Catching up on Days . . . and Naps
So I just caught up on the last month of Days, and, well, traditional sentences fail me. I feel the need to express myself through the use of Internet Art.
I know what you're thinking, but yes, this occasion truly did call for a word cloud.
Why is this show soooo boring? What is the excuse for wasting a likable cast and strong history? Why does a show that dominated the supercouple genre now have virtually no likable couples? How was even the return of Stefano not that exciting? Can they really expect one good thing -- Hope and Bo's vow renewal -- to make up for weeks of endless repetitive boredom? Also, what is wrong with Chris Matthews' hair, and is it just me or was he drunk throughout most of MSNBC's DNC coverage?
Er, sorry, sometimes I get my TV-related questions intermingled.
Back to the truly puzzling: Days of Our Barely-Awake Lives. Let's quickly review the current couples and potential couples, and how I don't really care about any of them. That should be fun for the whole family!
- Max and Stephanie: They were in jail for almost the entire month's worth of episodes, so it's hard to say, but I think "blah" pretty much sums them up. (And also "related.")
- John and Marlena: I had forgotten how HORRIFYING their sex scenes are. My god. I am blind. And have donated my reproductive organs to someone who may one day have the urge to use them, since I will not.
- Roman and Marlena: The writers don't actually think we'd believe these two are a possibility, do they?
- Daniel and Chelsea: I finally have something good to say about these two: "They broke up."
- Daniel and Kate: Ew. But then again, they make for easy fast-forwarding.
- Phillip and Morgan: Meh. I have yet to find any aspect of this pairing engaging. Actually, I have yet -- or, I take that back, I have since maybe the first month she was on the show -- to find any aspect of Morgan engaging. And Phillip's in quite a rut himself.
- Lucas and Sami: I just hope they're broken up for good this time. Who out there actually wants to watch "Will Lucas and Sami make their way back to each other?" for the 400th time?
- Lucas and Chloe: These two don't really annoy me. It helps that the two actors are roughly on par with each other, so neither outshines the other, as has been the case in the past. You may take that however you choose.
- EJ and Sami: I think I like them best when they're resisting each other.
- EJ and Nicole: I could become a fangirl of these two.
- Tony and Anna: I think I might be starting to love them. I already adore Anna.
- Bo and Hope: Lovely.
- Steve and Kayla: So good together, but, let's face it, pretty boring.
Note that the current writers cannot take credit for those last few couples. In fact, no writing regime since the 80s can. The actors have risen above crap for so long, I'm not sure what they'd do if they ever got truly good soapy scripts again.
So basically, this soap is falling down on the genre's most basic responsibility -- creating interesting romantic pairings. But unlike my other show, GH, it hasn't totally abandoned every other aspect of the genre, so I don't feel the need to go all profanity-laden ranty-post on the writers. I will instead whip out the time-honored, foolproof bad vs. good model of criticism.
- Phillip being shirtless.
- Rachel Melvin's new haircut.
- EJ being angsty about the possibility of Stefano waking up.
- Bo and Hope 80s flashbacks! (Collectively they have more hair than the entire state of South Dakota.)
- Actual outdoor scenes.
- James Scott in a suit.
- Bo and Hope renewing their vows, especially that Bo planned it all as a surprise.
- Hope's insane wedding gown and headpiece in the flashback to their original wedding.
- Bo wearing his dad's wedding ring.
- Stefano waking up!
- Marlena getting poisoned!
- James Scott in a rumpled suit.
- Drake Hogestyn's continued use of the mean Muppet voice as John.
- Stefano locking everyone in the hospital! (At least as a concept. How was I to know it would go on for two weeks?)
- EJ and Sami getting trapped and talking, then making out a little bit. (Though the weird blocking to hide Ali Sweeney's pregnancy has begun. When she was leaning against him, face-down? Weird.)
- Nicole vacuuming in her black and white daydream. (That did not seem like an action that came terribly naturally to Ariane Zucker. Bless her heart.)
- The Salem PD finally getting to solve a crime! Sure, it was in Nicole's daydream, but still. (BTW, Josh Taylor should always wear a hat.)
- Melanie. She could be interesting. At the very least, she's bringing Nick back onto my screen more regularly, so that doesn't suck.
- James Scott with a slight beard.
- The baby playing Joe, who is ridiculously cute.
- Drake Hogestyn as old John Black, who was annoying in large doses but tolerable in small. Plus his hair, unlike NewJohn, was not totally insane. (After, like, 1996.)
- James Scott in black and white.
- Nicole. Pretty much across the board. I adore her. This is particularly impressive considering I hated her last time around.
- James Scott around toddlers.
- Steve opening a PI agency!
- Chelsea finding out that her skeezy boyfriend slept with her grandma!
- James Scott in a long-sleeved t-shirt.
- Jan Brady as Marlena's patient! How long before she figures out that it is all about Marlena? Marlena Marlena Marlena!
- That NewJohn, who is supposed to be so brilliant, looked all over the entire hospital and practically called out police dogs to look for Marlena before finding her . . . in her office. Oh, NewJohn, I love your dumb ass so.
- Rachel Melvin's refusal to get rid of those hideous streaks.
- Ava being gone -- she grew on me!
- The hue of Thaao Penghlis' skin.
- Kristian Alfonso's shoulder blades, clavicle bone, and shoulders in her vow renewal gown. Sweet Fancy Faced Moses!
- Pink poisoned gas. PINK. POISONED. GAS.
- Steve and others not closing the air vents with the shut-off lever. (Lucas and Chloe, sure, those two have never been among the sharpest knives in the drawer. But Steve?)
- The return of Chloe's disfiguring scar, even if only a hallucination.
- Nicole's black-and-white, bad-film-noir-ish daydream, complete with terrible accents and performances. Seriously, Ali Sweeney, what the fucking fuck? (Exception: It allowed James Scott to be shirtless, and in black and white. Jay Kenneth Johnson also looked yummy.)
- Two Marlenas! Eeeep! (Well, Marlena and her dead sister Samantha, but whatever. That was terrifying.)
- The return of Santo's enormous mustache and James Scott's awful Italian accent. I don't appreciate it when the pretty is disturbed.
- That thing on Kevin Dobson's head.
- Joe Johnson's brief and uneventful kidnapping, unless there's some payoff down the road related to that weird marking on his wrist. Because otherwise, honestly, what was the point of that? I know Mary Beth Evans is really good with crying and Stephen Nichols is really good protraying desperation and anger; I've watched this show before.
- Chelsea seducing Daniel, just before she saw the text message from Kate. I half expected Chris Hansen to pop up and do a PSA.
- Marlena telling John: "I have loved you over half of my life." Um, they got together in what, 1985? So...keep that dream alive, Marlena. 65 is the new 40!
- Morgan's stupid-ass Disney movie "fantasy." What the hell went wrong with this character? She was so promising, and now I start snoring every time she enters my screen.
- Tony and Anna moving into the DiMera mansion.
- The return of Deidre Hall's gasping and moaning. The semi-coma was preferable by a mile.
I'm sure there is the tiniest possibility that I am being overly critical. Please feel free to disagree in the comments. Or, as always, you could just link to assorted photos of James Scott.