General Hospital Week in Review
Yes, the Week in Review is back. I didn't think it was fair to continue to punish a perfectly useful blogging device just because the subject of said device is a horrible, miserable, depressing excuse for a soap opera. And plus, with Robin and Patrick having a baby and Laura's brief return, General Hospital has decided to harsh my "I hate this entire show and everything about it and it sucks and is fat and ugly and mean and I want it to die" buzz a bit, so I needed something else to keep me going.
As you can tell, my positive attitude and generosity of spirit have returned along with the Week in Review. Rejoice.
At the risk of oversharing, I feel the need to share a bit of background on a particular issue. Here's the deal: I do not especially want to have children. If I meet the right guy and he wants to, I might, but I don't have that biological imperative thing going that many women do. I don't hate kids, but I don't crave being around them, you know? Mostly I think they're kind of perpetually sticky, and also sometimes dirty and stinky. They also don't have a lot of use for personal space boundaries, which is a biiiig thing with me. A few months ago while standing in line, a small girl mistook my legs for those of her mother and threw herself around me. I nearly had a stroke, and then wondered whether dry cleaning my pants would be an overreaction. Oooh, and the ones who fly around department stores on their little wheelie shoes? I have been tempted to stick out a well-shod foot to teach them a lesson. Judge me if you must, but you know those shoes -- and the parents who allow their rampant, indoor use -- are evil.
ANYWAY, none of this is relevant, really, because before they develop into children, babies are adorable (unlike Robin Scherbatsky, I do not have a baby phobia). I realize this is a controversial position, much like that puppies are cute, but I'm going to stick with it. So I did not expect to be especially moved by the birth of Emma Grace Scorpio Drake because 1) she is fictional, and 2) she is a TV baby so she's going to be at the extra-cute end of the baby attractiveness spectrum. And she was as precious as I expected.
That is a cute-ass baby, folks.
What I did not count on, however, and what has caused my knees to turn into a gelatinous goo on at least two occasions now, is this: Patrick Drake is, in the regular course of the storyline, required to hold Emma. And so it happened that these images:
...have caused me to call into question many of my existing theories about children. My god, they truly do have the power to make even already exceedingly hot men hotter! And I have never been one to buy into that cliché about men holding babies being sexy. I rebuke that cliché! But somehow, in spite of myself . . . gooey. Gooey knees! My ovaries might even have twitched. But I don't want to sound like an overly emotional woman, so let me break this down logically:
[Jason Thompson's hotness]
[adorableness of baby playing Emma]
[Jason Thompson hotly holding adorable baby playing Emma]
[Jason Thompson's hotness]10 (or maybe infinity)
Who said math isn't sexy?
Not one to stop at just hotly reproducing, Patrick did other things hotly last week. He:
...was hotly calming (when Robin was worried about Emma being HIV-positive)
...was hotly comforting (when Robin was in labor)
...was hotly in awe (when Emma was born)
...was hotly elated (at seeing Emma up close for the first time)
...was hotly worried (about Robin's odd blood clotting disorder which somehow didn't come up when she was shot and then sewn up with fishing line at the Metro Court last year but I don't want to bring that up now because it's messing with my hotly theme)
...even hotly departed.
Jason Thompson, you are a hot god among less-hot men.
It is also worth noting that both Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough have been even more stellar than usual over these last couple of weeks, and if they don't get nominated for Emmys next year, there is even less justice involved in those things than I already thought there was, which hardly seems possible.
Kimberly McCullough is so good, in fact, that she even makes the people around her better when she's playing unconscious.
Was this not the most likable Jason has been in months? Sure, Steve Burton and Becky Herbst still spark like crazy, but since the Jason-Liz coupling appears to be dead in the water, don't let that one charming scene at Liz's loft make you forget what a heel Jason is virtually all the rest of the time. Except when he's with Robin, when he borders on . . . dreamy. Yeah, I said it.
But back to more universally acceptable opinions, how freaking adorable were Mac and Maxie with Emma? Scorpio/Jones family interaction is downright delightful.
Maxie on her own is a delight, too. She's making me tolerate Spinelli for long stretches, for god's sake. Kirsten Storms, I bow down to you.
And even if I didn't already adore Maxie for her feistiness and bitchiness and humor and fun hair and great clothes, I would love her for this bitchface alone.
Sniffle. Little Maximista is all grown up.
I think it was a super great idea for the powers-that-be to use the same set for We Are Lazy as Hell and Can't Be Bothered To Write a Layered Character So We Went With Jerry as a Totally Irredeemable Sociopath Who Tries To Murder His Girlfriend's Daughter in Cold Blood storyline as they did for the Irina Beats the Crap Out of Jax and Then Forces Him To Have Sex at Gunpoint but it's Totally Not Sexual Assault Just in Case You Were Stupid and Thinking That, Okay Morons? one.
Definitely want to stir up those good memories. Finger on the pulse as always, GH.
I'm sort of reluctant to praise the latest return of Laura Spencer, because it gives credit to showrunners that will only let Genie Francis return for all-too-brief, contrived, rushed appearances while the rest of the show languishes in repetitive suckitude.
But, dude, Genie Francis is so freaking good, I can't not give her her due. While it was ridiculous that they had to cram about two months' worth of story into two weeks (Laura wakes up, Scotty kidnaps her, Scotty tells Laura about Luke and Tracy being married, Luke and Tracy look for Laura and Scotty and then find her, Laura reunites with her children, etc.), Francis kicked butt in her limited screentime. I especially loved snarky, pissed-off Laura.
The writers have a tendency to make Laura all Mother Earth-y and kind of an otherworldly angelic figure, so some understandable, negative emotion was a nice change of pace. And it goes without saying that Tony Geary played Luke's reactions perfectly, and that he and Genie Francis raise each other's games to new levels.
Allow me a fangirly moment: LUKE AND LAURA 4EVAH! Squee!
I still like Luke and Tracy, though, and am glad they haven't totally torched that relationship for Laura's brief returns.
I also liked, despite the many moments of implausibility, Laura's kids all interacting -- without any mob involvement whatsoever! -- and working together to find their mom.
Perhaps due to her proximity to Nikolas and the extra-yummy Lucky, my Lulu hate even abated for a couple of days. It was awesome. And as for Nikolas, Tyler Christopher has stopped playing it like Nik is repulsed by Nadine, and Claire Coffee has been given much less Smurfy lines of late, so I also don't hate Nadine anymore. What is happening to me?
Mobsters in Port Charles are ridiculously ineffective. First of all, if you're going to stab someone and then throw their body in a river, shouldn't you 1) stab them somewhere, I don't know, important? cause more than a flesh wound?, and 2) throw their body more than two feet off a pier in deeper than eight feet of water?
But if that were the case then Carly couldn't have come to Sonny's rescue, and we can't have a day that goes by that doesn't glorify Carly's awesomeness (and improbable lung capacity)!
I refuse to discuss Carly and Jax's ongoing merry-go-round-without-the-merriness relationship, or Carly and Sonny's please-believe-they're-meant-for-each-other-because-we-think-that's-soapy-angst-and-we're-about-to-pair-them-up-with-other-people-that-they-will-undoubtedly-cheat-on-with-each-other routine, because that means they actually do exist, and I like pretending that they don't.
I must, however, point out that even if I could forgive Carly for saving Sonny's miserable life again, I cannot forgive her flashing back to Limo Sex.
EW! Why, why, WHY would anyone flash back to that?! Why would this show subject its few remaining viewers to that?! WHY CAN I NOT UN-SEE THAT?!
It's just very lucky for Carly that open-toed boots and Jenny Humphrey on
Gossip Girl came along, or she would be my least favorite thing about
this entire autumn.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Sonny -- your leading man, soap fans! -- brutally murdered Karpov by shooting him multiple times at close range, even though as far as I can tell the only crimes that dude had committed that Jason and Sonny hadn't were having a terrible fake Russian accent and not ever having been good-looking.
So, you know, the usual. Ugh. I hate this show.
Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.