Serial Drama

The Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza: Red Carpet Arrivals

And...we're off!  We will update this post and the ceremony one throughout the night, with our live blogging chat and then with screencaps/photos.  Please keep checking back for updates; you never know what fashion triumph or tragedy will greet you.

Becca (6:02:30 PM): OMG IT'S STARTING!!!
Becca (6:02:32 PM): Ahem
Mallory (6:02:45 PM): EEEEEE!!!
Mallory (6:02:58 PM): SOAPNet really ought to pay for a better voiceover person. She could not sound more bored
Mallory (6:03:13 PM): I am appalled that Sam Champion is making an appearance.
Becca (6:03:25 PM): WTF?  No, Rebecca Budig, no.

Becca (6:03:35 PM): That dress looks like she's being disemboweled.
Mallory (6:03:53 PM): This is what I don't understand: you are rich. You are famous. You look like Rebecca Budig. And that's the dress you choose?
Becca (6:04:15 PM): Seriously, that pink...thing on the red satin looks like intestines.  Why, why, why?
Becca (6:04:29 PM): On the other hand, Finola Hughes looks fantastic.

Mallory (6:04:38 PM): She really does!
Becca (6:04:48 PM): On the other other hand, Ricky Paull Goldin looks like a waiter.
Mallory (6:04:56 PM): How can you be rising at the same time as being a superstar?

Becca (6:05:15 PM): And how can you be a superstar if I've never heard your name?  Wait, don't answer that, I know I'm unhip.
Becca (6:05:21 PM): You kids and your pop stars
Mallory (6:05:35 PM): Do not blame this on my generation! Some of us have taste
Becca (6:06:03 PM): Some of you who aren't famous?
Mallory (6:06:49 PM): I don't understand the purpose of what is happening right now. Why is she singing? Why are people pretending to care?

Mallory (6:07:17 PM): And why is SOAPNet doing a small split screen for the red carpet arrivals? Are they so inept that they are capable of ruining the concept of a red carpet show?
Becca (6:07:27 PM): Did you really have to ask that?
Becca (6:07:44 PM): Is this girl Brian Frons' niece or something?
Mallory (6:08:21 PM): I am not mentally ready to start thinking about Night Shift
Mallory (6:08:47 PM): And I keep getting distracted by Rebecca Budig's HORRIBLE hair and the...organ looking ornamentation on her dress. Please make it stop.
Becca (6:08:57 PM): Rebecca Budig's dress is a crime against all that is good and right in the world [James Scott].
Becca (6:09:17 PM): I know.  But now that I found out that Tristan Rogers and Antonio Sabato Jr. are going to be on it, I'm almost...optimistic.  I can't believe I just said that.
Mallory (6:09:57 PM): I love the Shoe Cam! It appeals to me at my shallowest

Becca (6:10:21 PM): Seriously.  I want one for when I go out with friends.  "Lisa is wearing a Fendi black patent slingback..."
Mallory (6:11:19 PM): I do not like Farah Fath's necklace at all

Becca (6:11:55 PM): Yeah, she looks great except for the giant crucifix that even 1989 Madonna would be all "oh no, that's OTT"

Mallory (6:12:23 PM): Her makeup looks good, though, and it's way subtle for her
Becca (6:12:56 PM): Well, pancake is way subtle for her, but yeah, she does look great

Mallory (6:13:59 PM): Adrienne Frantz is distractingly skinny. And the hair...sorry, I can't say anything negative about her just in case she's still dating Jason Segel and can introduce me to James Franco
Becca (6:14:23 PM): You like him?  You've kept that so quiet. 
Becca (6:14:28 PM): Except for the billboard, I mean.
Becca (6:14:34 PM): And the mocked-up wedding announcements.
Mallory (6:14:56 PM): I like to plan ahead so that our wedding is all taken care of, just in case it happens
Mallory (6:19:43 PM): I know Sherri Shepherd thinks the world is flat or whatever, but her role as Angie on 30 Rock has earned her a lifetime free pass from me. She's adorable

Becca (6:20:54 PM): Oh, we are going to brawl, Mal -- she bugs the crap out of me.
Becca (6:21:05 PM): Seriously, she thinks the world is flat!
Mallory (6:21:38 PM): But she's hilarious with Tracy and Kenneth the page!
Becca (6:21:59 PM): You know I adore 30 Rock, but no.  She bugs me!
Mallory (6:22:10 PM): Whatev!
Mallory (6:22:20 PM): Finola talks like three miles a minute and I find it endlessly endearing
Becca (6:22:34 PM): She has the inflections of a 15-year-old.  It's hilarious.
Becca (6:23:07 PM): Heather Tom's makeup is fabulous, and her hair is a huge improvement over last year's terrible ponytail, but I'm not sold on the dress.  And I really liked Jack on Project Runway!

Mallory (6:23:12 PM): Could SOAPNet BE more inept? This is pathetic. The local access channel runs smoother
Becca (6:23:39 PM): The only clip they've had ready to roll was that horrible "behind the scenes" piece with Cameron and Sherri.  And I've seen more interesting driver ed films.

Mallory (6:23:55 PM): Her hair and makeup look gorgeous. I don't like the bodice of the dress, but I love the color

Becca (6:24:22 PM): The color is beautiful.  I have a feeling it will look better in still shots, too.
Becca (6:24:37 PM): It's not a disaster or anything.  I just expected to be wowed.  Wow me, people! 

Emmys A-Go-Go

We asked you to play Emmy voter and choose who you think deserves to go home with an award tonight. Here are the results of the Serial Drama Readers Choice Awards:

• Outstanding Younger Actor:  Van Hansis, As the World Turns
• Outstanding Younger Actress: Rachel Melvin, Days of Our Lives
• Outstanding Supporting Actor: Trent Dawson, As the World Turns
• Outstanding Supporting Actress: Gina Tognoni, Guiding Light
• Outstanding Lead Actor: David Canary, All My Children
• Outstanding Lead Actress: Maura West, As the World Turns
• Outstanding Daytime Drama: One Life to Live

Only Van Hansis and Gina Tognoni won the polls that they SHOULD win the Emmy and WILL win the Emmy. Our readers are cynical and jaded enough by past Emmy winners to know that the deserving folk almost never win.

But the night isn't only about winning awards: it's about bitterness over snubbed performers, crippling boredom with some of the technical awards and the potential for awesome(-ly bad) fashion.

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

Make sure to stop back here at 6 PM for the start of the Second Annual Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza!

Don't Forget: Live-Blogging the Emmys Tonight

We know you all must be as excited about the totally relevant and truly merit-based Daytime Emmy awards as we are, but in your giddiness please don't forget to click on over to Serial Drama this evening for our Second Annual Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza!  We'll start red carpet coverage with the SOAPNet pre-show at 6pm EST, then cover the ceremony starting at 8pm EST.  Screencaps will go up throughout the night.  Bring on the fashion disasters and unjustified winners!

(Last year's red carpet and ceremony live blogging, for those who missed it or who need an Emmy fix before tonight.)

Countdown to the Emmys: Day 7

The Daytime Emmys are tomorrow!  Like Jessie Spano and The Pointer Sisters before us, we're so excited and we just can't hide it!  Woohoo!  And one of the the things we're most excited about is which allegedly deserving show receives the purportedly honorable title of Outstanding Drama Series.  Will it be GH, for arguably its worst year ever?  Or Guiding Light, in what could be its last year in existence, a possibly imaginary soap that if real lately includes more gimmicks than a used car lot?  Will it be Y&R, and if so, will the many viewers it has bored into a coma ever be made aware of the victory?  Or will it be One Life to Live, the show that there appears to be consensus among viewers and critics is actually the best?  We managed to type that last sentence without dissolving into fits of laughter somehow, but seriously, y'all aren't actually expecting the best show to win the best show award, are you?  You are too cute.

You know the drill:  After the jump, watch, read, vote, comment.  Woohoo!

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

In our most recent Soap Opera Digest column, we were all about the Daytime Emmys. After the jump, our thoughts about the nominations, our outrage over several snubs, our fervent hope that two certain shows don't walk away with the title of Outstanding Daytime Drama and a plan to make Kirsten Storms a faux Emmy to call her own.

Countdown to the Emmys: Day 6

The Emmys are the day after tomorrow and we could not be more excited. Tonight, we take a look at the nominees for Outstanding Lead Actress, a category also known as "CBS Actresses A-Go-Go."  After the jump, their reels and your chance to vote for who you think deserves the Emmy and who you think will win.

"Creatively Bankrupt Hack" Doesn't Even Do It Justice

Remember when The Sixth Sense came out and the world was like, "Wow! That was pretty great! M. Night Shyamalan is going places"? And then he made Unbreakable and the world was all, "...okay. I see what he was going for". And then came Signs and we all thought to ourselves, "Water? Really? That's the best you can do?". And then when he did The Village we were like, "Seriously, is he just screwing with us"? And then we saw The Lady in the Water and we were all, "SERIOUSLY, STOP IT. JUST STOP. YOU ARE HORRIBLE".

And then he made The Happening which, by all accounts, is just terrible on every level and has been referred to as the most embarrassing thing Mark Wahlberg has ever done, which is a list that includes the Planet of the Apes remake and the Funky Bunch, and you take a break from your anger with M. Night Shyamalan for sucking and get mad at the people who keep giving him the money and the power to make these movies. Like, is he just allowed to coast on The Sixth Sense for the rest of his career? "He made that one good movie ten years ago! Let's throw some more money at him!"

That's kind of the point I'm at with Bob Guza and the brass at ABC Daytime. As much as I hate what Bob Guza is doing--and I do. Oh, how I do--I am equally mad at the people who just keep letting him do it. Look, ABC people, I know that Clink!Boom was a great moment. But that is one scene over the course of a decade spent decimating a show. Are those few seconds, and the rare scenes over the ensuing years that haven't been horrible, REALLY enough to make you overlook the fact that you are hemorrhaging viewers? Because if it is...how do I get a job working for you? I'm kind of interested in going into a line of work where I can tell the same exact story over and over, and do it POORLY, and still have ironclad job security.

After the jump: the GH spoiler that has me all ranty.

Not Safe For Life

WARNING: This post will contain references to Victor Newman's sperm and, as such, may not be suitable for all readers, including the young, the restless, the old, and the content. Reader discretion is advised.

I had just gotten to the point in my life where the thought of Victor and Sabrina marrying each other didn't overwhelm me with complete nausea. I still got queasy at the sight of them together, but I could form actual sentences about it, rather than trying to type out the written equivalent of dry heaving.

See, I was able to say to myself, "They aren't a conventional couple, and hurting Victoria with their relationship is both shady and selfish. If I were the type to do mash up words, I could call that shellfish. And if I were the type of person who liked puns, I'd laugh at that" and went off into my own little tangent filled world with nary a shudder. That's progress!

And then Sabrina got pregnant with Victor's child and I just...am not handling it well.

That sentence, "Sabrina is pregnant with Victor's child", is only six words long and yet those six words are filled with a ceaseless amount of wrong.

Countdown to the Emmys: Day 5

Our hypercritical look at the reels submitted by the Emmy nominees has brought us to our most favorite category, Outstanding Lead Actor. These men are actually on shows that we know for a fact exist and the nominations themselves almost make total sense. Almost.

You know the drill: after the jump, watch their clips and vote for who you think should win and who you think will win.

General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review

Every time I see the beginning of a preview for a new Adam Sandler movie, I think, well, at least it won't be worse than [insert name of second most recent Sandler movie here].  And nothing could be worse than The Waterboy.  But then, somehow, the latest Sandler movie almost always is worse than the last.  It's downright vexing.  Every once in a while a Punch Drunk Love will come along and surprise me, but that's rare.  Mostly it's more like my most recent experience, sitting in a theater with the bad taste of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry still fresh in my mouth six months after being subjected to it on cable, shocked that this Zohan travesty appears to be even worse, adding the tangy twist of racism to the already heavy flavor of homophobia left over from the last movie. 

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this:  Every week of General Hospital is like a new Adam Sandler movie.  Except without the possibility of one good stomach-hurting laugh (yes, there is usually one), and with a much higher likelihood of bloody assaults and homicides.  (I am totally fine with endless non-bloody assaults involving, say, Bob Barker.  But realistic bloodiness I can only tolerate in small doses, which GH usually exceeds in the first week of any given year).  I stick around every week, in truth, only because I'm paid to.  Occasionally I get rewarded with Awesome Writer throwing us a Punch Drunk Love-esque bone in the form of a scene that is actually engaging, but for the most part, at the end of a Friday episode, it's just me looking at my TV screen with the same expression I have at the end of 90% of Sandler's movies.

That was the extended version of my now-standard introduction to these Week in Reviews.  The condensed version is:  This show sucks.

Reminder:  these two are brother and sister.

These two adult roommates, who gaze at each other and participate in touchy-feeliness that includes but is not limited to neck rubs, are brother and sister.  I'm just...saying.  Also, in true sibling tradition, the sister is paying someone to seduce her brother away from his girlfriend.

 

Claudia: I will pay you ten thousand dollars to seduce my brother John.  I'll give you twenty thousand dollars if you can get Lulu to catch you in the act.

I hate this show so much.  They have exactly ONE tolerable female character in this age group, and they are making her a hooker. (Actually, am I misremembering, or will this now be the second time Maxie has agreed to sleep with a guy in exchange for money from someone else?  It's not only misogyny, it's redundant misogyny; it's everything that General Hospital is all about.)  I was totally outraged and all puffed up to blog about it, but then she wore a really fabulous dress and it calmed me down.

Plus, Lulu -- who I officially hate now, daughter of Luke and Laura or not -- looks horrible right next to her.  I love a catty juxtaposition.

Maxie's dress could not be cuter if it were a puppy in a toilet paper commercial.  Lulu's t-shirt appears to have a pixelated tie-dyed pattern accented by a sequined fruit basket on one boob.  I know none of the words in that last sentence appear to go together, but there they are.  And I know Lulu is supposed to have bad taste in clothes (Giselle mocking her fashion sense was amusing), but you can show that without offending one of my most important senses with that level of ugliness.