This Effing Show
There was a time in my life when I thought that the ridiculous decision to reveal that James Craig is actually a short, blonde, face transplanted Jerry Jacks was the dumbest thing that General Hospital had done in years and that they'd need to exert considerable effort in order to top that.
And we all know that the GH powers-that-be exert effort as often as they give screentime to Jacklyn Zeman. After all, WHY write for a dozen characters when you can just have the same four people have the same conversation every day? And WHY write stories about women being strong and independent when you can just use scripts from the 1950s and have women on your show solely to be victims or incubators? And WHY dress your cast in clothes that seem like they could be sold in actual stores when you can instead borrow hats from kindly grandmothers?
But that was foolish. Because the GH powers-that-be DO sometimes work hard to do something and when they do it, they are unfailingly committed to it. Unfortunately, that "something" is not "creating an entertaining, engaging soap opera" but is, rather "rewrite history with a blatant disregard for medical science, an overriding lack of originality and a massive amount of disrespect for the audience watching at home".
This is a lengthy way of saying that I despised today's big reveal of the Text Message Killer. That's the best they could do? In the words of Cam, "Bitch, please".
I had been convinced that the TMK was going to be Coop, which I thought was stupid.
Then it seemed like the TMK was going to be that creepy guy at Kelly's, which I also thought was stupid and really, really lazy.
And then for three minutes it seemed like it was going to be Logan, which, surprisingly, I also thought was stupid, because, seriously, why waste the ingenious casting of Josh Duhon as Kin Shriner's son just to make him a serial killer? I realize that I'm expecting a lot of the evil Guza/Phelps/Frons union by asking them to use that sort of earth logic, but even for them, it would be stupid.
I just...I thought GH was better than that. Which isn't saying much, but still, even for them, it's just...pitiful.
For starters--and I say this as a longtime soap fan who knows that dead rarely means dead and instead usually means "hiding somewhere and getting a new personality and/or face"--we saw him get shot. We saw his shooting lead to the single most embarrassing onscreen moment of Ted King's career. I had tried to repress it. Some things are best left unremembered and that is one of them.
Secondly...this insane instance of history rewriting is not only RIDICULOUS but UNORIGINAL as they have already ONCE thrown Diego under the bus and declared him the perpetrator of a crime that they obviously didn't intent on him being responsible for at the outset of that story. Remember when he was a stalker who drugged college girls and took pictures of them in a bizarre and terribly written way to get revenge on them for what they did to Sage? What did Ignacio Serricchio do to these people? He's so very pretty, is it possible that they are jealous of him because of it? Their hatred of Kelly Monaco, Greg Vaughan and Jason Thompson does indicate an anti-hot people bias. I will have to research this theory of mine more, with lots of time spent looking at screencaps.
I really feel like the only way I could hate this storyline more is if the TMK was actually not Diego Alcazar but instead Diego of Go, Diego, Go fame.
It's like the writers said, "We probably shouldn't have the serial killer be a vet, because it might send the message that we really hate vets, what with all of the instances of vets on our show being crazy and violent and evil, so Coop and Logan are out. But who would be really shocking? Hmm...oooh, I know! Someone who is DEAD! That would COMPLETELY shock people. Maybe...hmm. This is tough. We could have it be AJ, but I'm sort of uncomfortable having that many Quartermaines on the show. We just whittled it down to Monica and Edward, you know? Bringing AJ back would be Quartermaine overload. Too bad Stephen Nichols is on Days, or else we could just have it be Stefan. And damn, why did we have to make it clear that it was a man? We could have explained it away as another wacky Helena scheme. Oh! We can just use whatshisface. That guy. We always use to blame stuff on him. Awesome. Daytime Emmy, here I come!"
On the one hand, this is typical GH and I really shouldn't even be irritated about it, much less angry, and yet here I am, completely pissed off at the writers and producers of this show, because, seriously? The only way it could be more apparent that they had no idea who the TMK was at the start of the story would be to have the words "We totally pulled this one out of our ass, guys, thanks for watching! Buy Campbell's Soup and drink V-8! XOXO, GH Writers" written on a scroll at the bottom of the screen.
It's insulting, really. They killed off Emily Quartermaine and Georgie Jones, two legacy characters who could drive story for decades to come, as part of a murder mystery and they couldn't even be bothered to do justice to these longtime characters and decide at the outset who was going to kill them. Nice. Instead of keeping this show on the air, why not just send everyone in the audience an autographed photo of Bob Guza giving us all the finger? It would be much more cost effective.