Night Shift Episode 2: Other People's Children
PREVIOUSLY on General Hospital: Night Shift--Dr. Ford hammed his way into the afterlife, leaving Patrick the new Chief of Staff; Leo Julian went from laidback and guitar playing to short and angry; Leo and his brother, Kyle, don't get along; Robin and Patrick were adorable again and some more; Billy Dee Williams returned from touring with The Saints and took a job as an orderly; Jagger Cates returned to Port Charles with his adorable son Stone in tow; the entire world was taken aback by how good the premiere episode of the second season was.
As much as I enjoying the second season of Night Shift, and not even just compared to the epic garbage that was the first season, there's still something off about it that I can't quite articulate: is it the shoddy editing? The continuing ripoffs of Grey's Anatomy? Have I just reached a point in my life where I'm unable to be wholly thrilled about anything? Have I become Maxine from the Hallmark cards?
That being said, it's certainly an entertaining way to spend an hour, and when was the last time I could say that about anything soap related?! And this week, the writers did the unthinkable: they made me like Epiphany. I KNOW! It's completely shocking!
Epiphany runs after Patrick asking for ten minutes of his hot, Chief of Staff-y time to go over a litany of hospital issues, and, in lieu of a real answer, he asks her if she likes pastrami. Befuddled, she says she doesn't particularly care for it, and he says that he does, because it reminds him of lunch, which he hasn't had in three days. Epiphany wants no part of Patrick's pity party and ignores him, choosing instead to run down the list of hospital problems. She mentions that she'd usually go to administration with all of this, but they're saying that it's Patrick's job now and, probably due to how palpable his hatred of life is, smiles gleefully and asks if he enjoys being Chief of Staff.
In response to his hot, stony silence, she playfully punches him on the arm (!!!)
and goes along her merry way with an extra spring in her step. I watched this scene half a dozen times, and I laughed out loud each time. They finally translated some of Sonya Eddy's awesomeness into her character! I didn't think that was possible. These people are miracle workers.
Patrick, for his part, spent the scene making the same face I usually make during Epiphany's scenes (a combination of Epiphany hatred, self hatred and soul-crushing dissatisfaction with life in general).
The words "urinated in my bedroom" lead us into our next scene, where Claire and Kyle are in the locker room discussing Kyle's roommate and how he, um, urinated in Kyle's bedroom. Clair mentions that Kyle's roommate Bill is hot, and he points out that she's only saying that because Bill doesn't want her, telling her "He calls you 'The Sponge' because you suck. [Beat] Not in the good way". Claire mostly ignores that, which is not what I would do if I heard that a guy who pees on his roommate's floor had a mocking nickname for me, but I am prone to overreacting. Kyle continues his urination story, saying that he was fast asleep when he heard the sound of water falling and woke up to the sight of his roommate sitting in a chair in his bedroom, peeing all over Kyle's floor.
Claire thinks he should be grateful that he has an apartment, as she's still going from couch to couch. She mentions that she'd trade her left breast for an apartment with hardwood floors, which he calls "a pretty sizable offer". She brainstorms that they move in together, as if the entire audience didn't predict that very thing in the first five minutes of last week's episode, and Kyle tells her, "You had me at hardwood floors". I almost made a comment about gay stereotypes, but then I remembered the way OG GH handles homosexual characters (ignore them for months and abruptly write them off the show) and I thought better of it.
"Leo" and Saira do the thing where they argue and kind of flirt and generally act like a third-rate Robin & Patrick: The Early Days, without any of the charm, wit and chemistry. So, um, not at all like Robin & Patrick: The Early Days, actually. “Leo” offers to meet Saira in an on call room for a booty call and she witheringly tells him that he’s been watching too much Grey’s Anatomy.
(Um, Night Shift writers? Mentioning how blatantly you rip off Grey's Anatomy does not absolve you for blatantly ripping off Grey's Anatomy.)
Epiphany, having overheard the whole painful conversation leans over to "Leo" and helpfully tells him, "You don't have a prayer". That's the Epiphany I know and...know. Also: foreshadowing!
Robin, Stone and Jagger are eating and Stone is excitedly telling a story about his friend Jake eating macaroni and cheese, a story that he ends with a grand flourish, opening his mouth to show them the food he's chewing on. Jagger makes a foxy "This kid, man" face at Robin, and she starts reminiscing about the macaroni and cheese that they used to have at Kelly's, saying that Stone and Jagger practically lived on it. Little Stone indignantly tells her that no such thing ever happened and she corrects herself, telling him that she meant his uncle. He's surprised that Robin knew him, and he asks her what the other Stone was like. She pauses for a second, and says he was brave, probably the bravest ever. He wants to hear more, and Jagger jumps in and tells him Stone was a troublemaker, just like someone else he knows.
Robin says that Stone is amazing (Jagger adorably thanks her), and she says that she's in love. Jagger thinks that Patrick may have a problem with that. Hee. Robin starts hyperactively planning things to do with Stone in her quest to be the best aunt ever, like taking him to the museum and to see The Lion King and as she starts to worry about ticket availability, Jagger tells her to chill. She says she just wants to spoil Stone while he's in town and Jagger tells her that there's no rush, because the two of them might move back to Port Charles.
"Leo" and Kyle bump into each other in the stairwells, which is convenient since standing on a stair is the only way Ethan Rains can look his onscreen brother in the eye. To the surprise of no one, they have another pissing match. "Leo" has the same exact same conversations with Saira and Kyle in every scene he shares with them. At least it’s easy for Ethan Rains to learn his lines. He only has to memorize a half dozen of them and just repeat them endlessly.
"Leo" wonders where Kyle learned his manners (Harvard), because most medical schools teach interns that they are supposed to treat their superiors with respect. He's peeved that, out of all the hospitals in the world, Kyle wound up as an intern at GH. Kyle's surprised that "Leo" is referring to it as "his" hospital and asks where the Leo statue is (being polished) and says he wishes he was at Johns Hopkins, but a computer system sentenced him to Port Charles. They bicker and glare at each other for a few more minutes, urging the other to stay out of their way. After a staredown, they break into a passionate game of rock, paper, scissors, which Kyle wins by choosing paper. Why do I have a feeling that "Leo" subscribes to Bart Simpson's "Good old rock. Nothing beats rock" way of life? Kyle walks by and says "Thank you. [Beat] Ass face".
Back at Robin's, Stone is sleeping on Jagger's lap and I am suddenly overwhelmed with love for everything to ever exist in the universe.
I...just...thank you for being a friend, Antonio Sabato, Jr.
Robin asks after Stone's mother, who is no longer in the picture, and Jagger tells her that Port Charles is the closest thing he ever had to a home and started thinking about how he and Stone should move back. When he saw Robin, pregnant (she cutely rubs her stomach at this point), it made him think of their kids growing up together and I completely started to kvell at the very thought of it.
This scene, incidentally, made me affirm the decision I made long ago that Kimberly McCullough is the ideal partner for GH actors to have; Becca hit the nail on the head regarding her natural chemistry with every romantic partner she's had on the show, but even in platonic scenes, she brings out the best in the actor she's playing off of. Antonio Sabato Jr. left OG GH more than a decade ago and the two of them still have such an easy, breezy rapport with each other. It’s nice.
Back at General Hospital, "Leo" is treating a patient with abdominal pain, who started cramping that afternoon. He asks her to put down her crossword puzzle so he can examine her, and she instead asks him if he prays. He asks her if she means, like, to God, or if his chiseled visage would suffice. She explains that she doesn't care who he prays to, she just wants to know if he does. He does not. She's surprised, and he tells her it's none of her business. Maybe not, "Leo", but she shuts him up with a quickness by telling him he won't be touching her, and to please arrange for her to get another doctor.
Robin approaches Patrick to tell him that she's in love with another man. Completely overwhelmed by the bullshit that goes with being the undeserved Chief of Staff, he can only muster a confused glare before she continues that the man she's in love with is shorter than Patrick, and talks with his mouth full. Just in case he hasn't caught up, she clarifies that she means Stone, and tells him that her maternal instincts are completely kicking in. The show may be better written than last year, but it's no more subtle, because, on cue, a hysterical couple comes in carrying their small, unconscious daughter. Medical flurry! They explain to the GH staff that she's had a rash for a couple of days, but they thought it was sunburn. Robin says it's not sunburn, but doesn't elaborate further. Helpful, Dr. Scorpio. The little girl starts crashing and Robin tells her, "Come on, don't do this to me". Oh, goody! An episode of Robin taking things personally. We haven't had one of those in a while.
Saira and Kyle are pedeconferencing, talking about a patient just admitted with severe burns. Saira quizzes him on the best course of action, and he suggests acupuncture. Brownnoser. She's proud that he's such a suck up--or, as she phrases it "doing [his] homework"--and they hear "Leo" yelling at his patient.
Saying "With all due respect", which is a tell tale sign that the speaker does not have any respect for the person he/she is talking to, "Leo" testily explains that they are in a hospital, not a church, and his status as a heathen shouldn't be a factor in treating her. Saira interrupts and asks if she can be of some assistance (Mrs. Hopkins and "Leo" say yes and no, respectively, in unison). They recap their talking points, and Mrs. Hopkins says that doctors who don't pray to God think they are God which, at least in the case of "Leo", is spot on. Saira offers to pray with Mrs. Hopkins and the expression of outrage that "Leo" makes is so over the top that viewers watching on mute could easily assume that Saira offered to dismember Mrs. Hopkins.
Robin goes into the little girl (whose name is Kayla)'s room and says that she looks like an angel. Her parents are pleased that the rash is almost gone and assume, with hope plastered all over their faces, that this is a good sign. The ensuing period of awkward silence where Robin's eyes dart all around the room avoiding direct contact with theirs says otherwise. The diagnosis is the infamous aplastic anemia that is so prevalent in soap land. Robin tells them that Kayla needs bone marrow, preferably from a genetic match, in order to survive. As Kayla is Chinese, Robin correctly guesses that she's adopted, and asks if they have contact with any siblings, or the birth parents. The parents tell her it was a closed adoption, and Robin says she'll call the adoption agency and put her on the list for bone marrow donations. Her parents tearfully say they want to be tested, and Robin gently tells them that the best chance Kayla has is a genetic match, and that she'll do everything she can to save her daughter.
Becca, the fountain of soap knowledge, tells me that the actress playing Kayla's mother may be a familiar face to soap fans:
Anne Marie Howard was the uber-annoying Nicole Love on AW and the uber-annoying replacement Kimberly on Days, and was also in assorted feminine products commercials in the 90s. I recall thinking she never turned anything down.
I don't know who played Kayla's father, but I'm thinking he was picked out of the Generic Over Actor catalogue...
Patrick and Claire are treating a naked drunk man, who slurs that his name is “Duncan. Bobby Duncan”. The tattooed man at his side is not, as I originally assumed, his enforcer, but, rather, his sobriety coach. Patrick is hotly condescending as he notes that the sobriety coach is doing a bang up job keeping Bobby in check. Bobby skeeves all over Claire, and explains that his father hired the sobriety coach and now he doesn’t go anywhere without him. Patrick is hilariously irritated by the entire situation and calls the sobriety coach a babysitter, which is apparently offensive to him. Claire chimes in that all the celebrities have one, and the sobriety coach confirms this, telling her that she should see the people he has on speed dial. Her eyes light up at this, but her reverie is interrupted by her patient offering to take her out for cocktails. Patrick snaps that Claire would be happy to go out for drinks with him if he’s still conscious at the end of her shift. Bobby Duncan tells her she’s worth staying conscious for. That, my friends, is how you know a man is a keeper: If a man chooses you over an alcoholic blackout, he really cares.
Patrick stalks down the hallway and sneaks up behind Robin, offering to take her out for pastrami, which sounds kind of dirty.
Echoing my thoughts, she asks “Is that what they’re calling it these days?” before going back to business and recapping the Kayla situation, sharing that the number for the adoption agency is no good.
Jagger comes in to get a key to Robin’s apartment, and Epiphany speaks for the viewing audience when she practically squeals “Oh my lord” at the very sight of him. Which…for real.
As Jagger apologizes for inconveniencing the hotly territorial Patrick
Epiphany chimes in that she has a big house all to herself and Jagger is free to move in with her. There are practically cartoon hearts floating around her head and as Robin approaches, I worry that she’ll slip in a pile of drool with the way Epiphany is (rightly) slobbering over Jagger. Robin tells her that Jagger is a friend of hers, and Epiphany hugs Robin (!) and beams (!!!) and shakes her violently as she says, “Any friend of Robin is a friend of mine”, before giggling and leaving. Jagger, obviously used to women fawning over him, is amused, as am I. Who knew Epiphany could be so legitimately hilarious? These Night Shift writers can do ANYTHING.
Jagger is impressed with GH and Robin’s job as a lifesaver, and she admits that some days are harder than others. He thanks her again for all she is doing for him and Stone, and promises that he’ll try to find a way to pay her back. She says, “Now that you mention it, there is something you can do” and a dramatic pause leads us to a commercial.
Back at Robin’s, she and Stone are on the floor looking at rows of stones he has set up on the rug. He’s describing each of them to her, and she’s adorably attentive and interested, asking which is favorite and is impressed with his knowledge. He points out that it would be pretty stupid for a kid named Stone to know nothing about stones. She laughs and says that her name is Robin but she doesn’t know anything about Robins. He very politely tells her that it’s okay and that she’s not stupid. She leans over to pick up a rock, and Stone loses it; screaming, crying and running away. She looks alarmed.
Kyle and Claire are leaving the hospital for the night, talking about apartments. Kyle is wearing a hideous sweater vest and Claire’s enormous pink sequined tote bag is…why?
Why is anybody over the age of eight carrying that bag around? I need someone to explain it. I like pink, I like sparkly things and I like tote bags, but that combination works only on people who still believe in the Tooth Fairy.
Kyle suggests one down by the docks, and she sarcastically wonders if she should pack a bullet proof vest, calling the apartment “mob adjacent”.
ELL OH ELL!
I thought for a minute about Bob Guza watching that scene and getting completely pissed off and channeling Sonny Corinthos by throwing a brandy snifter at the wall. I’m not too proud to admit that it made me giggle.
Anyway. Kyle and Claire discuss apartments some more and he points out the pitfalls of a one bathroom apartment, saying that his past experience cohabitating with females has taught him that the bathroom will be monopolized by eyebrow plucking, cotton balls and moisturizers, and that he’ll need his own bathroom for his own beautifying products. Claire wonders if she looks okay for a night out with Drunken Bobby Duncan (Girl, your tote bag looks like it has Hello Kitty on one side. You do not look okay). Kyle thought she wasn’t interested in him, which she isn’t, and she asks, with a wink, “Have you seen the Sober Buddy?” Kyle rolls his eyes.
In the locker room, a shirtless “Leo” snidely tells Saira that they are looking for volunteers at the fifth floor chapel, suggesting that she go up there in between stealing people’s patients. With, for some reason, a British accent, he says that he thought the fifth commandment says “thou shalt not steal”. They bicker some more about prayer and patient poaching, and whether or not group hugs can cure IBS. Saira suggests that they give Mrs. Hopkins the options and she can choose what treatment she wants. “Dr. Julian” says that Saira can have her, but she thinks he’s just scared that he might lose to a Witch Doctor. Spar, spar, spar, lather, rinse, repeat. After he accepts her challenge, she corrects him that he was referring to the eighth commandment earlier, and he smiles a douchey smile that was equal parts “Touche!” and “You want to have sex with me even if you won’t admit it”.
Robin asks a brooding Jagger if everything is okay with Stone. He wonders why, and she gets flustered. He tells her that he called a friend in Shanghai and found the agency that handled Kayla’s adoption. Robin is excited and asks for copies of Kayla’s records, and is disappointed when Jagger says it’s not in business anymore. It was shut down two years earlier (Dramatic pause) as part of a sting operation (Dramatic Pause) in human trafficking.
Jagger: That little girl was smuggled illegally into this country.
Robin: (Shocked silence with a facial expression clearly conveying “Is there any child-related secret in Port Charles that I don’t have to expose?”)
She wonders if he’s sure, and he tells her that his friend spearheaded the investigation. The agency smuggled hundreds of babies out of China. Robin wonders why parents would adopt from a place like that, and Jagger tells her that Kayla will have to go into foster care and be returned to her home country. Robin wants time, and Jagger says that he really should have reported the case already. She appeals to him, asking how he’d feel if Stone was halfway across the world. He assents, but tells her that he can’t give her much time. He’s even more gorgeous when he’s passionate and principled and law upholding.
Kyle is in Mrs. Hopkins’s room, helping her with the crossword. She compliments his mad crossword skills, and says that he’s like her husband, the kind of showoff who does the crossword in ink. When she sees “Leo” come in, she obnoxiously queries, “Found Jesus, have we?” “Leo” and Saira offer to present her with all of her options and do their Point/Counterpoint routine. It’s better than most Point/Counterpoints on SNL in the past few years (the Derek Jeter/Seth Meyers “Derek Jeter Sucks/No, I Don’t” one excepted), but it’s not entertaining. They gradually lose their professional façade and start to bicker, as Kyle watches with a WTF? Expression on his face. Mrs. Hopkins scolds them, and tells the two of them that they’re enough to irritate anyone’s bowels, which I can’t disagree with.
Patrick pulls Robin into a room to make out
But she tells him that this particular kind of talk isn’t the kind of talk she’s looking for. He’s hotly disappointed. She fills him in on the Kayla situation and perhaps it’s the stress, but it’s not the most articulate conversation they’ve ever had
Patrick: “Smuggled”? What?
Robin: I know, right?
Robin bemoans her predicament, saying that Kayla is in desperate need of bone marrow but Jagger can’t give her much time. Sharply, Patrick asks why Jagger knows about this. She starts to explain that Jagger checked on the agency for her, and Patrick is nearly apoplectic with frustration, asking her if she knows what kind of liability she opened the hospital up to. She says Jagger won’t say anything until they decide what to do, but Patrick counters that there’s nothing to decide: they have to report it to the authorities. Robin is outraged, saying that they can’t risk her dying, since they have a responsibility to save her life. Patrick says that they can’t knowingly withhold this information. She’s upset that he’s being unfair, and he tells her that she can’t expect him not to say anything since right now, he’s her boss, not her boyfriend.
Patrick being the Chief was an insanely contrived decision, but I am liking the angst it’s providing Scrubs. It’s realistic, and far better written than a certain plot point with a certain pink scrubbed nurse…
In a scene that launched a thousand fan fictions, Robin asks Saira if she can believe that Patrick pulled rank like that, as Saira massages her head.
She vents about the no-win Kayla situation, and how part of her wants to keep the girl with her parents, but the other part’s heart breaks for the birth parents who could still be looking for her. She then complains that it sucks when your boyfriend is a boss, and Saira sighs that at least Robin has a boyfriend. Saira had been dating a computer geek, who went back to India and had an arranged marriage. On the bright side, he invited her on the honeymoon. That was nice of him, at least!
She attempts to be casual and asks Robin what the 411 is on “Leo”. We’re all wondering that, Saira. Robin tells her that he’s a dog, with an ego the size of Mount Rushmore. Predictably, Saira says that it could be an act. Robin is no fool, and immediately accuses Saira of having a crush and says in a sing song voice, “You LOVE him, you really LOVE him”. Adorable. I love these two as girlfriends.
In the ER, a man is admitted and Patrick and Claire rush to treat him, with Patrick shouting for all sorts of medical equipment. Billy Dee disappears to get it, and hands it to Epiphany. When she gives it to Patrick, he snaps at her for giving him the wrong ones, asking where her head’s at. Billy Dee watches sadly as she gets yelled at and, once they’re alone, apologizes for his mistake. She loses it, and screams at him to never make a mistake like that again or she’ll have him back to washing floors so fast that his head would spin. Um…’kay. Billy Dee looks upset, knowing deep down that his beloved elevator would never treat him so harshly.
Robin sits with Kayla and her mother. Kayla’s mother tells her about a dream she had that her bone marrow was a match for Kayla’s. Robin awkwardly tells her that they’re doing everything in their power to help Kayla. The mother asks about Robin’s pregnancy, and tells her that they tried for years to get pregnant, which Robin responds to with the unintentionally inappropriate “Mine was unexpected”. The mother continues, saying that she’s come to the conclusion that everything was meant to be, and all the hardships they faced were part of a journey to bring Kayla into their lives, since Kayla was the daughter they were always meant to have. Then, abruptly, she asks after the adoption agency. Robin makes an “Oh, shit” face.
Kyle is with Mrs. Hopkins and her irritable bowels again, and he takes her crossword from her. He asks where she got the paper, and she launches into a story about how her husband gets the paper every morning at 5 and does the crossword on the way to work. Kyle asks why he didn’t take this one, just as Saira and Leo bump into each other and bicker about who gets to go into the room first. “Leo” accuses her of wanting to check his ass out, and I cringe on behalf of Ethan Raines as Kyle comes out, expositing that IBS can be linked to depression. He has them look at the newspaper Mrs. Hopkins has been carrying, which is years old and was delivered the day after her husband died. And…she’s still not finished with the crossword? Saira says to call for a psych consult and congratulates Kyle on a job well done.
Claire, foolish thing she is, tries to get sympathy from Epiphany over her bad date. Epiphany, predictably, doesn’t care and says that Claire got what she deserves for going out with Bobby, but Claire corrects her that it was actually the Sober Buddy who ruined things by asking for hydrocodone. That…was a pointless plot.
Elsewhere, “Leo” picks up Kayla and tells her how precious she is, smiling all the while. He was practically charming! It was unsettling. Saira, watching the whole thing, recaps the bone marrow situation for him and deems it “complicated”. He says he has a friend in donor services, and he may be able to help. She says she doesn’t think so, and he senses that she has a secret. He asks her to fill him in and she hesitates.
Patrick and Robin are still fighting as he sits at his desk and starts to eat a salad. She’s outraged that he has an appetite right now, and he tells her that it’s the first piece of food he’s seen all day, since all he does is paperwork and timesheets and it’s hard to be an incredibly attractive, intelligent doctor who is wholly unqualified for his job. He tries to explain the gravity of this situation to her, saying he could get fired for this. She tries the “What if it was our child” route, but he’s not biting, telling her that she’s getting too involved like she always does. With Kayla, with Stone, with—hey, title of the episode alert—other people’s children.
Like a crazy person, “Leo” storms in and rants and raves about the hospital harboring a smuggled baby. Robin and Patrick are both horrified that he knows, and he continues to scream, saying that Kayla was stolen from her parents and sold for profit, and that there are parents somewhere wondering where their child is. I think we’re supposed to see that he’s taking this case a bit too personally, but since 95% of his scenes thus far have been about what a tightly wound, aggressive dick he is, I can see why some people would think this was business as usual.
Patrick tells him that the situation is under control, and “Leo” responds “Damn right it is”.
And oh, how it is. Leo storms down the hallway and glares at Kayla’s parents, announcing loudly to them and a crowd of onlookers that they should know the truth about their daughter: she was kidnapped from her home and smuggled into the country. He ends with a Helen Lovejoy “You should be ashamed of yourselves”.
Robin and Patrick are shocked, and Saira shakes her head sadly, angry at herself, I think because she regrets taking a chance and trusting him. Um, personally, it seems to me like she should be more angry at herself about involving someone in a sensitive situation that she shouldn’t have even been involved in, but tomato, tomahto.
After his rant, “Leo” at least has the decency to look embarrassed for going off like that. Kayla’s parents are hugging each other in turmoil. Patrick angrily asks “Leo” to come with him, which he does, looking sad. He does take a break from being sad to glare at Saira. Patrick asks what the holy fuck his problem is, a question we’ve all been asking ever since this personality transplant, and warns him that another stunt like that will earn him probation.
Kayla’s parents have now stood up, but are still hugging each other, telling Robin that they had no idea that the adoption agency smuggled Kayla out of the country. Robin believes them, because she is a kind person, but her kindness never gets her anywhere because faster than you can say “Bob Guza’s a hack”, they start screaming at Robin for ruining their lives by snooping around in Kayla’s adoption file (which they knew that she’d be doing at the start of the episode) and lay a massive guilt trip on her, telling her that she was supposed to take care of Kayla and now it’s her fault that they may lose her forever.
Epiphany sits in the stairwell, looking sad and tired. Billy Dee walks by and apologizes for disturbing her. She tells him that she sometimes sits there just to catch her breath. He takes this as his cue to leave and says he ought to get back to work, and in that Epiphany way of apologizing without actually apologizing, she apologizes. He tells her it’s okay, and she says that it’s a tough job, and she doesn’t know why she does it sometimes. Billy Dee shares that he’s been sitting on the sidelines at GH for so many years but “Damn it, I’m still a headliner” (I cringed. I’m sorry. BDW is fab, but there are some moments when I get self conscious on his behalf). Epiphany very sweetly, and very maturely, apologizes for yelling at him, and he accepts, telling her that she doesn’t even realize how wonderful she is. She gets choked up, and he adds that, as a friend, he wants to do good by her, and he kisses her, and I have to be honest, I got a little choked up at that. Awww!
“Leo” stalks out of the hospital, and Saira confronts him, saying that she swore him to secrecy. What, with a pinky swear? I mean, we know the man settles scores with rock paper scissors, it’s not like that’s beyond the realm of possibility. He says they’ll finish this conversation tomorrow. She’s pissed at herself for trusting him, and tells him everyone was right about him. He agrees that they probably were, and leaves. He stands dramatically against the wall, dealing with inner turmoil.
Claire asks Kyle if he randomly loses his shit like his crazy brother, and he says that they are nothing alike. He shares, for those in the audience who didn’t guess this a half hour ago, that “Leo” was given up for adoption by birth parents in Iran who feared for his safety. He’s never looked for his birth parents, and loves his family, but also feels guilty for leaving his biological parents behind. Claire sympathizes with him and Saira, overhearing the entire conversation, looks sad.
There’s a closeup of the pool table at Jake’s, and I brace myself for a Jason cameo (remember the Sonny cameo at the end of last season’s finale? That was so hilariously bad), but it’s just Kyle tentatively approaching Leo.
Kyle orders “a beer”, with the unspoken request that the bartender also serve him “some stuff to eat”. “Leo” is surprised to see him. Kyle tells him he was in rare form with the crazy public meltdown, and I’m sure he’s seen a bunch. I see lots of asshole outbursts in “Leo’s” past. “Leo” tries to get him to understand how hard life is going to be for Kayla, because she doesn’t fit, but he can’t expect the “Golden Boy” to understand. Kyle points out that he knows that feeling all too well, since he was in the closet for years. “Leo” doesn’t think it’s the same, and says that their parents always treated him differently: Kyle can do no wrong, but “Leo” is the disappointment. Kyle agrees on this last point, but says it has nothing to do with Leo being adopted: he’s just a screw-up. The Julians are mighty lucky people, you guys. Some families have screw-ups who walk around grocery stores screaming about the sky falling (not my family. Just some families that I’ve, um, heard of), but they have a screw-up heart surgeon.
Back at Robin’s, Jagger is beautifully, blissfully shirtless
when Patrick and Robin walk in. He greets them, adorably, with a cheerful “Hey, roomies”, and offers to make breakfast while they wait for Stone to get ready for the zoo. Patrick is still irritated by the perfect human being that is Jagger, and sharks “Wow, he cooks, too?” Much to the regret of the viewing audience, Jagger goes to get dressed, and Patrick testily says, “Yeah, don’t forget your shirt”. I am loving Jason Thompson in these scenes. I mean, I love him always, but I love him even more in these scenes. Maybe I should just stop before the restraining order is filed…
Stone is rocking in the corner, and Patrick kneels down to see if he’s okay. Stone runs away, crying. Jagger, now clothed, obliviously reminds him to brush his teeth. Robin asks him if he’s noticed anything strange about Stone lately, and, when he asks what she means, she searches for the best way to phrase it, and says that he’s a little “…off”. She tells him about the earlier incident with the stones, and Jagger defensively says that Stone can just be a little overprotective about certain things. She tells him about the rocking back and forth, and, getting irritated, Jagger says that kids do that sometimes. Robin finally suggests that Stone get tested, and Jagger angrily says there’s nothing wrong with his son. Patrick intervenes, saying that Robin’s not saying that at all, but Jagger’s not hearing it—he doesn’t want their advice, and there is nothing to be concerned about. He calls Stone and says that they’re leaving, even though Stone doesn’t want to miss the zoom telling Robin and Patrick that he’s perfectly capable of taking care of his son by himself. Patrick puts his hand on Robin’s shoulder, and the episode ends with Robin looking completely gutted.
One episode in and this autism storyline is better than anything Dena Higley even dreamed of. And, yeah, I know, to quote Elle Woods, “Like it’s hard?”, but you know what I mean!
Next week: ROBERT SCORPIO