General Hospital Week in Review
I think it's important that we're honest with one another, so let me just tell you: My General Hospital viewing history is spotty. Over the last 15 years or so, I've abandoned the show numerous times. Sometimes for real-life reasons, like college or grad school busy-ness, or work obligations. But mostly I jumped ship when the show either got really offensive, or really boring. And if it were not for you people, right now I would have an extra hour in my days. Because DUDE, this show is boring the crap out of me. And so is Days, so it's like a soapy conspiracy to inflict insomnia on innocent viewers.
So since you are the reason I am still watching this show (all of this sounded less accusatory in my head, just so you know), I decided to make this Week in Review participatory so that we can share in the fun. Yeah, fun. It's totally fun.
I shall quote Little Richard in this context, both because I have a need to be cheesy and because I'm virtually certain he agrees with the underlying point: Good Golly Miss Molly, Greg Vaughn is freaking GORGEOUS. Seriously. Scruffy and casual
or clean-shaven and formal,
the man is fine.
(Please ignore the awful color and hideous styling of Kelly Monaco's hair that is contaminating that screencap. Why do they hate her?)
I think it's pretty obvious I'm not a Sonny Corinthos fangirl. As I type this, I have a post dedicated entirely to his duh faces in draft form. I don't like the character. Almost at all. However, everyone in town blaming Sonny for pushing Kate out of the way of the bullet that ultimately ricocheted and hit Michael? Is messed up. Blame Sonny for Michael being in that warehouse, for exposing Michael to the mafia life, for Michael being a creepy little demon spawn, for global warming -- but blaming him for a reflex action of pushing Kate to the ground when he saw a gun, when she was the person closest to him, is ridiculous.
While I'm defending otherwise indefensible characters, I think I was on Carly's side of an argument last week. I don't even know where to mentally file that information. Particularly when the person she was arguing with was Jax. Whom I, you know, sort of unhealthily adore. But didn't he seem a wee bit insensitive when he guilted Carly into going home to Morgan, and then tried to trick her into staying for dinner? I get that she needs to understand the reality about Michael, but she's a mother in denial, she's not . . . well, she's not typical asshole Carly. I thought he was a little hard on her. I really hate to say that, especially because I'm rooting for these two to divorce ASAP (Come on, estrangement! I have faith in you!). I think it's possible the terrible judgment exhibited by virtually every character on this show is absorbing into my brain. So, set me straight. Or back me up. I'm not sure which one I prefer, which is unusual for someone who has an almost pathological need to be right.
How the hell is Ian driving past the waterfront proof he was involved in Michael's shooting? Weren't there about five missing steps before jumping to that conclusion was even remotely reasonable? Every morning I walk past one of those places that sells tofurkey wraps and shots of wheatgrass, and I would hate for anyone to imply my involvement with such horrible things just because of proximity.
Last week saw the return of the Hitman's Box of Painful Memories and Other People's Offspring.
I tried not to laugh, really I did. But the carpal tunnel braces just sent me over the edge.
With his separation from Elizabeth in the wake of Michael's shooting and his realization that Jake can never be safe with him as a father, Jason's secret pain appears to have been fully restored. I swear to god, if he grows out his hair again, I will not be held responsible for my scissor-wielding actions.
It's a shame for many reasons that Jason is going to return to Secret Pain Mode, if that's what's coming. Steve Burton is at his best when he's outside the Stone Cold mode, and with Jake's paternity reveal plus Michael's shooting, there were some good long-term possibilities for Jason to actually change as a character. Not that there appears to be any backstage support for such an idea. I still hold out hope that one of these days Jason will get re-Quartermained. Imagine the soapy possibilities -- ones that don't involve murder for hire. Le gasp!
Good lord, could Patrick and Robin be any more adorable? I feel like Awesome Writer has been chained to a desk, ordered to write nothing but fabulous conversations between those two. And of course based on recent history Awesome Writer assumed that said scenes would never see the light of day, but they ended up ON SCREEN. Isn't it crazy?
But arguably more importantly, Jason Thompson was in a tux and the buff over the span of two episodes. It was a good way to end the week.
Patrick did many things hotly last week, including but not limited to:
- hotly referring to Robin's "bump" (ew, not in a dirty way, you perv -- it was cute!)
- hotly told Robin repeatedly she was beautiful
- hotly waited on Robin hand and foot at the Haunted Star party
- hotly gambled
- hotly carried Robin when her shoes were too tight
- hotly told Robin how happy he was for her that her dream of having a baby was coming true
- as mentioned, was hotly shirtless and hotly tuxedo'd
I can't decide what excited me more last week: Rick Hearst appearing to be on the cusp of getting both new romantic and business-related storylines, or the fact that he finally cut his damned hair. I guess the storylines would have to win out, because they're both testing him with Sarah Brown (I really think that pairing has fantastic potential), and it looks like Ric is finally going to have something to do besides fill in at his ex-wife's job or be Sonny's professional lackey. Woo and hoo.
I am back to loving Alexis and Diane's relationship. "I will grab you by your hairpiece!" Hee. I know that it's still pretty much a caricature of a friendship between two strong women, and there's far too much focus on shoes (I cannot believe I just typed that phrase), but I like the actresses so much that I have enthusiastically punched my ticket on the Alexis-Diane train. You?
But their individual romances. Ugh.
Nancy Lee Grahn sleeps in an oxygen chamber and bathes in the blood of virgins. The real question at issue is why the hell can't Alexis get a non-sociopath love interest? I don't care how suave Sebastian Roche is, Jerry Jacks is so far from being redeemed enough to be with Alexis, he's . . . well, I'd say he's in a different hemisphere, but with GH travel times that would mean he's like five minutes away from being an upstanding citizen. But obviously just based on the chemistry of the actors, there's some support for this pairing. Where do you come down on this critical issue of worldwide importance?
Oh my god. My Lulu hate is soon going to require professional intervention. I still can't get over that there are writers bad enough to make me hate -- without layers, without reservation -- Luke and Laura's daughter. Soul-sucking bastards.
Lulu's bickering with Maxie is I guess supposed to be funny, but I'm not laughing. I'm sitting there wondering if Maxie is within reaching distance of her desk organizer so she can stab Lulu with scissors. And Lulu's personal life is no better. She was such an asshole to Logan, to whom she'd been sending mixed signals since, well, not that long because their entire relationship took place over eight days, but whatever, he wasn't a dumb meathead to think he should set up a date for the two of them. But she treated him like he was. Her brutal bitchiness stomped out his brutal hotness, sadly. Then there's Lulu and Johnny. Are they supposed to be some kind of rootable supercouple? Could someone tell the writers that? Or maybe tell the actors, too, since they don't appear to be terribly fond of each other?
I especially hate that my Lulu hate is spilling over onto Julie Marie Berman, who I thought was robbed for the younger actress Emmy last year. But my god, Helen Mirren couldn't sell this shit. Though I think she might more convincingly lust after Brandon Barash. I say we let her try.