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« Primetime Suds: Two Weeks, Four Shows, Two Bloggers With Overworked TiVos | Main | Serial Drama Second Anniversary Celebration: Most Commented-On Posts »

September 30, 2008

The Sun Rising in the East is Less Predictable Than This Show

Gosh, what a typically soapy afternoon on General Hospital yesterday. 


There was a big black-tie wedding, attended by half the town, capping off an allegedly great romance between the show's leading man and his latest true love forever.  The gowns were fancy, the hair was high, the resentments and jealousies were varied and widespread.  A good soapy time was about to be had by all.

And then a hollow-point bullet tore through the torso and couture gown of the bride.


These things happen! 

If you were surprised by this turn of events, might I suggest that you occasionally leave the house?  Or wish you the best of luck with that 50 First Dates-esque memory problem in which you retain no information for longer than 24 hours?  Because if you've done the whole "watched GH even semi-regularly" thing before, you found this development as surprising as Clay Aiken coming out.

I hate this show.

So anyway, back to the SHOCKING! event.  Kate went and got herself shot for the second time in six months. 

Diane:  Yeah, well, Kate should have gotten far away from Sonny the first time she got shot.

RIght.  Not only is this a repeat of a thousand GH stories before it, it's a repeat of a story that JUST HAPPENED to this EXACT CHARACTER.  (There is also the small point that Sonny and Jason, not Kate, should be blamed for her getting shot, but Kate has been pissing me off like whoa lately so I'm going to let that one go.)

Remember those couple of blissful months during the writers' strike, when GH was basically watchable and there seemed to be people who actually gave a shit about the quality of this television show, providing lines to the talented cast that actually, like, made sense and were inoffensive and were not entirely mob-adjacent?  Good times, those.  Did Bob Guza even watch the show during his time off?  He really should have!  Not just for helpful tips on how to do his job better, but so that he could keep with his usual routine of repeating the same stories with the same characters only once a year or so, instead of this embarrassing mishap.

Anyway, once again, back to the "soap."  Do not even get me started on the fact that, yet again, this shooting was set to a swelling musical score.  What is this bizarre fascination these hacks have with making violence seem artistic and beautiful?  Sick.  Sicksicksick.  You know, at the time I loved Clink-Boom, but given all that it has spawned, I have even grown to hate that historic piece of soapiness.  I feel like it is responsible for part of my misery. 

Oh!  And ALSO don't get me started on effing Carly having to provide medical care to Kate.  CARLY?!  It says a lot about this show -- formerly known as General HOSPITAL -- that 1) there was a huge wedding without a single medical professional in attendance, and 2) truly, there is not a single scene in which Carly cannot be front and center.  (And, for those of you who are new, what it says is that it sucks.)

To say that the people who run this show are creatively bankrupt and utterly out of ideas seems too generous.  I am increasingly convinced they are not inept, but rather are intentionally set on destroying this soap.  There is just no other explanation for the relentless, pointless, soul-draining violence that masquerades as a daytime drama.  And please don't misunderstand my frustration as surprise.  I could hardly expect anything better than yesterday's episode from the head writer who thinks that having a 12-year-old shot in the head as retribution for bad behavior is totally acceptable.  It's just...when will this finally end?  How horrible does this show have to get before someone steps in and stops the madness?  Will it be before I need anger management therapy and/or Botox for my scowl-induced wrinkles?  I need to plan!

So to sum up, I hate this show.  I don't feel the need to be more creative or original than that.  I'm following the lead of the GH writing team.  In return for my brilliance, I expect plaudits and statuettes.  Thanks.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.


All of the "shock" of Kate getting shot aside (whatever...), what about the months and months of tortuous, screechy shrillness we had to endure from Kate over the "Wedding of the Century" being covered for the pages of Crimson? The constant barrage of orders to Maxie and the gang about flowers and invitations and dresses...having Sonny peruse over menus...I know that we never make it to the reception in these bullet and/or left-at-the altar-ended mob weddings, so I had no delusions about seeing the 45 foot custom-made wedding cake flown in from Paris, but not a SINGLE CAMERA was in attendance at the ceremony? Not a video camera? Not even a fucking Polaroid from the front row? I guess they had a sketch artist in the back.

I also love that Olivia applying pressure to Kate's wound wasn't good enough. We had to bring in CARLY and her one-failed year of nursing school to do the same job. Because it just wouldn't be a good day on GH unless Carly had blood on her.

As for the CSI: BULLSHIT! portion of the show, don't you all know that no matter what the trajectory of the bullet or how LOGICALLY it would stand to reason that Sonny should have been killed about 8700 times on this show, he has a Guza-induced forcefield around him? It's like Wonder Woman - bullets bounce right off his sheer awesomeness. Gag.

Why oh why, when Sonny was doing his usual poorly, POORLY-acted short bursts of screaming in the hospital - you know, the kind he does when he's having one of his 2-year-old tantrums - did Jason not shoot him in the face? I know he wants to! Come on, Jason, take a chance! Learn how to fly and be free!

The only reason I didn't drink a bottle of Drano after this episode was I followed it up with Night Shift. Anna at Robert's bedside was, in Robert's words, a "sight for sore eyes." Now THAT'S a soap scene!

Guza must have some killer blackmail on some very high ups at ABC. Nothing else computes to me as to why he's still writing for this show....

Wait a minute. You mean they had a formal affair with most of the cast in attendance, and violence ACTUALLY ensued???? What, what, what????? Quel shocked!

Actually, if there hadn't been violence, I would have been more concerned.

Unfortunately this stupidness is not about to end. I read somewhere, i think SID that they're working on something big for the end of November. Ala Metro Court hostage crisis yet something daytime has never seen before.

You guys, I beg of you. Stop watching!! (Except Becca and Mallory, to keep us up to date and all. Thanks for taking one for the team.)

Don't recall who said it, but it's true. As long as people continue to watch, we're going to suffer through this interminably.Make it stop!

Oh man. NS2 supplies all my needs for soapy soaps. I will sadly miss it when the finale comes. If they simply replaced OG GH with NS2 and got rid of the mob, I'd come back immediately. I agree with another poster, that scene with Robert and Anna was sweet.
These scenes are what reminds me of my old GH.

Former Ghlover77, I don't watch this shitty, shitty, show anymore. I just read the awesome recaps/comments here and YouTube Scrubs and Maxie.

Remember when the mob guys on "GH" were the bad guys when Luke and Laura was on? It was Frank Smith and Luke and Laura was hiding at from them in Wydermere. What the hell happen to the show to make Sonny and Jason the moral center and everyone else the "bad guy"? It is Guza's doing and is destroying the essence of what Gh use to be about: character-driven, romance and adventure and not this mob crap and repetitive mess on everyday on our screens. What will it take to get this man fired and get someone to clean up Guza's messes. I think a earthquake would have to happen to swallow guza whole.

Don't forget the big shocker of Jason telling Liz that he can't be with her because he couldn't bare to see her hurt because of him. Ok now, how many times have we heard him say that line to Liz? Actually, forget Liz, how many times have we heard him say that line to Sam, Courtney and Robin? Seriously, the actors don't even have to memorize new scripts. They just pull the old ones out of the trash from the week, month or year before! I hate this show!

As for "Kills me like a Quatermaine", classic!

Like a certain medieval hot period that has been "smoothed" out of existence just because it was inconvenient. But then again, that must not be a "surprise" to you and all those "respected scientists" you talk of. Because to you it is clearly all about respect really and how you get to that position where you have it so you can throw it around like it adds up to something, everything else is just a background.

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