The Sun Rising in the East is Less Predictable Than This Show
Gosh, what a typically soapy afternoon on General Hospital yesterday.
There was a big black-tie wedding, attended by half the town, capping off an allegedly great romance between the show's leading man and his latest true love forever. The gowns were fancy, the hair was high, the resentments and jealousies were varied and widespread. A good soapy time was about to be had by all.
And then a hollow-point bullet tore through the torso and couture gown of the bride.
These things happen!
If you were surprised by this turn of events, might I suggest that you occasionally leave the house? Or wish you the best of luck with that 50 First Dates-esque memory problem in which you retain no information for longer than 24 hours? Because if you've done the whole "watched GH even semi-regularly" thing before, you found this development as surprising as Clay Aiken coming out.
I hate this show.
So anyway, back to the
SHOCKING! event. Kate went and got herself shot for the second time in six months.
Diane: Yeah, well, Kate should have gotten far away from Sonny the first time she got shot.
RIght. Not only is this a repeat of a thousand GH stories before it, it's a repeat of a story that JUST HAPPENED to this EXACT CHARACTER. (There is also the small point that Sonny and Jason, not Kate, should be blamed for her getting shot, but Kate has been pissing me off like whoa lately so I'm going to let that one go.)
Remember those couple of blissful months during the writers' strike, when GH was basically watchable and there seemed to be people who actually gave a shit about the quality of this television show, providing lines to the talented cast that actually, like, made sense and were inoffensive and were not entirely mob-adjacent? Good times, those. Did Bob Guza even watch the show during his time off? He really should have! Not just for helpful tips on how to do his job better, but so that he could keep with his usual routine of repeating the same stories with the same characters only once a year or so, instead of this embarrassing mishap.
Anyway, once again, back to the "soap." Do not even get me started on the fact that, yet again, this shooting was set to a swelling musical score. What is this bizarre fascination these hacks have with making violence seem artistic and beautiful? Sick. Sicksicksick. You know, at the time I loved Clink-Boom, but given all that it has spawned, I have even grown to hate that historic piece of soapiness. I feel like it is responsible for part of my misery.
Oh! And ALSO don't get me started on effing Carly having to provide medical care to Kate. CARLY?! It says a lot about this show -- formerly known as General HOSPITAL -- that 1) there was a huge wedding without a single medical professional in attendance, and 2) truly, there is not a single scene in which Carly cannot be front and center. (And, for those of you who are new, what it says is that it sucks.)
To say that the people who run this show are creatively bankrupt and utterly out of ideas seems too generous. I am increasingly convinced they are not inept, but rather are intentionally set on destroying this soap. There is just no other explanation for the relentless, pointless, soul-draining violence that masquerades as a daytime drama. And please don't misunderstand my frustration as surprise. I could hardly expect anything better than yesterday's episode from the head writer who thinks that having a 12-year-old shot in the head as retribution for bad behavior is totally acceptable. It's just...when will this finally end? How horrible does this show have to get before someone steps in and stops the madness? Will it be before I need anger management therapy and/or Botox for my scowl-induced wrinkles? I need to plan!
So to sum up, I hate this show. I don't feel the need to be more creative or original than that. I'm following the lead of the GH writing team. In return for my brilliance, I expect plaudits and statuettes. Thanks.
Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.