Desperately Seeking Sense
It's completely foreign to experience wish fulfillment whilst watching General Hospital, but a brief moment in yesterday's episode was the culmination of months of wishing and hoping and dreaming and praying.
I've watched that clip, like, a hundred times and I have to be honest, it gets better each time. "Shut up!" Who knew that two words could pack such a sublime punch?
If Johnny is serious about searching for a job, I vote that he parlays his new truth-telling ways into a lucrative self help empire. Perhaps Edward can get over his distaste for Johnny and finance this enterprise, since the two of them are the only people in Port Charles to exhibit any sort of sense.
Edward:Of course I came. This fundraiser to help injured children is to benefit my great grandson. You know, it's too bad that you two didn't grow a conscience in time to actually help Michael.
Quartermaine snaps are the best kind of snaps, no?
This venture could make tons of money, as there are a ton of people in town who need to be hit with some knowledge.
Oh, Kate. Dear, sweet, beautifully tressed Kate. When I say this, please know that I say this with love: you're an effing moron.
Kate: Listen, ok, thank you. What do you know about Jax's brother, Jerry?
Olivia: I thought you said this was about Sonny.
Kate: It is. I'm worried about him. Jerry Jax is an extremely dangerous person.
I will concede that Kate should be worried that Sonny employs a hopelessly inept crack security team who let all sorts of random people wander through his house, but aside from that minor point, this entire character arc (a term I use loosely, because we aren't dealing with characters here, merely vessels for whatever plot the writers have dreamed up) is ridiculous.
Is there anything in the world sadder than watching Kate run around in circles trying to save Sonny from himself? No. Well, unless you count Bob Guza's continuing employment, but for the purpose of this exercise, we're going to go with no. Running around squawking about how worried she is about Sonny, snooping around Sonny's house, obsessing over his marriage with Claudia...all sad, especially in light of the fact that most of their recent relationship consisted of him lying to her about a variety of things and her getting shot.
Speaking of Jerry, this has nothing to do with GH, but I recently discovered that TNT plays old episodes of Law & Orderearly in the morning. Like, I'm talking really old. Mike Logan and Ben Stone old. It's pretty much the greatest discovery of recent times. Anyway, there was an episode on Sunday about a rockstar accused of rape, and who should play the hedonistic rocker but one Mr. Sebastian Roche? It was fabulous. I need to get actual screencaps of the fabulosity, because I had to pause the show in order to LOL and I feel the need to share this genius with you. For now, this tiny one will have to do, but imagine even bigger hair and leather pants.
I'll wait for you to stop giggling before I continue.
Johnny: I think I'm better? Lulu, my father is clinically insane. He shot my mother in front of my face. He's tortured my sister so that she's practically almost as insane as he is, and then he sold her off to his worst enemy without a second thought. That's my family, Lulu. That's where I come from. It's not better. It's a train wreck that has no end, and I was delusional to think I could get away from it in the first place.
Lulu: Stop blaming your family for your mistakes. Look, I get the Zaccharas are bad, ok? The Spencers suck, too. I mean, my dad may not be crazy, but he isn't what you would call devoted.
Um...maybe it's just me, but I find the Zaccharas and Spencers pretty much incomparable, since one involves a deadbeat dad, a catatonic mom and a ton of revisionist history and the other invovles PEOPLE GETTING SHOT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND OH MY GOD NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, YOU SELF-CENTERED, SHRILL WITCH.
She is just the worst sometimes.
The Nikolas/Quartermaine tomb was angry-making on several levels.
Fuck you, Guza. For serious.
I ask again, in all seriousness: why can't people on this show just leave town? Why do they all have to die violently? Why not just write people off the show instead of KILLING ALL OF THEM OFF and decimating one of the most integral, entertaining families in all of daytime?
We all know that whenever there's a crisis, a Quartermaine is bound to die. We all make jokes about it, no doubt as a coping mechanism. And then wesee the Quartermaine crypt and the sheer scope of Guza's hackishness brazenly staring us in theface and maybe I am alone here, but I kind of wanted to cry like a toddler, just out of frustration with the fact that, despite being utterly inept, Bob Guza continues to have a job that he has failed at for years and makes a nice sum of money doing it. I think tears are the most mature of many rational reactions to this situation.
ButI didn't cry like a toddler on this particular day (let's wait and see if Monica and/or Edward die during the crisis that couldn'T be conTained, I am sure the tears will come then), because I was too busy rolling my eyes after I heard Nikolas say:
Nikolas: And I'm really sorry, but I have to tell you that I met someone. And no, she's great. She's funny, really funny, light, pure.
I, too, would be sorry if I had to admit to the dead love of my life that the special someone I met following their death/a prolonged period of time when I had a tumor and had a love affair with their ghost, was Nadine.
And also...Nadine is not any of those things. For a prince with a surely world class education, Nikolas needs to brush up on his vocabulary and get the actual definitions of "great" "funny" and "really". I know he probably wanted to put a positive spin on things for Emily and "And, you know, she's nice enough. Kind of clingy. Sort of a stalker. Dumb, too. Soul crushingly dumb" doesn't have a great ring to it, but the blatant falsehoods have got to stop.
And light and pure?! What century is it that describing a woman that way is a compliment? I have to tell you, being the de facto therapist for Guza's psychological turmoil kind of sucks, especially since we don't get paid for it.
Patrick: I love Robin and Emma more than I ever thought possible. But, and just tell me if I'm crossing the line here, but youhad an emergency c-section a few years ago so you would understand. See, it's taken Robin quite a while to recover.
You're crossing the line.
Seriously, You Will Put Your Wife's Business On Blast To Anyone With a Pulse, Won't You?
Spinelli: Here's the Jackal's reasoning. You need to get out from under the clutches of the Feds as soon as possible.
I don't even have anything clever to say about the Jason/FBI story, because it annoys me so much. Yes, let's do whatever we can to get Jason away from the awful, evil Federal agents and back to his illustrious life of crime and murder!!
This effing show.