardless the story is what it is. I am just totally insulted by Harpo, Zeppo, and Groucho, (Frons, JFP, and Guza) and their 'training' of the viewers. I hope this lame excuse for a show crashes and burns and Frons and his crew can watch re-runs of the Golden era of GH on TV land and kiss my ass.

NL, love her or hate her as Emily, certainly wasn't so definitive of an Emily she couldn't have been recast, especially since she didn't originate the role. NL leaving was no justification for killing off Emily Quartermaine and Georgie Jones (for good measure) in the lamest, stupidest, most boring murder mystery of the decade, which was the big climax to the most lackluster sweeps I can ever recall.

I do find it hilarious that we stole the Satin Slayer from AMC, and did an even more pisspoor job with it than AMC did. And AMC stole our Feb 06 sweeps story, in which a health crisis brings a presumed dead hero out of hiding and into contact with the family he left behind, and have blown the doors off it, making the "return" of Robert Scorpio now look even shittier by comparison than it previously did.

I wonder if AMC will borrow the MC hostage crisis next sweeps, only because they won't have to center it around a chosen few mobsters, don't have to have a chosen, designated "hero" and occasionally are willing to allow villains to be villains, instead of handing them contracts and permanent Get Out Of Jail Free cards, blow the doors off the follow up of that story too, showing us what happens when someone actually uses sweeps as a turning point to set stories for the rest of the year, instead of taking a brilliant sweeps, and then promptly destroying anything good about it, and complete a hat trick.

Wow People. Calm down. I also hate the conclusion to this storyline and have no idea what Natalia has to do with the fact that this story was ill conceived, poorly written, and an insult to the intelligence of the viewers of this show. The problem here is much greater than Natalia leaving this show. Read the article. It is really how ABCD has destroyed 3, well 2 out of 3 quality soaps on their network.

GH was honestly the best soap on TV period for a long time, AMC was up there too. But specifically since Brian Frons has taken over ABCD, the quality of these shows has continued to diminish and viewers leaving. The loss of viewers in just this past year for GH is startling and has nothing to do with the soap genre dying. It has to do with ill conceived stories, poor writing, and too much meddling by a man who obviously has not one clue about how to write and produce a quality soap, nor do the people in charge.

I just hope someone new can come in and somehow restore ABCD to what it once was. the network with the best soaps on TV.

I think they wrong, killing Coop off he was a sweet guy, unless he not dead and they have a warehouse full of mummies, I quite remenber them saying their were two TMK, so who the other one, my money is on Dr. Devil he is the boss, he looks like angel, but he is behind all of this,DR. Devil.

I was so happy when I heard that Diego was the TMK cause it meant that I made the best decision ever by not watching GH anymore. I'm am so unbelievably done with this show it's dead to me...not soap opera dead either.

Well that was brilliant! You pretty much nailed it on the head! And there's nothing I like to watch better than a character I watched be born get murdered right before Christmas!!!! You know because watching them kill Emily who I pretty much grew up right along with really wasn't a great enough Thanksgiving gift - I totally needed this Christmas pick me up so thank you Bob Guza!!! Then to add fuel to the fire, let's make the deaths as meaningless as possible, re-write history, and have Diego Alcazar get resurrected like Jesus Christ and have him be the serial killer. Jill Farren Phelps is a frickin genius - not!!!

As someone else who's in this coveted 18-25 age group - I am so annoyed with this show I don't even know what to say!!!! I mean maybe if I thought for a minute that Guza might use Georgie or Emily's deaths for some real story telling and not just let them completely fall away and forget they existed like every other character he's killed off, I might, maybe, possibly be able to be slightly okay with this- but since he always just writes death for the initial shock and then forgets the character even existed it's beensuch a waste!!! The end of this horrid storyline proves it and with that, I am sure GH will lose more and more fans. Good riddance I say

The wonderful Claire Labine had a few pretty significant deaths in her day - but they were meaningful, drove some amazing story across the canvas and they still remain poignant. You just have to mention the names Stone and BJ and your heart breaks because you remember how well done their deaths were and how they touched everyone on the show and continue to have lasting effects. What did the deaths of Emily and Georgie do in the long run? Nothing but put another nail in the coffin of the Quartermaine and the Scorpio families! And we all knew these deaths were going to end up being about Sonny and Jason somehow too! God I hate this show right now and I think done with it once and for all. Good bye GH forever.

You know what. I was completely excited and delighted that Jill Farren Phelps, the brilliant exec producer at GH, made the decision to make Diego Alcazar, a character we all watched die on this show, the Text message killer. It reinforced a decision I made back in November to stop watching this show forever was the absolute correct decision and I feel validated in some respect. By the way anyone ever notice Emily never received a text message, but why worry about pesky little details like that.

i still found storylines intriguing up until 2004, but imo i've noticed a dramatic, dramatic, decline since then. if Guza, phelps and frons, in all their character-ruining, Jason worshipping, veteran-ignoring "glory" would AT THE LEAST, keep history in tact, i would respect them a little and I mean a very little bit.

but they are constantly rewriting history and recycling storylines that flopped the first time around. nothing on the show is working. i don't know any GH fan that is happy with the show.

nothing makes sense. even the couples,newbies sucking up airtime, when i think about it, make any sense at all because of what i remember from years ago. but there's the fabulous 3 ignoring character identities.

i have wished for my real GH to come back for a long time, but i honestly can't imagine it getting better and am glad I bid the show adieu when I did. I am not returning anytime soon and probably never.

Why all the comments about Natalia? Maybe she has fans that care. They have every right to comment about their favorite. Anyway I'm peeved at this dumb storyline. It makes no sense & just goes to show the writers get paid for nothing. I'm still trying to understand why the GH writers, of all people were even on strike. They've been on strike since 2003. I loved the characters Emily & Georgie instead of killing them off they could've sent them out of town somewhere. They did this as a sweeps stunt (that failed miserably) & it did nothing but piss people off even more than they already were.

I have to say something. Do any of the actors on this show with clout with Phelps or Frons give a shit about the quality of their product. I mean when OLTL was bleeding, Erika Slezak and Robin Strasser, the stars of that show were very outspoken and got a new head writer. that show is not perfect but is improving. At AMC Susan Lucci spoke up and new writers also. The soap is still not great but heck new writers and Jessie and Angie are back.

Do SBu. MB or TG clearly the most powerful actors on this show not care or are they more worried about their own personal agendas. It is too bad GH does not have strong leading female leads on this show like Es, RS, and SL because it looks like a woman speaking out is the only chance of anyone at GH speaking out. The men there all seem to be satisfied with status quo.

This is typical Guza and his 'premature ejaculation' writing. He gets all excited about a story, props it promotes it, and then it dies a quick death before it is supposed to be over. This has happened with the TMK, with the idiotic random rage/tumor/hallucination storyline(the alleged most romantic story ever), the baby Jake story that has gone on painstakenly for almost 2 years now, the Jerry Jax/Emily treason stuff, Alexis and her supposed sudden cancer cure, need I go on.

The TMK is the worst so far because we have not seen the conclusion to some of the rest. I have no doubt that tumor/hallucination and baby Jake/liason will be as lame if not lamer. Fortunately I won't be watching to see how any of those conclude. The 1 hour a day I gain from this can be used to do something more valuable like picking my toenails.

I HEART you Sam! Guza IS a premature ejaculatory writer/storyteller. Perfect description of his massive failings.

I wish you and your toe nails much happiness.

Valerie makes an important point. GH has no poweful female stars because they get so far less airtime, except for Carly and now again Sarah Brown. Guza is a massive mysogynist and hates women. He fired Anna Lee once when her contract ended, before she died! And all the women in PC are marginalized. They are all weak or victims or hellacious evil bitches.

And why would SBurton or MBernard complain? Guza fawns all over them like a crazy stalker. The whole show is built around them and their brooding and violence. They are in every scene almost every day, and MB loves to brood and be violent as does SB now. And their characters both get to sleep with every female on set pretty much. Guza idolizes and worships these two. Why rock the boat just to be on a better show?

And TG, he has complained before. But in the end he has a sweet deal. He gets like 6 months of vacation every year. He still makes a great salary as the only vet. He has a great life and GH supports it.

NLG KM KMcC LC and the rest of the women on this show have no power, Guza would never allow it.

This TMK story is just a long line of failed stories on this show. I can't wait for TPTB now to blame this on the writers strike. Well this show has been failing since the summer of sleeze in 2005 and has never completely recovered.

All of 2007 barring the Metro Court stuff which led to the unnecessary death of Alan Q and the ludicrous turning a villian into Jerry Jax crap because Guza had a hard on for him, has been horrible just horrible. I have no faith in a man and women(JFP is more of a victimizer of women that Guza - ie Frankie Frame anyone). She is a worthless shrew.

Frons is ultimately responsible. He and his cohorts need to vacate the premisis before they dig an even larger grave for the viewers. Hmm - is there a way for the TMK to continue working his magic?

"Natalia was leaving irregardless of the storyline. SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE THE SOAP."

Yes, just like Amber Tamblyn, the ORIGINAL Emily, did years ago. Emily wasn't killed off then, even though her departure left a hole in the canvas. She was sent away and later brought back as Natalia. Finding a way to write Emily off for a time would have been easy - have Helena kidnap her, fake her death, and spirit her away somewhere.

Man, am I glad I stopped watching this show. Reading snark about it is much less painful.

I have to say I have never been a big fan of Natalia Livingstons or Lindzee Lethermans although I think both are very UNDERRATED actresses BUT. Emily Quartermaine and Georgie Jones were 2 legacy characters on this show and fans of this show deserved better than this ridiculous twist. This is worse than the Satin Slayer on AMC where Dixie was killed by a banana pancake, because AMC killed off 1 legacy character not 2 and as bad as AMC is, they fired the writers resonsible for that trash and brought in new ones. What does ABCD do? They reward Guza and Phelps for being complete morons and incompetents. I am hoping fans tune out in droves next week for the BIG TMK STORY and let these idiots know just how lame their asses are.

Frons, Guza, and Phelps all deserve to be sitting at home collecting unemployment for what they have collectively done to this show.

I couldn't agree more Mo! I couldn't agree more! Lucky for us, we have an infinite amount of reasons not to tune in. Diego Alcazar. Why not just make it the Pillsbury Dough Boy for as much sense as this stupid storyline made?

This really has nothing to do with anything, but I was just playing a word game and discovered the word "frons" means "the upper anterior portion of the head of an insect, above or behind the clypeus."

Celine,

Love your definition of Frons. Interesting enough the definition you outlined for Frons applies to the person most people are referring to here. He is "the upper anterior portion of the head of an insect, above or behind the clypeus."

^ LOL Celine!

ok, Diego? seriously? wow. just...no. words. guess i'm not missing much by not watching!

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