ConFusion, ConTrivance, ConStant Aggravation
The other day, I said to myself, "Oh, wow, I haven't written about All My Children in ages. I should probably write about---oooh, look, there's something shiny!"
The sad thing is that the writers of AMC haven't put even that much brief, distracted by stained glass thought into this show in months. And it shows. Remember the days when things happened organically, and characters grew and had human interactions with one another? Now, it's just a series of plot contrivances until a plot ends, never to be spoken of again, before a new series of plot contrivances begins. So on and so forth.
Take, for example, Aidan/Annie/Greenlee/Kendall/Ryan/Zach going to Las Vegas. No good ever comes of a large group of television characters going to Las Vegas, especially when the group of characters is annoying to begin with (I'm sorry, Kendall and Zach, I really am. If it makes you feel any better, you're only a little annoying right now. Maybe if Kendall stops her blatant attempts to get Greenlee and Ryan back together, I'll be a little less cranky. Part of me seriously suspects that she moderates a Rylee2Cute2B4Gotten<3 messageboard). So when you throw in Vegas shenanigans, dated "What happens in Vegas" jokes and the threat of quickie marriages, it takes it all to threat level midnight.
I'm not spoiled for anything--I have a hard enough time making myself sit through the show now, let alone if I knew what was going to happen--but I don't see this story ending without everybody bumping into Aidan and Greenlee getting married, perhaps by an Elvis impersonator. Which is so...what's the word I'm looking for? Dumb? That sounds about right. And what do you call the moment where Ryan was fantasizing about Greenlee and, when his wife asked what he was thinking about, he answered "the woman I'm in love with"? I call that "an staggering example of douchebaggery", but I'm not sure that's what the writers were going for.
Kendall: It's just -- everything has been so crazy lately.
Babe: Yeah, for all of us, but we managed to make it to the office.
Babe: You're going to be partying while we stay here and work our butts off.
Whenever Babe goes off on one of her "How dare you tell me what to do? You're only my boss. I'm BABE" rants, I can actually feel my blood pressure going up. Because honestly, what the hell? Who hasn't had a boss go on vacation, or be generally inept in other ways? You suck it up, do your job and make fun of them behind their back, because they're the person who signs your check and you're just an employee who only even has a job that you're completely unqualified for because you stole a baby and a spiteful person wanted to punish her friend and gave you her shares in the company because she felt that being in close proximity to you would be the worst punishment in the world.
To quote myself quoting Blanche Deveraux: eat dirt and die, tramp.
[Yes, Amanda was just as irritating as Babe with her whole "We work like child laborers" rant, but Chrishell Stause is adorable and looked beautiful in her pink dress and is far, far less annoying than Amanda Baker and I am a big old hypocrite, so it didn't bother me]
[Why is she not one of the stars of the show?!]
Of course, the guilt trip was merely a cheap way to have Kendall give a whore and her sycophant hiring power, which led to...an actual hooker being hired at Fusion. After her contract (?!) with her pimp was canceled, of course (?!).
I am not on board with the New Colby yet, and I feel like her drinking problem storyline was kind of rushed and is more than a little silly, but I can't help but enjoy it solely because JR is being halfway decent for the first time in months, and they brought up Hayley AND Skye. Who knew that anybody on the AMC writing staff cared about history at all?
OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, RICKY PAULL GOLDIN AND BETH EHLERS SHARED THE SCREEN TODAY AND THE SUN SHONE BRIGHTER AND A CHOIR OF ANGELS SANG AND WE SHOULD JUST CANCEL TELEVISION NOW BECAUSE NO MOMENT WILL EVER COME CLOSE TO ECLIPSING THE GREATNESS OF THAT MOMENT.
You know, if ABC Daytime hadn't been so blatant in their overpromoting of Jake and Taylor as the best couple to exist in the history of ever, I probably would have had a nonreaction to their first scene together today, because, seriously, it was so dull that under normal circumstances, nary an eyebrow would be raised. But I was already EXTRA judgey about them because of my pledge to hate everything that Brian Frons loves, so I couldn't watch it with an open mind.