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« In Honor of Its Final Episode, a Recap From When People Still Watched Passions | Main | Night Shift Episode 3: Fallen From the Sky »

August 07, 2008

ConFusion, ConTrivance, ConStant Aggravation

The other day, I said to myself, "Oh, wow, I haven't written about All My Children in ages. I should probably write about---oooh, look, there's something shiny!"

The sad thing is that the writers of AMC haven't put even that much brief, distracted by stained glass thought into this show in months. And it shows. Remember the days when things happened organically, and characters grew and had human interactions with one another? Now, it's just a series of plot contrivances until a plot ends, never to be spoken of again, before a new series of plot contrivances begins. So on and so forth.

Take, for example, Aidan/Annie/Greenlee/Kendall/Ryan/Zach going to Las Vegas. No good ever comes of a large group of television characters going to Las Vegas, especially when the group of characters is annoying to begin with (I'm sorry, Kendall and Zach, I really am. If it makes you feel any better, you're only a little annoying right now. Maybe if Kendall stops her blatant attempts to get Greenlee and Ryan back together, I'll be a little less cranky. Part of me seriously suspects that she moderates a Rylee2Cute2B4Gotten<3 messageboard). So when you throw in Vegas shenanigans, dated "What happens in Vegas" jokes and the threat of quickie marriages, it takes it all to threat level midnight.

I'm not spoiled for anything--I have a hard enough time making myself sit through the show now, let alone if I knew what was going to happen--but I don't see this story ending without everybody bumping into Aidan and Greenlee getting married, perhaps by an Elvis impersonator. Which is so...what's the word I'm looking for? Dumb? That sounds about right. And what do you call the moment where Ryan was fantasizing about Greenlee and, when his wife asked what he was thinking about, he answered "the woman I'm in love with"? I call that "an staggering example of douchebaggery", but I'm not sure that's what the writers were going for.

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Kendall: It's just -- everything has been so crazy lately.
Babe: Yeah, for all of us, but we managed to make it to the office.

Babe: You're going to be partying while we stay here and work our butts off.

Whenever Babe goes off on one of her "How dare you tell me what to do? You're only my boss. I'm BABE" rants, I can actually feel my blood pressure going up. Because honestly, what the hell? Who hasn't had a boss go on vacation, or be generally inept in other ways? You suck it up, do your job and make fun of them behind their back, because they're the person who signs your check and you're just an employee who only even has a job that you're completely unqualified for because you stole a baby and a spiteful person wanted to punish her friend and gave you her shares in the company because she felt that being in close proximity to you would be the worst punishment in the world.

To quote myself quoting Blanche Deveraux: eat dirt and die, tramp.

[Yes, Amanda was just as irritating as Babe with her whole "We work like child laborers" rant, but Chrishell Stause is adorable and looked beautiful in her pink dress and is far, far less annoying than Amanda Baker and I am a big old hypocrite, so it didn't bother me]

Amanda

[Why is she not one of the stars of the show?!]

Of course, the guilt trip was merely a cheap way to have Kendall give a whore and her sycophant hiring power, which led to...an actual hooker being hired at Fusion. After her contract (?!) with her pimp was canceled, of course (?!).

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I am not on board with the New Colby yet, and I feel like her drinking problem storyline was kind of rushed and is more than a little silly, but I can't help but enjoy it solely because JR is being halfway decent for the first time in months, and they brought up Hayley AND Skye. Who knew that anybody on the AMC writing staff cared about history at all?

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OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, RICKY PAULL GOLDIN AND BETH EHLERS SHARED THE SCREEN TODAY AND THE SUN SHONE BRIGHTER AND A CHOIR OF ANGELS SANG AND WE SHOULD JUST CANCEL TELEVISION NOW BECAUSE NO MOMENT WILL EVER COME CLOSE TO ECLIPSING THE GREATNESS OF THAT MOMENT.

You know, if ABC Daytime hadn't been so blatant in their overpromoting of Jake and Taylor as the best couple to exist in the history of ever, I probably would have had a nonreaction to their first scene together today, because, seriously, it was so dull that under normal circumstances, nary an eyebrow would be raised. But I was already EXTRA judgey about them because of my pledge to hate everything that Brian Frons loves, so I couldn't watch it with an open mind.

Comments

I feel like Amanda is the new Simone -- gorgeous, vivacious, funny, and charming. Which means she gets no real storylines whatsoever. Sigh.

To the end---

I loved Gus and Harley on GL, I really truly did. They were amazing, I cried my eyes out when Gus died, I will forever be a GusH fangirl, etc. I love seeing RPG and BE together again... except on AMC apparently. Look, if you want them to "race to romance" fine, go crazy, but seriously. They ran passed each other once, and if you but some chance missed the promos or didn't watch them on GL you would think "Why are they wasting 30 seconds on two random people running past each other?" Hell *I* though that and I knew, and that was, what? July 24, its been a bit since then huh? Now I don't watch AMC religiously but I don't think she's been on again since today. And once again they were 'racing to romance' in, apparently, the most desired look to be running in the Summer heat, Jake's all black slacks, shirt, socks, shoes, sunglasses... I'm sensing a theme of black things that start with 's'. But I did enjoy today MORE only because they said some things, but I must say that the things my mother said were much more enjoyable. But in all truthfullness I've seen more 'Take' in the promos than I have on AMC, just saying.

I believe the whole daytime drama industry agrees GH is a disaster. The uproarious laughter at their Emmy win for best drama proves it. Under that premise, why is AMC copying almost all of their tragic show ruining ideas? Does Brian Frons want to tank ABC Daytime on purpose? Do the Bells have him on payroll? Does Drake Hogestyn give him the evil eye and the who farted look in dark alleys thus scaring the bejeesus out of him? Do the OLTL execs ignore ALL of his "input" thus shielding themselves from the clusterfuck nightmare both GH and AMC are now?

Me confused. Why so sucky AMC?

Oh, where to begin to describe all the things about AMC that drive me crazy?

Let's start with Ryan, who is supposed to be the most desirable, stand-up guy in town -- but has proven time and time again that he's an unreliable, fickle, hypocritical jerk. I absolutely HATE that Annie has suddenly turned into a psycho, when she used to be the most stable, level-headed woman in Pine Valley. And all just to make it palatable for Ryan to dump her so he can run after his True Love. There are plenty of us that remember the horror of Greenlee/Ryan 1.0 and are absolutely dreading the idea of these two insufferable creeps being paired again and shoved down our throats as the most awesome couple ever. (And by the way, Writers -- stop trying to tell us that Ryan never loved Annie. I watched every episode of their courtship and marriage and he DID love her.)

Next -- Fusion. I don't know if I can fully express what an insult the idea of Fusion is to women who actually juggle jobs, kids and relationships on a daily basis. Fusion has been a joke since Day One and has only gone downhill since then. The company is a dumping ground for every young woman in town who needs a job -- but doesn't actually want to work.

As for Babe's rant about having to work her ass off while Kendall and Greenlee and Annie are off tending to their personal problems -- when did ANYONE at Fusion ever put in a full day's work? The place is deserted most of the time, with the exception of the occasional drone in the background, each of whom seem to be hearing and speech impaired since they never have the slightest reaction to the constant drama and arguments going on. Babe herself has taken PLENTY of time off over the years and her sense of smug entitlement is absolutely insufferable. I don't know if Amanda has actually worked very much because the writers refuse to write anything more for her than to follow Babe around saying, "Yeah!" "Me, too!" and then head down to ConFusion to get rejected by guys.

Kendall and Zach -- whom I used to love -- are rapidly taking places on the Dead to Me List. Zach because of his nauseating and unbelievable friendship with Greenlee, and Kendall because of her constant cheerleading for Ryan and Greenlee. Her suspicion and animosity toward Annie are annoying and make no sense. Does she not remember how Greenlee stole Ryan away from her not so many years ago?? Does she not remember how crazy she herself acted in a desperate attempt to hang onto Ryan?? Annie is trying to preserve her marriage -- and that doesn't mean that she's "trapped" Ryan.

If I could have a talk with Charles Pratt, I would BEG him to get rid of Fusion once and for all, and also to break up the Sextet of Stupidity. Seeing these three couples constantly pondering the minute details of each other's relationships, and offering "support" during completely inappropriate times (up to and including Kendall trying to barge in while Annie was having an ultrasound, and the entire group hanging out in the hospital waiting for Ryan to produce a sample of his holy sperm) is unbearable.

Phew! I feel better now.

Susan B...Excellent post! I wish I could have said it so well!

I record all the ABC soaps and lately I've been fast-forwarding in AMC UGH.

I've watched since the Nick was the father of Phil & punched Chuck out at his wedding LOL.

I wish they'd do what OLTL is doing - bring back some "old" characters.

This soap is a mess lately and that whole Vegas thing double UGH LOL.

Susan B. is dead on. Also didn't Kendall lock Greenlee in a playhouse so she wouldn't ruin or interrupt Annie and Ryan's wedding? Yes iscky Ryan did love sweet simple Annie very much, making her nutty so he can dump her knocked up butt is misogynistic Guza shiite! Back to Kendall, there is more insane flip flopping going on with her than Mc Cain or any other politician. I mean look at her and Babe and Annie and JR alone, it's twisted.

Wait, the audience laughed when GH got the award? I tried to find a YouTube clip, but couldn't...

Well, the good news for Frons and ABC is that their massive ad campaign HAS brought over a significant number of "GusH" fan girls who have been rhapsodizing about the (self-proclaimed) "iconic" couple. So from Frons' POV it's worked and brought up viewship. He really doesn't care what the people who have watched for years think anyway. My problem with JPG especially is that he seems to buy so TOTALLY into his press. I haven't noticed it as much in BE ... but her SOD interview was a bit too "rainbows appear when we are on the screen together ... we don't have to sell it because we are SO FANTASTIC TOGETHER." Time will tell, I guess.

Thursday's show illustrated for me that Pratt's writing has made its debut: we got a 30-second "cause du jour" lecture in the exact same way that Guza rips off a trendy cause, pays lip service to it (in the most condescending way) then goes on to the next trendy cause. Thursday's cause was going Green. Carmen's didactic dialogue was about as clumsy as the Cambell's soup "Gee, I love V8 fusion" inserts a few months ago. "Erica says we should all go green." "Erica says we should drive a hybrid." Hey, I'm all for recycling and going green but let's try to weave the dialogue organically into the story with even the SLIGHTEST bit of finesse. Oh wait ... this is Charles Pratt who worships at Guza's writing altar. I can hardly wait to see his one-sided moralizing when it comes to the Iraq war. Given Guza's treatment of vets I guess we should just be happy that Taylor isn't a serial killer. As it is, I'm predicting she's come down with post-traumatic-stress-disorder because only someone suffering from a mental illness could actually be proud to be a soldier. I don't mind a thoughtful exploration of this war and I don't mind hard truths being told. But I really don't want those hard truths trotted out on my soap because this isn't like the whole Cindy/AIDS storyline. The issues are a lot more complex and since Pratt IS Guza's evil twin, I certainly don't trust him to do anything but present a one-sided, heavy-handed morality tale.

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