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« Days of Our Lives Week in Review: The Sniffle Edition | Main | Restless Bile »

March 03, 2008

GH Couple of Weeks in Review: The I Don't Care Edition

I have been a bad General Hospital blogger.  I know this.  But I cannot bring myself to care about this show right now.  It's so terrible.  Terribly violent, terribly predictable, terribly monotonous, terribly nonsensical, and most of all terribly boring.  The things I could not possibly care less about outnumber the entertaining things by easily about ten to one.  The things I do not care to see anything more about include, but are no means limited to:

  • Michael being kidnapped
  • Carly being upset that Michael has been kidnapped
  • Sonny's weirdly detached reaction to Michael having been kidnapped
  • Marianna
  • Ric playing dress-up-the-abused-Barbie with Marianna
  • Campbell's soup
  • Epiphany
  • Epiphany's Campell's-sponsored heart disease support group
  • Lucky once again being shot/victimized
  • Jason once again saving the day
  • Trevor
  • Diego's amazing HVAC skills
  • tiny Kelly Monaco being thrown around some more by a guy two times her size
  • Emily being brutally killed, AGAIN

So what does that leave?  Almost nothing.  (You'll still click through for the rest though, won't you?  I need reader encouragement to get me through this challenging time.)

A few things didn't suck:

  • Maxie and Spinelli.  Mallory and I turned the corner on Maxie last year, upgrading her from one of the worst characters in daytime to one of our favorites.  And now it turns out she has the same remarkable ability Kate has, to make an otherwise unbearable guy almost adorable.  I like her with Spinelli.  I can't believe I just typed that, but I did.  On a related note, shut up, Lulu.  God.
  • Claudia continues to be a little intriguing, when she's not pursuing the mighty Corinthos wang.  I don't understand why she hates Kate so much, let alone why she would leave her to die in the street.  I also don't understand why she wears open-toed shoes in the middle of winter in upstate New York.  And I don't understand how in some shots Sarah Brown looks drop-dead gorgeous, while in others she looks vaguely like a dude in a dress.  But I suppose soaps are all about mystery and intrigue.
  • I still hate Dead/TumorEmily, but since it looks like she's finally on her way to the kind of final death Days viewers are unfamiliar with, she didn't bug me much this week.  Tyler Christopher has been doing interesting things with Nikolas and we actually saw some story movement, so on the latter count that's an improvement over at least the last three months or so.
  • Unintentional hilarity highlight for me this week was Max, bodyguard to the Port Charles mafia stars, shooting many times at Diego from about three feet away and missing entirely.   I so want to see Jason's face when he finds out about that.  Steve Burton has mastered the "are you fucking kidding me?" look in a most amusing way.
  • Patrick got my gift!  I'm reserving judgment on this overall storyline because I'm still virtually certain these writers will eff it up like they love to do, but for now I'm not filled with soap opera rage over the whole thing.

And . . . that's pretty much it.  Two weeks in which roughly five things moderately captured my interest.  I'm amazed with storytelling like this that it hasn't tumbled in the ratings.  Oh.  Well, score one for the American viewing public.  You still have to make up for the results of at least four seasons of American Idol, but you're coming up in the world.

P.S.  Those "special" effects of the car hanging off the bridge are getting their own post.  They totally deserve it.

P.P.S.  After seeing him on Oprah last week, I am going to track down a Trapper Keeper just so I can write Rick Springfield's name all over it.


Tumily!?!?!? Genius :-)

And as for the "hints" from Claudia that Anthony molested her and that is why she was sent away when she began to develop or whatever...yippee another female victim grown up into a monster we the audience are supposed to love. Because women look up to and enjoy crazy slutty violent greedy crime loving bitches more than hard working accomplished intelligent brave successful women who contribute to society no matter how horrid their childhoods. Alexis, Diane, Kate, Bobbie, and Robin vs. Carly and Claudia.

GH isn't talented enough to try and tell that story, no way no how. Last time they tried to handle a storyline involving incest and molestation Sonny blamed Karen for getting molested as a kid and then turned her into a stripper and drug addict.

Run Kate Run!!!!!

I agree, for the most part. the only thing i disagree with is Claudia. She is by far the worst thing on this show. Did we not see this done with Faith? Has Helena not done this? Should i go on and list the other's she is molded after?

Maxie/Spin are the highlight of GH. Who ever thought that would be the case a year ago?

You know, Alice and nattyp, I can't IMAGINE why Robin would feel the need to be a defensive bitch with Patrick. I mean, it's not as if he has been hateful, insensitive, rude, pushy, nosy, inconsiderate, harsh, and, generally, an all-around dick for the last 8 freakin' months.

Oh, wait.....

Furthermore, anything short of Robin taking that damn plug (hello, Backyardigan, Austin specifically, Disney-owned show....what? I have 2-year-old, so shut it) toy and shoving it, followed by Leyla's smug little head, so far up his ass he'd need his one of Ian's experimental drugs to expel it, I count as generosity on Robin's part.

Oh, and for the record? Robin WAS leaving him alone-hence the paternity lie. HE insisted on knowing the truth, she told him, and she still told him "here's your hat, asshole, what's your hurry?"-so she IS leaving him alone.

Didn't Guza say that the Emily/Nick thing was gonna be some wonderful love story??? And that she's NOT a ghost?? Jeez, making her a tumor is WORSE than being a ghost.

When Max and Diego were having the shoot-out, all I could think of was Naked Gun, where there's this major shootout, and then the camera pans out to show that the gunmen were only 3 feet away from each other.

Lulu is now officially the most annoying, worthless, propped-up character on GH. Okay, she ties with Carly.

Why do they always make wimen look like sex addict/sluts? Take Claudia. How embarrassing is it to watch her throw herself at anything with a pulse. And her severe look (black hair, etc.) make her look like a she-male.

I'm not getting the Sam love. Her irritating breathy voice and propped-up victim role to redeem her from the UNFORGIVABLE deed of letting baby Jake get kidnapped makes me puke. I heart Sam as an evil conniving b*tch.

This Diego thing cracks me up. It reminds me of Austin Powers, where Dr. Eviiiil puts him in an impossibly dangerous position yet gives him plenty of time to escape. Why did Diego kill the others FAST, yet Sam and now Liz get multiple changes and time to escape/be saved?

Does anyone care if Michael comes back? He is an annoying Mimi-Mobster, and I think Carly should fall off a cliff with him in her arms. I don't like her manic screechiness. And can she make Jax any more of a wimp? Once a month, he'll yell at her -- which is very much deserved -- and then a second later apologizes! Grow a backbone Jax!

And WTF were they thinking with Mari-ah-na?? Poor Ric. I love his softer hairstyle, and it's nice to see a storyline with him, but she is totally FF material. Ric and Diane. Ric and Kate (oh, won't Sonny LOVE that!) Ric and the LAMP POST for goodness sake!

How sad that I still watch. Sigh.

Sadly, I can't claim credit on the Tumily bit, Sarah. I read that on TWOP GH board and thought everyone was using it. It's awesome though.

Anyway, I just came here to repeat my Jason and his "savior complex" hate. I'm a total "Jathiest" (and yes, credit me on that one...combining words is so much fun.)

Charlie I am proud to be a Jathiest as well....and I am totally begging people to make me banners with that on it. I can do it too..that's how I have just about every scene between Lucky/Cameron commemorated in a banner or avi icon.

You got to admit...him passing out is about the funniest thing ever. And my Lucky saving the day while Jasus just lied there? I'll even overlook the whole Sam part it was just that awesome.

I too am a proud Jathiest! Thanks Charlie. I think Cameron should be our mascot!

The only thing that keeps me tuning in right now is the dynamic between Claudia and Johnny and the Scrubs s/l...everything else I agree with. Sometimes this show sucks...why do I still watch it? I must be a masochist.

Oh...and one more thing...How the HELL did Diego manage to knock Max out when Max was holding a gun on him from five feet away? Is Max like the worst bodyguard in the history of Roadhouse wannabe's or what? I'm suprised Sonny and Jason havn't cuaght even more bullets by now with the likes of him watching out for them.

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