Tomorrow General Hospital celebrates its 45th anniversary. Happy b-day, show! Remember when you weren't consistently disappointing? Good times, those.
I'm so bitter about this soap that I can't even read what I think was intended to be a nostalgic, complementary article about the anniversary without going all uber-bitchy and hypercritical.
"You don't get to 45 years just because you're lucky," executive producer Jill Farren Phelps told The Associated Press as the cast and crew celebrated GH's April 1 birthday with punch and cake on the show's hospital set at ABC's Prospect Studios.
"But at this rate we'll be lucky to make it to 50," she added.
"I think we're walking a fine line," said Phelps. "I'm very proud of all of the stuff 'General Hospital' is doing, especially the CGI. It's very cutting edge. We're trying to give a new look to this medium but without putting off our audience and making them wonder, 'What have you done to my show?'"
You are failing. Oh, and by the way, what the eff have you done to my show?
"I'm always looking to see how to get more people to watch our soaps," ABC daytime President Brian Frons told the AP. "As part of that, later this year, 'General Hospital' will finally premiere in France. For us, it's not just about viewers on the broadcast network, it's about viewers around the world."
"International viewers, especially ones for whom English is not their first language, will take much longer to figure out the extent to which the show sucks now," Frons further explained. "France was an especially important target for us, because people there think Jerry Lewis is hilarious and find Gerard Depardieu sexy. We think sex symbol Sonny Corinthos, moral center Jason Morgan, and bestest mother and woman ever Carly will be big hits there."
Seriously, 45 years is impressive. And while the most recent of those years has been about 80% awful (and that's being generous), this show had some fantastically great years. Decades, even. Let's reminisce! Post your favorite GH clips or watch others' and remember why you started watching this once-fantastic soap. And of course, remember to raise a toast on this big anniversary. If you're like me (and Kelly Monaco, I suspect), it will be something along the lines of
"Cheers! Or whatever. I hope you suck less soon."