I Love These Two More Than Chocolate
I have been in a serious state of soap related glee since last Wednesday, because Jesse and Angie's wedding was one of the most awesome hours of soap to air on television in the last decade, let alone on All My Children. This is part of the reason that I haven't blogged much since then; I loved this episode so much that I didn't want the crappiness of the rest of the daytime world to sully it (the rest of the reason is laziness). I loved it so much that this episode has made its way onto my list of Top 5 Things I Love Beyond All Reason:
1. Making lists
2. Diet Coke
3. All of James Franco's videos at funnyordie.com, but most especially the dramatic reenactment of Justin Bobby and Audrina's date on The Hills.
4. The Golden Girls
5. Jesse and Angie's wedding, edging out DiorShow Blackout mascara. Yeah, exactly. That's how much I loved this wedding. I mean business.
I really have low standards when it comes to AMC, as well I should, since I can count the number of non Kendall and Zach related things I've enjoyed in this show since 1999 on one hand, so I went into this with low expectations. Like, I knew it would be good, because it's Jesse and Angie, and nobody, not even the soon to depart Esensten and Brown, could mess them up, but I didn't think it would be better than good. But it was! It was actually a completely GLORIOUS hour of television. It had all of the components of an awesome soap episode: glamour! Humor! Musical guest! Sentimental vows! Veteran characters and references to history! A ghost!
I now present to you, a bit belated, The 15 Most Wonderful Things About Angie and Jesse's Wonderful Wedding...
1. The preternatural prettiness of Debbi Morgan. This is not limited solely to the wedding, obviously, but getting married on television suits her, because she's been even more lovely than usual. I've been showing random people pictures of her and shrieking "She's 52 years old! 52! I want to look like her now! Life isn't faaaaaaaaaair!"
If she weren't such an amazing actress, I would have to hate her for being so genetically blessed, but because she rules at life in general, I feel like unnatural beauty is the least she deserves.
2. The intercut scenes where Jesse talked to Frankie and Angie talked to Cassandra about the impending wedding and how much it means to them:
Angie: Two hearts, two souls becoming one.
Jesse: That's the real deal, man. That's how it should be when you get married.
Angie: Pledging your love and devotion for all time.
Jesse: And you got to know, through thick or thin, baby, this is forever.
Angie: This is forever.
I maybe started to cry here, a little bit.
3. The stunning way the casino was decorated. This is what soap weddings are about, people! The beauty and the glitz and the way you got goosebumps just looking at it because if any current soap couple deserves such a special wedding, it's Angie and Jesse
Credit for this particular piece of awesome goes to Mr. Zach Slater, who, seriously, OF COURSE knows how to go all out in making a day as special as can be. That's so Zach!
Speaking of Zach, he also had a deliciously swoon worthy conversation with Kendall at the top of the episode:
Kendall: Zach, would you do what Angie and Jesse did -- what they're going to do? Would you marry me all over again?
Zach: I married you twice already.
Kendall: No, I'm serious.
Zach: In my heart, I was always married to you, even before I met you. Always only you.
It's a pity that Alicia Minshew submitted herself as a supporting actress rather than lead, thereby screwing herself out of a nomination, because I have to tell you, the woman deserves to be rewarded for making it through that scene without crumpling into a pile of giggles and happiness. Can you imagine Thorsten Kaye saying those words to you? I'm getting the vapors, for real and for serious.
4. Jesse surprising Angie with Ne-Yo was completely soapy but, unlike some other singing guest stars, this didn't make me roll my eyes. I don't know why I enjoyed it so much, but I do know that appearing on this episode of AMC has earned Ne-Yo lots of good will for me that he had previously lost due to "Hate That I Love You", one of my most hated songs of the past five years, which is odd, considering that I love (love!) every other song Rihanna has done.
5. I am on the record has hating the entire Ghost Dixie situation, but I have to admit that the old girl is looking pretty damn spectacular for a spirit. I especially like her formal wear.
Not to get all religious or anything, but is there something about heaven that makes you look really good? Because between Emily's awesome post-death hair and the general loveliness of Ghost Dixie, I am seriously curious.
6. Opal's hat
7. Greg reuniting with Opal...
Opal: Yeah. Not a day goes by I don't miss my sweet Jenny. I know how much you loved her.
Greg: Yeah, we all did. She should be with us today.
Greg reuniting with Tad...
[Bonus points to Michael E. Knight for looking like he had just seen a ghost!]
Greg meeting his late wife's namesake...
And the copious flashbacks from his first episode back. I am a sucker for flashbacks.
8. How adorable were Stuart and Marian, and Marian's worry that she wouldn't be welcome at the wedding on account of how much of a life ruiner Liza was to Jesse and Angie? I love when soaps mention their history (I wonder--are the repeated Liza mentions setting the stage for her return in the form of Beth Ehlers? Hmm)
And Stuart adorably reassuring her
Stuart: Oh, Angie and Jesse are good people. They know the meaning of true love. That's the kind of love that I have for you. And they're going to love you, too.
I maybe cried a little bit there, too.
9. Every soap wedding needs a crazy, and Evil Robert Gardner is about as crazy as they come. No disrespect to the actor or anything, but I am reasonably sure that if I saw him walking down the street, I'd run away screaming, "Evil! Evil man!"
10. The oh-so adorable way Jesse put his hand over his heart when he glimpsed Angie coming down the aisle.
HOW FREAKING CUTE IS THAT? The way he was just overcome with love and amazement was so, so fantastic, not least because...
11. How beautiful did Angie look?
This is the pinnacle of soap wedding perfection! She looks like a goddess.
12. Her onscreen daughter is similarly beautiful. I'd expect nothing less of one of Tyra's finds! Except for Naima; Naima is the exception to all rules and forms of earth logic.
One day, I will be able to watch this show without assorted ANTM quotes coming to mind. Today is not one of those days. Remember when she told Eva "You make me want to study psychology more"? That was awesome.
13. The readings that assorted Pine Valley denizens did during the ceremony were so sweet and made me cry:
Stuart: In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of love.
Greg: Love is the emblem of eternity. It confounds all notion of time, effaces all memory of a beginning, and all fear.
Tad: Separated lovers find countless, mysterious way of corresponding. By sending each other the song of birds, the scent of flowers, the laughter of children, the light of the sun, the sighing of the wind, the gleam of the stars -- all the beauties of creation.
14. THE VOWS. Ohmigod, the vows. I can't improve upon these or offer any commentary besides "!!!1111!!!<<<<<333333!!!!!", so I will just let you read them
Angie: When Jess -- deep breath. When Jesse and I first got married, we couldn't share the joy that we felt with the people that we loved. And now, as I look out at all of you -- old friends, new friends, my children, the miracle I've been given, my heart is so full it takes my breath away. I want to thank all of you. And I thank you, God.
Jesse: Seeing you here as my beautiful, beautiful bride, hearing that song, even the scent of the flowers -- it just makes me feel alive. I mean, for so long I lived in a kind of silence -- no music, no color, just dark. But I survived it. I survived it, baby. And I couldn't have done it without you. A lot of you people in this room -- you helped me find my way back home to my family and to my angel.
Angie: Jesse, my intentions are the same today as they were when we stood before the justice of the peace all those years ago. I intend to spend the rest of my life loving you. I will grow with you, I will care for you, and learn from you. When you speak, I will listen. Maybe not all the time. When you walk, I'll be by your side. Together, we can go anywhere and do anything. You are my profound joy, my greatest gift. And I will treasure you always.
Jesse: Oh, God, Angela, my whole world changed when I met you. You opened my mind, my heart. You made me a better man, and because of you, I have life, I have love, and I'm going to protect that love with everything I have. I will make you proud, I will make you happy, and I will keep that beautiful smile on your beautiful face. Oh, my God, you are my purpose, sweet lady. You are my future, and I can't wait to live every minute of that future with you.
I LOVE THESE TWO SO, SO MUCH OHMIGOD, SO MUCH LOVE
15. During the vows, at the "till death do us part", um, part, Jesse chimed in with "To love and to cherish until death do us part. That ain't going to happen this time". Only on a soap would (a)that line of dialogue be a statement of fact and (b)make me cry
It was just SO BEAUTIFUL and SO SOAPY and I loved it so much and want to watch it again. Swoon and sigh.
Because I am me, I did have a few quibbles, like:
...why on earth did they cut multiple times to Greenlee's latest existential crisis?
Because, seriously, way to take me out of the moment of watching a couple remarry after 20 years and a death by shoehorning in Greenlee's whininess. Like when she kept looking at Aiden during the ceremony like she was a kicked puppy?
What the hell? Focus on the wedding, you nitwit.
(Since when does Aiden look that much like a caveman, by the way? Is it like, the more unattractive his character gets with the whole self righteousness, the more cro-magnon Aidan Turner gets? I wonder)
...Ghost Dixie choosing the wedding as an appropriate venue to pass a message to Jake: "Tad needs you, Jake." Really, do these people not understand the concept of a wedding and how it's the day for the happy couple and not the petty drama going on in your life? You know what Tad needs, Ghost Dixie? A smack in the face and more scenes with people like Angie, Jesse and Greg, because they bring his charm out in ways that Krystal just can't
...I know that I sound bitter about this, but I do not like the new Colby. She's nothing special, acting wise, and I miss Ambyr Childers and if you just squint at the new girl really quickly, she looks a little like Lindze Leatherman and thinking about that makes me mad all over again that General Hospital killed her off
...what the hell was with JR and Babe "getting closer" and "getting friendlier"?
It calls to mind the episode of The Golden Girls where the girls go to Dorothy's goddaughter's wedding and Rose admits that weddings make her...hot, which led her to compliment the priest on his ass and ask if people want to take their clothes off and do the hokey pokey.
...if AMC is capable of being this stellar, why are they not this stellar all the time? Don't taunt me with greatness and then snatch it back.