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« An LML Survivor Speaks Out | Main | That's...Bold. Is Bold the Right Word? »

March 09, 2008

General Hospital Week in Review

I still don't really care about this show, but once you got past the cheesy "special" effects early in the week, without a stupid and implausible serial killer reveal or any more homicides of legacy characters, this week didn't suck quite as much as many.  I'm not interested enough to do a full-blown Week in Review (those are surprisingly labor-intensive, and require significant inspiration!), but there were, I suppose, events worth noting.

The "This Stuff Is So Stupid It Makes Me Yearn For the Realism and Depth of One Tree Hill" List:

  • Alexis and Jerry should not happen.  I know the actors have great chemistry, and Alexis is long overdue for a romance, but NO.  The guy is a psychopath.  Among other things, he tried to kill her nephew!  WTF?  That is not foreplay. 
  • Were the "special effects" just so Liz and Sam could once again be damsels in distress and Jason could once again be the hero?  Please.  Those two get into some horrible predicament almost weekly, like in the grocery store or at the dry cleaners.  (Don't even get me started on that park.)  And Jason is a hero.  He just is.  He looks good shirtless, he kills people for a living, he wears the same outfit every day.  What is not to idolize?  (Tune in next week, when I share my ABC Daytime-sponsored thoughts on how all strong women are bitches.)
  • 1)  The black-and-white Spinelli fantasies MUST END.  They are ridiculously cheesy and totally out of place on this show, which supposedly prides itself on being the non-campy variety of soap.  Ick.   2)  Why couldn't Spinelli just email someone to get them rescued out of the sewer?  Instead, he futzed around on his laptop for hours trying to find some code to open that gate that itty-bitty Maxie then somehow managed to get trapped in.  So bizarre.  (I did love her myriad objections to the sewageyness of the sewer, though.)  Maxie continues to make Spinelli far, far more tolerable, but I still don't want them as a couple.  I think they need to bring someone new in for him.  And I think she'd be good with Nikolas.  But I am sick and earlier the room was spinning so maybe I'm talking nonsense.  (Not that I expect you to notice the difference.)
  • Anything related to Marianna sucks.  I'm sure the actress is a lovely person, but the character is the polar opposite of interesting.  My fast-forward button tries to activate itself when she and Ric are onscreen.  And anything that makes me not want to watch Rick Hearst is truly of the devil.
  • 1)  I love how when Dr. Devlin picks up a hooker I'm supposed to find it disgusting and indicative that he is actually a Very Bad Man, but when Sonny does it it's sexy.  2)  Ian is indeed a Very Bad Man, though, right?  He's the creepy criminal with the bad tattoo that Jerry/James/Moreau has been dealing with?  These writers couldn't help themselves, could they? They had to fully integrate the mob and the hospital.  This feels like a leftover Night Shift plot.  Which is, to clarify, NOT a compliment.
  • Why is Sonny all smiley and flirtatious with Kate while his kid is missing?  And really, if Johnny took Michael, wouldn't a savvy mobster let Johnny out and tail him to wherever the kid is?  Also, if you're going to have a child-in-danger plot, shouldn't you ensure it's not about a "child" that half the audience is convinced is a psychopathic demon-spawn? This "Michael is missing" story is almost as ill-conceived and un-engaging as the Text Message Killer storyline.   Aim high, writers!

The "This Stuff Was Really Good, Which Just Proves That the Rest of the Time This Show Isn't Even Trying" List:

  • All of Patrick and Robin's scenes were fantastic.  Kimberly McCullough and especially Jason Thompson were amazing.  (I sometimes forget while I am drawing hearts and stars all over the photo shrine I have of him in my den that he's actually quite a good actor, too.  It sucks when being a total stalker interferes with the ability to reason, you know?)  The big confrontation scene in the locker room was pretty much perfect, characters' personality foibles on display and all.  Kudos, Awesome Writer!  I hope the shackles aren't chafing and that craft services sneaks you some decent food occasionally.  You haven't been let out much lately.
  • Patrick and Elizabeth's scenes were also great.  I like their friendship, and her ability to tell him when he needs to check himself.  Also, they're both so very pretty.  Perhaps they could just stand at the nurses' station a couple of times a week and read medical charts out loud.
  • Jax.  That's it, just Jax.  Whether he's being a good friend to Kate, or telling off Carly about her ridiculous infatuation with Jason, or being a supportive husband to her in spite of her inability to behave like a likable human being, I love him.  Could he have a long-lost kid come to town, or something?    I'm really unhappy that his only babymomma will be Carly.  Laura Wright is awesome, but I'm pretty sure even she isn't going to be able to make a pregnant and then new mother Carly tolerable.
  • Alexis and Nikolas fighting rocked.  I love it when they get all Cassadine on each other.  This show needs more Cassadines.  And Quartermaines.  And Spencers.  And Scorpios.  Sorry, I hate it when I get all off-topic like that.  More mobsters!  More random newcomers!
  • The baby who plays Jake is so cute and expressive that he starts to make me believe that human beings are by nature good, and that world peace, a cure for cancer, and an end to Crocs are within our grasp.  Nothing on GH has made me feel that way since Megan Ward showed up with her fabulous bob.
  • If there had to be a Text Message Killer storyline (Note:  There did NOT, writers, and even if there did, you couldn't make it not suck?), I like the closure of Nikolas killing Diego.  This show has me praising a homicide.  I'm pretty sure next week I'll be talking about the sexiness of Jason holding a gun, and Sonny roughing up a woman.
  • This conversation was awesome:

Carly: You don't need to soften it, okay?  I know the facts.  Sliced tendons and severed nerves, in both hands.  All to save your sorry butt?
Elizabeth: He would have done the same for you, Carly.
Carly:  But he didn't do it for me.  He did it for you.  And Sam.  [Note:  This is the true source of Carly's outrage.  -- Ed.]
Elizabeth:  What did you want him to do, Carly, let us die?  Okay, you're a little more hateful than usual today and I'm not sure what's causing it but I've got to go.
Carly: This could really work out well for you.
Elizabeth: Excuse me?
Carly: If Jason comes out of surgery without the use of his hands, he can't work for Sonny anymore.  That would leave the door wide open for you.  But just so we're clear, Jason would be miserable.  You could cost Jason everything.
Epiphany (to Elizabeth): I need you on ten.
Carly: We're not done yet.
Epiphany: I said I needed Nurse Webber.  You will get out of her way, and let her do her job.
Carly: You don't need to be pushy. [!!!!!! times a billion!  Irony overload!  - Ed.]
Epiphany: I said I needed Nurse Webber on the tenth floor.  You will get out of her way, or heart attack or not, I will turn you upside down and mop this floor with your hair.
Elizabeth: Thank you, Epiphany.  I'm on my way.

Maybe it's just all this Campbell's soup I've been eating finally healing my previously dead heart, but I freaking loved Epiphany in this scene.  And my Liz love is returning.  Which is good, because Rebecca Herbst's hair is starting to look really pretty again, and what if that was tainted by Elizabeth continuing to be a pain in the ass? 

Oh, but I am so worried about the potential loss of Jason's ability to kill other human beings for profit that I've started a fan campaign.  Please consider writing to express your support:

        Save Our Hitman's Trigger Finger
        123 Are You Effing Kidding Me With This GH Avenue
        I Can't Believe This Show Keeps Getting Shittier City, CA 98765

And since every campaign needs a catchy theme object, I'm working hard on ours.  As soon as I figure out how to package a disgusted eyeroll, I'll let you know!


Beth is my new heroine! Wanting to know if it's time for Liz to return to the hub for biweekly popins ONLY. :-)

"Sorry about the trigger finger....Liz has to wipe your hiney....Emily killer!" That post rocked.

What I want to know is how many more scenes where Johnny, the tortured musical prodigy, draws all over the padded walls of his cell with a magic marker (which the guards inexplicably have yet to confiscate) am I going to have to endure? Surely that kid has run out of wall space creating his masterpiece by now.

ITA about the patrick robin confrontation scenes. JT was amazing, i loved when he was going to leave and robin blocked him at the door and that tear rolled off his cheek. Hopefully the show will see the kind of response these two are getting and put that on the front burner permanently. i watch this show everyday and i still couldnt tell you at all what is going on with the latest mob war

Sorry, but I have to disagree on the Maxie/Spinelli thing. I love their black and whites and think they are a great couple. I look forward to their scenes together.

Was that a comment on how Nikolas & Maxie should be together? because if so, then i agree. The writers hinted at it after they killed Jesse, then thre her at Lucky.

Sigh. I don't get the SpinMax hatred, I really don't. BA and KS are about the only enjoyable aspect of the show for me right now, the only characters I can still stand on a regular basis. And they're adorably soapy, campy, and snarky together.

Robin and Patrick's reveal scene was AWESOME! JT AND KMc never cease to amaze me with their talent. Gimme more Scrubs! Gimme gimme more!

I was so wrapped up in the fact that I didn't hate Patrick and want to scream STFU! at the screen every second he was on last week, that I COMPLETELY FORGOT to disagree w/you about Spinelli/Maxie. I'm sorry, but KS is like KMc-she makes all of her fellow actors better, and she has chemistry w/the GH water fountain, so I think she could sell any pairing. But, truth be told, she's really making Spinelli kind of grow on me. They're sweet and funny and cute, and they give me something to watch on GH in addition to Robin and Patrick, and the occasional Alexis scene where she's not fawning over a terrorist. Bastard writers.

Hilarious, per usual but I do love Spinelli. And Maxie. And Spinelli/Maxie. And J-Lex. I hope both couples move full-steam ahead. And ITA on Scrubs - a better (and I'm sure less expensive) scene than all the TMK reveal stuff combined.

ITA...Love Spin/Maxie and Jerry/Alexis. They wrote Jerry as a psychopath and they can unwrite him as such. He and Alexis are the definition of chemistry. Spin/Maxie are refreshing along with Robin/Patrick. They are the only reason I watch this effing show. Please out Liason...I am so over the suspense.

Oh, man, you made me cry with your campaign to save the hitman. I can barely type.

Seriously though, yes totally agree that Scrubs was good, love the Liz/Patrick friendship and EPIPHANY!! Woohoo, I could picture the bucket she was going to dunk her in for the mopping. And I didn't even care that it is probably way too early for her to already be back at work.

I too love SpinMax, however i do not want them in a romance. I think it would be much better to keep them as friends with this odd sexual tension between them. They can hate on everyone the other dates. Plus, we never get a real friendship on soaps anymore.

This was by far the most spot on HILARIOUS sort of week in review I have read in recent memory. Way better than the actual show, which I should immediately apologize for - the freakin' weather channel is better than this show. How JT and KM aren't nominated for Daytime Emmy's is beyond me - even though their s/l has sucked a black hole into soap operaland, their acting remains right on and believable.

Oh - and someone including a licensed therapist is going to have to sit me down and explain why Spinelli is on this show and why ANYONE would think he should be on this show. Can we all chip in to have him go to English as a FIRST language class? Apparently GH cannot afford this with all their "high tech" imagery.

JLex are the definition of chemistry. Their picture should be in the dictionary under chemistry. I can understand why some are anti JLex since its a bit of a hard pill to force down since Jerry is Craig the terrorist. Moreau the shady businessman/Jerry the questionable non principled fella. However, he did point out to Alexis that he is her type considering her past relations with the brothers Lansing/Corinthos. Hell she could run the 4 peat. (well only 3 it would be lol.) Anyhow since she is Cassadine I could buy it. Jerry keeps pursuing her tho so she might give in. I don't mind. Heck, if she wanted to get all Cassadine on him then she could off him at some point. Remember Luis? I'm sayin'...

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