Serial Drama

And Emmy Season Officially Begins!

There are few things in life that Becca and I enjoy more than the Daytime Emmys, as readers may remember from our 2007 Serial Drama Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza. It's a win-win situation for us, you know? If our favorites are nominated, we get to feel the exciting validation of "Yes! A strange body of voters who are prone to terrible mistakes agree that our favorite person to be named in the prehistoric prenom process should have a one in five chance of being called the year's best! Wooo!" and if they get snubbed, we can get our moral outrage on, all "How dare they not recognize the brilliance of [Insert Snubbed Actor Here]?! As God is my witness, I will never care about shoddily produced awards shows again!"

So between the potential for celebration AND criticism, we're on cloud nine and then if you throw in glorious or fugly fashion AND supermodels being upstaged by Muppets, it's pretty clear that this is the most wonderful time of the year.

Um...to sum these nominations up, I only have this to say: ...???...?!?!...???...

(and also: SUCK IT, BRIAN FRONS!)

(But mostly ...???...?!?!...???...)

Outstanding Younger Actor

Van Hansis (Luke, As the World Turns)
Jesse Lee Soffer (ex-Will, As The World Turns)
Darin Brooks (Max, Days of Our Lives)
Tom Pelphrey (ex-Jonathan, Guiding Light)
Bryton McClure (Devon, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Younger Actress

Jennifer Landon (ex-Gwen, As The World Turns)
Rachel Melvin (Chelsea, Days of Our Lives)
Vail Bloom (Heather, The Young and the Restless)
Emily O'Brien (Jana, The Young and the Restless)
Tammin Sursok (Colleen, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Supporting Actor

Trent Dawson (Henry, As the World Turns)
Daniel Cosgrove (Bill, Guiding Light)
Brian Kerwin (Charlie, One Life to Live)
Kristoff St. John (Neil, The Young and the Restless)
Greg Rikaart (Kevin, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Supporting Actress

Kelley Hensley (Emily, As The World Turns)
Heather Tom (Katie, The Bold and the Beautiful)
Judi Evens (ex-Adrienne, Days of Our Lives)
Gina Tognoni (Dinah, Guiding Light)
Tracey Bregman (Lauren, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Lead Actor

David Canary (Adam/Stuart, All My Children)
Thaao Penghlis (Tony/ex-Andre, Days of Our Lives)
Anthony Geary (Luke, General Hospital)
Peter Bergman (Jack, The Young and the Restless)
Christian Leblanc  (Michael, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Lead Actress

Maura West (Carly, As The World Turns)
Crystal Chappell (Olivia, Guiding Light)
Nicole Forester (Cassie, Guiding Light)
Michelle Stafford (Phyllis, The Young and the Restless)
Jeanne Cooper (Katherine, The Young and the Restless)

Outstanding Daytime Drama

General Hospital
Guiding Light
One Life to Live
The Young and the Restless

Thoughts about the nominees, after the jump! And remember--we don't watch some of the soaps nominated, so I'll only comment on the ones I know. Please feel free to share your thoughts about the nominations for As the World Turns, The Bold and the Beautiful, Guiding Light, One Life to Live and Passions in the comments.

The Week's Most "Ooooh, I Get It Now" Dialogue

So, most of you know that I have a healthy affection for Jason Thompson.  Let's pretend it's healthy, okay?  He's gorgeous and seems down-to-earth, and has fantastically natural and engaging chemistry with Kimberly McCullough, and Rick Springfield, and Finola Hughes, and Becky Herbst, and . . . well, with pretty much everyone but Nazanin Boniadi.  (Seriously, Patrick with Leyla was like when Pacey got together with that waitress on Dawson's Creek and suddenly the chemistry cloak was lifted.  I questioned the meaning of life, and even -- gasp! -- the hotness of Josh Jackson for a while after that.) 

Anyway, because of Jason Thompson, I find Patrick to be a great character; a nice departure from the typical daytime hero but just unrealistically adorable enough to fit in on a soap canvas.  Or should I say, as of this week I know that's all because of Jason Thompson.  I don't know why I would have even considered giving any credit to the writers, but apparently at least subconsciously I was, but FauxPatrick has shown me the error of my ways.

I'm not even sure why there is a temporary recast.  There were seemingly weeks on end last year that went by without Patrick onscreen, but now Patrick can't head off to a medical conference for a couple of days so Jason Thompson can take a vacation (if you can even call it that, since he's undoubtedly helping orphans in third-world countries obtain safe drinking water or learn sustainable farming methods)?  I don't get it.  But this Ethan Whoeverperson is good looking, so I can deal.  However.  Ethan Whoeverperson is no Jason Thompson.  And this fact has revealed that Patrick . . . well, Patrick is kind of a dick.

Forgetting Amber Moore

Since this is from the New York Post, I am going to take it with a grain of salt, but several things crossed my mind after reading this gossip item:

JASON Segel may have bared some flab in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," but that's not stopping him from pulling the ladies. Segel was hanging out at Bar Marmont in LA last week with "The Young and the Restless" starlet Adrienne Frantz, and they proceeded to make out to the amusement of onlookers. "It didn't look like he'd be forgetting her anytime soon," laughed one spy.

• Forgetting Sarah Marshall was so good, you guys. Jason Segel was awesome, Kristen Bell was charming, Mila Kunis is uber pretty, Russell Brand was hilarious and Paul Rudd played a stoner named Kunu. What could be better than that?
• Why does everything ever written about Forgetting Sarah Marshall have to mention either Jason Segel's full frontal nudity or the fact that he doesn't have washboard abs?
• I really hope that the success of this movie means that people will be interested in Jason Segel and start watching How I Met Your Mother. It saddens me greatly that this show is always on the verge of cancellation but According to Effing Jim gets eight seasons to pollute the airwaves.
• Seriously, According to Jim is the worst thing Courtney Thorne-Smith has ever been a part of and the woman spent years of her life in an onscreen relationship with Billy Shue, who emotes with all the passion of a piece of chalk. Think about the gravity of that sentence.
• Remember when Adrienne Frantz dated the guy from the Goo Goo Dolls?
• Why does the guy from the Goo Goo Dolls have the same haircut as Meg Ryan?
• Between her invitation to the Oscars and the gorge gown that came with it, and making out with a member of the Apatow gang, I am officially jealous of Adrienne Frantz.
• If I made a pledge to stop hating on Amber every time I mention Y&R, do you think Adrienne Frantz would use her Apatow connections to introduce me to James Franco? I have zero integrity when it comes to James Franco, so I would totally make ten posts a week all "DID YOU SEE HOW AWESOME AMBER WAS TODAY? <<<3333Amber<<<333" if she wanted me to.

What Kind of a World Do We Live In?

I am ages behind the times in commenting on this, I realize, but I had to briefly cut AMC out of my life following the scenes where the loathsome Babe berated JR for having the unmitigated gall to share DNA with Adam and not being grateful enough to Tad for giving him whatever humanity he has. I just...I couldn't do it. I wanted to comment on Zach and Kendall, and how overly blah Aidan and Greenlee are and marvel at Erica for being Erica, but I just couldn't acknowledge that AMC existed without going full on apoplectic. Like, Britney attacking the paparazzi with an umbrella kind of apoplectic. I know I'm irrational in my hatred of Babe but...it's one of the only constants in the ever changing world, you know?

Um, anyway, like I was saying, I am the last person in the world to mention this, but: Ambyr Childers is leaving AMC! And I am heartbroken!

For starters, Ambyr Childers and Colby have grown into one of my favorite parts of All My Children, which is way more of a compliment than it seems to be. I could not stand the character at first, and then grudgingly liked her, then thought she was adorable and grew to love her, not even wavering when she became the Careys' #1 cheerleader. That's serious love, you guys! And Ambyr Childers has really become a good actress, and she's adorable, and she has such a sweet rapport with David Canary and Jacob Young. Love her. I hope she does well in whatever she decides to do after AMC.

So they've recasted her with someone named Brianne Moncrief, who is going to be older because...I guess because they are going full throttle with pairing Colby and Frankie? I find this problematic because

(1)If there is a spark between Colby and Frankie, doesn't that have more to do with the actors than it does anything else? I ask because I'm pretty sure that Frankie has no personality to speak of,so it's not like it's the characters that mesh together well (I'm not even going to get into Frankie's oddly shifting age range. Remember when he dated Mia? Remember Mia? It's like Amelia Heinle is contractually obligated to be boring). And I'm sure that they screen tested the new girl with Frankie, but...I don't know, it's just weird that AMC doesn't let couples grow organically and just throws them together all "YOU MUST LOVE THEM!"

(2)I know I complain about this a lot, but aging Colby to early to mid 20s is bizarre, not only because she was actually born in 1999, but there is ALREADY a girl on canvas that age who gets NO STORYLINES EVER despite being gorgeous, charismatic and AWESOME. What will it take to get Chrishell Stause a role beyond being a glorified extra? She's got chemistry with pretty much every person on the show, she's Trevor and Janet's daughter and did I mention how pretty she is? Why couldn't they try her out with Frankie? Why can't they take away one of Babe's many admirers and pair them with Amanda? What does it say about the state of the world today that a gorgeous girl can't catch a break in Hollywood? It's not right, I swear.

*As always, if this whole recast thing works out well and Amanda goes front burner, I reserve the right to pretend like I had never doubted it in the first place

The Yawn and the Restless

Last night, as I was trying to go to sleep, I was going over my to-do list in my head ("What did I wear the past couple of Wednesdays? I don't want to repeat a Wednesday outfit tomorrow" "I need to immediately download Monday's How I Met Your Mother and watch it as many times as possible and maybe even write James Van der Beek a fan letter because WHO KNEW he had it in him?" "What kind of coffee should I get in the morning? Vanilla? Caramel? Mocha?") and I reminded myself that I have to write a Y&R post because I haven't done one in...forever. I've just had such a difficult time writing about it lately. I have been attempting to, but all of my posts boil down to "Why would Cane like Lily? Gloria is uber effing annoying. Peter Bergman is dreamy ex oh ex oh" and those things, while true, aren't exactly groundbreaking pieces of news and if I am going to rail against soap writers for ripping themselves off, I should probably be original myself.

Perhaps it was because Y&R was the last thing on my mind before I fell asleep, but...I totally had a dream about Don Diamont. It was weird. We were seated next to each other at some sort of luncheon and he totally knew how much I talk badly about him and I knew he knew I talk badly about him and I completely felt bad about it and we both thought it was awkward. And then when I woke up, I still felt a little bit bad, because I did focus a lot of my LML era ire on him and also, he has to live with the fact that he sported a mullet for so long. I hope that we can move past that and have a nice working relationship.

So that happened. Which is more than has happened on this show in ages...

It's kind of fitting that Victoria can easily be nicknamed "Vic-bore-ia" or "Vic-snore-ia", isn't it?* Because if there was ever an opportunity for her to get her bitch on, it would be the time where her alleged best friend confesses to having an affair with her father. And yet...she was just kind of...there. A bit shrieky, but mostly just...there. Not to mention hypocritical, since she, you know, married her mother's ex-fiance, but whatever. I was underwhelmed.

I mean, granted, if I found out that my father was romancing one of my friends, I'd be too busy projectile vomiting to lay any sort of smackdown, let alone focus on making it powerful, but I expect more from the Victoria Newmans of the world, especially when one considers how absolutely repulsive the pairing of Sabrina and Victor is. I'm not against the older man/younger woman thing (see above re: Peter Bergman), but this is wrong on almost every level.

Sabrina is a poorly written, poorly acted random character who seems kind of like a drag queen in most of her scenes and way too young for Victor. Like...way. I think Eileen Davidson's Ashley is too young for Victor. Eric Braeden is not an unattractive man, but it just seem ridiculous after a while that he's the lust object of Genoa City. The conspiracy theorist in me likes to think that Eric Braeden pitched a bitch and requested a hot young girlfriend (I meant to comment ages ago on the interview he did where he complained about being sidelined. Double you tee eff? When has Victor EVER been sidelined? He's been the focal point of the show for decades and he always comes out on top). Maybe he's not a diva, but I can't help but think that he is at least a little bit of a jerk. Although he was funny the time he guest starred on The Nanny, not that I watched The Nanny, and he was also in Titanic, so maybe he's not all bad. Where was I?

*I am reasonably sure that I'd have never realized that if Heather Tom were still playing Victoria, and I have to say, I try really hard not to be one of those bitter, people who can't accept recasts after years and years, but...seriously, Amelia Heinle is beyond bland and has completely defanged the formerly formidable Victoria and it makes me sad

General Hospital Week in Review

I think it's important that we're honest with one another, so let me just tell you:  My General Hospital viewing history is spotty.  Over the last 15 years or so, I've abandoned the show numerous times.  Sometimes for real-life reasons, like college or grad school busy-ness, or work obligations.  But mostly I jumped ship when the show either got really offensive, or really boring.  And if it were not for you people, right now I would have an extra hour in my days.  Because DUDE, this show is boring the crap out of me.  And so is Days, so it's like a soapy conspiracy to inflict insomnia on innocent viewers. 

So since you are the reason I am still watching this show (all of this sounded less accusatory in my head, just so you know), I decided to make this Week in Review participatory so that we can share in the fun.   Yeah, fun.  It's totally fun. 

I shall quote Little Richard in this context, both because I have a need to be cheesy and because I'm virtually certain he agrees with the underlying point:  Good Golly Miss Molly, Greg Vaughn is freaking GORGEOUS.  Seriously.  Scruffy and casual

or clean-shaven and formal,

the man is fine.

(Please ignore the awful color and hideous styling of Kelly Monaco's hair that is contaminating that screencap.  Why do they hate her?)

more at twiigs.com...

Days of Our Lives Week in Review: The Recap-iest Version Ever

Apparently Days is trying out this neato new approach to soaps in which absofreakinglutely nothing happens Monday through Thursday, but Friday is a decent enough episode that you'll put up with four days of repetitive boringness just to get to it.  Or, if you're smart, you won't, and you'll just check in here and elsewhere for updates on what you "missed."  Because I really don't think we should reward this kind of plodding soap storytelling with increased viewership, cancellation on the table or not. 

Anyway, I take a few notes throughout the week as I'm watching, and those notes ultimately become Week in Review posts.  This week had exactly one note for the first four days of the week (I'm not over-exaggerating, sadly), so I'm going to try something new.  Since Friday was the only day really worth watching, I thought I'd just recap that ep for you guys.  Mallory and I had lots of fun with the General Hospital: Night Shift recaps, and until something horrible like a second season of that crap becomes a reality sprung from our nightmares, I'm in a bit of recap withdrawal.  We'll see how this goes.

Chelsea apologizes for being late to meet Kate for breakfast at the Brady Pub.  Chels slept through her alarm, girl after my own heart, but says breakfast was still a great idea because she needed to get out of the Kiriakis mansion.  Kate confirms that Victor is still treating Chelsea well but then launches into an uncharacteristically grandmotherly bit about Chelsea looking tired and pale.  Dr. Jonas shows up and scolds Chelsea for not taking care of herself.

Phillip and Nicole discuss their plan, which as Nicole helpfully exposits is "that I spy for you and that in exchange you use your influence with Victor to help me with my divorce settlement."  This is one of the many examples of why you needn't have watched the rest of the week, because it's the beginning to a possibly fun storyline, but 1) at this rate it will take 18 months to come to fruition, and 2) a character will tell you about it, in some detail, on a daily basis -- which you will enjoy if you are stupid, or a fan of James E. Reilly's  oeuvre.   Phillip reveals that the person Nicole will be  spying on is John Black.  Dun dun duuuuunnnnnn.

Cut to John Black,  who is mocking Rolf while talking to the impossibly hot Paul Hollingsworth.  I new he looked familiar, and Mallory was kind enough to point out last week that there is a reason for that:

Paul Hollingsworth is played by the ultra awesome Linden Ashby who (1) was on Y&R as a crazy (2) played Coop on Melrose and (3) has the best name in the history of naming.

I remember very little from the last few years of Melrose Place, which I only spottily watched, but I never completely forget a gorgeous face.  Oh, Linden Ashby.   You're so good-looking you reach that next plateau:  You fine.

Even furrowed, you fine.

Our Broadcast Debut!

We are delighted to announce our radio debut!  On the internet!  Wait, is it still called radio when it's on the internet?  We don't know.  We'll research that later.  For now, we're too busy Eeeeeee!ing. 

At 10pm on May 6th, your very own Serial Drama bloggers will appear on BlogTalkRadio's In the Zone show.

So what is BlogTalkRadio?

BlogTalkRadio is a social talk-radio network that hosts thousands of shows across all topics, including politics, sports, books, business, entertainment, health, paranormal, comedy and religion. Since the company’s 2006 launch, over 50,000 shows have streamed from BlogTalkRadio. The network attracts over 2.3 million listeners each month.

And what is In the Zone?

"In The Zone" is an interactive, live Internet talk-radio show that focuses on entertainment such as soaps, primetime & reality TV, music and more. Since its debut in September 2006, ITZ Radio has become quite popular amongst soap fans. The show airs Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays nights at 10PM/EST for 90 minutes, and the listeners can call in or leave us IMs or e-mail for questions or comments about the show. We send a huge thank you to everyone who listens, submits topics and feedback.

ITZ is currently hosted by Ryan Chandler and Jennifer Snyder.

Previous Guests: Past guests on ITZ include: popular soap columnist Marlena De Lacroix (formerly of SOW), Graham Shiels (Cody, GH/NS), Nadia Bjorlin (Chloe, DAYS), Matthew Florida (ex-Ford, DAYS), soap legend Tristan Rogers (Robert, GH), James Hyde (Sam, PSNS), Carolyn Hennesy (Diane, GH), Kevin J. Ryan (Sean, DAYS), Leslie Charleson (Monica, GH), Yeniffer Behrens (Marianna, GH), Claire Coffee (Nadine, GH), Emmy Winning Soap Writers Peter J. Brash & Tom Casiello, Melissa Claire Egan (Annie, AMC) and Jennifer Landon (ex-Gwen, ATWT).

And why do they think we're worthy of joining that list?

We have no idea.

Please mark your calendars and be on the lookout here for more info about the show, including a call-in number, IM info, and an email address.  We're hoping you guys will tune in.  Otherwise all the callers might end up being a variety of enraged people -- soap costumers, Sonny Corinthos fans, SoapNet executives, Hunter Tylo's plastic surgeon, our ex-boyfriends -- that would cause us to have a crisis of confidence that would drain us of the will to blog.  It's clear what you have to do, readers!

Elephants Wearing Tutus While Performing Surgery and Doing Yoga with Aliens Makes More Sense Than This

I had a less than fantastic day yesterday.  I:

• burned my knuckle on my flat iron (I should not be surprised at how hot that is, right?)
• got a huge sliver in my big toe (Don't ever remodel.  Just move.  Trust me.)
• had chicken for lunch that disagreed with me, as my grandmother used to say

So did I need for SOAPNet to send me a stupid-ass email?  I so did not.

Many of you know that I freaking love a good SOAPNet marathon.  I've been willing to forgive a lot because of those delightful throwbacks to the glory days of soaps.  A LOT.  Night Shift, for god's sake.  (Well, I suppose I haven't really forgiven them for that as much as I made a pact with myself not to commit felonious bodily injury on anyone over it.)   I held out hope that someone associated with the network would wake up in a cold sweat one night with an epiphany -- "Holy crapoli, we've lost our way!  Soap operas are our bread and butter! I'm taking One Tree Hill off the air tomorrow and replacing it with 1980s Santa Barbara!  Also, my boss is a moron!"

But it's really clear that, just as with gas prices, world peace, and Lindsay Lohan's sobriety, optimism doesn't pay.  Because, as Mallory and many of you had already realized, the people who run SOAPNet have lost their mothereffing minds. 

Where to begin?

Celebrity and TV drama and fashion gossip!  Thank god I will finally have somewhere to get that stuff on the internets!  As it is now, there are no websites that provide such information.

The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

The other day, I emailed Becca and asked how wrong it would be for a hypothetical person to have a hypothetical crush on David Cook (she said that, post-haircut, it would be a 3 on the 1-10 scale of wrongness and, hello, this hypothetical crush would of course happen post-haircut because even hypothetical me is firmly committed to good hair).

And then I felt INCREDIBLY GUILTY for being ashamed of adoring David Cook because, yeah, the hair's kind of borderline and he was kind of lame on Idol Gives Back with the "give back" written on his palm but SERIOUSLY, you guys, I am open with the fact that I watch All My Children and here I am, feeling embarrassed to have a crush on David Cook. That's so cruel of me.

Because AMC is pretty wretched. Sure, there are some good moments that I fully intend to post about in depth: Kendall and Zach being deliciously soapy and heartbreaking; Michael E. Knight struggling valiantly to act opposite Aiden Turner, which I imagine is like talking to an inanimate object; Debbi Morgan looking twenty years younger than she actually is. But in between those few good moments is crap:

Ryan: So, what was the most romantic thing that I ever said to you?

Annie: We were standing on the terrace -- the sun had just come up and you said that I was even more beautiful in the morning sun than I was under the moon and the stars.

Ryan: Wow. Sounds like love to me.

Annie: It did to me, too. It made me relax and believe.

Ryan: Believe?

Annie: That you might be ready for a different kind of woman, not a spitfire like Kendall and Greenlee. I'm kind of the opposite of that in a way.

"..."

(1) The last time it was interesting to watch women fight over Ryan and/or grapple with not feeling good enough for the awesomeness of Ryan, Clinton was president, Geri hadn't yet left The Spice Girls and Gretchen Mol was the next big thing.

(2) Who, in the history of the world, has ever started a conversation with the words "what was the most romantic thing I ever said to you"? That's like saying, "I know there is a long list of times when I was awesome, but if you had to pick the time that I was most awesome, what would it be?"

(3) The fact that somebody wrote down the sentiment "the sun had just come up and you said that I was even more beautiful in the morning sun than I was under the moon and the stars" and forced poor Melissa Claire Egan to speak it seems needlessly cruel. That's disgustingly cheesy, even for Ryan. Precious Moments cheesy. Clay Aiken soundtrack to an Ashley Judd romcom cheesy. Hearing a line like that made Annie relax? Laugh out loud and wonder if Ryan is using power ballads for inspiration, sure, but "relax and believe"? How does this woman share any sort of genetic material with Richie? He may be a psychopath, but at least he's not a doofus.

(4) At least Annie is self aware and knows she's not anything like Kendall and Greenlee. Although in my opinion, the fact that she isn't a spitfire isn't the problem. The fact that she is a charisma vacuum is.

(5) Cameron Mathison and Melissa Claire Egan cannot make this dialogue work, but it's not their fault. Peter Bergman and Nancy Lee Grahn couldn't make this dialogue work, although I'd pay cash money to see the two of them playing a couple on a show worthy of their talents. So, um, a show in my imagination, I guess.

I mean, seriously, if you can't be bothered to write good plots or engage in any sort of character development, can't you at least make sure that your day-to-day dialogue isn't shit?