This Show Is On At Lunch Time! Show Some Consideration, Producers!
I am on a mission for a dress (one may think this would be a simple mission to complete, and a fun one at that, but one would be wrong! Dresses are notoriously difficult for me to find, on account of the"being nine feet tall" thing that I struggle with) and I have taken to asking friends, family and random passersby for advice.
So, the other day, I was asking someone for guidance and referred to the object of my search as a party dress. Big mistake! While that description is apt, the phrase invariably gets the line, "Oh my my, oh hell yes, you've got to put on that party dress" from "Mary Jane's Last Dance" in my head, which made me get the whole song in my head, which made me think of that song's disturbing video, which I then got confused with the OTHER disturbing Tom Petty video for "Don't Come Around Here No More", and then I spent an embarrassing amount of time all freaked out about dead Kim Basinger and Alice in Wonderland cake.
Until I saw something EVEN MORE DISTURBING.
And suddenly creepy Tom Petty videos didn't seem so bad. Congratulations, Y&R! You managed to out-gross necrophilia and cannibalism. You should be proud.
Victor and Ashley's Paris hookup was quite obviously the nadir of the week, for reasons that I don't even need to expound upon and quite honestly CAN'T expound upon. The letters E and W do quite enough.
The thing about this is that I can almost understand it; people, especially on soaps have a habit of reconnecting with exes after they suffer a loss. I kind of want to figure out exactly how many soap babies were conceived during grief sex, but that is an experiment for another time. My point is that it makes sense for Victor to gravitate towards one of his many exes, and since he wished Nikki dead, it makes sense that it would be Ashley, but it happened over the course of, like, two episodes. That's so not how a soap is supposed to go. On Classic Y&R, this would play out over the course of three years, which is problematic in its own way, but STILL! I miss those days.
I will concede that the rest of the show isn't half bad.
The much publicized Paris location shoot was pretty and, to be honest, a nice change of pace. I hadn't realized how sick I was of seeing the Athletic Club!
But Y&R did that thing with Paris that television shows do and went a little overboard with the sights and the berets and the "SEE! THIS IS WHY WE ARE #1! PARIS!!!!11!" I know that the trip to Paris probably cost them a pretty penny, but still! It was especially silly how wide-eyed and starstruck everybody was. Reader Kate astutely pointed out that, hello, these people are fabulously wealthy heirs/heiresses who work in the fashion/beauty industry. Paris should be part of their job description!
There is something about big lavish funerals for characters who aren't actually dead that makes me happy, I guess because they involve lots of returning cast members and flashbacks without the downside of a talented legacy character being killed off for real.
I am impressed with the assortment of characters the powers-that-be managed to lure back. Dina! Her imperious bitchiness amuses me to no end. Can you imagine her taking on Gloria? PLEASE let there be a scene where she takes on Gloria. The fur would fly! And by fur, I literally mean the tacky crap that Gloria has owned since 1987 and continues to wear as though she's high fashion. And Brock! Traci and Danny make pretty routine appearances, but still!
I am super disappointed that Mac didn't come, though...I LOVED her relationship with Katherine. And what's with Cricket not showing?! I don't even like Cricket, but come on! She was "in Europe"? So were half the people who went to the funeral. Please tell me what Lauralee Bell was doing with her time that she couldn't film a guest spot. I think it starts with "n" and rhymes with "othing".
Hands down, the best part of the proceedings so far has been the return of NINA. I adore Nina! She is responsible for some of my very favorite Y&R moments. It's way unfair that we don't have Nina anymore but we have Tyra. It's just not right.
Esther: That's Cane.
Nina: The one that was switched with--
Nina: Well, he's no Phillip.
I'm with you, Nina, Cane is NO Philip. How annoying, incidentally, has Cane been lately? I found myself getting irritated whenever he was onscreen, acting like he knows Jill and Katherine better than Billy does. He's basically known them for ten minutes, so the super devoted son thing really bugs.
Loved the shoutout to Larry!
Jill: "Sorry I couldn't be there. I'm at a biker rally in Ba-- you were one cool old broad. Party on in the afterlife."
And I especially loved the bitchfit Jill threw about Nikki. On a scale of 1-10, how awesome is Jess Walton? Previous estimates had her hovering at 13, but I am convinced that she rates at least a 17...
Jill: Nikki, Brock has asked that everybody take their seat.
Nikki: Okay, let me just have one more minute with her.
Jill: You're laying it on just a little thick.
Jill: You have upstaged me with my mother for years. And now you're doing it again. Just because I'm not as demonstrative with my feelings as you are, doesn't mean I'm not gonna miss her just as much.
Nikki: I don't know where this onslaught is coming from, but I don't appreciate it. Not today. And I let you handle everything. And I tried not to intrude.
Jill: Not intrude? That's all you've done is intrude. Mother's gone now and those days are over.
Nikki: You're upset. You don't know what you're saying.
Jill: Just wring out your hankie and sit down.
And I have to give the old man credit, Victor's dramatic entrance was seriously entertaining. I sort of can't wait for tomorrow's episode! That is quite the change of pace from normally being so bored that it pains me to watch.