Is This That Optimism Thing I've Heard So Much About?
I know they, whoever "they" are, say that you should live with no regrets. But sadly, I have regrets. They include, but are not limited to:
- going through a period circa Reality Bites and Before Sunrise during which I thought Ethan Hawke was a little bit attractive
- that my high school yearbook photo dedication includes the phrase "UR Audi5K"
- not discovering arugula salads until this year
- thinking Katherine Heigl was charming and/or down-to-earth
- my attitude from ages 13-19
- some really bad dates, especially the one with Scabby Leg Guy (I still don't believe that could happen playing soccer)
- owning acid-washed jeans
- taking almost half a season to get into Gossip Girl
- probably some truly meaningful things as well
But none of that compares to how much I regret giving many, many hours of my life last summer to a soul-sucking enterprise known as General Hospital: Night Shift. Mallory and I not only watched every minute of the awfulness, we detailed them in recaps that almost drained us of the will to live. If not for Jason Thompson appearing nearly naked in a shower on the first episode, we probably would have walked away from blogging forever. That scene got us through a lot -- a lot -- of crappy ones that followed.
So why, then, am I optimistic for the new season of Night Shift that starts airing July 22nd? Note: Your answer may not include "idiot," "drunk," or "your brain is more broken than Jason Morgan's."
Hear me out, you guys: I really think there may be cause for positivity this time around! My reasons include:
- Neither Jill Farren Phelps nor Bob Guza is involved! I can only hope this is a harbinger of similar things to come.
- New blood from outside soapdom! Well, partially. Let's quickly, in the name of positivity, move past the fact that the Executive Producer the former EP of Passions. (I am not able to say anything positive about Passions because 1) it took Another World
away, and 2) I have heard that it is so bad it can only be enjoyed in
the "are you fucking kidding me with this?!" way.) ANYWAY, the
exciting part is Sri Rao, a head writer from -- prepared to be blown
away -- totally outside the world of soaps! He has some TV and play
credits, apparently? At this point I wouldn't care if the extent of his writing experience was limericks on bathroom stalls; the likelihood is he'll be better at seeing an arc through from start to finish and avoiding offensive and stupid dialogue than the last regime. I'm always bitching about how daytime passes around the same
10 or so head writers regardless of their abilities, so I'm so glad to
see someone cannonball into that otherwise apparently shallow talent
- Tristan Rogers as Robert Scorpio! Robert is back, and not
in the almost-invisible, slandered-via-horrible-writing way that he was
on the GH mother ship. According to Tristan's interview on the red
carpet at the Daytime Emmys -- in one of the only moments of the pre-show
worth watching -- he said the new writers are completely ignoring the
ridiculous Robert-as-deadbeat-dad arc from GH and having Robert and
Robin be a close father-daughter team with Robert involved in Robin's
pregnancy and her helping him as a doctor. Can you believe you're even
reading that paragraph about something associated with General Hospital?! I almost can't breathe, I'm so simultaneously shocked and excited.
- Jagger! Jagger Cates is back, and -- per Antonio Sabato, Jr. on the red carpet at the Emmys, in one of the only other moments worth watching -- is an FBI agent and HAS A SON NAMED STONE. Mallory
and I freaked out in stereo. I should probably reveal that Jagger is,
if my fading memory serves, the reason I started watching GH. I was in
the student union in college and walked past one of those giant TVs
(remember the ones that were about five feet deep with picture clarity akin to a YouTube video made from a 1980s video tape that's been sitting in the sun?) and saw Antonio
Sabato, Jr.'s face about a yard high. I stopped and watched the
rest of the episode. If you're having trouble understanding this, you
clearly didn't see Antonio circa 1993, or Janet Jackson's "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" video.
Because the dude? WAS SMOKING HOT. And he's still gorgeous! And his
character is not in the mob! And he named his son after Stone "I can
see you Robin" Cates! I have to stop typing about this or I'm liable to
- No hitman/janitor as the hero of the show! Much as I liked the Night Shift version
of Jason (yeah, I said it; bring it on, haters), I am thrilled that the mob
will not be front and center this season. Sonny can still swing by in
the last episode and give Jason the sex eye or something, because that
was awesome in a horrendous way. But mostly: Yay, no mob! Or at
least, no mob that eats the show.
- Patrick and Robin [exclamation point redacted for fear of implying current incarnations of these characters are worthy of excitement] They are the center of the second
season as they allegedly were the first, and that means -- drumroll
please! -- under a new head writer, they might actually have a
different conversation from the one they've been having since early
2007! Robin might go back to being only endearingly annoying
on an occasional basis! Patrick might be notable for something other
than Jason Thompson's hotness and adorable ability to hold babies
fake-awkwardly! A girl can dream.
- No alternate reality! Per that SOAPNet article linked earlier: "What's also great is that you can expect "Night Shift" to totally synch with "General Hospital." Last season's breakneck production schedule meant that some events on "Night Shift" didn't synch up with what was happening on "General Hospital." (Y'know, like when Jason was in jail during the day but not on "Night Shift.") Now the continuity between the two shows will be seamless." I'll believe "seamless" when I see it, but I'm so thrilled they're not even going to try that awful idea this season. I like it when people admit that they're terrible at stuff. It's the reason I don't play team sports, or try to make people feel better about bad haircuts.
I know I sound like a crazy fangirl. Truly I do. I even like the promo! I need help.
But seriously, y'all, don't you think there's reason to believe the second time might be a charm? Or at least, not the really sucky antithesis of charm?
You people better all have voted yes, because Mal and I are going to recap every episode of this damned thing and we need moral support. So stay positive! Or whine and complain like crazy, but send us chocolate. (And maybe photos of Jason Thompson, Greg Vaughn, James Scott, and Peter Bergman.)