This Show Actually Hurts My Soul
A while back, Greenlee made some sort of self-centered, stupid comment (by which I mean that Greenlee spoke) about how Zach and Kendall set her life on fire and are dream-ruining arsonists or whatever. And, as I usually do with things Greenlee says, I was like, "That's such a drama queeny thing to say, Little G. Go meditate or something", because the idea that someone can set fire to your life seemed implausible to me at the time.
But then it hit me that Barbara Esensten and James Harmon Brown are doing JUST THAT with the dreams of the AMC watching public. They are setting our dreams on FIRE. Because the more I think about it, the more convinced I become that they are going out of their way to make this show horrible. This is so far beyond the realm of garden variety incompetence. Because let me tell you, I've seen better written infommercials and you have to really be trying to get shown up by the people who write the words that Billy Mays speaks, because I am reasonably sure that their only exposure to English comes from babelfish.
Erica: I can do this. I'm Erica Kane.
I appreciated the innate Ericaness of this statement, but you know how I know she can survive a few months in prison? BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN TO PRISON BEFORE. Remember when the truth came out that Sonya was not an adorable Russian orphan but, rather, Maria's child? PRISON! I know that the writers and producers have memory problems similar to the Swiss cheese memory of Audrina from My Sweet Audrina and barely remember what happened last week, let alone ten years ago, but SERIOUSLY. Everybody is carrying on like Erica is going to go in front of a firing squad and this isn't even the first time she's gone to jail! A little fact checking is all I ask!
Greenlee: Well, she broke the law. Why is everyone treating her like she's Mother Teresa in four-inch heels? Last time I checked, she wasn't dishing out any alms to the poor.
Jack: Ok, Greenlee, easy, ok?
Greenlee: No, all I'm saying is, do the crime, do the time.
Jack: All I'm saying is, you're my daughter, and I love you, but maybe this is not the department for you to be throwing stones.
I go through periods of time when I either really like Jack or think he is a useless, pompous moron. Luckily, he's been tolerable lately and I was overjoyed that he didn't indulge Greenlee's lunacy and pointed out her lack of self awareness, but still...we went through that horrible story that turned Greenlee into a baby snatcher and it has basically been forgotten, except for when a vague allusion is needed for a set up to a quip? Really?
I also enjoyed Greenlee trying to tell Jack that he ought to date other women while Erica is incarcerated. So if you're allowed to play the field when your significant other is in jail, are you allowed to do the same if, say, your significant other is presumed dead? Just wondering...
Babe: You never thought I was good enough for JR.
I wonder what clued Adam in to the fact that Babe wasn't good enough for his son. Could it have been the fact that she slept with JR's brother IMMEDIATELY upon coming to Pine Valley? Or was it that she was married when she got hitched to JR? Hmm.
The entirety of the Babe/Adam scene pissed me off for a variety of reasons.
First of all, I felt really bad that the amazing David Canary was saddled with Amanda Baker for such a long scene. I am sure she is a total sweetheart in real life, but she's about as charismatic as a piece of cardboard.
Secondly, cheating on JR with his brother was bad and I am glad that Babe realizes it was wrong of her to do so (a few years after the fact but still, sociopaths learn a little slower than the rest of us), but what about all of the other crap Babe put JR through besides the cheating? Like telling him that their son was dead and running away with Jamie and Little A? That's pretty shitty, no?
And lastly, what the hell was with Babe getting all "I am woman, hear me roar" when Adam was being snide about her position at Fusion? I am all for feminism and the empowerment of women in the workplace and I'd be completely okay with Babe schooling Adam on his sexism if she got her job at Fusion through hard work and determination, but she didn't. She got the job because SHE STOLE A BABY and is such a HORRIBLE PERSON that the worst thing Greenlee could think to do to Kendall was put her in close quarters with Babe. So the righteous indignation she was throwing around to Adam was infuriating.
I couldn't focus at all through the Richie/Dream JR scenes because the notion of JR being part of Richie since he donated blood marrow made me think of the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer gave blood to Jerry after Jerry nicked his jugular.
Krystal: I know it's an adjustment having a full house again...why [do] we all stick in your craw so much?
I don't know, Krystal. That's a good question. I can only speak for myself, though. You know what would stick in my personal craw a whole lot?
...the fact that you and your eldest demon spawn have ruined this man's family on numerous occasions
...the fact that you and your husband run around town and denounce him as evil every time the subject of the Chandler family comes up?
...the fact that that you and your family moved into his house WITHOUT TELLING HIM and walk around like you're entitled to do so?
So, uh, pretty much your entire being sticks in my craw. Maybe Adam feels similarly.
What the hell is this woman's problem? Honestly, I don't like calling people stupid bitches, but...she's a stupid bitch. Are we supposed to agree with her and be angry that Adam is all WTFy about the parade of people barging in and out of his house? Because I think it's kind of justified and that I'd be more than a little snippy if my adulterous ex-wife, her baby daughter and her older, obnoxious child all moved in without giving me any warning.
And ALSO: are we supposed to find it anything other than abhorrent that Tad and Krystal aren't going to tell Adam that Colby has been put in danger because of the Tad/Jesse brouhaha? Because from the previews, it seems to me like Tad expressly decides not to fill Adam in. I can only say WTFWTFWTF? Now that may be misleading, but, seriously, when was the last time this show surprised us? The week before never?
I am ultra concerned about Colby, though! I went from loathing her to thinking that if she were nonfictional and also my neighbor, she would be my favorite neighbor. I hope she gets out of this unscathed and that Adam shoots Tad in the leg or something because Tad and Jesse's brilliant "Don't involve the cops!" plan led to the kidnapping of a doctor who really shouldn't be hanging out with a teenanger and an innocent teenager.