Happy Birthday, Y&R!
Anniversaries and birthdays are exciting in and of themselves, and are even more exciting when they are milestones (notable exception: my upcoming 25th birthday, which is already giving me agita). So the fact that The Young and the Restless is celebrating 35 years on the air today is ultra exciting indeed, especially since it was absolutely stellar for, like, ninety percent of those 35 years.
And yet...I keep thinking of the Christmas episode of The Office when Michael was all, "Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame".
Part of that is the fact that this is the photo SOAPNet uses to commemorate the big anniversary. I don't even know if lame's the right word.
I know that the non-ABC soaps are treated pretty shabbily by SOAPNet, but there's really no reason for that photo. It's just rude. Peter Bergman looks appropriately dreamy, but Michelle Stafford, who I think is stunningly gorgeous, is looking like what Christian Siriano would call a hot tranny mess. And Jeanne Cooper looks like she's illustrated. I don't get it.
The other part of it is the fact that the stories going on in this milestone week are kind of crappy: Another new character created because the writers ill-advisedly killed off the portrayer's better character is instantly attracted to Gloria? Lame! Katherine calling Amber for support instead of her daughter or her best friend? Lame! Victor and Sabrina just...existing? Lame!
And then there was the Restless Style launch party, which had all of the elegance and flair of the socials we had in sixth grade and those included leggings and awkwardly dancing in the gym. I just...was speechless through most of it.
People from Vogue, W, Elle and Harper's Bazaar flew to Wisconsin to celebrate the launch of a rival fashion magazine. An "Armani rep" also came and wanted to meet Lily. Reporters thinking that Sabrina is a model. These writers are adorably clueless.
And then there was the top notch entertainment provided by the legendary Danny Romalotti playing his song "I'm Getting So Much Better"
So much better being on my own I get to call my own shots/There's not a sound at home
I thought we had somethin'/But it turned into nothing I'll dust off and start over again
I can sleep without cryin'/I don't feel like I am dyin'
And you can see I'm getting it together/I can hear any love song without feeling like my heart's gone 'Cause I know the feeling's not forever/I'm getting so much better
I think about the better times is it all too late? Do you even care?/What's the use?
I'm finally over that but every now and then I take a step right back the lyin' denyin' that you've got something hidin'
I won't ever go through this again/I can sleep without cryin' I don't feel like I am dyin'/You can see I'm getting it together
I can hear any love song without feeling like my heart's gone 'Cause I know the feeling's not forever/I'm getting so much better
It's like...you know how Sanjaya is doing bar mitzvahs now? I would have cringed less if he appeared. That was excruciating.
And then there was the questionable fashion sense exhibited by every person who attended the party. These people are supposed to be the pinnacle of the fashion elite? Maybe at a school for the blind.
Tracey E. Bregman is, without question, smoking hot, but I can barely even focus on what she's wearing because I hate her hair so much. It's not as bad as Sharon Case's, but...why does she still tease the crown and backcomb it? The ends always look so dry and unhealthy and the whole style is just dated. Embrace the year 2008, TEB.
It horrifies me to my very core that a dress exists in this world that is capable of making Michelle Stafford look like she has a tummy. How is that even possible? Was it made for the new, street walking American Girl doll? She's like 110 pounds! That dress looks so uncomfortable and like it's on the verge of ripping if she makes one wrong move.
Victoria's not such a good friend if she can't hook her heretofore unmentioned BFF up with a dress that wasn't purchased at Deb.
You know we've reached threat level midnight when Victoria isn't the worst dressed of the bunch. Yes, she looks like she's the mother of the bride, but compared to the never-ending cavalcade of fug that was this party, she looks downright pretty and like her mother of the bride dress was at least custom made.
My love of Sharon is well-documented, but she looks like Bordello Barbie. The dress is way too tight, she's about thirty seconds away from flashing unsuspecting party goers, her necklace looks like she bought it at Claire's and her hair continues to infuriate me.
Can someone remind me why Eileen Davidson isn't on this show anymore? Is it because she's prone to bedazzling shower curtains and turning them into dresses? That hardly seems fair. Did they see Sabrina's dress?!
B&B watching friends told me that Felicia could always be counted on to wear something deliciously over the top, but this is just boring. Ugly and boring and, sadly, probably the second best dressed person at this shindig.
(1)This dress was made in 1985
(2) On a budget of $8
(3) By someone who didn't know how to use a sewing machine
(4) Whose idea of accessorizing was attaching fleurchons
(5) Who feels that all women under the age of forty should dress modestly and wear frocks in the same silhouette as a flower girl
Lily's dress is so absurdly tacky that it's detracting from the overwhelming hotness of Daniel Goddard and that's nigh impossible. She's not eighty, so I don't know why they did her hair like that and it looks like she wrapped a plastic bag around her arm.
Sometimes there is nothing to say but "..."