Divorced, Beheaded, Died...
Five Observations About Today's Episode Of General Hospital, Made About Five Things That Were Either Legitimately Entertaining And Lured Me Out of My Bored Stupor Or Were So Catastrophically Obnoxious That They Lured Me Out Of My Bored Stupor
1.) During one of Anthony's many* foaming at the mouth rants about something or other, he gave me a flashback to British History class:
Anthony: Retaliate! You have to kill Morgan. It's the code we live by in our business. You cut off Jason's head and leave it on a post to rot.
I first thought that the writers discovered the works of Alison Weir** and are ripping those off instead of their usual ripping off of contemporary movies, but then I remembered that these writers probably don't read and that the more likely explanation is that they have been catching up on The Tudors on Showtime and now I am afraid that Tudor intrigue will make its way to Port Charles. I worry for the women on canvas! If the writers realize that Henry VIII punished his wives for betraying him by putting them to death, this could mean that Sonny's next half dozen wives have a new terrible fate! Beheading instead of his usual combination of verbal abuse/chucking glassware at them!
*I know that Anthony is shouty crackers and, due to said shouty crackerness, is not supposed to make sense, but even less of his yelling made sense than it usually does. I wonder if Bruce Weitz even bothers to read the script or if he just shouts random things like "My son! Shipments! Tramp! Damn Dirty Apes! Corinthos! Slut Daughter! Whore! Soylent Green Is People!"
**Fellow history nerds, if you have not read any of her books, you must.
2.) Greg Vaughan + Small Children = Cutest Thing Ever In Life
Cam was onscreen today, so I would have been entertained by a portion of today's episode regardless, because his cute factor makes even this terrible mess of a show bearable. And when in conjunction with the unfathomably gorgeous Becky Herbst and the nuclear hot Greg Vaughan? It's just too, too much.
Carly: It's Sonny and Jason's problem. They're the ones who have to fix it. I have my own life, I have my own priorities. My life used to be about them. Now I'd like it to be about us.
Jax: I know what you said to Jason before was a big deal. And I just wanted you to know that I appreciate that.
Carly: I chose what would bring me happiness. What's important in my life. And that's you.
The best time for your wife to choose you over her ex-husband and neckless best friend
is BEFORE you get married, not during the third ride on the "Let's save our relationship" merry-go-round. Only realizing that you should maybe be her priority years later? Not something you need to thank her for.
GH Viewers Who Want You To Man The Eff Up And Stop Settling
4.) Robin and Patrick's post partum depression story has, thus far, not been a complete disaster, which, honestly, is kind of surprising, considering the talent level of the writing staff and their interest in this couple as a whole. It's been handled pretty sensitively and realistically, which, obviously, makes it stand out against the rest of the GH landscape. At least 85% of the non-suckiness of this story is the great performances Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson have been giving. I know that I gush over them a lot, but I keep picturing what this story would be like in the hands of lesser actors and I give a full Sideshow Bob shudder at the very thought. They are reliably excellent, and it's nice to have such consistency in these turbulent times.
5.) Is Sonny, like, seven years old?
Sonny: Unless you're here to say you're sorry or that you're going to let me back into the organization so I can remind you how it should be run, what are you going to say to me? I don't understand.
I admire his restraint in not ending with, "So there! Neener neener", but OH EM GEE, he is such a petulant little baby sometimes. Who thought that watching him throw temper tantrums every day would be fun to watch? This is seriously reminiscent of one of the many feuds the titular babysitters of The Babysitters Club had back in the day after one or more of them dramatically quit the club and then had to interact with the others at SMS.
And could Jason BE a bigger martyr?
Jason: Put you in a bad position? You're the one who put yourself in this position by going against your own organization to join the Zaccharas. Unfortunately, the innocent people around us, they don't have a say in this, so let's just -- you know what, let's just be clear right here, right now. As long as this is your choice, I don't owe it to you to protect you anymore.
To quote How I Met Your Mother's hilarious Marshall, would you like a giant cube of sugar for the high horse you're on? You are working with the FBI! You are not dumping Sonny for good because you've finally seen the light. Just...shut it!
This is why I usually fast forward their scenes: because if I wanted to see emotionally stunted people prone to acting out physically without using their words, I would just go to a playground and watch children in the sandbox fight over shovels. And that would be creepy. So I am stuck with this show...
Screencaps Courtesy of LizNJase