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« Days of Our Lives Week in Review: The Recap-iest Version Ever | Main | The Yawn and the Restless »

April 22, 2008

General Hospital Week in Review

I think it's important that we're honest with one another, so let me just tell you:  My General Hospital viewing history is spotty.  Over the last 15 years or so, I've abandoned the show numerous times.  Sometimes for real-life reasons, like college or grad school busy-ness, or work obligations.  But mostly I jumped ship when the show either got really offensive, or really boring.  And if it were not for you people, right now I would have an extra hour in my days.  Because DUDE, this show is boring the crap out of me.  And so is Days, so it's like a soapy conspiracy to inflict insomnia on innocent viewers. 

So since you are the reason I am still watching this show (all of this sounded less accusatory in my head, just so you know), I decided to make this Week in Review participatory so that we can share in the fun.   Yeah, fun.  It's totally fun. 


I shall quote Little Richard in this context, both because I have a need to be cheesy and because I'm virtually certain he agrees with the underlying point:  Good Golly Miss Molly, Greg Vaughn is freaking GORGEOUS.  Seriously.  Scruffy and casual


or clean-shaven and formal,


the man is fine.

(Please ignore the awful color and hideous styling of Kelly Monaco's hair that is contaminating that screencap.  Why do they hate her?)


I think it's pretty obvious I'm not a Sonny Corinthos fangirl.  As I type this, I have a post dedicated entirely to his duh faces in draft form.  I don't like the character.  Almost at all.  However, everyone in town blaming Sonny for pushing Kate out of the way of the bullet that ultimately ricocheted and hit Michael?  Is messed up.  Blame Sonny for Michael being in that warehouse, for exposing Michael to the mafia life, for Michael being a creepy little demon spawn, for global warming -- but blaming him for a reflex action of pushing Kate to the ground when he saw a gun, when she was the person closest to him, is ridiculous.

While I'm defending otherwise indefensible characters, I think I was on Carly's side of an argument last week.  I don't even know where to mentally file that information.  Particularly when the person she was arguing with was Jax.  Whom I, you know, sort of unhealthily adore.  But didn't he seem a wee bit insensitive when he guilted Carly into going home to Morgan, and then tried to trick her into staying for dinner?  I get that she needs to understand the reality about Michael, but she's a mother in denial, she's not . . . well, she's not typical asshole Carly.  I thought he was a little hard on her.  I really hate to say that, especially because I'm rooting for these two to divorce ASAP (Come on, estrangement!  I have faith in you!).  I think it's possible the terrible judgment exhibited by virtually every character on this show is absorbing into my brain.  So, set me straight.  Or back me up.  I'm not sure which one I prefer, which is unusual for someone who has an almost pathological need to be right.


How the hell is Ian driving past the waterfront proof he was involved in Michael's shooting?  Weren't there about five missing steps before jumping to that conclusion was even remotely reasonable?  Every morning I walk past one of those places that sells tofurkey wraps and shots of wheatgrass, and I would hate for anyone to imply my involvement with such horrible things just because of proximity.


Last week saw the return of the Hitman's Box of Painful Memories and Other People's Offspring.


I tried not to laugh, really I did.  But the carpal tunnel braces just sent me over the edge.

With his separation from Elizabeth in the wake of Michael's shooting and his realization that Jake can never be safe with him as a father, Jason's secret pain appears to have been fully restored.  I swear to god, if he grows out his hair again, I will not be held responsible for my scissor-wielding actions.

It's a shame for many reasons that Jason is going to return to Secret Pain Mode, if that's what's coming.  Steve Burton is at his best when he's outside the Stone Cold mode, and with Jake's paternity reveal plus Michael's shooting, there were some good long-term possibilities for Jason to actually change as a character.  Not that there appears to be any backstage support for such an idea.  I still hold out hope that one of these days Jason will get re-Quartermained.  Imagine the soapy possibilities -- ones that don't involve murder for hire.  Le gasp!


Good lord, could Patrick and Robin be any more adorable?  I feel like Awesome Writer has been chained to a desk, ordered to write nothing but fabulous conversations between those two.  And of course based on recent history Awesome Writer assumed that said scenes would never see the light of day, but they ended up ON SCREEN.  Isn't it crazy?

But arguably more importantly, Jason Thompson was in a tux and the buff over the span of two episodes.  It was a good way to end the week.

Patrick did many things hotly last week, including but not limited to:

  • hotly referring to Robin's "bump" (ew, not in a dirty way, you perv -- it was cute!)
  • hotly told Robin repeatedly she was beautiful
  • hotly waited on Robin hand and foot at the Haunted Star party
  • hotly gambled
  • hotly carried Robin when her shoes were too tight
  • hotly told Robin how happy he was for her that her dream of having a baby was coming true
  • as mentioned, was hotly shirtless and hotly tuxedo'd


I can't decide what excited me more last week:  Rick Hearst appearing to be on the cusp of getting both  new romantic and business-related storylines, or the fact that he finally cut his damned hair.  I guess the storylines would have to win out, because they're both testing him with Sarah Brown (I really think that pairing has fantastic potential), and it looks like Ric is finally going to have something to do besides fill in at his ex-wife's job or be Sonny's professional lackey.  Woo and hoo.


I am back to loving Alexis and Diane's relationship.  "I will grab you by your hairpiece!" Hee.  I know that it's still pretty much a caricature of a friendship between two strong women, and there's far too much focus on shoes (I cannot believe I just typed that phrase), but I like the actresses so much that I have enthusiastically punched my ticket on the Alexis-Diane train.  You?

But their individual romances.  Ugh.

So, obviously


Nancy Lee Grahn sleeps in an oxygen chamber and bathes in the blood of virgins.  The real question at issue is why the hell can't Alexis get a non-sociopath love interest?  I don't care how suave Sebastian Roche is, Jerry Jacks is so far from being redeemed enough to be with Alexis, he's . . . well, I'd say he's in a different hemisphere, but with GH travel times that would mean he's like five minutes away from being an upstanding citizen.  But obviously just based on the chemistry of the actors, there's some support for this pairing.  Where do you come down on this critical issue of worldwide importance?


Oh my god.  My Lulu hate is soon going to require professional intervention.  I still can't get over that there are writers bad enough to make me hate -- without layers, without reservation -- Luke and Laura's daughter.  Soul-sucking bastards.

Lulu's bickering with Maxie is I guess supposed to be funny, but I'm not laughing.  I'm sitting there wondering if Maxie is within reaching distance of her desk organizer so she can stab Lulu with scissors.  And Lulu's personal life is no better.  She was such an asshole to Logan, to whom she'd been sending mixed signals since, well, not that long because their entire relationship took place over eight days, but whatever, he wasn't a dumb meathead to think he should set up a date for the two of them.  But she treated him like he was.  Her brutal bitchiness stomped out his brutal hotness, sadly.  Then there's Lulu and Johnny.  Are they supposed to be some kind of rootable supercouple?  Could someone tell the writers that?  Or maybe tell the actors, too, since they don't appear to be terribly fond of each other?

I especially hate that my Lulu hate is spilling over onto Julie Marie Berman, who I thought was robbed for the younger actress Emmy last year.  But my god, Helen Mirren couldn't sell this shit.  Though I think she might more convincingly lust after Brandon Barash.  I say we let her try.


Thank you very, very much for sticking with the GH recaps. I have not been able to re-tivo the so because do many parts of it make me steam or ill. YOUR versions of the GH world however are a treasure not to be missed!
Thanks for throwing yourself on the guza-covered sword.

show not so

Thank you for putting up with this show. I haven't really watched it for two weeks and I'm so thankful I have that freedom to not watch it. I am so sorry you have to put up with this VERY boring show.

Greg Vaughn is hot anyhow, anyway, anywhere - I love GV scruffy or non-scruffy! What I'd really love to see is scruffy Greg Vaughn next to scruffy Michael Easton (OLTL's John McBain) with their own calendar. That would be very enjoyable.

I love Alexis/Diane. They are such great actresses they always shine.

I'm good with Jerry/Craig/Moreau/whatever with Alexis as long as he's redeemed - really redeemed. What great chemistry between Nancy Lee Grahn and Sebastian Roche!

I hate Lulu. I can't believe I hate Luke and Laura's daughter, but you pretty much put it down the way I've been feeling.

I hate Johnny and Lulu. I see ZERO chemistry. I do not get the fan base. I just do not get it. You are so right on:

"Then there's Lulu and Johnny. Are they supposed to be some kind of rootable supercouple? Could someone tell the writers that? Or maybe tell the actors, too, since they don't appear to be terribly fond of each other?" - Becca

I have been wondering the exact same thing. It boggles the mind.

I think Brandon Barash has better chemistry with Sarah Brown, or Kirsten Storms (Maxie), or even Bradford Anderson (Spinelli) at this point, rather than Lulu. I'm hoping Claudia and Johnny aren't related and then I can enjoy what I know would be a fantastic couple.

Jason's secret pain - unbearable.

SCRUBS - it's about time.

I just know if I have to see "duh" face one more time I'm going to get sick. And, I really don't care if he gets blamed for pushing Kate out of the way. He never gets blamed for anything he needs to be blamed for, so I'm good. It all evens out - in a really lopsided way - but, I take what I can get.

Thanks again for watching this show for us. You really are the best thing about GH.

The writers have definitely made Lulu's character insufferable and easy to hate but I'm not ready to give JMB a free pass in that unholy mess quite yet. Her acting choices range from smirking to acute VMD (voice modulation disorder). A better actress would imbue Lulu with even the slightest bit of self-awareness rather than over-the-top self-importance. She appears to be copying some of Laura Wright's worst acting tics (snotty tone, shrieking, smirking) without LW's moments of panic and insecurity (few and far between though they are). And while those acting tics work (for the most part) for Carly because her character is all that and more, they are DISASTROUS choices for JMB to copycat unless she wilfully wants us all to hate Lulu.

And I quote:
"Perhaps I can help you cope with the torture of watching this show by giving you a little game to play while watching it. Whenever Carly and/or Lulu show up, count how times they say either "I", "me", "my" or "mine" per rant or scene or whatever. It's a psychological test to show off characteristics of selfishness-in other words, the more they say it, the more self-absorbed they are."

Snicker - hey Serial Drama - turn it into a drinking game, everytime they say "I, me, my or mine" - take a shot of your favorite booze. At least you'll be entertained THAT way...


Thursday's Scrubs scenes, if watched in a vacuum, were awesome. Unfortunately, the inanity of Tuesday kind of canceled them out. Here's why:
-She outright asked him what he wanted, re: the baby, and he STILL CAN'T ANSWER. AND THEN, TO REWARD HIM FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO GIVE A STRAIGHT ANSWER TO A STRAIGHT G-D QUESTION, SHE SCREWED HIM. Brilliant. Apparently, Robin made some type of evil bargain w/Satan (ACTUAL Satan, not Guza)by which she traded her self-respect, intelligence, and common sense for a baby and a hot baby-daddy. I mean, it would be one thing if she were compromising only herself by agreeing to some type of weird no-strings "relationship" w/Patrick-it would be stupid, but it would be just her. But there is a baby involved-another human being. And the person she's having this "relationship" with is the BABY'S FATHER-who could bail to Vegas or some random ho's bed at any moment, and Robin would have only herself to blame b/c SHE AGREED TO IT, and it would not be just herself who was hurt but HER CHILD, as well. Who is this dumb bitch and what has she done w/myRobin?

-Per the above statements, I wasn't pissed at Patrick after Tuesday, oh no-I was pissed at ROBIN. And it wasn't opposite day. That, alone, was reason enough for me to toss my television, satellite box, and computer out of my window in a Nikolas-like episode of blinding rage. I said it above, but it bears repeating-StepfordRobin is eat up w/the dumbass, and I want RealRobin back, post haste.

-It's just a petty thing, but still-after all the comments about Robin's breasts, or, as Guza calls them, "boobies" (sonofabitchmotherfucker)-after the "funny" scene where she compared her breast size to that of Patrick's 3 AmigHos last spring, after the boob job comment on NightShit (not a typo), etc., etc.-I'm supposed to find that little "boob" scene cute or sweet or amusing? Um, HELL. NO. Oh, yes, and FUCK. THAT., you miscogynist pricks!

And, no, I don't think Patrick should get his hotly back yet-he's acknowledged his actions, albeit briefly and lamely, but he HAS acknowledged them-and now he needs to apologize. It has nothing to do w/groveling and everything to do w/a concept that even my 2-year-old understands-if you hurt someone's feelings, you say "I'm sorry". Period.

And now I've gotten all riled up w/soap opera rage again (there should SO be a support group for this-you know, a sponsor you can call when you start to think that, since Guza hearts the mob so much, maybe you should try to take out a hit on him. That's just me? Okay, then...)-I shall go look at the hotness of Greg and Lucky to console myself and re-discover my happy place. And by the way? THAT is a character deserving of a "hotly" modifier.

I find myself longing for Sonny to just have that final breakdown; he can be in the bed next to Michael at Shadybrook. Jason could be right behind him with his secret pain and his box in the bed on the other side of Michael. Although, I don't know if Carly can handle a world without Sonny, Jason and Michael. Hmmmm she's been to Shadybrook before.... I look forward to Maxie being a fashionista and I really like Diane buddying with Alexis. I think the three of them should hang out. Can you imagine the shoes and purses!!! All Lucky has to do is stand on the docks (with or without shirt) holding Cameron (who bitch looks everyone) with the exception of Patrick. He can stand next to Lucky.

Or maybe a big mob war to end all mob wars in PC. Sonny, Jason, Carly, Lulu, Michael, Nicholas, those two nurses from Night Shift, Trevor, Anthony (yada yada yada)) would become casualties of war. Isn't that what Guza said in his One World Vision interview of what he sees for General Hospital. Then we can start fresh with AWESOME WRITER taking over because we all know he (Guza) wouldn't have anything to write about.

I love the Alexis/Diane. Its nice to see a female friendship. While I am sick of the Sonny blame game too, i think he deserves the scorn he is getting from Carly. and i agree that lulus writing has been very unspencerlike but JMB still manages to save it, and i actually love Johnny/Lulu. and GV is hot!

I don't think Jax was too hard on Carly....that other kid at home is young, confused, scared -- Jax isn't with him, Carly isn't with him, "dad" isn't with him (who the hell IS with him??). He has no idea what's going on, he probably thinks his brother is going to die any minute, and his mommy is going to catch his disease and die too (please???) Little kids need reassurance, and I think Carly could have gone home for a moment since she's been told 2,000 times Michael WON'T wake up, and make little brother feel safer. Carly's favoritism for Michael is blatant to me. "Fuck that other kid at home. So he's scared, lonely and confused. This is MICHAEL we're talking about!" (It's gonna be Cane vs. Abel when these two grow up).

All Jax ever does is say what really needs to be said to Carly -- and then take two steps back and apologizes!!!! I see no chemistry between the two, and when he professes his undying love, I'm thinking, "WTF?"

Lulu needs to die. I see many of you think a lot of the actress, but I see her as a one-emotion person. I don't get the fascination all this guys seem to have with her. And I am afraid the feud at Kate's place of business between Lulu and Maxie is all a ploy to prop Lulu up and make my cutie-pie Maxie look bad. The ill-fated romance between Johnny and Lulu bores me to tears. It is ff material.

Have any of you had the chance to see the ad on Soapnet where the Maxie and Lulu actors are discussing their characters? I almost threw up!!

I officially like Alexis and Dr. Moureau. The actors are off the charts with chemistry -- but I agree that Jerry needs to be redeemed first.

I'd be happy for Ric to be with anyone (except Mariyawnna). But I'd like to see Jason and Claudia together. Sonny's hitman and enemy together? Cool!

This soap has getting so boring I just read what's on the the site's, they really need to make like a dream, and start all over again, the begining the Metro Court, alan Quartermaine should still be alive, Jake Spencer should remain a Spencer, And their should be love in the afternoon.

Thanks Becca to put your suffering aside and write this great interactive Blog!

One option missing for GV poll, I don't find GV hot with or without bread, to each their own! I just don't.

The only thing I watch on GH are Spinmax, Diane/Alexis and Kate magazine the rest I FF.

I don't loose one hour or stupid mob war number X, already saw it, predictable as hell, and boring too!

As for Carly, for me she is still a big miss, no vulnerability, only cujo going after everything around her, and sacrificing Morgan and Jax at the Michael altar!

I was a LW fan, with this story, not so much!

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