Battle for the Title of Week's Most Awesome Dialogue. Yes, on GH. I Can't Believe it Either.
I can't even believe that I am writing a post about how there are three ridiculously awesome contenders for the Week's (perhaps "Month's" or "Spring's," in fact) Most Awesome Dialogue, all on General Effing Hospital (that's the unabridged title), but there are. Oh, there are. So you must help us decide which will reign supreme.
Full quotes after the cut. Warning: They may make you start to feel optimistic about GH. In the same week as violence-induced miscarriage number 83 and mob war number 243. Intense confusion and brow-furrowing may ensue.
The scenes between Robin and Patrick this week were so awesome. Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are incredible together. The only downside to their conversation was that it made me seethe with Soap Opera Rage all over again about how utterly shiteous Night Shift was.
So anyway, check out Robin being all historically accurate and non-shrewy, and Patrick making a case for permanent restoration of the hotly modifier:
Robin: Do you have a minute?
Patrick: Not if it's going to be another no-win conversation where you get to tell me once again I'm nothing but a sperm donor.
Robin: If I said that, I was overcompensating.
Patrick: If, Robin? I thought we loved each other. Which means we should be honest with each other. Which is why I told you the truth. I didn't want to be a father. But it happened. By accident. Kinda took the decision out of my hands. Now the baby you're carrying is part of me, and I get to have a reaction, whether you like it or not.
Robin: Okay, I realized something tonight. I'm the biggest hypocrite that ever drew breath. And I'm sorry. [cut to Tuesday] I should have told you it was your baby the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Patrick: Do you expect me to argue?
Robin: You have every right to be angry with me.
Patrick: Don't give me permission to feel, Robin. Help me to try to understand. You wanted this baby more than anything. So why do you hate me so much for making it with you?
Robin: In my heart I always wanted to have your baby, but you said you didn't want to be a father, so I thought it would be best if you just didn't know.
Patrick: You didn't lie to me to protect me. You lied to shut me out.
Robin: I know that's how it seems, okay, but I realized that you can't lie about a child for your own convenience. Not because you justify to yourself that the father would be better off not knowing or the child would be better off not knowing who the father is.
Patrick: Robin, I didn't want a baby in the abstract, when your pregnancy was still a hypothetical. And you took that as a chance to never tell me it was my baby in the first place.
Robin: Look, I know I made a mess of this. And it's so ironic because out of all people, I should know the dangers that come from lying about a child. I had a front row seat when Carly and Jason were lying about Michael, I mean to go even further back when my mom lied to my dad about me and didn't even know about me for the first six years of my life. My mom was wrong. Carly was wrong. And now, you know, it's my child, it's a baby that's growing inside of me, a baby that you said you didn't want. And so I lied. And I was wrong. And I'm sorry and I mean I'm trying to undo it, but I'm just obviously making a mess of that too.
Jasper Jacks is the best mothereffing truth-teller in the history of truthy truth-telling about truth.
Jax: Michael shot Kate? You can't seriously be thinking about covering this up. Your child bought an illegal handgun and shot an innocent woman.
Carly: It was an accident. He dropped the gun and it went off. He didn't shoot her.
Jax: It wasn't an accident he had the gun in the first place. I can't believe that you're going to pretend like nothing happened.
Carly: What do you want me to do?
Jax: You could start by going to the police and telling them how Kate ended up with a bullet in her chest.
Carly: I'm not going to go to the police so they can ship Michael away for 30 years. I will never let that happen.
Jax: He's 12 years old. He's not going to go to prison, okay? Besides, it was an accident. Carly, you're not going to have a kid in three years, let alone 30, if you don't step in and do something now.
Carly: I don't see how turning him over to the cops is going to help my son.
Jax: He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions.
Carly: You saw him, Jax. He was devastated. He's learned his lesson. What we need to do is let it go.
Jax: See, this is exactly why Michael is messed up. Because from a very young age, he's been taught that the rules don't apply if your last name is Corinthos or Morgan.
Carly: That is not true.
Jax: Carly, how many times have Sonny and Jason been arrested? Actually, a better question would be how many times have Sonny and Jason been arrested, and have actually paid for the laundry list of crimes that they've committed?
Carly: This has nothing to do with Sonny and Jason, okay?
Jax: They're the reason that his life is surrounded by violence. I mean, he lives behind a bullet proof glass. I mean, he's got bodyguards following him around wherever he goes. You don't think that has some kind of effect on Michael? Carly, most boys his age dream about become doctors and firemen. Your child wants to be a mob boss. This doesn't concern you at all?
Carly: Of course it concerns me.
Jax: Then prove it. Stop protecting him and get him the help he needs.
Carly: What he needs is to forget this ever happened. That's what he needs.
Jax: Of course. And how many innocent people are supposed to get hurt, huh? He's already shot one woman. Almost killed you and the baby.
Carly: He didn't cause the explosion, Jax!
Jax: You wouldn't have been in the cannery if it wasn't for Michael. If he hadn't bought that gun, he wouldn't have shot Kate, he wouldn't have felt the need to run away.
Carly: All this is Michael's fault now, is that it?
Jax: No, I'm not blaming Michael. I'm blaming his parents for not teaching him that the law is there to protect him. That he doesn't need to buy a handgun to protect himself.
Carly: So now I'm a bad mother?
Jax: No, I'm not saying you're a bad mother. But you're misguided. Your loyalty to Sonny and Jason has seriously clouded your judgment, Carly.
Carly: Sonny is Michael and Morgan's father. What would you have me do?
Jax: I don't know. Something better than you're doing now. You might be okay with Michael and Morgan being surrounded by Sonny's crazy violent world, but I'm not going to let that happen to our child.
This one is short but sweet. I only wish every female character would realize that sex with Sonny is a one-way ticket to wrong-ville.
Alexis: Not that I'm not the happiest mother in the world to have given birth to this beautiful child, but what the hell was I thinking having sex with her father? Out of all the men in Port Charles, I had to zero in on the most dangerous one.
Okay, verdict time!