Insert "2009, Mighty Fine" Rhyme Here
I was at the mall earlier, on a furious mission for both a pair of jeans and a new planner (it was a complete failure on both counts AND it was freezing cold AND I went to get Mentos and they charged me $1.75, which was highway robbery AND it got the Mentos commercial song stuck in my head) and I was looking at the calendar kiosk for the latter, and out of the corner of my eye, in between a calendar about Ireland and one about One Tree Hill (any hope of organization goes by the wayside after the first of the year), I glimpsed a calendar and said, out loud, "Is that SONNY?!"
And it was! How did I not know about the Hot Guys of ABC Daytime 2009 Calendar?
That's the official name of said calendar, by the way. The people in charge of this stringent adherence to truth in advertising standards may want to have a talk with their soap-promo-making brethren.
I am not going to quibble with any of the men contained therein, but I will take issue with how spectacularly shoddy the entire calendar is. Did they make it with MS Paint? I understand that economic times are tough, but stapling a few recycled publicity shots together and calling it a calendar is pretty sad. Half of them have plain white backgrounds that just look like high school senior portraits and blank-eyed facial expressions in keeping with the senior portrait theme, and then Kamar de los Reyes went all Cinemax on everybody and I just don't understand any of it, except that it proves that ABC Daytime is terrible at everything that it does.
Pardon my French but...
Bradford fucking Anderson???? What????
I mean he's cute, in a nebbish sort of way, but he doesn't immediately come to mind when I think of ~hunky~ soap actors. Then again, I'm having trouble thinking of another ABC guy they could have included. Oh wait, how about John-Paul Lawhatever. He's decent?
And don't even get me started on the inclusion of Maurice Benard.
Posted by: audrey | January 04, 2009 at 08:54 PM
Please shoot me if I'm ever reduced to using Spinelli as fantasy-fodder.
Posted by: Val | January 04, 2009 at 10:23 PM
For a full minute, I laughed so hard (my stomach muscles are still trembling) after reading "...and then Kamar de los Reyes went all Cinemax on everybody..."
::snerk::
Posted by: Wendalette | January 04, 2009 at 10:30 PM
I adore Bradford Anderson, and he's got a surprisingly buff body, but to include THAT picture of him? Not hot. Jean-Paul Lavoisier, as much as I kinda don't like him because he's hammy and he's still trying to convince us he's straight, has a rocking body. But the tragedy of the whole calendar is that they just threw together a bunch of old publicity stills and called it a calendar! Kamar's yeoman's effort notwithstanding, I need more shirtlessness! More sultriness! More "I'm going to fuck you and not call the next day" eyes! This? Is just pathetic. Brian Frons ruins EVERYTHING!
Posted by: Bourgeois Nerd | January 05, 2009 at 12:22 AM
Hot Men of ABC's Available Headshots.
It looks like de los Reyes phoned it in though.
Get it? Get it?? Sexy pun.
Posted by: Neva | January 05, 2009 at 02:15 AM
I cannot get behind any calendar involving hotness that covers half of Greg Vaughn's face. Also, Brandon Barash looks like he's about 56, and with the white-on-white look, Aiden Turner appears to be a floating disembodied head. I am going to pretend that they got that shot of Jason Thompson just before he completed the full finger-gun to mimic shooting himself in the head over being on that horrendous show and in this somehow even worse calendar. These poor souls.
Mal, if those shots are in chronological order, that means Steve Burton is the poster boy for our birthday month, right? The conspiracy to drive you certifiably insane continues...
Posted by: Becca | January 05, 2009 at 06:38 AM
Becca, you think that's bad? I got SONNY for my birthday month! SONNY! And I have more Spinelli like than the two of you do but really? He's in this calendar? And looking like that? Did they spend $5 putting the thing together?
Awesome Cinemax comment! hehe
Posted by: Nolebucgrl | January 05, 2009 at 07:12 AM
Oh god...if you're right Becca and it IS chronologically....I HAVE BRADFORD ANDERSON!!! Ewww!
I guess I'll go comfort myself with the fact I'll get a hotter Greg Vaughan picture that same month as a birthday present. Make fun all you want..that fan club is AWESOME
Posted by: Beth R. | January 05, 2009 at 10:27 AM
I'm with you, Nole ... I got Ol' Duh-Face, too! *shudder!*
Posted by: RileyKay | January 05, 2009 at 02:07 PM
Bradford Anderson instead of Ric Hearst or Tyler Christopher or Ingo? (Or Tony Geary or John York or the guy who plays Matt, etc., etc., etc.) WTF?
I'm still LOLing over the Cinemax comment, though.
Posted by: Dia | January 05, 2009 at 02:40 PM
These must have been actors who have lost so much self esteem already working for ABC Daytime, they figured the calendar couldn't possibly give them less credibility, so why not?
Posted by: chaosrainz | January 05, 2009 at 04:15 PM
I like Bradford Anderson. But his pose is very...Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles?...to me. And was there some kind of prank pulled on Kamar de los Reyes? Did they tell him everyone was posing with cheesy props? And I think that picture of Maurice Benard has been photo shopped on every third cover of Soaps in Depth.
Posted by: Jennyp | January 05, 2009 at 09:35 PM
Consider ourselves lucky. At least MB kept his shirt on. Unfortunately, more of these young men needed to take theirs off. What do they think we buy soap calendars for? So we'll know the date? Please.
BTW, Kamar's leaving OLTL, so maybe he thought he'd have a little fun on the way out the door.
Posted by: Lisa | January 05, 2009 at 10:05 PM
Of course. My month had to be Cameron Mathison...just so I can have night terrors about his maniacal eye balls come'n at me.
That shot of Kamar de los Reyes is for a late night commercial for Single Males, right?
Greg Vaughan, please do me.
Posted by: Lauren, the OG | January 06, 2009 at 05:21 AM
You r so right, AWFUL calendar! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Izzi | January 06, 2009 at 06:27 AM
Bradford didn't pick his picture..They didn't do a separate photo shot. they picked some random ones..He laughed when he found out which one..
its not a good one of him at all. I am an uber fan too.
Posted by: Penny | January 06, 2009 at 01:11 PM
I'm completely dismayed by the poor quality of this calendar and the selection of photos. One would think that promotional items would be of a higher standard, given the outstanding quality of the soaps themselv....
oh, wait. Never mind.
Posted by: brandy13 | January 06, 2009 at 02:59 PM
So I have Cameron "The Thong" Mathison on my birthday month, and he's not even WEARING a thong. Just a head....sigh...
Posted by: Rene' | January 07, 2009 at 11:59 PM
Where is Rick Hearst?
Posted by: JC | January 08, 2009 at 05:47 PM