Can I Get Disability Pay for Outrage Fatigue?
If you are totally unspoiled for GH, stop reading now. I used to be one of you, but I feel like 1) I should probably read the magazine that we write for (I heart paychecks!), and 2) with GH it really is helpful to know at least a little bit of what's coming up, so that you can take adequate precautions (e.g., hide heavy objects, soundproof living room walls, warn neighbors about possibility of random expletives).
I will admit that I was already suffering from a bit of TV outrage last night. I watched my cheesy guilty pleasure, Dancing With the Stars. Innocent fun, that show! (Side note: Jason Taylor = made of sexy.) So what genius decided to ruin the night by making the adorably curvy Marissa Jaret Winokur dance to Tpain's "Low," with special emphasis on "gave that big booty a smack"? That is the tackiest thing I have ever seen on that show, and I've watched six seasons of outfits made entirely from illusion fabric and sequins!
ANYWAY. Back to GH. Upping the TV outrage since 2002 or so. So I'm flipping through the front part of Soap Opera Digest that I allow myself to read (I like my spoilers in small quantities, just like I do spicy food, cultural activities, and CNN), and what do I see but a preview of what's to come next week with Carly. Hey guess what everyone? Carly's going to miscarry! Do you know why you're thinking "are you effing kidding me with this?!" Because Carly has miscarried like 17 times before and, oh yeah, SO HAS EVERY OTHER WOMAN ON THIS SHOW. And usually as the result of spectacular[ly unnecessary] violence, as is the case this time in which some combination of Diego the Undead Serial Killer's bomb and Claudia's bitchiness will culminate in Carly miscarrying.
Look, I don't even like Carly. Laura Wright is fabulous, and I'm sure she'll sell the scenes, but Carly is still about 98% odious. And I don't like Carly with Jax. I never have. And I did not want to deal with years of Jax suffering through co-parenthood with Carly. So this is not some fangirl reaction. What is it with this show and endangering pregnant women? It is seriously disturbing. Like, more disturbing than its obsession with guns. Even more disturbing than Carly's vision of heaven being in a dive bar, in Claudia's cheap red shoes, playing pool, drinking cheap beer, lusting after Jason. Yes, that disturbing!
I get that soaps are about drama, and miscarriages can be dramatic, but it is about 20 miscarriages past the point where this show can claim any artistic originality with this, right? Am I crazy? Is everyone going to respond with how per capita, Port Charles women actually carry pregnancies to term at a much higher rate than any other soap towns, having figured this out using several soap encyclopedias and multi-tabbed Excel spreadsheets?
Okay, maybe I am overreacting (well, I NEVER!). Let's try to compile a list in the comments of all the poor Port Charles women who have had miscarriages or stillbirths in recent years, shall we? I'll start: Elizabeth (x2). If we want to get crazy we can tally the newborn babies in peril, too. And those of you who watch other shows can weigh in on whether my soap outrage is legit, or whether I am going to have to come up with some other reason to skip town to Tahiti next week. And also, as always, you can count your blessings and/or gloat that you don't have to watch what the people running GH have done to this once amazing soap.