There's Only One Real Trial Here And That's General Hospital Vs. My Patience
Accurately depicting the American legal system ranks high on a list of Things Bob Guza Cannot Do (also on that list: "respect a show's 45 year history", "write a story without eighty gaping plot holes", "get his head out of his ass", etc.). And yet, instead of hiring a consultant or, I don't know, taking half a second to go to effing Wikipedia or TIVOing one of the episodes of the various Law & Order series that are aired pretty much around the freaking clock on every single channel known to man to find out what the hell goes on in a criminal trial, he repeatedly writes these absurd trials that are so far removed from the way the real world works that he might as well just have a scroll at the bottom of the channel that says "Dear Audience, I think you're a bunch of morons and I kind of hate you all. Sincerely, Bob Guza"
I've been watching soap operas for years and I am pretty good about suspending my disbelief and rolling with things like Satanic possession and Aliens and Virtual Gardens of Eden. I even refer to The Hills as a reality show and WITHOUT sarcastic air quotes. But I can only put up with so much. Because, seriously:
- Why is the murder victim's father acting as the prosecutor?
- Why is Edward on the jury after specifically saying to the prosecutor, defense attorney and judge "It's your duty to protect your client from potential landmines like me, and it's impossible for me to be objective about this young thug"?
- Would any lawyer in the world just sit back after hearing a potential juror say the above words and pretty much tell his client, "Eh, it's cool"? Even Lionel Hutz would be alarmed by that development! What the hell, Ric?
- In what world does the judge just say "Oh, BTW, it's a capital murder case. Surprise! The death penalty is on the table"?
- Is it so hard to do a quick google search to see if New York even has the death penalty?
I just...really need to get a job that I can do really badly for years without getting fired.