That Sound You Hear Is the Barrel's Bottom Being Scraped
In three short days, The Young and the Restless has given us:
- The marriage of the show's most chemistry free couple
- The engagement of the show's most repulsive couple
- A Hilton
- Wacky airline shenanigans
- The line "Do you think that my job at the gallery is damaging our psychic connection?"
- Tammin Sursok trying to convey heartbreak
Separately, any of the above would cause me to raise one eyebrow and sneer, but to foist upon the audience ALL OF THOSE THINGS in the span of three hours of show, that's...a cry for help.
Remember how Nikki spent eons doing nothing but repeating everything Victor said and occasionally scoffing at Sharon? And we were all like, "Why are you guys wasting the awesomeness of Melody Thomas Scott? Give her something to do!" and the show, like, made her want to be a state senator, and we were all like, "Um, technically I guess you're listening to my feedback..."?
It's kind of like that all over again. Like, yes, I want to see Nikki in a frontburner story because I think Melody Thomas Scott rules at life, but I don't want to see her in a shitty frontburner story because she deserves better than that. And anything involving David Chow is shitty. Which is sad, you know, because David Irizarry was so charming on AMC (and, the story goes, on Guiding Light) but they decided that, rather than exert effort in creating a character that makes sense, they should just cobble together some sort of crap hodgepodge veering from crazy gaslighting adulterer to brilliant political strategerist to former/current gambling addict in hopes that something will stick and that someone, anyone would give a crap about him.
It has not worked thus far.
(I will, though, admit to being excited for the inevitable scene when Nikki discovers that David Chow's "heirloom" ring was actually purchased at, like, Claire's.)
But seriously, this jaunt to Mexico for a quickie marriage, complete with oh-so hilarious hijinks regarding the middle seat on a long plane ride (cranky lady! Snoring! Cat! ELL OH ELL) seems like something out of a Brittany Murphy movie.
[Here's where I'd talk about the utterly gross engagement between Victor, who the writers have been building up more and more lately as the most amazing person in the history of ever to such an extent that I wonder if Eric Braeden is writing his own scenes, and the quite possibly transgendered Sabrina, who is only enjoyable, and that's probably overstating it a bit, when she is on the receiving end of one of Adam's patented bitchy diatribes, but I haven't reached the point in my life yet when I can type words about the two of them without vomiting. It's like the Y&R writers saw the hideous Sonny/Emily pairing as a challenge and are trying their damndest to out Guza Guza]
Jack Abbott has done some shady things in his time and has exhibited questionable judgment on numerous occasions, but nothing has ever indicated that he has vile enough taste to be friends with Kathy Effing Hilton.
The fact that Y&R brought her on as a guest start is a sign of how truly out of touch they are. Really? People want to see the mother of a tabloid pariah who had a reality show with an audience of a dozen viewers? Sure, she's the most tolerable Hilton, but...that's kind of like saying that chlamydia is the most tolerable STD
Somewhere, Balki is like, "Betcha feel stupid for mocking me now, don't you?" I do, Balki. I do.
There are times when Emily O'Brien is so hilarious and charming that I sort of forget that Jana is a psycho murderer and kind of maybe enjoy her a little bit and agree with her Emmy nomination and then they make her talk about auras and karma and psychic connections and I find myself praying for her tumor to come back and kill her. Or kill me.
It's gotten to the point where I can't describe Tammin Sursok's...um..."acting" in words. I've tried, but all of my descriptions come out sounding like they're written by Nell.
I know I always say that I wish Cricket would come back to save this show and that I long for the days when one Y&R day would last three and a half years, and I am usually at least half joking when I say that, but, no. I am totally serious. Think about it! Doesn't an intense closeup of a hyacinth sound sooooo good right about now?