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« Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column | Main | Night Shift Season Finale, Part One: In Which We Break Out The Ugly Cry »

October 21, 2008

Nothing Was Beautiful and Everything Hurt

Is it okay to wish death upon something if it is not actually a physical being? Like such as, if I were to express a wish that All My Children die a fiery, painful death, I won't go to hell or wind up on the bad side of two tons of karma, right?

Although even if I did, it would kind of be a small price to pay, because, honestly...I have my moments of being able to express my displeasure eloquently (they are rare, but they do happen). I have other times when I basically gesticulate loudly and convey anger through random punctuation and the caps lock of RAGE. And still other times, all I do is stare slack jawed at my television and wish this show dead.

Zach being the father of Bianca's child? That falls into the latter category.

Charles Pratt, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

I am going to just recap this story for a second without commentary, just to see if maybe it makes sense on its own:

Bianca, Kendall's sister, asked Zach, Kendall's husband and the brother of the man who raped Bianca and fathered her first child, to be the father of her second child. And Zach agrees. And neither of them mention it to Kendall.

Nope, it doesn't make any more sense.

WHO DOES THAT? Who writes something like that? Who even THINKS of something like that?

Bianca: When I first asked you to father my child, I didn't -- I wasn't sure you'd even consider it. And I didn't blame you. I mean, it's not like I was asking you to take in the mail or water the plants. We made a baby. And it's understandable that you would be worried about how Kendall would react.

Zach: I was more worried about how I was going to react.

!!!!!!!!!!

Zach: Well, any child would be happy to have her, especially mine.

Bianca: Let's hope Kendall feels the same way.

!!!!!!!!!!

No! You say something like that when you paint the kitchen without telling your housemate or whatever. "I really like the pale green walls. Let's hope James Franco feels the same way!" You don't say something when you GET PREGNANT BY YOUR SISTER'S HUSBAND BEHIND HER BACK.

Bianca: Are you angry with me?

Zach: For what?

Bianca: For not telling you that I was pregnant so that you could tell Kendall that you're the baby's biological father.

Zach: I could never be angry with you. And let's not worry about Kendall right now. It's going to be fine.

!!!!!!!!!!

I know he means "right now" as in "you're in labor, so we can worry about this later", but STILL.

Jake: Greenlee, you're family.

Frankie: Wait, you --

Jake: You could give consent.

Frankie: You're related to kendall?

Greenlee: Uh, my father was married to her mother.

Jake: That would work.

Not related to the Zach/Bianca hellhole, but still: !!!!!!!!!!. Ex-stepsisters can give medical consent? Who knew?!

And, for good measure: !!!!!!!!!!!

I don't understand ANY PART OF THIS. I don't understand what the eff goes on in the writers room. The choices that they make are just ASTOUNDINGLY WRONG. I don't understand how this choice of Bianca's is anything but SELFISH and HORRIBLE. And I don't understand how Zach has spent the better part of this year chastising Kendall for keeping secrets from him and then goes and does this behind her back. And I don't understand why Zach held the baby up to the sky like he was mothereffing Rafiki.

But most of all, what I don't understand is why the writers can't even let me enjoy Babe's impending death without ASSING EVERYTHING UP. CAN YOU LET ME HAVE ANYTHING WITHOUT RUINING IT, AMC?!?!?!

(I will be blogging about Babe expiring on Friday. If my head does not explode before then. Which it might. Because WHAT THE HELL?)

Comments

pratt or guza?

pratt or guza?

there's just no win is there?

Yeah...everything everyone said so far......

Hey, Bianca..if you wanted the baby to be related to Miranda...uhmm...since YOU are the mother of both babies, THEY are ALREADY related!!!

Stupid stupid writers.

Like Zach would do that behind Kendall's back...and when did he go to Paris??

Oh Pratt, I hate your writing with a deep purple passion.....and yeah, I flashed to Kunta Kinte in Roots when Zach held that poor 7 week early naked newborn baby up to the cold stormy sky. Just brilliant.....brilliantly STUPID.

Just when I think AMC had a spark of a chance....(shaking hand to the heavens) I vow I will never get sucked into this show again!!!!! This is my reward after watching since the first day!!! ARRGHHH!!!!!!

After reading this...I have come to the conclusion that Pratt was hired for the sole reason of becoming the new most hated headwriter on ABC Daytime so that Frons and Guza can continue to sell their lies that everyone loves the direction of GH.

Double You Tee Eff indeed.

Although the RAfiki reference caused me to spit milk out of my nose.

I haven't watched AMC in quite a while, so I have to ask, what the fresh hell is going on over there?! Who thought it was a good idea for Zach to impregnate his sister-in-law behind his wife's back who is currently IN A COMA?! At this point, I don't even want to think about the incestuous overtones what with Zach's brother being Bianca's RAPIST and the FATHER OF HER FIRST CHILD!

I'm not even watching the show and I'm getting all rage-y.

Although I have to say this scenario is better than the one I had imagined before the jump. Since I haven't seen the show in months, when I read Zach was the father of Bianca's child, I assumed it was an epic retcon of Miranda's paternity and I was ready to explode with rage.

So, by comparison, this merely has me fuming.

However, to finish this post on a happier note, I will be ending my hiatus to personally experience the (real!) death of a certain baby stealing whorebag. I will not even jinx myself and mention her name. Besides, I think you all know of whom I speak.

Doesnt this smell like Fronz? The suit who gave us the Baby Swap From Hell which on paper was supposed to last YEARS before it was resolved and tie OLTL to AMC .. and look how well that worked out.

Mallory, thank you. You speak for me. I'd add more but right now I'm just too dumbfounded and sad. Not sad in the good way AMC should be aiming for but sad in a there's nothing left for me to hang on to with this show way. I didn't want to end my relationship with AMC, but what can you do when a show seems to consistenly aim to to out-trash itself?

This show has taken the pseudo-incest that always exists on soap operas TOO FAR... what's next? I won't be able to tell the difference between AMC and Days of Our Lives? I didn't think there was a way AMC could ruin Bianca's return (although I should have remembered the whole Zarf mess...) with Tamara Braun in tow, but this? Ewwwww. Ah, well, it can only get better from here, right? Then again, how long have we been saying that?

Mallory, I hope in your next column for SOD you address these issues and Pratt's hachet job on AMC and my beloved Zach and Kendall. I never liked Bianca, but even I can see he's just decimated the character. Why? For what purpose? Please write about it because EVERYONE needs to scream about this load of manure AMC is shoveling.

Charles Pratt did what neither Megan McTavish nor the abysmal writing team of B&E could do: destroyed my love for a soap that I have watched since 1970. I have waited years for Babe's death, but instead of being allowed to enjoy her long-awaited and long-overdue demise, Pratt throws in Jesse's "secret" daughter and Bianca's "secret" pregnancy for good measure. Babe is not a heroine, no matter how many times she sings "you are my sunshine" to Little A.

And you are right, Zach is Bianca's baby's biological father storyline makes about as much sense as Joan Crawford stepping in for her ailing daughter Christina (who was at least half her age) on the "Secret Storm" back in the late 1970s. Joan Crawford was not believable in the role, and what idiot would believe that Zach would sacrifice his marriage for the sake of Bianca? Or that Jesse would tell Angie about his past, but neglect to tell her about a daughter? No amount of spin will make Jesse's or Zach's secret compelling or even good soap-telling because IT SIMPLY DEFIES LOGIC.

If Pratt didn't want the job, why didn't he just turn it down. Instead, he has trashed, destroyed and made a mockery of Agnes Nixon's finest soap.

Femina

I was thinking Roots. F U Zach and Bianca.

OMG BABE, QUIT WITH THE SNOT AND TEARS AND CRAP AND GET TO DYING ALREADY!!!!!!

Sorry, just had to get that out.

Rage. Pure unadulterated rage.

Mark it. The death of Zach and Kendall. I can't root for them anymore.

I just can't believe this hack ruined Babe's death. This should have been a banner day, but I couldn't even enjoy it. Bastard.

I was willing to give Charles Pratt a chance as HW, I had managed to delude myself that all the damage done to GH was solely Robert Guza's doing and that Mr Pratt was an innocent bystander. I tuned in to AMC when the demon seed known as Babe was introduced and I have loathed that character with extreme prejudice ever since and now when I am about to get the payoff of a lifetime Pratt botches it up something fierce. Here I was hoping that a house would fall on that gold digging, mendacious, little whore and she would die like the worthless animal she is, but no, for a reason that escapes logic Pratt decides to give Babe a martyr's death. I will not even go into the character assassination he has been inflicted on JESSE HUBBARD OF ALL PEOPLE, as well as the Zach and Bianca baby mess because there are no words to convey my rage.

All I can say is turn in your WGA membership card Mr Pratt because are nothing more than a HACK!!!!

You know, the thing is that, in the hands of a good writer, the complexities of gay and lesbian reproduction/parenting should be classic soap. Soaps have historically thrived on *well-written* interesting family situations. Imagine if, say, Binks had popped into town to rescue Josh from his stupid embezzlement situation because she and her girlfriend wanted to have a baby together using the girlfriend's eggs and Josh's sperm (providing a genetic connection to both of them AND a tie to multiple major PV clans). Zach and Kendall vs. Bianca/GF/Josh - oooh, interesting! Or if Miranda had needed a bone marrow transplant - yes, I know, it's happened a bazillion times, but so have supercouples and people still like to watch them - and Bianca and her GF had had to ditch their plans of adopting a baby from Ethiopia so that Bianca could instead conceive a child with Zach as a bone marrow donor (thus resonating with the Travis/Barbara/Molly SL from way back when). Or, imagine that Bianca's girlfriend was a proto-Erica who had connived to make sure that the baby she was carrying for Bianca and her was fathered using sperm Zach had donated to a sperm bank eons ago, because she was insecure about Binks's love and wanted to make sure that her baby would always have a connection to Binks's family. Etc. Soap kids effectively having more than two bio/social parents is nothing new - little Jake on GH has two daddies plus a mommy, for example. Being able to write about gay characters seeking to become parents would allow writers to weave in that time-tested theme in new and interesting ways.

Instead, we get character assassination galore and yet more abuse of poor Kendall's trust. Maybe *she* can hook up with Aidan? That would be lovely.

To be fair, though, this whole idea that a man's SO shouldn't be able to veto him using his sperm to father another woman's child isn't new on AMC. That's exactly what happened with Jake and Allie back in the day when Liza wanted Jake to father her child. However, that SL resulted in Allie teaming up with Adam to ensure that Adam, not Jake, would father Colby, and was thus genuinely interesting. But Adam's supposed to be a snake. He keeps things from people all of the time. Zach? Not so much.

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