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« General Hospital Week in Review | Main | Our Column in the 6/17 Issue of Soap Opera Digest »

June 05, 2008

The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

...

I...

...

...just.

...ew.

Ew1

I was trying to think of a way to best describe my continued horror at the Victor/Sabrina coupling because, "ew....ewewewewEW", while apt, isn't the most eloquent way to express my revulsion and I don't exactly know how to convey dry heaving through typing.

The best I can do is admit, without hesitation, that I'd rather watch an endless loop of John and Marlena makeout scenes whilst eating Dale Talde's butterscotch scallops than have to sit through the awkward grossness of Victor and Sabrina being lovey dovey. That may seem like a disproportionate response, but it's the truth!

It's bad enough that they paired a senior citizen with a possible transvestite young enough to be his daughter, but...who on earth is writing this dialogue? It reminds me of what a sixth grader would write in her Harry Potter fanfic, except it's more cloying and unlike anything human beings would ever say.

Victor: Yeah? You know that every time I drive home, I think of your beautiful face. I think of how lucky I am to have found you, and that you make me feel more alive than I have in a long time.

Divider

Sabrina: Your Marinara Sauce was the best sauce in the world.

Victor: Are you serious?

Sabrina: Mm-hmm.

Victor: Was there too much basil or oregano? Whatever the hell you call it.

Sabrina: There was too much of both, but no, I'm joking. I loved it. It was perfect.  [What the hell? Victor is so omnipotent that not even his FICTIONAL MARINARA SAUCE is anything but perfect?--Ed.]

Victor: I'm sure there was too much of both. You know what I love the most?

Sabrina: What?

Victor: That you and I can have fun together.

Sabrina: Yes.

Victor: It's so easy to have fun with you.

Divider

Victor: Mm. So glad you're back.

Sabrina: Oh, me, too. Mm. [Note: they have this exact conversation whenever they enter the same room or realize that they haven't said hello and made out in six minutes--Ed.]

Divider

Victor: But you tried to mend fences... and that's a wonderful thing.

Sabrina: Mm.

Victor: You know who taught me that? You. [Bullfuckingshit. He's like 90 and a professional dick. I'm sure he's learned about fence mending, or at least pretending to mend fences, at some point in time before this--Ed.]

Divider

And the constant kissing! What IS this? It's so over the top that, on an actual soap with good writing and sense of storytelling, it would mean that they are both overcompensating and trying to convince themselves that this relationship is totally worth hurting their friends and family. But Y&R hasn't seen good writing and a sense of storytelling for a few years now, so that's obviously not the case.

The only way this story would even be partially redeemed would be if it turned out that Sabrina was completely playing Victor but since I've seen this show before, I know that story will never happen, because nothing happens on Y&R unless it involves giving Victor a tongue bath. I'm pretty sure Eric Braeden would storm off set if it turned out that Victor liked Sabrina more than she cared for him, so a story about Victor full on getting snowed isn't going to happen.

Comments

I saw this post coming a mile away. I too think the dialogue is sappy. It seems they don't want any kind of conflict between the two while they're in this bliss phase. I just hope they do the exact opposite when the inevitable crash comes.

good lord..they don't even deserve a guffudder.

I don't really watch Y&R but I'm familiar enough with the couple and it is truly not something I want to see on my screen. Ever. But having said that, it does beg the question...what's worse? Victor and Sabrina? Or the highly questionable and nauseating pairing that GH gave us a few years ago - Sonny and Emily?

The way these two pretentious freaks keep talking in French makes me want to vomit. Coincidentally, in French.

So, the ultimate question:

Sonny, the aging Mary Sue of GH has the best marinara sauce on that show, and Victor, the aging Mary Sue of Y&R has the best marinara sauce on that show...so who has the best MarySueinara sauce between them?

I think we need some sort of Iron Chef type showdown on the Emmys.

What annoys me most about the Victor and Sabrina stuff is that TIIC are writing Sabrina like she was one step away from Mother Theresa (except, of course, that Mother Theresa would have too much sense to hop in bed with her best friend's father without benefit of clergy!)

So - when Victor decides to get involved with someone new - Victor's choice is a teeny bopper on the verge of becoming Mother Theresa.

On the other hand - when it is NIKKI who chooses to become involved with someone new - poor Nikki picks a gambling addict who is painted as - not only a con man and a fraud - but a DANGEROUS con man and fraud!

I would have been more impressed if the story had gone the OTHER way - Nikki picked someone new who turned out to be a prince in toad's clothing - and Victor got involved with the queen of con-women and ended up NEEDING to be rescued by Nikki and Nikki's new Toad Prince husband!

But - as someone else has already pointed out - it is highly unlikely that TIIC would EVER allow TGVN to end up being totally suckered by a master con-woman - who ended up basking on a Caribbean beach somewhere with a whole LOT of Victor's money lining her hidden bank accounts!

So - what makes EVERY line of sappy dialogue between Victor and Sabrina even MORE annoying is the foregone conclusion that a smug Victor will eventually ALSO end up swooping in to 'rescue' Nikki from the cad whom Nikki picked out for herself!

At this point, I am rooting for David to turn the tables on BOTH Brad AND Victor. Although, of course, I know that I am rooting in vain!

Young and Restless is STILL head and shoulders above any of the competition. But this type of lop-sided, insipid story line explains all too well WHY Young and Restless has been losing its audience - right along with every other soap on the tube!

At least no kids have been shot in the head - recently.

Sincerely, Deborah


Victor and Sabrina (and Gloria/Restless Style but those are separate topics) was the last straw for me. I finally turned off YR for good a few weeks ago. It's just unwatchable and don't think it's ever going to improve.

I keep wondering if the fact that she's involved in the art world isn't going to resurrect that horrible "reliquary" story line? Or that she's involved with the people that were murdered somehow. But it would be FAB if she completely snowed him. I'm tired of the way EB always has to come out looking good in a storyline. Grow up already. It's not like it's real life, so what's the big deal with him?

I think this was Braeden's big foot-stompy demand when he complained about his storyline under Latham - that he get a young babe as a girlfriend. I'm not sure Sabby the Tranny is who he had in mind, though.

Funny that people who declare the show to be "unwatchable" still make time to read about it and post comments about it.

I am also disgusted with the pairing of Victor/Sabrina. She is young enough to be his daughter. Its just gross. It is definitely fast forward material. It reminds me so much of my 40 year old ex dating a 19 yr old and getting her pregnant..lol. If that hadn't happened to me I think I still would find this gross. For the record I didn't like the pairing of Sonny and Emily either.

Well the actor /EB wanted to leave because the he claimed the younger cast was getting all the good stuff . He wants to be a Romeo with his Juliet. This is the worse couple on Y&R , it's a big joke and this is what happens when your ego is to big .Victor belongs to Nicole not Mortica or the vampire as they are calling Sabrina

I haven't been watching long enough to know that the Great Victor Newman always lands on his feet. That is too bad, cuz what a great story it would be to see Tranbina (I thought I was the only one who thought her gender was suspect)be out to scam Vic, and then she truly falls in love with Adam, and they BOTH scam him.

I'd love to see David win big, and screw over smarmy used-car-salesman Brad (who I thought was a pool boy!) Sorry, no offense to car salesmen.

I hope the fab four at Useless Style get into a huge war, and that Jack and Sharon win.

Maybe Sabrina's big story reveal IS that she's a big ole tranny. Victor will learn after the I do's that Sabrina was born Sebastian......He'll be totally disgusted. Of course, it will totally turn Adam on.

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