Night Shift Episode 3: Fallen From the Sky
Previously on Night Shift, Robin told Jagger that Stone's behavior seemed unusual, and Jagger got upset. (This is after Jagger was shirtless.) Billy Dee told Epiphany he wanted to do right by her, and they kissed. Claire and Kyle decided to move in together. "Leo" had an off-screen personality transplant and among other things told Saira she could tell him something in confidence but then turned around and brutally told a set of adoptive parents that their child was the victim of human trafficking and that they (ignorant of any of that) should be ashamed of themselves. Saira was all how could you, I trusted you, and "Leo" was all yeah, that was dumb of you.
Also, Jagger was shirtless! And GH viewers scratched their heads over why they are stuck with the mob dreck while the decent writers are relegated to a 13-episode weekly nighttime soap on SOAPNet. (Also puzzled are SOAPNet executives, to learn that they are producing an actual soap opera.) Plus, Jagger was shirtless!
Patrick and Robin appear to be arguing over her refusal to take his input about x-rays of a patient's torso, but it turns out they're actually arguing over Patrick's insistence that they name their daughter (if they have one -- they don't know the sex of the baby yet, do they?) Dale, after Dale Earnhardt Jr., Patrick's favorite NASCAR driver. Oh Patrick honey, don't remind me that you like NASCAR; it diminishes the hotness. Anyway, Robin -- who apparently unlike me did not have a grandmother who filled her in on at least one of the wives of Roy Rogers -- says Dale is a boy's name. Patrick hotly says no, it's unisex -- like Robin. Robin wants him to name all the male Robins he knows and he says there are lots but he just can't think of them right now. Robin hands Patrick a names book and says pick a name out of there.
Patrick: Robin, we're not going to pick our daughter's name out of some book, okay? It's got to come from the heart.
Robin: What about Matilda?
Patrick: ::is horrified::
Robin: What? I like Matilda! It's French.
Patrick: Unfortunately, our daughter's going to grow up in America, where we beat up kids named Matilda. [Sri Rao, you are just asking for a thousand crazed Heath Ledger fans to descend upon you! -Ed.]
Robin: Fine. You said that it has to come from the heart. Matilda was the name of my dorm mother in Paris.
Patrick: When I said heart, I meant my heart.
Hee! I love this version of these two. Anyway, they argue a bit more, and just after Robin leaves the room Patrick has a lightbulb moment -- Robin Williams is a man! "Unisex. Dale's back on the table." Oh, Patrick. You are so never going to win this fight.
Billy Dee calls out after Epiphany: "Nurse Johnson? I just want you to know that I'm here, anytime you want me." Oh great, shades of Season 1 Billy Dee, where half the stuff he said sounded dirty. Except I think this was intentional, because Epiphany says what happened the other night is not typical and she'd appreciate him not bringing it up at their place of business. But he, of course, was talking about work. He's filling in for someone in triage (that's a department?) and she should just let him know if she needs anything.
Saira and "Leo" are in the locker room. She is still pissed that he violated her trust by telling Kayla's parents about their daughter having been smuggled out of China when she had told him that in confidence. He thinks maybe he could have handled things a bit better, but she's not letting him off the hook.
Saira: Is this how it works for you? You act like a complete jerk and then you come around all sensitive? Looking sorry, with that sad face, and those sad eyes, and that hair?
"Leo": You like my hair?
"Leo": Then why bring it up?
Saira: I was making a point.
"Leo": About my hair.
Saira: About how you can't fall back on your looks and try to charm your way out of life.
"Leo": It looks really good today, actually.
Heh. "Leo" was actually a little charming there. They agree to just keep things professional between them, and Saira leaves.
Jagger and some EMTs bring a combative patient into the ER on a stretcher. The patient has just been pulled from near the wreck of a small plane and . . . some other stuff, but I got distracted by the fact that you can actually see Antonio Sabato Jr.'s arm muscles clearly through a long-sleeved shirt. Patrick is trying to work on the patient but he is actively fighting everyone, throwing an EMT against some cabinets. At that point Robin steps in to also try to help, but the patient pushes her away, tears off his neck brace and oxygen mask, and sits straight up
uttering the awesome line: "Get your hands off me, you filthy bastards!" This prompts an awesome reply from Robin:
After a super-abbreviated theme song, we're back with Robert Scorpio. Yes, Robert Scorpio, on a show related to General Hospital. Will the wackiness of Night Shift never end? Robert is still extremely combative with Patrick, Epiphany, Jagger, and the rest of the filthy bastards trying to treat him. Robert is especially angry at Jagger for bringing him to the hospital -- Jagger and his amazing body should have just left Robert alone so that he could have made the rendezvous point. Robin is scared about what is happening to her dad.
Kyle has flagged a furniture catalog for Claire. Her options are minimalist, Asian minimalist, or minimalist with a splash of color. Variety is the spice of life. Claire wants to keep some hideous trunk as a coffee table, but Kyle says no way. She says it has character, which he says is only what people say to justify bad taste. I so disagree: "It's eclectic" is what people say to justify bad taste.
Oh great, yet another pregnant woman in the ER. At least this one does not appear to be in distress, over anything other than going into labor before her husband was able to get home. "Leo" comes over to treat her and her water breaks, complete with wacky music. If I have told you once I've told you a thousand times, wacky music -- shut it.
A 20-ish girl and guy talk to Epiphany at the nurses' station.
She's feeling tired and cranky, he says less cranky, more bitchy. They bicker endlessly, but it turns out they're not a couple, they're roommates. I wonder which of the doctors will treat her?!
Robin looks in on her dad from the hallway at her father, now sedated in a private room. She chats with Saira in the hallway about her dad and how it's hard to keep track of him . . . oh, and that he doesn't know she's pregnant. They chat some more; I really like these two as friends. Patrick comes out with a report -- bruised liver, broken arm, lucky to be alive. Robin says good, he can heal up and be on his way to wherever, because she wasn't dying for a father/daughter reunion.
The pregnant woman tells "Leo" she is having a boy that she and her husband will name Caleb. The ultrasound tech asks her how far along she is (she says 38 weeks) and then asks to see "Leo" in the hall. Turns out she's not pregnant; she's either "delusional or pulling a fast one" on them. "Leo" is astounded. I am too, given the size of her bare belly we were just looking at.
As a longtime soap-watcher I thought hysterical pregnancies usually got discovered early on, and didn't involve a huge baby bump (curse US Weekly for making me use that phrase).
The tired and cranky girl roommate is of course being examined by Kyle and Claire. I know what you're thinking: Why does it take two doctors to examine a girl who doesn't appear to be especially sick and wouldn't be in an ER anyway? Why must you harsh on contrivance, party pooper?! This way the patient and her roommate can bicker (e.g., he says she's a slob) and the roommate doctors can join right in (Kyle picks up after Claire all the time too!). Ugh.
"Leo" rants at the nurses' station about his "insane" unpregnant patient. Saira wants him to give her the patient. "Leo" says she's pretending; Saira corrects him that the woman's condition is called "false pregnancy" and she "honestly believes" she's about to give birth. Creepy! Anyway, "Leo" continues to be all judgey, even throwing out that he honestly believes he should be touring with Pearl Jam, but that he's not bringing those hallucinations into the hospital and taking resources away from people who need them. Props to the writers for remember one aspect of Leo's true personality -- the guitar-playing -- I guess. Saira and "Leo" bicker some more and then he gives her the patient.
Side note: I truly do not understand what they're doing with this "Leo" character. Ethan Raines is cute and seems like a capable actor, so why did they have to re-write everything about who Leo was just because he took over the role? Why couldn't he have played Leo's brother? What if he's a hit in the role but Dominic Raines is able to come back next season, or on OG GH? Then they have wasted the audience becoming fond of a new actor. I just don't understand why they made a recast even more awkward by altering the character entirely at the same time. I would have been fine with re-writing or ignoring 90% of last season's Night Shift, but Leo's moments of charm with Maxie and the glimpses of future super-hotness if he'd cut his ponytail are in the remaining 10%. Filthy bastards!
Robin walks down a hallway and stops when she sees Jagger in the waiting area.
Because she is not me or Epiphany, she does not dissolve into a puddle of giggles and drool, even after he kindly asks after her dad. She fills him in on the sedative having kicked in.
Robin: Thanks for saving him. If you hadn't found him, god knows what would have happened.
Jagger: Well look, you know, after all the stories I've heard about Robert Scorpio, I think he would have been fine.
Jagger has heard stories about Robert Scorpio? Good stories? He clearly not been watching General Hospital in recent years.
Robin sits down on the couch with Jagger and apologizes for the other night (when she thought there was something wrong with Stone). Jagger says it's fine, he just took out having a long day on her. But he does insist that nothing is wrong with Stone, that he just doesn't know Robin that well. Robin says no, it's more than that, and she would like him to look into what's wrong with Stone. Jagger basically says no and he and Stone are leaving for San Francisco in the morning.
That commercial for OG GH with Vincent Pastore makes me want to punch people. Specifically, the people who run that show. How broken does your brain have to be to look at GH and decide that the two big new characters you need to bring aboard are two new mobsters? Filthy bastards!
But back to a better show, Kyle walks down a hallway and hears an odd whistle. He shakes it off, then hears it again. It's Robert Scorpio, beckoning him into a supply closet.
Kyle: Can I help you with something?
Robert: Sean Donely. He's got my daughter Robin. He's taking her to the rendezvous point. I can still salvage the plan. I've gotta have some cover.
Kyle: What plan?
Robert: The plan, Spencer, the plan! I grounded the plane, but they grabbed me before I had time to set the fire. You gotta go back, and burn the wreckage. Here, take this. ::hands puzzled Kyle gallons of cleaning chemicals:: This will help you start it. Cover your tracks. Well, what are you waiting for?
Kyle: Some clarification; why do I need to burn the plane?
Robert [exasperated]: So Faison will think I'm dead! Are we on the same page here?
Kyle: Not really.
Robert: There's a ventilation shaft 30 years to the east. On the count of three, you and I, we're going to make a run for it. One...
Kyle: W-w-wait, wait. Ah, the guards. They're scheduled for a shift change, in, ah, ten minutes. Once they leave their posts, the hallway will be empty. And that's when we make our move.
Robert: Ten minutes you say?
Kyle: Yeah, and then until then, you can't draw any attention to yourself. So go back to your room and wait, and I'll gather the rest of the supplies.
Robert: Find me some cable, maybe a rope. Anything I can make a harness out of.
Kyle: No problem.
Robert: ::leaves, then pops his head back in:: Spencer, try not to botch it!
Okay, I may be a sucker, but I freaking loved that scene. Robert Scorpio talked about Luke Spencer, Sean Donely, and Cesar Faison. Bob Guza probably had a confusion-induced stroke just watching that. And it was a great blending of a classic character with one of the new ones (I liked Kyle 100 times better in those couple of minutes that I have cumulatively over three shows), and for once I didn't even want to kill the wacky music playing in the background. Nicely done. Of course, there's now the small issue that Robert Scorpio is either entirely off his rocker or has some terrible brain ailment, but I'm just going to enjoy the Donnelly/Faison references for a few minutes before I process that.
Saira goes to see the Unpregnant Woman, who says her contractions are getting weaker. Saira gently but directly tells the woman that she has never been pregnant; that her mind has been playing a trick on her. Saira explains the huge belly to her incredulous patient as "excess fat, water weight, hormones." Um, I have all those things but I don't look like I'm smuggling a basketball under my skin. Anyway, Saira says the Unpregnant Woman must actually know that she is unpregnant, because she knows she can't have children.
Robert sneaks out of his room and starts to try to open a ventilation shaft. Jagger stops him and wants to know where Robert is going. Robert says he has to find his daughter. Aw. Anyway, in the process of Jagger trying to stop Robert, Robert falls, taking a storage shelf thingie with him. Robin rushes over, helps him up:
Robin: Dad! What is going on?
Robert: Dad? Who the hell are you?
Dun dun duuuuunnnnn.
Patrick and Robin chat in the break room. Robin can't believe her dad doesn't recognize her, but Patrick hotly says it's probably just that Robert is high on morphine. Robin is concerned it's more than that; what if her own father doesn't remember her? Patrick hotly comforts her: "You are not easily forgotten." He schmoopily tells her he will take another look at Robert and figure out what's going on.
Billy Dee and Jagger help Robert back to his room. Robert is distraught because he says Robin is just eight years old and she's going to be at the rendezvous spot alone. Billy Dee humors him, saying he'll check on Robin. Robert says know, find Spencer -- "he's lurking around here somewhere" (don't I wish!) -- and he'll take care of things.
Jagger: You must love your little girl, don't you?
Robert: What kind of a question is that?
Jagger: I'm just starting conversation, that's all.
Robert: Yeah, of course I love her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. As for her mother, well, hardly a relationship made in heaven, but ever since I, ever since I saw Robin chewing on her PB&J sandwich sitting on a step, oh, I've been hooked.
Robert talks some more about how much he loves Robin, and Jagger says he can relate because of his son. I love that these writers just decided to ignore all the Robert-doesn't-care-about-Robin-and-is-a-horrible-father bullshit that Guza created out of thin air the last time Tristan Rogers came back to GH. Serves that hack right.
Kyle and Claire argue boringly over their patient and their living situation. I suppose if there has to be two doctors having boring and repetitive arguments, I'd prefer it be these two instead of Patrick and Robin, but really, why must there always be boring and repetitive arguments? As in real life, I like my soapy arguments to be interesting and about a variety of subjects.
Saira talks to the Unpregnant Woman. UW says she hasn't had any miscarriages, but Saira says there is significant uterine scarring. Oh, well, that's from the abortion that her parents forced her to have when she was 14. Great, the old abortion-causes-infertility chestnut. We don't get nearly enough of that on soaps. You disappoint me, new writers.
Patrick hotly examines Robert, with Robin by his side. Robert tells Robin that she is very pretty; she reminds him of his ex. That's a little icky. Robin thinks so too, but asks whether there were any children involved, but at that point Robert tires of the "interrogation" and tells Patrick he doesn't know what he's doing. Robert has been around the block enough to know, even once having "performed an appendectomy on [him]self with nothing more than a rusty steak knife and a bottle of good single malt scotch." (But was it in an elevator? Were you a hired killer? And did you have the borderline useful assistance of a dorky computer hacker? If not, snore!) Robert defiantly rips off his monitors and gets out of bed, then promptly collapses. Robin rolls him over and holds his head, crying "Daddy." Sniffle.
Robert is seizing. Patrick hotly tries to treat Robert with Epiphany's help, while Robin tries to jump in. Patrick hotly orders Billy Dee to get Robin out of there, and Robin heartbreakingly screams as he drags her out for them to stop standing there and actually do something. Kimberly McCullough is utterly believable.
Unpregnant Woman's husband wants to know when he'll get to meet his son. Saira asks for some time alone with UW.
Patrick hotly reviews Robert's MRI results with a much calmer Robin. There is fluid in Robert's brain that is causing his erratic behavior. Patrick can drain it; there's a 90% success rate. Robin is worried about the other 10%, and what will happen if he doesn't have the surgery at all. Patrick hotly tries to comfort her, telling her that he knows Robert is the most important man in her life and he will take care of her dad. Robin cutely taps him on the nose and says "Tied for first." He hotly says he won't let her down. She says she knows and sits in his lap while he hotly kisses her on the cheek.
Robin goes to see her dad, who apologizes for acting like a jackass. Robin says it's been "no more than usual," which makes Robert laugh. He then realizes she's pregnant. He's happy for her, says she is "absolutely beautiful." But he wants to make sure she's okay, with the HIV; she assures him she is fine. Robin explains the surgery Robert has to have. He says it's better than the rusty knife and scotch. Robin says it's good to have him back. Aw, these two are still so fantastic together. (As they always have been.)
The test results for the bitchy roommate (the one who's not Claire) are back and she has an underactive thyroid. Hey, so do I! I've never thought to blame my bitchiness on that, though. Thanks for the help, Night Shift! Anyway, the bitchy roommate who certainly never should have been in the ER for this will be just fine once she starts taking medication. Bitchy roommate isn't happy, though, because she doesn't have insurance so she can't afford this visit or the medication. Seriously, then why did she come to the ER for crankiness and fatigue? This was a stupid sub-plot. But wait, there's more! Male roommate says hey, let's get married so you can get covered on my insurance. He says he'd do anything for her. She glows at him. Claire glances at Kyle. Does Claire know what "gay" means?
Saira is still talking to Unpregnant Woman. UW says it will break her husband's heart to know she's not pregnant, and how she doesn't "want to lose another baby." Saira explains that none of this is UW's fault, it's all because of the forced abortion. I guess I could have found this scene interesting, but I'm still irritated that these writers found yet another way to demonize abortion. As if there's a need to rebel against the otherwise positive way in which soaps deal with this issue?
Robin watches through the hall window as Patrick starts up the drill to do Robert's craniotomy. Yikes. Jagger arrives and tells Robin he's not leaving -- he promised Robert he would take him back to his plane, after all. They hug. They chat about Robert, including how when she was little, Robin would wait for him to get home and jump into his arms the second he got there. Jagger says Stone does the same thing to him. (So would I, Jagger. So would I.) Robin says she thinks she was always afraid of losing her dad. Jagger says he was devastated when Karen died and ever since he thinks he's been afraid of losing Stone. (I don't think the timing on that lines up at all, does it? Whatever.) Robin says Jagger won't lose Stone. Jagger admits he's noticed Stone's odd behavior, but he's been too scared to admit it. Robin says they will get through this. He puts his arm around her and they smile.
Side note: I'm sure this is heresy in some parts, but I really like these two together. In the event that Patrick and Robin's story ever needs a little interloper angst, and if totally different people -- by which I mean talented ones -- are writing OG GH, I would not be opposed to them exploring a Robin-Jagger pairing, at least temporarily. Think of the soapiness! But I also love them as old friends and there aren't enough of those in Port Charles; or at least there aren't enough who are acknowledged. So, to sum up, um, Antonio Sabato Jr. is gorgeous.
Epiphany and Billy Dee chat in the break room. Epiphany tells Billy Dee about her heart attack (her recovery was sponsored by Campbell's!). Epiphany basically tells Billy Dee she's smitten with him, and he says he's done with running around and is looking to settle down. He doesn't know where this is going with her, but he cares about their friendship. Ut oh, Epiphany, you are mayor of the friend zone right now.
Hey, speaking of ripping off first-season Friends lines . . . Claire and Kyle continue to discuss their apartment. Kyle agrees to refinish the hideous trunk and keep it (because he couldn't find anyone to take it for free). Claire is happy.
Claire: Let's make a pact. If neither one of us is married by the time we're 40 -
Kyle: Why won't I be married by the time I'm 40?
Claire: It's a hypothetical, Kyle.
Kyle: Alright, hypothetically, why wouldn't I be married by the time I'm 40?!
Claire: God, because you're impossible!
But Kyle agrees to marry her, and she agrees, even with his obvious addendum that they won't have sex. I think I was supposed to find that cute and charming. You know when I did find that conversation cute and charming? When it was between Chandler and Monica.
Chandler: All right, I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay. Hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: No, no, seriously, what is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh... uh...
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!
I'm not saying Night Shift intentionally ripped off Friends -- god knows I'm sure I've unintentionally lifted lines from all kinds of places -- but that was a little too similar for my taste. I will, however, give the writers props for letting Kyle discuss getting married just like any straight character would. That was pretty cool.
"Leo" comes into the locker room and asks whether Saira found a straightjacket for the Unpregnant Woman. Saira says "Leo" is one of those guys who hates things beyond his control, yadda yadda. "Leo" says Saira acts all holier-than-thou but really she's just as judgmental and stubborn as he is, yadda yadda. Then they do the standard soap thing where the arguing turns into foreplay and they move in closely and then start making out. After .5 seconds, "Leo" starts to unbutton her shirt. I could have liked these two together, I think, but for some reason I don't. For lots of reasons, actually. Mostly related to "Leo."
Patrick hotly comes out of surgery to tell Robin that they were able to drain the fluid and reduce the pressure on Robert's brain. Robin is happy, but then there's a "but." Patrick hotly breaks it to her that the fluid was caused by a brain tumor. (Why didn't that show up on the MRI? I don't understand.) Robin is devastated. The camera cuts to Jagger to capture how upset he also is, but Antonio Sabato Jr. overshot "upset" and landed on "frantically trying to figure out the square root of 144." Oh, Antonio. You're so pretty.
By this time last season, the show had already turned downhill and soon would complete its precipitous tumble into absolute craptitude. So while it's not perfect, and not even great, it's mostly fun escapism that hasn't involved homicides or the deification of hired killers, so it's still a thumbs up in my book. And yes, I know I'm setting myself up for a soapy fall. It's kind of what we do here.