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« My Kingdom for a Likeable Character | Main | The Young and the Restless Week in Review »

June 27, 2008

In Case You Missed General Hospital This Week

Here's a [paraphrased] recap of some of this week's events, to catch you up.  On all the boring boringness that bored every sane viewer into a bored state of boring boredom.

(Side note:  "Fun" fact discovered in the course of blog "research" this week, which says really all you need to know about our world today and why we are doomed:  Jason Morgan's Wikipedia entry is longer than Nelson Mandela's.)



Jax:  Where were you?  Are you feeling okay?
Carly:  Morgan and I just went to get ice cream.
Jax:  Pregnant women crave ice cream!
Carly:  Relax, Jax.  I told you, I'm not pregnant.  Why don't you hang out while I change clothes?
Jax:  Do you need help up the stairs?
Carly:  No.
Jax:  Are you sure?  Pregnant women need help up the stairs!
Carly:  I'm okay, thanks.
Jax:  Are you going to change into another shirt because your current one is too tight around your fetus-protecting midsection?
Carly:  Uh, no.  I was outside in New York in June; I'm sweaty. 
Jax:  Pregnant women sweat!
Carly:  Yeah.  So...changing.
Jax:  Pregnant women go through lots of changes!
Carly:  You're giving me a headache.
Jax:  Pregnant women get headaches!
Carly:  You're stressing me out; I'm feeling nauseated.
Jax:  Pregnant women get nauseated!
Carly:  Right.  So, anyway, I'm going upstairs.  I think I'll take a bath, too.
Jax:  Pregnant women take baths!  Should we consider a water birth?!
Carly:  Sure.
Jax:  So you're saying you are pregnant!
Carly:  No.
Jax:  Pregnant women are often in denial at first!
Carly:  Oh my god, kill me now.
Jax:  Pregnant women are sometimes depressed!


Carly: I'm pregnant, and it could be Sonny's or another guy's who is superior in pretty much every way to Sonny, but I told Sonny it's Jason's.
1998: You two-timing bitch!



Patrick:  I want you to move in with me and for us to raise this baby together.
Robin:  No you don't.
Patrick:  I don't want to be a crazy bachelor anymore, I want to be a father to our child.
Robin:  No you don't.
Patrick:  In hindsight,it was stupid of me to say all that stuff about how I didn't want to be a father.  I've had time to think about it, and I do want to be a father to this baby.
Robin:  No you don't.
Patrick:  I love you and I want us to be together.
Robin:  No you don't.
Patrick:  I want fried chicken for dinner.
Robin:  No you don't.
Patrick:  I do everything un-hotly, including un-hotly holding a baby, un-hotly looking at you like you're a crazy person, and un-hotly pretending not to lose my mind over having the same conversation for the 7693rd time.
Robin: No you don't.  Wait...



Kate: Eeeee!  I'm marrying Sonny!
Lulu, Maxie, Jax, Clarice: Um..."congratulations"? 
Kate: This is because I cut my hair, right?  That effing bob!


Patrick: We already had our 8765th argument about the baby and our relationship, yes?
Robin:  No.





Maxie:  I'm awesome.
Dr. Matt Hunter: I'm awesomer.  You should apologize for running into me and putting your PDA under my shoe to crush.
Maxie: You must be a friend of Patrick's.



Scott: You're still in town?
Logan:  Apparently.
Scott: What have you been doing for the last six months?
Logan:  I don't know...something about a monkey?


Nikolas:  I'm so excited about the Emily Quartermaine Clinic that I built in less than a week.
Nadine:  Me too!  Squee!  Hearts and flowers and happy joy love!
Nikolas:   So, the clinic, it's cool -- especially the 80s glass block, formica, and colonial spiral staircase -- but we have no patients.
Nadine:  Back in a jif!
Nikolas:  Where did you go?
Nadine:  The projects!
Nikolas:  You went to the projects?  Wait, I mean, do we still call them the projects?  And...Port Charles has projects?
Nadine:  Yes!  They were filled with people who needed a little cheer!  And health care!
Nikolas:  O...kay.  So we have patients now.
Nadine:  We do!  I mean, you do.  Or I do.  Not that there's a we.  Not that I want there to be a we.  Not that I don't want that, but....happy joy love!  Everything exactly the opposite of Claudia Zacchara!
Nikolas:  I have to go now.
Nadine:  Going is so awesome!  I love to go!  I don't know if you want to go with me, but if you did, going with me would be awesome.  I'm totally up for going.
Nikolas:  Uh huh.


Diane: I am far too bright and delightfully bitchy for this town.  Also, that Carly is dumb as a bag of rocks.  Dumb rocks.
Everyone everywhere: Word.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.


After reading these posts, I'm ecstatic I broke the GH addiction about 6 weeks ago. Years of stopping my day to watch GH long after it was watchable was a habit I had to break. There isn't one character of depth or one somewhat happy couple on screen. Storylines going nowhere, couples repeating the same drivel day in day out, uninteresting characters, no real plot except for the nth time, who's the babydaddy. I encourage everyone so dissatisfied to say no to this crap and turn off your tv and do something instead for YOU! Exercise, take a walk, go to a gym, treat yourself to a manicure or spa treatment. You'll feel better and you won't have that pent up anger at a silly show that disrespects its own history and throws it in your face. You will feel lighter because you are no longer wallowing in garbage. Just give it a try.

Frankly, I was glad to see Robin acting like someone returned her brain to her-or at least switched it from "dimple=God" mode. She didn't say he couldn't be a father to his child-she said she and the baby weren't going to live w/him. She also said she doesn't trust what he says-I for one, can't imagine why *rolls eyes so far back in head that they become stuck*.....She never said he couldn't be a father-she said she's not going to build she and the baby's lives around him when he has proven, TIME AND TIME AGAIN, that he is not trustworthy, he has the crisis-time conversions....and then he converts back to the way he was before. What about that screams "dependable enough to raise a child with"? She gives him MONTHS to diddle-ass around trying to make up his mind about what kind of role, if any, he wants in this kid's life....and now she's a bitch b/c he's all of a sudden ready, he's said jump and she's not leaping to her feet and asking how high? After all, he's a hot guy, so he, of course, gets to be the one to decide when and how and where, right? Hey, Mr. Frons-I think the training is complete.

And as for the petition for visitation w/a child still in utero? BWAH! Cause, I mean, NO ONE in this country has heard of Roe Vs. Wade, or the fact that a father has ZERO say in whether or not a mother can have an abortion-and they want me to believe, considering that precedent, that a judge would even agree to HEAR a petition for visitation w/an unborn child?!

Oh dear god...why do I keep watching?? WHY! That whole Jax scenario you wrote is exactly what I heard - yep, that was it!

"I don't want you turning that door knob! It might hurt the baby-that-I-don't-know-actually-exists-yet-but-Guza-writes
-me-like-such-an-overbearing-douchebag-who-only -marries-women-to-attempt-to-implant-my-seed-so-that-


I'm sorry, I do happen to love the Spinelli character WHEN THEY GIVE HIM SOMETHING DECENT TO SAY AND DO (i.e. last summer during his JaSpin moments when he had decent, insightful, non-dork things to say to Jason, which actually made me like Jason - WHAT?) I think Maxie and Spinelli make an adorable couple, but Guza can't let that happen. Lulu and Spinelli? Nope, bring in that non-acting hack, Logan. Georgie? Nope, DIE BITCH! Nadine? Sorry, only have eyes for a guy who is so far out of my league and intelligence level, I might as well try for Bill Gates! Maxie? Nope, let's get her a new non-acting dillweed to shoot for! BRING IN CAPTAIN BLAND! Is this guy for real?

Robin? Yep, I hate her now, too. Lulu and Robin - two legacy characters Guza has made me hate. Did his mother beat him? Has he impregnated unsuspecting date-rape victims who have used these lame scenarios on him in order to avoid being near him again? Has he actually tried to obtain visitation with a uterus??

Can someone on here please do a quick summary of OLTL so I can have some clue of what's going on when I start watching it this week? I've got to find a new soap!

Just a question:

Has GH introduced a LIKABLE doctor even once in, like, the last ten freaking years???

(PS The ponytail doctor from Night Shift doesn't count. 1) He had a ponytail in 2007. 2) He only appeared on GH proper like twice.)

OMG - will somebody effin' put me out of my misery??? Congratulations Guza - you RUINED Da Scrubbies.


Hmmm great summary. Though I'm sure it'll probably win GH the emmy next year and then they'll bring out the statue for the year after that too. So, great (rolls eyes:)

I wish everyone would give Jason Cook and his work with Kirsten a chance. He´s had like what, three scenes and everyone supposedly hates him already?

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