I have been completely awful about writing about The Young and the Restless, but it's just, like...how many different ways can you say "This show is boring and also, Judith Chapman needs to dial it down a notch or twelve"? I suppose if I were more ambitious, I could switch it up by saying it in a different language every day or use illustrations, which could prove to be problematic because I can barely draw a stick figure without it being distressingly crooked, but the point is that Y&R is boring and also, Judith Chapman needs to dial it down a notch or twelve.
I guess it could be worse, since it could be horrible on the level of All My Children, but sometimes I wonder which is the greater sin, being terrible or being boring. I think that being boring might be worse. Sure, watching a terrible show would inspire me to stab myself in the eye with a spork, but at least that's a reaction. Y&R just inspires me to change the channel and watch, like, the local access station instead.
It's just so...blah. And...uninspired. And...meh.
(1) I know that the original Jack/Sharon/Phyllis/Nick quadrangle had a great reception. And, in theory, I understand why writers would want to go back to a popular story, especially since 84% of the stories that followed that triangle were terrible. But come on, is there anything in the world more contrived than this new Jack/Sharon/Phyllis/Nick One Big Happy? I can't see myself willingly starting a magazine and working in close quarters with my ex-husband and the woman that he cheated on me with. Granted, I hold grudges and probably couldn't be persuaded to work alongside the woman who cut in front of me on line at the bakery the other day, but STILL.
(2) You know what this show hasn't seen enough of? Numerous women throwing themselves at Victor. I get it, people. Victor is the most handsome, amazing, virile, god-like person to ever exist. If I just admit that, will you stop this icky flirtation between him and Victoria's never before mentioned friend with the phony accent?
Sabrina: Don't look back, I say.
Victor: Live in the present.
Victor: That's why you like contemporary art.
Sabrina: You're so insightful. Yes.
Victor: Mm. Might be a very good idea for me to start living in the present.
Make it stop. Please.
(3) If I wanted to watch someone struggling with the fallout of a debilitating gambling addiction, I'd watch the episode of The Golden Girls where Dorothy falls off the wagon and starts betting on horses again and nearly steals money from Rose. I'd also watch the arc on 90210 when Brandon became addicted to betting on basketball and got in trouble with a bookie. I would not watch anything having to do with David Freaking Chow, because David Chow sucks the fun out of everything in the world. You could put David Chow in an episode of Gossip Girl and he'd make it boring, a feat that not even Vanessa Abrams has achieved. He made Brad seem tolerable, for heaven's sake. Don Diamont even made a recognizable face of disdain during the scene, which makes me think that even he knows how much Chow sucks.
(4) Restless Style is a dumb name for a magazine. Even dumber than Twist.
(5) This has nothing to do with the show, but as reader Cece mentioned to me, Adrienne Frantz was at the Oscars last week. I have to tell you, nothing will make you feel worse about yourself than realizing that Ambular Moore was at the Academy Awards while you watched them in sweatpants at home, emailing bitchy comments to Becca all the while. She looked fab, though. Remember when she dated the guy from The Goo Goo Dolls who has the same haircut as Meg Ryan? For a second I thought that he was the same person who dated Vanessa Carlton and had also dated Charlize Theron, which would have been weird, because can you imagine dating the actress who played Aileen Wuornos and also the actress who plays Amber Moore? But that point is moot, because that guy is actually not from The Goo Goo Dolls, but from Third Eye Blind, who sang "Semi-Charmed Life", a song that, along with "My Heart Will Go On" were the only things played on the radio for all of 1997.
Um, sorry. Y&R is so boring that it inspires random tangents like that.
But! There are some interesting casting rumors floating around the internets. They might not make the show any better, but they have a chance at breaking up the monotony.
Rumor has it that:
- Lauralee Bell is coming back for a short stint. You know, normally that combination of words would have me shrieking in horror, but a while back, I grudgingly admitted that I'd take her back if the show went back to its glory days. I stand by that.
- Jerry Douglas is returning as a John Abbott lookalike who Jack and Sharon hire to torment Gloria. This could be incredibly awesome. But it could also be a story that starts out promising and winds up with yet another person falling for Gloria while she makes faces too over the top and campy for an episode of I Love Lucy.
- Vail Bloom is out as Heather and being replaced by Lindsey McKeon, who people may know as Haley's slutty older sister on One Tree Hill who nearly broke up her little sister's sophomore year of high school marriage to Nathan, but didn't, even though they eventually broke up anyway after Nathan tried to kill himself via race car, in what I always took as an allusion to Ethan Frome, except, you know, shittier. I am not one of those people, as I do not watch One Tree Hill. Ahem. Look over there, it's a diversion!
These are unconfirmed so far, I believe, and may end up being trainwrecks, but, I don't know, they could shake things up a little.